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 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 26
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Seeking a sexless relationshipPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Depends on whether you can find someone who is asexual who wants a relationship.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 27
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Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:12:31 AM
Well OP? I have a difficult time understanding a fellow so young not wanting to ever have sex. I do understand what you mean about being intimate and close with someone. That feeling is awesome. But somwhere along the line, I do think sex will enter the pic, especially if you are to meet up with a gal whom you really get along with in all other areas. I have never met them, but guess there are people to which sex is not something they care for! Your quest however, will take much longer than those of us singles looking for an all round "active" partner. Just a question though? Do you think it is possible that you do not want the "sex" part of a relationship to keep yourself from getting hurt????
 greenfeather
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 28
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Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:21:40 AM
"I think you are looking for a asexual relationship. And believe it or not, there are people out there that feel the same as you do.

Contrary to popular media, sex is not essential to life, and there is many different levels and kinds of intimacy. Before viagara, and estrogen treatements, and even after, people after the end of their sexual life managed to continue to live happy lives together as married couples"

Thank you for a sensible word!! It amazes me how people seem to think that if they don't get sex they will just dry up & wither away. Us single folks go without sex for very long times and we're just fine!!

Especially in this age of frightening sexual diseases, I can see why some people would just decide it wasn't worth the hassle! Getting your jollies thru a plastic bag isn't that much of a turn-on.

Hand-holding, massages and walking arm in arm ... THAT's romantic. Moreso than plastic dental dams I daresay.
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 29
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Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:22:03 AM
I've met asexual people before, but most of them are only interested in friendship on the grounds that, "what's the point?"
 revelated
Joined: 5/15/2007
Msg: 30
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:52:30 AM
OP - I've been in, and am in, the same position you are in...trying to to find someone I can be close to without the full on sex. Cuddling is fine. Kissing is fine. Touching is fine. Massages are even fine. Just no sex. And it's NOT easy. Every girl I've run across, I've told them up front that sex isn't what I want and they say okay. Then later they get pissy when they try to get some from me.

My reasons are simple. At my age (which isn't very high, very sad the point I'm about to make), the majority of women have already had numerous experiences which, by the time I come along, they already have it in their mind to try to do one of, or a combination of, three things: Compare me to previous lovers, change me to perform like previous lovers, or shun me in favor of a previous lover who was "better in bed". Then why bother trying to find a different guy if all you're going to do is stay hung (no pun intended) up on that last boyfriend who worked you the way you wanted? Why didn't you stay with him? "Because he was a jerk" - ok, well you can't have it both ways. Either you want a great guy regardless of his bed performance or you want a total jerk who can put it down properly. Pick one. Yes the great guy might be able to put it down properly, but even if he's less of an adult film star than you'd like him to be, that shouldn't negate being in a relationship with him.

Plus there's moods to be considered. Contrary to popular belief about men I don't think about sex 90% of my day. In fact it takes some major stimulus to get me aroused to that point outside of normal random urges. True, there are some very attractive women at my workplace - the majority of which wear inappropriate clothing all the time - but even then it's not like I think about sexing them up, I just give them the eye and keep walking. Every now and then I'll get urges, but I STILL wouldn't want to go there. There's just too much nonsense to consider.

If the impossible happens and I find a girl who is either (1) still a virgin at this age or (2) had one partner who really wasn't all that and not worth comparing, then great...I might change my mind, but it would take a long time of dating before I got to that point.

So OP, my reasons are probably different, but know that you're not alone.
 Oriole
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 31
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:54:13 AM

I'm basicly a very pragmatic person who has found that his life is far smoother and happier without the sex angle clouding things and adding stress.

I think it's weird to say this, and at the same time, tell us you haven't been hurt and you're looking for someone who hasn't been hurt either. You don't want to have sex because it caused too much stress in the past... Whether you call it "hurt" or "damaged" or "pragmatic" is pretty much just semantics, I think.
 Oriole
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 32
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:56:36 AM

yes u can have a reltionship look at the gays haha


Good one.
 simeonsonnow
Joined: 3/23/2007
Msg: 33
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:03:41 AM
Offkilter, boy oh boy. All I can say is I hope your willing to review your belief as time progresses. I was once in a relationship as you describe. It started out as friends but over time it became deeper and more intimate. But basically neither one of us was ready to cross the line. The sexual tension got to the point where it destroyed what we had. If you find the lady you're looking for I hope you're both willing to review the situation as it progresses. I too believe sex isn't the be all and end all, however it is a very nice way to consumate a loving and caring relationship. And that truly should come first. Good luck in your search.

