Rhett1
|
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 226 | |
| |
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 11/26/2007 7:22:59 PM | | Ok here's my thoughts on this me being a single mother. First of all she should have Never ask that of you, considering u two aren't married. That should be soely ur desicion and when/if the time is right I believe u would want to adopt. Secondly if ur having these kinda doubts about it then that's an automatic NO don't do it!! And just be honest with her about ur concerns. If u two do get married then yes u may want to consider it. Good Luck to you and if she isn't understanding then she's not the one for u anyways. | |
|
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 11/26/2007 8:17:02 PM | | RUN!! DO NOT WALK TO THE NEAREST EXIT!! It seems she is looking for someone to look after her kids for her. Her ex isn't paying so you will be. Even if you don't adopt the kids there is a period of time after which you live together that YOU are actually financially responsible for the kids. Check with a lawyer and cover your ass. | |
|
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 11/27/2007 2:40:14 AM | | As a single mother I understand where she is coming from a bit, but asking for you to adopt the children and you being hesitant and you were also back and forth on the moving in with her aspect of it should tell you alot about how your really feeling. By moving in with her, also shows the kids that your now a part of the family and you are not the Dad but by being there its almost like being so ever so slightly. Your the Dominant Male figure in the house whether you want to be or not. A very long time ago I was in a relationship and we had moved in together and we had even thought about him adopting my little one, but the relationship came crashing to an end and thank goodness for that :) If had he adopted her and we had broken up, I would have been forced to share my daughter and he would have ended up paying child support and its not his child. She is mine and my responsibility alone. I would expect no man to take half that responsibility unless he really wanted to and I was okay with it. Plus it would have been alot different if they had actually formed that father/daughter relationship and really wanted to be part of her life whether we were together or not than I could understand. Your aren't really forming that with them and it sounds like your not ready or willing to either. Which is fine, you can't be expected to force something if you don't want it. But being there longer does make the children more attached. I think you need to really look at the situation and assess it and know what you want and if your ready. When me and my ex had broken up and I had no job and I needed government help until I got back in to school a few years ago, the government wanted to know how long my last relationship was and when it ended because if it lasted more than a year they would have asked my ex to pay child support because we had lived together and they were thinking they (my daughter and ex) had formed some special bond and that he should have a hand in financially raising her. Its the most disturbing and most stupid thing I had heard in my life and its completely wrong. Mind you ,I said our relationship had not lasted a year so they could nto file against him, Thank God. Thats something I had run in to a while back. I don't know if others have but thats just something I had come across. So be careful. | |
|
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 11/27/2007 9:12:47 AM | Ok Brah,
Do not bother with this. Everything should come natural, and not forced. Sounds to me like she would nail you to the cross if you adopted them and things did not work out.
The question is are you prepared to be fully legally responsible for her kids regardless of your relationship status? if so then do it. I am not sure why she is pressuring you. To me thats a bad sign !!!! | |
|
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 11/27/2007 11:46:52 AM | | No one should move in with a single mother when she expects you to adopt "her" kids. Tell her to back off and move on with your life. It'll be simpler for you instead of having her file for divorce and you having to pay her child support the rest of the kids' lives. Have their natural father pay for them. | |
|
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 11/29/2007 4:40:39 PM | Re Confusion condition by Swamp Thing
One thing children need, especially children from a single parent home, is stability, structure, and consistancy. This means having safe boundaries that they don't cross, and safe boundaries that others don't cross for the sake of the children. To use the excuse of a child's unclean room for a significant other moving out, is, in my opinion, beyond cruelty. Children already have enough stuff they feel guilty, self conscious, and inadequate about. The last thing they need is to be blamed for their parent's honey moving out. I think the blame needs to rest squarely on the parent, first of all for exposing their child to such a shakey relationship at best (no binding committment) and for even considering using the destructive manipulation technique of blame to get them to clean up their room. How 'bout not even letting the children meet the significant other until a solid committment is made, and as for the messy room, just having the child clean up their room or face consequences, such as loss of TV, computer, or time with friends activities.  FIC, Katie | |
|
T73
|
Joined: 11/21/2007
Msg: 233 | |
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 11/29/2007 4:57:00 PM | | I was just in a situation like this. I am a single mother. My child's dad doesn't have much to with her or pay child support but she does know who her father and siblings are. The man I lived with loved her with all his heart and she loved him. We lived together 4 1/2 years. Even though we are broke up now she still talks to him every night before bed and calls him daddy. She visit him on the weekend. I think it is important not to let the real dad get off the hook when the child has no say. I could really use the money from child support and I know my ex would pay if he was her biological father but it is more important to me that she have a positive father figure in her life than me to have extra money. She doesn't understand all that stuff anyway. By the way, my ex boyfriend doesn't have children of his own and never really wanted any. But he loves her as much as if she were his. That's all that matters to either of them. Maybe you can just tell your girlfriend that your not comfortable trying to take away the dad that the children will probably want to know one day. I hope this at least will give you some ideas. Good luck!! | |
|
| |
Rhett1
|
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 235 | |
| |
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 11/29/2007 10:15:01 PM | I may be late jumping on this bandwagon..but here goes...
