| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/9/2007 10:17:29 AM | There is so much advice above there is nothing I can add to it.
I do have one question OP. I am not bashing when I ask this. But you sound burned out and who wouldn't with 6 kids. What do you do for you just you. Do you take time out and go for a walk by yourself. I also think maybe a good place to meet someone that could deal with your challenges. Would be a single parent group in your local community. I mean if nothing else you could get out and mingle.
I personally raised 4 kids, during that time I didn't have time to invest in a relationship. So if you have that much energy go for it. But, be really aware what you up againest. I couldn't do it myself. I would run and I am a woman.
Good luck | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/9/2007 10:55:22 AM | ladyybuggcc,
I am pretty sure I know how you feel and what you will be going through. I have 6 children (all adults now). My youngest was 6, next, 8 years old twins, a 9 year old son, and the two oldest were 12 and 13 (more than a handful). LOL. After my youngest was born my ex began spending less and less time at home. I didn't have our children by myself and he wanted a large family as I did. As I mentioned already he wasn't home very often anymore work and friends became more important than family life. For a very long time I felt like I was a single mom. I can understand your wanting a companion if this is what it was like for you. Having said that tho, I made up my mind that my children came first and I didn't want a steady bf. For better or worse my children had a dad and I wasn't about to have a parade of other men in their lives. I had a good group of friends who were married as well as single parents ,male and female. My adult time consisted of joining a softball league in the summer, a dart league in the winter, plus kareoke (not sure how to spell this). We played cards and the kids watched movies, pizza nights and pot lucks. I only mention these activities because if you want a companion or even just a male friend you are more likely to meet someone that is the same boat as you | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/9/2007 11:19:41 AM | Teresa...not to worry...there are men out there that will date you...you come across like you do not think any man will date you because of you 6 children...well...if that is the reason, you don't want to date them anyways..There are men who never had children for one reason or another....they will e-mail you...You go and look and read their profiles..if you like one e-mail him and talk and see if he likes you for you first....once he is in love with you..nothing will matter... | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/9/2007 1:25:21 PM | im not gonna bash you on this, i can understand you wanting to find love; even though you have six kids, its not like u can focus on them all the time.. ur still a human being w/goals/dreams and desires. Especially in regards to love..
there is nothing wrong w/that want and or desire; i feel u on it, i have many friends in your situation..so i feel your pain and i respect u wanting to exp more than just being a mom. An its not fair that u carry the load while ur ex lives his life; i make sure i get my kid often, so as to allow her time to do her thing, meet people and get out...
but---as some people point out, coming into a relationships w/ six kids is hard; they have a dad and u do have chilid support, nonetheless its still a big financial commitment. Like ur profile says financially stable, u can't live in a house w/six kids and not be EXTREMELY financially stable, alot of guys don't want to walk into a built in family for the purpose that you miss out on all that stuff that happens in relationships early on (spontaneous plans/dates/sex/etc). Its not impossible, but its very diff cus of the semantics of having six kids. Esp when u add in normal relationship issues and the thing of people working and the other issues; not to mention at some point he will have to establish a healthy and functional realtionship w/the kids, he can't just focus on u. An when u have six kids u don't get to don't always have the luxury of putting them off or having people watch them so u can date or have private times.
i would not be adverse to dating someone w/six kids; but i am also aware of the diff and challenges that will come w/it, an if u think about it fairly as most people would.. you would understand why they might not want to get involved.
not saying your not worth it, im sure ur a great woman and human being; but its still alot to deal w/and face, some guys just don't want to and that does not make them less of a man or an ass..its just a choice they mabe about what kind of relationship they want to have and how they will live.
u will at some point find the right situatuon, it just takes time and ppatience...
good luck | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/9/2007 9:57:55 PM | | Theresa: You may be a great lady but get your life in order first before you start dating. Personally you not being divorced from that phycho ex would turn me off as I would not want to deal with him. After your dirvorce you may find it easier but get a job before you start dating otherwise you send the message of looking for someone to support you and your kids. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/10/2007 3:20:56 AM | Hi Theresa .... I take my hat off to you " Sisters are doing it for themselves!!!"
After reading through this thread I couldn't help but add this post....