By the way, for all those gawkwers and mockers if you check the man's profile, you'll see he's a father.
 offkilter72
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 34
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:53:44 AM
Have I been hurt in the past?? Of course I have, but certainly no more than anyone else, and not to the point that I would use it to bury my head in the sand. If I met someone who I thought was a good fit for me in everything but the fact that she told me she would require sex on some sort of basis, I would have to make the tough decision to let her go. It's certainly going to have it's difficult moments, and decisions will have to be made that will cause pain for both me and the people in my future, but that also is no reason alone to not stick to what I really want.
As was stated above, I am in fact a father, and a very happy one. I've had sex in the past obviously, and don't think that fear of std's or fear of pregnancy is my reasoning. Especially pregnancy, as I've been fixed for a while. The performance angle and fear of comparison certainly contributes in as much as it leads to anxiety and worry that is out of my control. Simply saying " don't worry about it" is not going to solve anything. It will always be there, more so with someone I truly care about.
I still have a sex drive and desire, just like most men my age. I admire, flirt, and love like anyone else. But unlike most, I would rather not take it the same route as most.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 35
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Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:55:57 AM
Sorry but I just cannot fathom this idea!
A relationship without sex in it? I am far from a perve. Don't go running around with sex as the only thought in my head. And I also do not believe that kisses and cuddles always have to end with sex. But geeze? NO SEX ever??? Sure it takes time for a couple to get to the sex stage to make sure they are ready for it. But to blunt outright say you never want it? I think the two fellows who have posted here are stating this because they have been hurt in the past and think that "abstaining" is the only way to protect themeselves from further heartache...jmho
 offkilter72
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 36
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:07:52 AM
WHile you are entitled to your opinion, give some thought to the fact that by me taking this stance, I'm opening myself up to more pain than just taking the usual route in a relationship. It will involve me saying no to women and them questioning what is wrong with them, are they not attractive, why am I not attracted to them, etc..... The I have to talk them down from that hysteria, explain the situation, it's not them,etc...
When you view it this way, do you honestly believe I am doing this to avoid pain? Regardless of sex, any and all relationships on any level, will and do have pain as a component. Simply taking the sex factor out is not going to solve that problem. Initially it will add to the worries and anxiety, as well as the self doubt that is natural that is always in any early relationship. So look deeper than that and maybe you'll see it's about a different type of relationship rather than trying to do away with them altogether.
 tbaylady
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 37
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:17:27 AM
The wall many put up. asking for sexless relationship tells me your looking and willing to wait for that special woman. being emotional detached when meeting others will allow you to feel "no pressure" and relax more. I made the same choice, in my profile "celebate". meeting anyone, theres no expectations this way and i feel no pressure added on to meeting their reqirements. For me, its has to be this way in oder to get myself back on track in some areas. I thought i would never have anyone message me but guess what, I am getting more messages now then i did before. seems were not alone.

When i meet that someone special, the desire will take it places on its own without having to think bout any of it, it will happen naturally and be wonderful. just remember a relationship doesnt happen over night, it takes time, work and effort and patience. A desired relationship lasts a lifetime... to want one, never last.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 38
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Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:27:30 AM
Well Offkilter....guess I truly do not understand why you seak what you do. Your last explanation makes total sense to me the way you put it. I just don't understand why anyone would never want to make love with someone.....You are right, this stand will make things much more difficult for you. I wish you much happiness and hope you find what you seek!
 rune3
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 39
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:28:10 AM
Of course there will be others who seek the same thing, you're not that stunningly unique n the world, never fear. However, your reason seems a bit off. If you just didn't want sex because you didn't enjoy it, fair enough -- but because "it makes thing complicated"?? I think you've got a few false beliefs about relationships if you think that. It doesn't complicate intimate, serious, established relationships -- just the ones where such physical intimacy is crossing the natural boundaries established by the level of emotional intimacy. Sex isn't necessary, for certain, but it also doesn't necessarily "complicate" things but is a natural part of a strong intimate romantic relationship. Choosing to set boundaries/limits on the way you are prepared to relate to someone before you even begin relating to them really isn't the best idea and your choice to rule out sex almost certainly complicates things far more than a more open attitude would.
 julesbee
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 40
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:31:23 AM
Could you repeat the question please?



It makes NO sense that someone having a healthy intimate ( emotional ) relationship would not share that in the physical sense.

The exceptions would be:

1. Physically handicapped and is unable to have sexual relationships ( which you state is not the case )
2. Gay ...but does not want to come out of the closet and appear heterosexual. ( which you said you are not )
3. Has a serious disease ( ie AIDs 0 and does not want to give it to your partner because you are a decent human being )
4. Is only sexually attracted to " one night stands" , " bar pick ups" " prostitutes" and feel that you are sexually " satisfied "but want the " relationship" with someone else.
5. You have a pyschological issue that prevents you from being intimate with a female that you care about / have a relationship with.
6. You think that this is the type of relationship that woman really want and are trying to be the " player" but not being the " player"