1. ANYONE WHO CALLS THEMSELFS BEERBAG HAS NO BUSINESS THINKING
ABOUT ASSUMING THE ROLE OF A FATHER, MUCH LESS A RESPONSIBLE HUSBAND
2. FOR A WOMAN TO LET YOU MOVE IN..THEN SPRING "ADOPT THE KIDS" ON YOU IS MEGGA RED FLAG ON THE PLAY!!!! SEVERE ENTRAPMENT WARNINGS !!!!!
AS LONG AS YOU JUST LIVE TOGETHER... YOU LEGALLY OWE NOTHING EVER...
EVEN IF YOU MARRY HERE...YOU STILL OWE NOTHING TOWARDS THE KIDS LEGALLY.... IN YOUR STATE OR COUNTRY..THEIR MAY BE SPOUSAL SUPPORT OR ALIMONY IF YOU DIVORCE.... CONSIDER THAT VERY SERIOUSLY.....
NEXT...YOU ARE BEING SETUP.... FOR A VERY BAD FALL.... I HOPE YOU SEE THAT....
AND YOU WOMEN WONDER WHY GUYS RUN IF YOUR SINGLE AND HAVE KIDS... | |
|
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:30:03 AM | I keep saying these types of situations are why many men will not date single mom's. I explain how some can use you and the single mom's bash me but still start threads asking why no one will date them.
My common sense tells me to never marry or get seriously involved with single moms. Friendship is great but nothing more. | |
|
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:44:08 AM | | Hi I think you should move out.... This should have been discussed way before you moved in and love is meaning stepping out of yourself and taking care of things that are beyond your own needs and you are clearly not ready to do that. There was one man who did not give up on a woman because of another man's kids and that was to raise Jesus...read about it and you will have the answers you need !! | |
|
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 11/30/2007 10:33:16 AM | | Well first of all, I think this is pretty premature. You guys are just dating and not married. If you were to marry her, than I can see that she would want you to adopt the children. For some reason, if she is pushing for you to adopt them and you have just moved in together, than she might have a hidden agenda. Be careful and I would just be in their lives as long as there father is alive. She should be grateful that you are in their lives. Good luck to you!!! | |
|
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 11/30/2007 4:36:09 PM | Hi beerbag.
I am new here and this is my first time responding rather than simply reading but the question begs an answer! 1) If your angry, don't go one step further. Adoption is a wonderful thing if its something you really want and you feel ready for. 2) Yes, if you adopt you will be legal parent, on the hook, for life... Ok if it is your desire. 3) The father of the children would need to agree to it (and you thought you were fighting now) .
If you are having second thoughts communicate them. If its fighting and not respecting... Wish every one your love and luck and move on. Families are made, not forced.
Good luck. | |
|
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 1/29/2008 4:24:17 AM | I wonder if these 2 are still together?
