| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/17/2007 7:20:11 PM | I have trust issues on an "individual" basis only. If someone hasn't given me a reason to mistrust them then I will give it chance if chemistry is present. However, one must be aware that trust is earned over a period of time so why not give it a chance and see what develops?
Couldu? | |
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| I think it's more that society has fidelity issues
Posted: 9/17/2007 9:09:22 PM | | Through experience I don't know why I ought to trust any more, I'm pressed to think of a friend that has not cheated on his/her bf and I refuse to be cheated on, so how the **** can I find a relationship?? Why do people not fall in love any more?? I think that's the qestion, or is it always one sided, I just hope it exists. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/19/2007 5:08:44 AM | ok, final word from me on this...
Honestly, it depends on your vibe you give me if Im going to trust you and how far. Dont ask for too many details, as I couldnt explain... it's the total of how you behave and show your personality combined with I guess an instinctive vibe? (Im not sure iether, but I know the combination has RARELY lead me wrong.) In any case, though, if Im looking to meet up with you, you can assume you have some trust from me. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/19/2007 5:19:58 AM | | yea i defo have trust issues.. after my last relationship d issues got worse.. but am tryin 2 work on dem! after all we only live once nd wud be stupid 2 waste good opportunities because of d past.. people can get afraid if dey have bn hurt b4.. der defensive barriers go up and it can take a while b4 dat barrier comes dwn.. its usually nothin 2 do wit d new people dey are meetin, its d fear of gettin hurt/bein rejected dat is at d heart of d trust issues.. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/19/2007 3:33:22 PM | Well said wexfordgirl, even if rather oddly.
There have been times in the past that I missed out on a great relationship because I was certain that the person would get to know the real me and just leave me or find someone better.
I have very much felt like this before.
I will say I'm afraid because I'm afraid that I have become a doormat. I believe in people, period. However, men or women, it doesn't matter - they all lie. I don't mind a little lie such as how many people have you been with, have you ever cheated, etc. We've all lied about those things. I mind the BIG lies, such as I LOVE YOU. And then they sleep with someone else or LIE about a different sex friendship.
I would have to agree with the part about the doormat, and I used to believe in people period, now I'm just more cautious. As for the rest of it...I don't agree at all. I actually know people who have never ever lied a day in their life. I personally don't lie, and you are jaded if you really believe that everyone everywhere has lied about something at some time. Or am I the only one living this way who doesn't believe the world has actually become that crumby yet?
After my divorce I ran from people who showed the slightest resemblence to my ex, mentally or physically. I learned not to do that because face it men are genetically men and women are genetically women. It's not an absolute but traits are traits (as much as jokes on both sides tend to point out). Yet that said enough...you need to trust and not pull away in the slightest resemblence. So why can't I find a man who doesn't 'judge' me on his ex? I'm going to react or talk the same based on those genetics so 'trust' me.
I did that too...still do to some extent (I catch myself saying no way to every Libra, lol and then have to say ...but he isnt HIM). True, a person has to let all that stuff go.
{quote]Now that I'm 'middle aged' in mind not in spirit or desires, I've learned to move past some of this. And I want a man to do the same. He is out there. Can they be trusted...heck no based on MY experiences. Can I be trusted, heck no based on THEIR experiences. But hopefully I (and they) will find someone who they will give a chance and I will give a chance to not live up to their 'prior experiences'.
The bigger question is...is there anyone out there that can do that?
Very good point, and well taken here.
Rider, you really made me realize something I really hadn't thought about. A large portion of my trust issues are based on "my acceptance". I have always had( and been told by others that I have) a huge, loving, giving heart. But because of past pain in my family and with others, I have a majorly hard time accepting love...even did as a kid. I just never quite trust that it is real. It's like I constantly am asking myself...ok, so what's the catch? You say you love me, but what are you REALLY gettin out of this? I also in realizing this realize why it is I react so. Love (for the most part, tho not always) was conditional in my family and with those I grew up around. So, I learned not to trust at face value. I tried, but then after being hurt later very severely, it totally inhibited my ability to recieve from anyone anymore. That's really sad, but the good thing is I now realize it and anything learned can be unlearned or changed. Guess there's hope for me yet!!!! | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/20/2007 12:39:17 AM | xeno....
"1. The women who want to do background checks
2. Women who automatically assume that every man ONLY wants sex until each individual man proves him self otherwise.
3. A woman who is afraid to have drinks with a guy on a first date fearing that he might spike her drink."
These are just some of life's lessons that women have either had first hand experience with or know someone who has. Society is not what it usto be. Accept that and show some understanding and let a woman know you come from a different mold than some loose in the world today. Accepting reality and having understanding....really is little to give to someone you truly are interested in knowing better.
ravenstar "It's tough not having the youthful optimism and naitivity (sp) that I once had, but there are some things I am NOT willing to experience again. I'd rather be alone. "
I think you put it very well. Most women feel on a very deep emotional level and commit a large part of themselves to the relationship. Maybe that's more so the older generation, but the deeper the emotional commitment, the deeper the pain of disillusionment when the trust is broken.
We would all like to be the naive people we once were in our younger years and not have experienced the pain of a broken relationship or the dissolvement of a marriage with children to raise on our own. But once having had those experiences, they are embedded in our brain and the emotional pain is easily brought back to the surface by future betrayal. I would love to have the bright enthuesment (sp) I had as a young person, but life lessons have taught me, people deceive, people lie, people can be cruel and selfish, not all people are good honest, caring, compassionate people.
