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 China G
Joined: 10/8/2008
Msg: 98
meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
" Darling, I'm just going out for a coffee with a nice man I've been emailing from that dating website I told you about, remember? "
"You mean that one you said is full of dirty old men and saddo's?"
"Yes, he's staying in a hotel nearby, so he kindly phoned me and asked if I was free for a chat, isn't that sweet of him!"
"Ok sweetheart, enjoy yourself ... wow, I haven't seen you wear that dress for ages, it's my favourite. Have fun."
"Aww, your so sweet. I'm so lucky having a partner who trusts me going out with another man I hardly know and met on a dating site."
"While you're gone I'll go and help the sexy new neighbour with her upholstery, she said she needed two pairs of hands."

Yeah ... right! No wonder people say this site is full of weirdo's!
Sorry, I'm old fashioned about this sort of thing.
What the hell are people doing on a 'dating website' when they're supposed to be in a 'loving' relationship? I can't believe what's on the profiles!
 fantasychickreturns
Joined: 1/23/2011
Msg: 99
meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 9:52:48 AM
^^ Lol, that really is funny! I agree there's something a little odd about someone in a relationship wanting to meet someone of the opposite sex for a chat. If its that innocent invite them round to meet your partner too! You could have a 3sum!
 Krustybird
Joined: 6/25/2010
Msg: 100
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meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 10:58:18 AM
Wow such judgemental attitudes appearing!

I joined this site years ago because I would help co host the meets with a couple of good friends then I found the forums and became addicted to them. It used to be that you just chose what you wanted and friendship was an option, that was good enough for me. Actually no, sod off it's none of your business as to why I'm on here, I can be, so I am, so there!

I'm in a relationship, not Purdah. I don't remember agreeing to never speak to a member of the opposite sex once I decided to settle down.I am a grown woman and I am perfectly capable of controlling my sexual urges in the presence of a man who is not my partner. I can even go to my male doctors on my own without wanting to screw his brains out!

Perhaps those who are so derisive would find it much harder if faced with the company of a man or woman who wasn't their significant other.

And if I wanted a bit of extra marital muckiness I'm pretty damned certain I wouldn't bloody pick Costa as my venue of choice!
 fantasychickreturns
Joined: 1/23/2011
Msg: 101
meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 12:21:07 PM
Im in a relationship too but I wouldnt like the thought of my partner meeting someone I really didnt know very well from a dating site married or not and I know he would be quite worried about me if I decided to do the same. Of course we both have friends of opposite sexes, people we knew before we met, work colleagues etc., its the dating site part that makes it different. Is this person genuine or just looking for a bit of extra marital? That question would always be at the back of my mind. Call me suspiscious if you like, I cant help it. My profile states Im looking for talk/email and it wouldnt enter my head to meet anyone from here.
 big hairy rob
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 102
meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 12:31:41 PM
It all depends on exactly what you mean by "meet" and why you wanted to meet new people. There is an inherent risk that meeting people through a web site predominatly aimed at dating, will cause some people to become more judgemental than usual.

The issue is with the inital question. There are just far too many variables to take into consideration. If the question was, Do we have an issue with a married person meeting up with a person that they met off this site, after full disclosure to their partner, with no intention to do anything but meet them? Now that I have no problems with at all.
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 103
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meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 12:54:13 PM

Is this person genuine or just looking for a bit of extra marital?



If you trust your partner, what difference does it make what the intentions of the other person are?

Even if you knew for a fact that the other person wanted to screw your partners' brains out, if you trust your partner to remain faithful to you, then that's really not an issue at all.

Unless you thought your partner might give into temptation and that opens up a whole different set of questions and reasons, as to why you may not want them to meet people from a place like this.
 FoxyMoron2011
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 104
meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 12:58:08 PM

If you trust your partner, what difference does it make what the intentions of the other person are?

Even if you knew for a fact that the other person wanted to screw your partners' brains out, if you trust your partner to remain faithful to you, then that's really not an issue at all.

Unless you thought your partner might give into temptation and that opens up a whole different set of questions and reasons, as to why you may not want them to meet people from a place like this.

I get what you are saying but.. If if in a relationship and you respected your partner you wouldn't be on here looking for meets anyway, regardless of the intention.
Its one thing going for a coffee with a work colleague of the opposite sex but it is a different thing all together actually being on a dating site for the intention of meeting up with members of the opposite sex in my opinion.
Be on here for the forums and just chatting but meeting up and deliberately going out of your way to do that is disrespectful.
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 105
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meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 1:11:26 PM
If I respect my partner, I won't do something I believe to be wrong.... but more importantly, I don't think I could be with someone who wasn't fine with that way of thinking (eg, that it's fine for me to talk to women who they know nothing about - if I was doing it on the sly however, I'd expect to be dismembered in my sleep)

I'm not saying that I'd actually go and do it, but I can't see myself having a partner who'd be particularly bothered by it.

I'm not going to stop doing things just because someone else doesn't want me to ... they'd need to either come up with a (very) persuasive argument or some serious bribery/threats.
 BobHaro
Joined: 1/29/2008
Msg: 106
meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 1:14:56 PM
Burn him at the stake, for he is evil personified, you must do this to save us all from eternal damnation...

alternatively drink the coffee and sod the world.


