| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 9/14/2007 6:13:51 PM | | op....I stand by what I said although you may disagree....I would be upset if I saw by boyfriend on here...there's plenty of other chatlines/forums and the only reason you would be on here is because you're not happy with the relatiohship and are hoping for something better to come along. Seriously...if you were this happy with her, you would not feel the need to be on here..you and her have some serious issues your not addressing. You say she's on here as well, so now she's going to read what you've said and all the thread posts...I don't know about her , but I'd be pissed at you for doing this. Maybe she just hasn't had the guts to say anything to you yet, but you both have some serious thinking to do.....Sorry..like I said, I disagree...you wanted opinions and I'm sure you know when you start putting stuff out there for people to reply to, you have to be able to be objective and listen to the different viewpoints.....still I wish you both all the luck | |
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 9/15/2007 12:11:33 AM | OP said back: """Bethlet:
I see a difference. This (the neediness and clinginess)is a PART of her that I don't like. I've never met anyone that 100% loves every single aspect of their partner. When I don't get my personal time, I DO feel miserable, I DO feel like I'm under someone's thumb, I DO feel like a grounded teenager. I realize that is ME, and MY needs. MY need for personal time lies on ME. What I expect from my partner in a relationship is that they respect and honor MY needs, as I try to honor and respect their needs"""
OP, you need to fess up to your mistakes and other problems, Your above reply to her ignored truth. You disputed bethlets opinion because you "never said 7 days straight" when you actually said twice that "two weeks straight". So instead of arguing and disputing another word from anyone, go back and correct your misgivings to anyone and everyone you can think of. Or at least learn which is a longer time period, 7 days or 2 weeks.
On your other thread I criticized a person who wouldn't listen because of technicalities, THIS APPEARS I SHOULD HAVE SAID YOU!!!!
In contrast to my vision of 10 minutes ago, I dont think you can kiss and make up, its not in you. You will probably not have a girlfriend by 10 pm tomorrow, based your avoidance of facts. | |
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JWA
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Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 103 | |
| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 9/15/2007 4:13:13 AM | Since the OP's gal Sweets has joined in now I'd ask her how she views posts such as #68, 81, 82 & 83? Those seem to be from hard assed, hard line chicks who are more about bashing their own jaded, bitter views of something upon someone under the guise of being helpful. The concentration on a few words the OP used and twisting them into meanings almost certainly NOT intended seems not only unfair but just plain personal agenda based nonsense. I'm amazed at the skillful way the OP's words have been perverted as they were in those above-mentioned posts. Getting caught up in the semantics and how we interpret or perceive someones words only to assume you know what's in their mind is foolish and a bit dangerous since the opinions offered as a result could be harmful in some small way.
Please Sweets chime in with your own view of this----you're part of it now which rarely happens here. Don't let the bitter chicks influence your views either---here or real life. In order to accept someones advice it's best to see how they life their lives and compare the results of them being themselves--------that can be scary and sobering all at the same time!!
Looking forward to hearing from Ms Sweets!! | |
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 9/15/2007 4:31:52 AM | OP, just how much time off are we talking about? If you get that day, what about the rest of your free-time during the week? Can you get your alone time hours at a time, rather than in one huge chunk?
How busy/active are you when not at work, while she's working, and is it possible to use some of that time to get your alone time? I'm much the same way, in that I usually like to have some quality time that I can spend by myself (people wear me out, lovers not excluded), but when I'm dating someone that isn't usually hard to come by due to conflicting schedules.
...and sweets. What kind of commitment do you find reasonable at this point in time? A lot of people would balk at even talking much about marriage before at least a year or more of dating, especially with incompatibilities like this still needing to be worked on. It doesn't sound like he's unhappy with you, but some people can't "de-stress" with another person around in the way you describe. He is how he is, and it doesn't sound like he's ever lied to you about it. If you two can't find some sort of middle-ground, you're screwed. | |
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 9/15/2007 4:35:26 AM | you are not being unreasonable.....a relationship born of love...is a committment
to one another with one another!
doesn't sound like he can committ for whatever reasons..
finding someone that honors love ...and committment the same as you
would be the best step you could take right now.
dragging kids through this chaos..is not healthy either.
good luck to sweety! | |
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 9/15/2007 4:37:00 AM |
Since the OP's gal Sweets has joined in now I'd ask her how she views posts such as #68, 81, 82 & 83? Those seem to be from hard assed, hard line chicks who are more about bashing their own jaded, bitter views of something upon someone under the guise of being helpful.
Bitter? We're backing up the person in this situation who was getting bashed unfairly. I've never been in this situation. I need my space- I get it. But unlike some here, I have the ability to step out of what the OP painted for us, and realize there's another side.
My beef is about the way OP handled the way she would see this. It was very insensitive and selfish. | |
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 9/15/2007 5:32:12 AM |
Am I being unreasonable?
No, She is being unreasonable, clingy, and needs to get a life of her own and stop depending on you so much. I, too value my time with just ME. Someone like that would drive me crazy. | |
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 9/15/2007 5:38:47 AM | bg.....no question!
Just stating the apparent 'matter of facts'
hope you enjoying your alone time..
diana....
the persistance of your stance..is obviously an attempt to remain in
a state of denial....by trying to bring others down..to your level..
You like your alone time...lololol
that why you last two posts on here right?
when someone claims to be so overly content .....its usually because
they are not!!