Peace always.
 loyal T
Joined: 8/10/2006
Msg: 41
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:40:33 AM
In seeing this :" By the way, for all those gawkwers and mockers if you check the man's profile, you'll see he's a father." Op: Are you reluctant due to the possibility of reproducing more and then having to add child support to what you may already pay? I have to question if that is your greatest reluctance. You can get "fixed" you know, it is not as drastic a procedure as for the woman most times. It is not long lived in recovery I have heard either. Typically use an ice pack on the area a day or so if needed after this, then you can be "good to go". I just have to wonder if that is the root of your desire to refrain from this. IF you find the "right woman" that "floats your boat" otherwise, you will fall into this without even realizing it has begun I was told by a male friend that has been married three times already. I feel he should know how easy that happens to fall into place. When you want someone emotionally that usually leads to such as this is the "bonding" connection for many when that happens. It is a passage of feeling the most "connected" you possibly can then. Surprising to see that a man your age wants to avoid that and is heterosexual. There must be an underlying cause. You mentioned of it "complicating things" , children and child support can.
 ChicagoStyle
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 42
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Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 8:54:28 AM
While we are all guessing here, why don't you explain your reasons for not wanting to have sex. You don't have to ofcourse, but everyone is now curious and can't quite seem to figure it out from your posts so far it seems.
 Azurianna
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 43
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:02:44 AM
Hey OP - I can't say enough how much I admire you for bringing this into the light. I'm glad that you are confident enough to know that there is nothing wrong and that you know what you want. My personal comment to you would be to never say never. I chose celibacy for six years. I dated during that period and the freedom from all the sexual tension, issues, entanglement was great. I recommend this for everyone who is dating and for whom sex becomes misleading, confusing, or as much trouble as good. My period of celibacy, during some of the best years of my life, gave me opportunities to discover things about myself that I wouldn't have had otherwise. But things do change and the day came when I wanted to become intimate with someone. I cannot begin to describe how exquisite our intimacy was. Unfortunately, that didn't work out and so I regrouped and started all over again. I began dating, sometimes with intimacy, sometimes not, but things were always clear and sex was never again 'trouble', confusing, or misleading. I have a much greater understanding in regard to sexual intimacy in a general way for both women and men, and in a personal way for myself. I want to end with...the sex in which I engage at this point in life is the best intimacy on every level that I've ever experienced.

~Karen
 ladylookin57
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 44
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:06:25 AM
yea i am seeking same thing,,seems it all about sex sex sex...dont get me wrong,i am not dead but god on the first meet,,really,,,,,,,
 *Carpe_diem*
Joined: 3/29/2007
Msg: 45
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:07:15 AM
It doesn't really matter WHY the OP is choosing to go this route, he's chosen it and it's his choice. While I may not agree totally with it, it's not up to us.

OP, while I do agree with some of the other aspects of your choice.. such as wanting to form a deep emotional bond with someone, and sex at times complicating things. It seems to me that you are using a cannon to kill a fly. As with anything in life, moderation is the key. Sex ISN'T the end-all-be-all to a relationship, I feel it is an important part none the less.

I do wish you luck in your search.
 EastSideEddie
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 46
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:27:30 AM

I'm seeking a sexless relationship


All you have to do is get married.
 offkilter72
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 47
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:30:22 AM
Carpe is correct in that the reasons why matter very little. I am of sound mind and body and have still made this choice. Perhaps it's a bit on the overkill end of things, but my favourite parts of any and every relationship has been away from the bedroom and would love to focus on that. If sex should happen someday, it won't be because of someone pestering me to change my mind or because they really needed me to change my mind. it will be because I have seen things differently. It may happen, or it may not. I am quite content with the decisison as it stands, and feel it would only be fair and honest to be with someone else who is prepared to go without sex as well, rather than someone who is simply biding her time until I change my mind.
Again, if you read my above posts, you'll clearly see that pregnancy and std's are not in my reasoning as I am both healthy, and have already had a vasectomy. It was stated above, please read if you have not.
What I have learned thus far, is that many others either feel the same way, or have in the past. Nobody has come forward to say they regretted making the decision. Also, we might all have had different reasons, but the goal was the same. To have a better relationships with the stress of sex.
If you want another reason for me, I'll tell you. It's never been worth the bother it brings. It's not that damn good that I can't go without, and I suspect my partners would have said the same thing about it with me too. And simply having better sex is not going to change the issues here. That my life is better without sex than with.
Keep up the good input, thanks.
 Internetdatingpariah
Joined: 10/17/2004
Msg: 48
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:33:53 AM
You want to marry my wife???
 ~blue eyes~
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 49
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:44:57 AM
Sorry OP the body fluids was not aimed at you this post just made me think of it.
 georgeousbiatch
Joined: 6/6/2007
Msg: 50
Seeking a sexless relationship
Posted: 9/8/2007 10:06:54 AM
this is selfish unless the girl your with is the same!sounds like you want a frienship instead of a relationship!

not being strange but do you find women sexually attractive?
or do you have other desires?
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