| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 9/19/2007 10:58:36 AM | I live at home with my mum and get all the space I need and im 39. Preferably I would like my own place but finances dictate. I ended up back here due to a split and would it make me more independent if I just waltzed into cardboard city? Ive left a few times and ended up back "home" Im no Timothy Lumsden, far from it. Look at the upside. My mum cooks cleans and washes and I can write drivel on here for £30 a week. | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 9/20/2007 4:08:07 AM | Oooo this ones a little tough...
From my point of view, I moved out of my parents at 17, bought a house with my then boyfriend (who I later married). We went on to buy another house, but it was still being built when we had to move out of our first house, so we moved into my parents temporarily. It was HELL. We ended up being there around 6 months, I hated it. It was literally like being a kid again. I didn't get on with my parents at all, its amazing how different our routines were by then etc.
Anyway, after 2years in the new house, my husband and I split up. He moved back with his parents. I had the choice, keep the house and pay him off, but I couldn't afford the mortgage, let alone a re-mortgage or loan to pay him off. Or get my own place. I also sort of had the option to move back "home" with my parents. The one thing they said to me at the time, they would support me in whatever choices I made, BUT if I chose to move back home, they would let me stay for a maximum of 3 months, basically because I'd made my bed at 17, now I had to lie in it. So I decided it would be easier to get my own place straight away. I couldn't really afford to buy somewhere (decent), so now I rent a really nice flat.
I remember at the time, I thought my parents were being really harsh with me, but now I realise they did it for my own good, and also, when you're going through a break up, I'm sure most parents don't really want to see their child getting drunk and up to no good! So it was probably a bit of selfishness on their parts too! lol.
So my point is, I understand people moving back with their parents for short periods after a break-up, or if they stayed there because they were students (altho when I moved out at 17 I was a student and still paid my way with various jobs). I can understand alot of peoples reasoning for living with their parents - but I think alot of it is through laziness, fear of the big bad world, and apparantly not earning enough. But I don't earn a great deal, but I get by, some weeks I'm left with literally pennies, but who care's! I have a roof over my head, my bills are paid, I have food in the fridge, and its all mine!!! (well apart from the rented flat, lol). But I depend on nobody but myself, and I think thats a greater achievement than saving thousands in the bank, just cuz your parents let you live at home for virtually nothing all your life.
So although I probably could date someone who still lived with their parents, I do question why... is it through laziness or a "genuine" reason. I will try my best not to be judgemental, but if I can live on my own, anyone can. I also sometimes wonder what these fella's are looking for, a replacement mother with the added benefit of sex? Someone who will do everything for them? Sorry sunshine, that ain't me! lol. And also, they'd always have to come over to mine, as I'm really not too keen on meeting the parents asap.... and the sex thing is bit odd, wouldn't like that muchly! | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:37:32 PM | I personally would`nt have a problem with it,a lot of guys i know of live with their parents for lots of reasons,so it depends on the individuals circumstances. | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 1/3/2008 12:02:41 AM | Kudos to the people who look after their relatives and have a stronger family bond than most, I think that is rare in today's society. In my family home we had 3 generations living at one point. I know we were very lucky with a huge house but it happens with familes who live in terraces (or used to), nowadays people like to stick their unwanted and unloved relatives in homes.
As for me personally. Would I have a problem with someone who lived with their parents? No, I'm not that judgemental. As with anytthing else, it's the person that counts, I wouldn't class it as a fault or failing on that basis alone. | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 1/3/2008 1:25:22 AM | Holla on Halbared!
Funny how a woman who lives/looks after her/his parents is a walking saint, yet a man is a wierdo. Ever heard of female chauvanism?
I rent my space on earth as do the majority of earthlings in most countries including those who 'buy'.
One good thing about dating a guy who is capaable enough to live at home is that I can be sure I wont have to show my love by washing his socks!
I will never assume anything about anyone as to do so is to make an A S S of U and ME. | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 1/3/2008 1:36:04 AM | Ok, so.. he's not been married and has no kids... - Problem?
God, some people are damned if they do, damned if they dont....
and whats the problem with someone living with their folks? Shows they have a good relationship with them and also.... - Have you seen the house prices recently?
christ, how many judgemental people are there on this thing? | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:24:58 AM | What about the carbon footprint with all these multiple properties? Hardly energy efficient!
Seems many judgemental types on here would rather burn the planet to a crisp, than face the economic realities of the housing market for starters. It is ludicrous to have exponential growth in housing to fit a twisted societal model of how people should be living.
A good example of a better approach is Italy, where the family is valued highly - sons/daughters can be living with their family into their late 30s.
IMHO the UK has got things wrong drastically, and we have gone backwards from our tribal/familial roots. Separating out into nuclear families/singletons is not necessarily the ideal approach.
Unless the guy/gal is asking you to live at home with his parents, there really isn't a problem.