Its not the original posters' fault in this......and that is obvious..
climb out of your safety zones for a bit...you may just see this! | |
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 9/17/2007 4:10:17 PM | JWA:
[qoute]Since the OP's gal Sweets has joined in now I'd ask her how she views posts such as #68, 81, 82 & 83?[/qoute]
I do think that some people were a tad harsh. However, that is what forums are for lol. He told his story and got feed back...negative and positive. That is what you set yourself up for when you "air your dirty laundry."
Do I think he is emotianally abusive, or manipulative or is someone who is intentionally out to hur my feelings? NO...he is a kind man. And WE just needed to compromise a little. Which is exactly what we did. We have resolved the issue and we both feel so much better.
Oh and he has agreed to not write anymore forums about our personal life...he better not, cuz I'll be watching!! LOL
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 9/17/2007 4:16:45 PM | msusnicknel i actually agree with you here . When i am dating someone i find that their demands to be together every single second of every day to be very tiring . I need my alone time. Like you all i do is lounge around the house doing whatever i feel like. I have never felt the need to have someone stuck to me 24 hours a day .
I don't think that you two will ever really be able to come to some sort of meeting of the minds on this. What will probably happen is she will get so ticked eventually that she will just leave because you don't see things her way . Or you will try to do things her way and be with her constantly not having any of the alone time you need. You will eventually get so fed up with this you will leave her.
Most people just don't get people needing alone time. They think an hour a day should be sufficient time . I don't agree at all . If i don't get my alone time no matter how much i adore someone i start to feel smothered and extremely resentful . | |
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 9/17/2007 4:19:58 PM | | hhmmm well it says looking for women to hang out with so would this be on your day off from your wonderful g/f...yo ualso stated that she would be going along on these outings..........your complaining about no "Me Time"...but are looking to hang out with more women......makes me wonder and maybe thats why she calls you x number of times at work and wants to be wit hyou everyday.....maybe she just DON'T TRUST YOU. | |
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 9/17/2007 4:23:29 PM | You said, in your profile that you are "mostly" here for the forums.
You are also looking for a social life. You can find very good forums and social events online. You don't really need this site.
Does your girlfriend know you are on this site?
I'm just speaking from gut instince here, but I think it may have more to do with your actions than with her.
As a woman who has gone through that neediness, insecurity crap myself, I never felt that way unless there was a substantial reason that I couldn't put my finger on.
Personally, if I were dating a man (which I am not right now) and he was on this website, even if he was spouting off about how great I was, I'd be downright pissed.
This is a dating website. Meet friends at meetin.org They have forums there too.
I agree that your girlfriend may be demanding too much from you, but I also feel for her. We strong, confident women, which is what you described her to be, don't get all freaky-deaky unless there is a reason.
The reason, my friend, might just be you.
Take care,
Cassie | |
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 9/17/2007 4:25:09 PM | Um, yeah. I didn't see this reply before I posted mine, but I totally agree with this.
I'd kill my boyfriend (I don't have one so I'm allowed to be here) if he were on this website for the "forums".
Forums my ass.
Cassie | |
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 9/17/2007 4:27:33 PM | | Private time is important and 1 full day a week isn't unreasonable. If she has reservations about you being on here she could always join you, i've seen lots of other couples on here who signed up when they were single and lied it so much they stayed. | |
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| GIRLFRIEND READ IT
Posted: 9/17/2007 4:30:30 PM | All this commotion and drama makes being alone look even more appealing..
You didnt give us all the information, but you asked your question and we answered. When she came on the thread, she asked her questions.
You two need to log off and go deal with this, for both your sakes and well being and especially that little boy who is going to get caught in the emotional stuff of this..
and on your nights off,,,sweets, where is he? just curious. | |
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| GIRLFRIEND READ IT
Posted: 10/22/2007 1:53:08 AM |
People are different
Not only is that true, but I am very glad that it is so. Too bad so many appear to want everyone to think the same as they do.
What you WANT is not wrong. How you are GETTING it by running your SO down on a public forum is wrong. Bragging about "she'll see it" shows callousness and extreme narcissism.
What's really sad is how common that attitude (or variations of it) are here. But I'm am happy to report that there are also many that don't have the attitude. | |
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JWA
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Joined: 5/21/2005
Msg: 120 | |
| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 10/22/2007 3:30:56 AM |
I'd kill my boyfriend (I don't have one so I'm allowed to be here) if he were on this website for the "forums".
Forums my ass.
^^^Probably one of the biggest reasons you DON'T have said boyfriend----now or anytime soon?? LOL
Thank you Sweets for your contribution-----it's nice to get the other side of things always---especially when something goes this far afield from the original topic!
Best of luck to the two of you! | |
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 10/22/2007 4:36:27 AM | | Well, as long as you are with her, this is going to be an issue. And it will probaby get worse rather than better. This is something you told her about from the beginning, and she's either going to have to learn to live with it or you are going to have to move on. She might be better off with someone who is as clingy and needy as she is. | |
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 10/22/2007 4:43:35 AM | | Everyone needs space to be on their own, or they will feel suffocated. It sounds like your lady has a problem because she is depending on you to provide her life with meaning. She needs to find her own meaning, and her own interests, so she has other things to occupy her mind than you. I wouldn't call one day a week being unreasonable at all. If I were in a steady relationship I still think I would need a few days a week on my own to do my own things. You can't give up your life just to fill the life of another person. It's not good for her to be so dependant on you for her happiness. | |
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| Smothering, personal time, and am I being unreasonable?
Posted: 10/22/2007 6:51:14 AM | | You are not being unreasonable - she is. Most people need alone time. I would tell her that you care about her but you will not have her controlling everything you do. If she can't accept that and accept the fact that you are faithful and just need 'down' time then she can take a walk. Sometimes putting your foot down and not arguing about it is best. | |
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