I am also a single mum of 7 children, my ex was also very abusive.... Take it from some one who knows, my friend .... just FOCUS on you first and your kids ..... I have been divorced now for almost 3 years and am half way through a degree at university ..... and although I am almost twice your age my youngest is also 2...... It's not about ...as some have suggested on here.....what you can offer them..... It's about what you can offer to yourself and your beautiful children..... You are extremely blessed to have 12 loving arms to cuddle you every night..... You get told at least 6 times a day I love you and get to say it back at least as many..... There are soooo many lonely and I mean really lonely people out there that given even the tiniest dose of the love those children have for you would die to have it for themselves.... Concentrate on what you do have.... Do something with your life, what is your passion, your dreams, follow them .... In no time at all and probably when you least expect or need it.... Prince Charming will come along and sweep you off your feet.... But until then... ENJOY your freedom.  | |
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.Lisa
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 83 | |
| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/10/2007 6:30:15 AM | No offense but yea it's not gonna be easy. 6 kids are a lot
but hey you never know.
Internet dating is so harsh and yea you're best to meet people through the community, but again 6 kids is a big handful. I struggle to find a man and i work, school and have only 1 child | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/10/2007 7:38:12 AM | Ok - A mother of six children... and you said....
"is there any hope for me finding a great man, who likes kids, and me and not looking just to hook up for sex? "
If I was a man, and I was just looking to 'hook up for sex' im not sure Id look your way anyway... I mean... When the hell would you have time ? | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/10/2007 4:16:12 PM | | Hey girl .Just thought i'd say hi after reading this .I am a single dad of 4 wonderfull girls and um yep it scares wemon to death or they think they should try to run everything and be their new mom.Sure you have seen all this in reverse lol right.Oh and the best when people get offenden when they have to wait for you to do something for your kids lol . Hang tough and be proud you are doing the right thing waiting for the right guy. | |
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| Wow
Posted: 9/10/2007 4:25:17 PM | | Wow girl people are tough on here. Just read a couple more coments by people .Hey think your right and it doesn't matter what others think girl. Be yourself. | |
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| Wow
Posted: 9/10/2007 5:33:10 PM | | If someone posted "Dad of six, where are the women?" We'd probably all run like hell. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/10/2007 10:36:52 PM | Sorry
That is a really tall order for any guy. You would look like a lady that needs financial rescue. It would be crucial that the kids are well behaved for any guy to really look into the whole picture. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/11/2007 7:52:37 AM | i just read through all the messages everyone has left me..thank you all~its given me lots of advice, good and bad.
i have gotten offended tho...by the comment of "im lookin for a meal ticket" that is not my intent and im sorry if it comes accross that way. why is it hard to ask for a man to have a job??? its not like i NEVER worked
when my first child was born in 97 i was 16. i went to school, worked nights and was up every night with the new baby. with the 2nd child i was still working and same with the 3rd. i stopped working with my fourth but once i had my 5th in 2002, i started working for my father. i did office work for his trucking business in his basement...took my kids to work with me and just stopped working for him in june. i felt that my kids were more important than my job and they did not need to be couped up all summer long in a basement.
SO YOU CAN ALL SAY IM LOOKING FOR A MEAL TICKET~BUT I SAY I DONT THINK SO.
i would do anything for my kids, and still do. i dont find it hard to care for them or that 6 is a handfull. it all depends what you can handle~and no matter the situation, God gave me my kids cuz he knew what i could handle them. i love them and coach soccer, run to boys scouts and brownies. take them to church and LOVE THEM VERY MUCH.
it was like i was raising them on my own even though i was married, so cut me some slack. i have been a mom since i was 16 and damn straight, im good at it.
i know what i want in life and its not a daddy for my kids......its someone that i can give my love to 10 years of abuse and someone who would not take the love i have to give. my heart is big and full of love. just WAITING for that right person to come along. its not wrong to look in the process...
oh yeah....and the divorce will be started within the next 30 days. i wanted to get everything in order between us..so less arguing and more agreeing. i dont want to be in court every other month over stupid things. i want to us to be 2 grown adults making good decisions with our childrens welfare in mind.