Those who perceive living at home as a problem - have a problem with family : - try dealing with it! | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:14:58 AM | I moved out of my family home at the age of 24 to go to uni for the second time, I have little issue with people living at home till whatever age they feel like or can afford to, I wanted to move out but had little choice as I could afford the mortgage payments but no company would give me the mortgage as I didn't earn enough to get it.
A lot of guys I know technically live at home but thats mainly due to them being serving in the forces so they live on camp during the week and come home at weekends or on leave.
For me I think if I was going for guys of 40 and over and they still lived at home, with no intention or wish to move out (and have never lived anywhere else) then I would question it, but thats me, I'm independent always have been I expect the same from a partner. | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:28:52 AM | | Depends on why?. If the guy is divorced and starting again, it would not bother me. However if the guy had been living with his parents from day one and he was in is 30s-40s, and his parents are in good health, I would find this a little strange. Pass on that one I think!. | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:20:44 AM | Prince Charles etc 'live' with their parents albeit their financial help and hense are compromised by having to live out of their pockets etc.
How about a little detournement at this point. By that I mean to invert the question by answering ' Dating someone who lives with her parents' instead.
With any luck she may be a voirgin I guess, but she will probably bring her parents to live with you at some point! Some people put responsibilities before so called 'rights' as perhaps they can see a bigger picture. Sometimes it is economic or family psychological dynamics that are at work.
Lots of men must find themselves homeless after the mother of their child gains custody of the marital home.
The genderquake due to increased life cycles will have big demographic effect on all westerners. Old people's homes are often viewed as threatening places by the elderly, akin to being sent to a workhouse or put up for adoption etc. Rights are often disregarded etc. Looking after a parent must often be one of the hardest labours of love.
Whatever happened to contingency, context and compassion? | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:56:04 AM | yeah it's easy for you women to criticize us guys for still living with our parent's all you have to do is have a baby then you get everything on a plate try living in a men's life and see how difficult it is but you can only see it from a women point of view. as i said before it takes ten year on a council list for us guys to get a place.
if you are on a low paying job how can you afford to rent a house? you cannot so that's why we still live at home most ppl on low paying job cannot afford a house or to rent.
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 1/3/2008 6:58:05 AM | christ, how many judgemental people are there on this thing ?
Surely your not being judgemental are you deary, and please less of the blasthemy..:>), unless you intend to pray...
As it go's i think that a lot of guys who do live with their parents, do so with a valid reason, purely financial after splitting up from a previous relationship where kids were involved, and the woman and the kids remain in the matrimonial/partners home , also the guy continues to pay the morgage/part of or rent and continues to pay towards bills and kids etc.
Is it any wonder why a man cant afford to get back on the property ladder, especially as, has been mentioned, the prices of houses, then you have a single guy having any chance of getting a council property , not much chance i'd say, dont all the single parents get the majority of them.?.
So that leaves the private rented sector which can also be expensive if also paying out other bills for another house where the wife/partner lives with the kids.
So no wonder lots of guys choose to live with their parents, not out of first choice, but out of circumstance.
Shows they have a good relationship with them
For the record, i haven't lived with parents since leaving home at 17 to take the Queens shilling, but just because i dont live with parents, that doesn't mean i have a bad relationship with them, but just because a guy lives at home with parents , it's not proof that he has a good relationship with them either. | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:06:02 AM | agreed Tin hat,
some of us guys have to live on pay check to pay check to live. i wonder if girls stopped getting pregnant at a young age then they would see how difficult it is to get a house!!!! | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 1/3/2008 7:27:24 AM | *rolls eyes*
yeah it's easy for you women to criticize us guys for still living with our parent's all you have to do is have a baby then you get everything on a plate
I still lived with my parents after my relationship breakup with the kids.... and nothing was handed to me at all! I had to wait on a list, as does EVERYONE, including single men who to live with their parents and the only reason I got rehoused is because we were flooded quite severly and their house was inhabitable for over 12 months.
People in glass house and all that.
OT I think in this day in age there is nothing wrong with a man still living with his parents, house prices are stupid and unless their is a dual income few people can actually afford to rent or buy their own place. If he was a mummy's boy and couldn't leave her apron strings then that is a different matter. | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 1/4/2008 1:34:59 AM | I personally dont see a problem with people who live with their parents....
Its hard to afford a mortgage as a couple let alone being single.... | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 2/1/2008 5:57:48 AM |
A good example of a better approach is Italy, where the family is valued highly - sons/daughters can be living with their family into their late 30s.