Do I have trust issues......you bet your bootie I do, I've had enough of life's tough lessons for my life time and not seeking to repeat them and when I find the right man, who understands that and has the desire to show me he is different.....then I will give my heart again. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/20/2007 12:54:43 AM | Hey Mr. Fishbill,
You asked, "is anyone keeping score."
Yea, my ex...
Yep, she divorced me and is still keepin that ole blackbook up to date! 
Like another poster said, "trust issues...Nope...soon as they burn me their gone!"
My thought on this topic, If you can't trust...You shouldn't be up here on a dating site!
Rick TensawEagle   | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/20/2007 7:38:24 PM | I'm Very Trusting . . till I'm given Good reason Not to . . !
If you list your Body Type as 'Athletic' ..and you Should have said 'A FEW extra Pounds' {. .  . . }
I could have 'Trust Issues' there . .  | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/20/2007 8:20:29 PM | I think anyone that chats online and says they don’t have issue is lying. Because you never know the person on the other side of the keyboard truly, and people can portray themselves as what ever they want.
I think there are a bit of trust issue in the beginning of any relationship.. I mean hey? You really don’t know this person and we all put on our masks in the beginning.. Everyone is so fun, sexy, smart, responsible, sensible and honest.. Fact is you could very well be all of them things and more.. But it takes time to build trust.
The mask that we all wear takes time to fall off and expose who’s really behind it. Your heart is one of the most precious things you can give to a person and it is wise to guard it a bit. I’m a pretty trusting person but with age comes wisdom and wisdom tells me walk don’t run in to the game of love. You will be better off.
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/20/2007 8:22:10 PM | Some people have had a rotten relationship and are now single but are wary about getting into the same kind relationship again. And some people have never had a serious relationship and have always had trust issues which is why they've never had a serious relationship. Toss those two types into a site like this and you get big trust issues.
Plus, most people have little trust of near everything on the internet due to scams and viruses. So add that to the top two reasons and you have major trust issues.
Trust me, I'm right... lol | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 9/20/2007 9:13:23 PM | I can!
I DO...I DO...I really DO!!!!! LMAO
NO! ... I’m NOT proud of it.
Unfortunately it was a result of past relationship with a lier and a cheat... 
but I’m working past that. I’m doing much better NOW... after several years! 
I believe in power of thought and if you keep thinking that ALL men will cheat on you... THEN they will! 
I have faithfully been going by the saying “actions speak louder than words”.
Although INTEGRITY also plays a huge part also... saying what you mean...meaning what you say!
Bottom line... TRUST your instincts! Intuition tells it all!!
Look out little fishies or the sharks gonna get ya!
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:04:23 PM | | I have major trust issues... I have been in so many bad relationships that have made me like this. It will take a very special person to get me to trust them, and it will never be trusting fully..... | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:20:38 PM | I didn't read all the posts so if I repeat anything, I apologize now.
Yes, I have trust issues. I know it is supposed to be "I'll trust you until you give me a reason not to" but I am more of the "I will trust you once I feel you have given me a reason TO trust you".
A lot of is from my exhusband and I admit that. Always have. Some of it is from dating, because as we all know, it is so easy to lie about yourself and hide a lot, moreso in this alternate reality called online dating, and some of it is from being burned in a relationship (not my exhusband) and not knowing where I stood.
However, this also applies with friends. I trust a slim majority of people. With friends, I either know instantly whether or not I will trust them. Obviously, if you are my friend in the truest sense of the word, I trust you to be in my life. Otherwise, you're an acquaintance and you only know what you read or what I allow you to see. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 11/14/2007 10:11:03 PM | Think it's in large part from not listening to their own intuition when they should have, & trying to make something work that was never meant to be ...Ends in disaster every time.
People are way too afraid of speaking their minds when they really should at times,
since so often when you say one thing someone is not ready to hear, even if it's the honest to Gods truth, and even meant to help steer them on a better path for themselves, far too often that's the End of it.
when really.. it Should be just the Beginning.
Sometimes I think people will sense this is the case and run from the rejection they know is coming if they reveal their true not so sweet thoughts, me I'd rather speak them now than wait years for both of us to come out with the Truth, I think that is much worse, just means you were living a lie all along. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 11/15/2007 8:35:49 PM | | Question: Do you have trust for someone you meet in person, just out somewhere or with friends-kinda a face to face...than anyone you meet on this site--even meeting in person eventually---My friend told me the guys you meet out are just as unreal as the men on here--I don't think so----trust -honesty- does not show itself on here---and surely not with the person I did meet---trust is out the window....IF a good one comes along, how do you know......? you learn the hard way | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 11/16/2007 1:19:48 AM | | Who doesn't have them? I don't 'trust' anyone right away, especially not online. However i've come to realise that most girls i've met I don't have anything to be scared of. So instead of trust, I give them the benefit of the doubt - they will be fine in my books until they prove otherwise, but if they seem suspicious, i'll have to call them on it eventually. | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:51:31 PM | | Hi, I met this guy on Tues night, we had a great evening, arranged to meet up Fri for a meal, we've been texting / ringing each other, everything is going fine, come Fri night he's let me down, no fone call, nothing, was he scared or what ? why can't guys just say if there can't make it, | |
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| How many people can admit they have trust issues?
Posted: 11/16/2007 3:54:35 PM | I don't like the way that the subject was posed. "How many people can admit" implies that if you say that you don't have trust issues you're lying.
I have no problem trusting people... if anything that's one of my weaknesses- I genuinely expect people to be honest and good. So far it hasn't lead to any major problems, as I do have a good "bullshit detector" ... but still... | |
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