Bob.
 mollydaydream
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 107
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meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 1:56:04 PM
Just beware of who you meet in them thar coffee shops, folks :

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14306342.aspx
 tatt_erella
Joined: 12/8/2009
Msg: 108
meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 3:35:16 PM
^^I just read that post and in all honesty if anyone started rubbing my neck and running his fingers through my hair on a first meet..he would get a swift telling off and no time to swipe my necklace!

Anyway back to topic..;)

I can see what other 'married' posters are saying about meeting up for a coffee and it's just a meet and a chat.
But quite honestly if I were married or in a relationship it wouldn't be just about the fact that I was in one and can do what 'I' want because my partner trusts me and visa versa..it would be more out of respect for my partner to not actually 'personally meet up' with members of the opposite sex that are on a 'dating site'...have a laugh and chat online by all means..but i'd keep it as just that.
In all honesty if I had a S.O said he was cool with me meeting men from a dating site I would be wondering why he was so.
Sometimes it's nice to have someone say 'Well actually I do care'.

Maybe that's just me though...
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 109
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meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 3:37:57 PM

Sometimes it's nice to have someone say 'Well actually I do care'.


I don't know if you're saying it in this way, but I've been with girls in the past, who've been annoyed with me because I don't get jealous when they talk to men I don't know.

It would seem that they believe this thinks that I don't really care about them, or care that they might be interested in/go off with other men.
 tatt_erella
Joined: 12/8/2009
Msg: 110
meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 3:46:36 PM
I don't know if you're saying it in this way, but I've been with girls in the past, who've been annoyed with me because I don't get jealous when they talk to men I don't know.


Talking to men you don't know isn't the same as 'meeting up' with other men on a 'dating site'.
Everyone has a right to talk to whoever they want and quite frankly some people go out of their way to talk to the opposite sex to try and make their other half 'jealous' which is all a bit childish really.

But to actually 'meet' someone on a dating site when you are already in a relationship seems a bit strange to me really and I can't see how anyone's other half wouldn't be a bit put out by it..in all honesty if I were with someone and he needed to meet up with other women on a dating site then it would make me wonder why and for what purpose...
 NicolaSeven
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 111
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meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 3:51:27 PM
...in all honesty if I were with someone and he needed to meet up with other women on a dating site then it would make me wonder why and for what purpose...


+1

It would surely be... 'hey, I've been chatting on line to this great person, let's US BOTH go meet them for a coffee...'

I cant imagine accepting anything else...




If a partner wants to cheat, there's absolutely no way to stop them doing so (short of keeping them locked up) so I don't worry about it...


but that's the point... most of us wouldnt want to be with this type of person, so what would would the point of accepting a partner meeting someone married for coffee, as per the OP...?
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 112
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meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/26/2011 3:51:42 PM
I will concede that getting talking to people on a site aimed at dating is odd ... although there are plenty of people on here, who openly say they're not looking foor anything beyond friendship/someone to talk to, so you'd have to ask why they're here too.

I would like to think I wouldn't ever be bothered by it (and I haven't so far) for the reasons I've mentioned previously.

If I'm with them, it means I trust them to be faithful ... if I didn't trust them to do that, then I'd walk away.

If a partner wants to cheat, there's absolutely no way to stop them doing so (short of keeping them locked up) so I don't worry about it.

It really is that simple for me.

I understand that other people don't see it that simply and I'm fine with that .... I couldn't be with and wouldn't stay with someone who didn't think along the same lines though.
 fantasychickreturns
Joined: 1/23/2011
Msg: 113
meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/27/2011 12:49:18 AM

Sometimes it's nice to have someone say 'Well actually I do care'.


Yes I think that I would be quite miffed if my partner sent me off to chat to a complete stranger I met on a dating side. I wouldnt want him to do it and if thats down to insecurity on my part then sobeit but Im in a loving relationship and will protect it against anything that might spoil it whatever the reason. Ive spoken to my partner and he feels the same.

I wouldnt want to be with someone who was so laid back about other guys that he wouldnt mind who I went out with. That just seems to go beyond trust.
 MythInformed
Joined: 11/18/2009
Msg: 114
meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/27/2011 1:35:23 AM
If a partner wants to cheat, there's absolutely no way to stop them doing so (short of keeping them locked up) so I don't worry about it.

Which is fine but you don't want to see her advertised on e-bay either do you ??


OT I don't think it has anything to do with jealousy or trust, it's more to do with Respect.........Respect of my partner and respect of the relationship we have.

I personally wouldn't disrespect my partner by throwing insecurities at her that may hurt her even if i thought my intentions were innocent.

If you think a relationship is worth jeopardising by meeting a total stranger (married at that) then that relationship and your partner couldn't have been worth much to you to begin with !!
 RATHLINLIGHTHOUSE
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 115
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meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/27/2011 11:05:30 AM
It appears that most women on the site want Sharia Law applied to married men who want to go for coffee.

Very often the married men are in marriages which are in reality no longer marriages and are on their last legs.
Very often he is still in the marriage because she will take him to the cleaners if he suggests breaking up amicably and fairly.
Very often the men are seeking the company of intelligent caring feminine women who are the exact opposite to the ratbag face like a bag of spanners whinging malevolent b**** he finds himself married to after >2 years.
 46AndNormal
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 116
meeting someone married for coffee, right or wrong?
Posted: 1/27/2011 12:14:14 PM
or maybe hes just greedy and wants a wife and a mistress , most men who are married come out with the sob story of how a divorce will clean him out , well good as at the end of the day he is obviously the sort of guy meeting up with different women while married , so he deserves all he gets
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