It seems the Italian government is so worried about the number of grown men still living in the parental home that it is offering them grants to leave.
http://style.uk.msn.com/sexandrelationships/datingadvice/article.aspx?cp-documentid=6524262
I'm 29 and still live with my mum, though I have moved out on two occasions in the past, longest for three years (university). I wouldn't accept a state hand-out as an inducement to move, mind you. | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 2/1/2008 9:44:47 AM | I'm 19 and still live at home, I get on well with my parents so haven't felt a real need to move out. My job is pretty good and I could probably afford to move somewhere but it would more then likely be a flat/appartment as I couldn't afford a house on my own and it would be wasted space. I wouldn't have a drive I could work on my car on I wouldn't have anywhere to stick my tools etc. It just doesn't make sense for me to move out at the moment I couldn't afford to do as many of the things I enjoy at the moment either. I'm not scared of being in my own place but I think whilst I have the chance to have some disposeable income and get some savings built up I should take it!
I was always told I could stay at home as long as I wasn't lazy, I finished college and have had a job since leaving school so they have never complained. My sister left at 21 so I might aim for a similar time would be nice to have more space sometimes.
I don't see anything wrong with living with parents, unless they are still like a kid and just don't want to do anything. | |
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97ron
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Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 68 | |
| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 2/1/2008 9:56:40 AM | | technicaly speaking i still live at home,forgive me I'm a bad person although a family orientated one i get on with all of my family, uncles,aunties, cousins ect ect.And i find it sad that the only time most people ever get together are deaths, weddings,and births.I know everyone has different stories ,as they say you can choose your Friend's but not your family.But i cant fault mine and i always know that should the shit hit the fan there's always someone i can turn to.I dont have any chance at present to get on the property ladder its just not finacialy viable cant afford to and was brought up to regard renting as dead money and that if i couldn't afford something then i would have to save for it or not have it at all,everyone has his or her decisions to make so its down to circumstance and choice,two of my Friend's own there own homes,but have since put them up for rent and moved back home with relatives as mortgage payments have soared and they both earn more than i do so i have no chance,so at present i make do with what i have until my circumstances change for the better and as it is a large house with plenty of space I'm not in anyones way.If my story puts of potential women then so be it,i want a woman who loves me for who i am not what i have or do not have | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 2/1/2008 10:27:04 AM | if he,s tied to mummys apron strings,he will never break away and she will always have control of him, she would always try to have the final say,for a guy of that age it would be a very hard work kind of relationship, | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 2/1/2008 10:50:30 AM | I lived with my parents untill i was 32. I was pressurised by my siblings to stay with them.I was also ruled physically by my fathers fists.
I was used as the family handyman and was at everyones beck and call.And i dont say that lightly.I was working fulltime as a wagon driver and tried to arrange my life so that i didnt see my father from one weekend to the next.Luckily i was on long distance driving so it was do-able.
Then at 32 i was so frightened of my dad trying to hit me that i hit him so hard i floored him.
And the neighbours came out and applauded me! I wont tell you how disgusted i was with them.I will let you guess.
Within six months i had bought my own home.
I lost out financially as i had put my time,energy,knowledge and money into my parents home..Not to mention both my brothers and my sisters homes,cars etc.
13 years on i have a good relationship with my mum.A decent one with my dad..[though i neither trust or respect him he is still my dad]
And NO contact AT ALL with my siblings.
It seems that they only wanted me around when they could take from me. And they were good at that.
Well i aint worried.
I have my own home.A lovely cat.And a circle of friends i love,respect and adore.
Still bloody single though :rofl: | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 2/1/2008 1:28:15 PM | had to check msg 70's profile, all the long hair and stuff.... :)
moved out when was younger, then lost job and ended up going to uni, parents house during the summer at £0 and all the washing up or stuck in a student town with no students for £40 a week. Moved back in when course ended, bought house several years ago
guess it matters if the person is still dependent on their parents for cash and advice or it is of mutual benefit
pretty sure the asians have their grandparents living in their house as well most of the time.. | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 2/1/2008 2:03:27 PM | msg 71. No worries.I like long hair and decided that i wanted mine long.So i let it grow.
My parents agree that i wouldnt be me with short hair :) | |
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| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 2/1/2008 5:09:53 PM | I live with my mum, after her divorce she struggled, I helped out and moved back, I do alot in the house now aswell as hold down a career.
To think something less of someone because they live at home with a parent/s is a very shallow and dim point of view (which you are entitled to)
There could be many reasons, mine for one. OR;
Rising house prices, someone on a meager low wage cannot afford to move out
A recent split may have put someone back at home for convinience
Social issues
Mental problems.
Next time you comment, think about your comment before you place it for all to see :) | |
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2mass
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Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 75 | |
| Dating someone who lives with his parents
Posted: 2/1/2008 10:05:26 PM | | I used 2 live with my parents, I was a real nuisance so my family had a whip round 2 get me out of the family home. I`m not 2 embarrassed about this though, wat was most embarrassing was when wen my mother used 2 offer her young collegues money 2 go on dates with me in the hope that 1 of them wud take me on n look after me 1 day. | |
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