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/11/2007 8:49:42 AM | OP, let me first say I hate it when people get their feelings hurt so please understand that is not my intention. That being said, I have read and re-read all the posts and have watched as people give honest answers you have backpaddled and come up with great excuses one after another. You have been on this site a whopping 1 week and are already concerned that you havent' met a match, you seem to be in a great hurry (that I found to be obvious) It's perfectly normal not to want to be alone but you have 6 reasons to spend some time getting past what your not yet even out of. I can imagine how overwhelming it is with 6 but the reality is you need time with your kids and should focus on them rather than a date. You don't have to follow anyone elses timeline for dating but I know what it's like to find a minute with only 2 children on my own.
In regaurd to your last post. people have children every day who can't handle them so please lets not say that God gave you kids because you have a special ability to handle it. YOU and your ex have kids because it's what you chose to do plain and simple. just as I did, so as unpopular as it may be let me say it's now time to raise those children to be responsible loving human beings and put your dating life on the back burner until you can support them on your own. accept the fact that it's gonna be hard, anyone with kids knows that child support will not be enough. You obviously have great help with child care if your doing all the things with them you say you are because as a coach myself I know you can't do that with the kids on the field. same with scouts and so forth. You can't do those things without having a great deal of child care and support system | |
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.Lisa
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 91 | |
| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/11/2007 10:56:27 AM |
If someone posted "Dad of six, where are the women?" We'd probably all run like hell.
you bet | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 92 | |
| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/11/2007 11:50:07 AM | | OP: I don't think anyone said you're looking for a meal ticket, it was said that men who might be looking at your profile or interested in dating you might think that's what you're looking for. As soon as you mention in your profile that a man must make money, they take it that you mean "enough to support me". I don't blame them. It shows that money is your focus. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/11/2007 11:53:57 AM | The fact you don't GET it Ladybuggcc regarding the job part its frightening in its self
Look at from another angle, if you read a profile and the guy says, Im unemployed, taking care of my children ( doesn't matter how many) looking for a woman who has a job and her own place, what would you think?
Now from your point of view you may not think its not a big deal, but you cant see the whole picture when you are in the picture? no.
Now it makes a lot of sense why you are so eager to date, you've never had the chance when you were young because you were a mom at 16 and so on, the reality is this, you have children, and yes its not fair that your ex gets to live a life and you are in charge of taking care of the kids and you are the primary caregiver, your social life unfortunately has to be put on hold until the kids are old enough
Second you shouldn't post pics of your kids on the net, too many whack jobs, pervs and wingnuts that are looking for opportunities as sick as it sounds. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 94 | |
| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/11/2007 12:07:03 PM | ^^^Mohogany,
the OP, was not asking for your feedback about pics of her kids.
There are a lot of people who have pics of their kids, myself included. We are more concerned about the pervs and wingnuts who are checking our kids out when we are eating a burger at our local McDonalds or when our kids are playing in the local playground...Real life is where the real pervs are.
Back to topic. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/11/2007 12:24:35 PM | Give me a break pucks you think there are no pervs and whack jobs on line?
God bless you then, and good luck.
back to the topic. | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 96 | |
| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/11/2007 12:25:37 PM | | Im sure there online. I never said that. I said "most of us who have pics of our kids up are more concerned about pervs in daily life." | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/11/2007 12:57:07 PM | A mom of six kids, a BBW, seperated and doesnt work
but you want a dude that works, yeah makes a lot of sense. | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/11/2007 4:13:23 PM | Hi OP,
I've read through all the messages and wanted to agree with you that children are indeed a blessing, and you seem to be doing a great job taking care of yours.
"Where are the men?" Girl, most of us on here are wondering the same thing!!!
Continue taking care of yourself and your kids, set new goals for your life and the right man for you will show up when you least expect it.
Best of luck!
Brandie46 | |
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| MOM OF 6~WHeRe ARe THe Men?!?!
Posted: 9/11/2007 5:14:59 PM | | I am a single working mom of four children. Its hard!!!! I havent had any luck just alot of weirdo's. Kids are a big responsibility good luck but to be honest accept your life the way it is men are not everything, find happiness in raising your children and one day when the time is right that person will come along. | |
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