I lived with a woman and her 2 kids for 12 years, neither of their fathers ever paid child support. although I was never ordered to pay child support on the youngest (16 year old girl) I still support her. I have been separated from their mom 3 years.
yesterday I took her shopping for cloths and last month I bought her a car. spending time with her is worth all the money I have spent supporting her.
If you live with her and the kids for a long time it doesn't matter if your ordered or not you will still spend money on them ( I would not be happy to be ordered to pay)
things I hate about the situation.
fathers day, I have only gotten a few FD gifts and never been called dad, I have bought many FD presents for their dads who never see them.
the words "your not my dad" I've heard that a thousand times. now its been my turn, when they ask for money I can say "I'm not your dad" they get the money anyway but they have started appreciating me a little more.
when my step daughter gets married I will have to pay for the wedding but her "real dad" will walk her down the aisle.
If you adopt the kids it won't change your relationship with the kids, you still won't be their dad.
Marriage and adoption are Legal contracts, they don't change the relationship just the obligations. If you marry the woman and the child does something that is actionable you can lose everything you have. (steals and wrecks a car) even if you don't adopt. If you don't marry its much harder for them to make you pay.
I wouldn't marry a woman that has kids under 18. | |
|
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 1/29/2008 10:55:44 AM |
You have already made a lifetime commitment to them by moving in.
...and thats how our supreme court and family collections will see it ,,it doesn't matter if the children already have a father ,,it doesn't matter if your arrangement is only with the mother and only as a friend or role model to the children ,pre nupts do not stand up in court ,,,you are now on the hook for spousal support and child support as per the tables as if they were your children and she was your wife ,,you do not have to get married or even adopt the children ,,they are your responsibility to support until they graduate university now.you will have the payment raised if you can increase your income before they graduate or fail to declair every cent you ever make until they finish school .you are in BC canada now ,,welcome to family law ,,you can thank the man hating women libbers and our supreme court of canada and our legal aid service for this one ..it was supposed to all be fixed last time they revamped it but the polatitions caved into the womens groups under pressure ,,so read up ,,google it ..and watch how you vote this time around .. | |
|
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 3/23/2008 12:13:51 PM | | First of all, I would have to question her thought process. Is she for real? She wants you to adopt them "because you're living in the house and part of the household"? It's almost like she had to come up with a reason and to support what she wants and that's the best she could come up with. I did marry a woman who already had a daughter (newborn when we started dating). She's never met her other father and although he knows she exists (and both live local), he hasn't made any efforts to meet her, see her or give her any financial support. I'm the only father she's ever really known and although she never took my last name, she's in her second semester of college, lives with me and calls me "Dad". She gets whatever she needs from me and her mother...my ex wife. I was not required to pay one cent's worth of child support for her although I couldn't imagine not getting her things she's needed/wanted as she's grown up. Your situation seems very tenuous, however, and maybe I'm just picky or something, but I don't think I could be with someone who's logic at least "seems" pretty skewed. I'd RUN if I was you. | |
|
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 3/23/2008 12:21:17 PM | This might be coming in a little late...
You are living together.. Your House ? Her House ? or One your found together ??
Who is the primary Household bread winner ?
You don't have to adopt her kids to be made responsible. Oh and the Deadbeat won't be getting off even if you are ordered to pay support.. She's going to be getting it from both of you.. Usually Adoption of the others children isn't done until Marriage is talked about. But maybe she isn't trying to con you maybe she see's that you are just a good person to her children... | |
|
| |
| |
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 3/23/2008 6:40:27 PM | stop and ask yourself this"
do i see myself with this lady for the rest of my life?
my guess is no...you are already and have been worried about being 'stuck'...get out now. Go with your gut.
the other thing is...why does she want you to adopt them? i can guess...she wants you to be 'tied" to her in some way...friggen women p@ss me off,so many of them are so damn useless that they think that
a. getting pregnant keeps a man
b. marrying you keeps you
c. taking on daddy role keeps you
wowwwwwwwww.
run rabbit run
p.s. im a single mom and you would never be adopting my son...helloooooooooooo....why do you need to adopt them... WHATEVER | |
|
| |
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 3/23/2008 9:58:51 PM | My God, Man... don't do it! No, I'd say you're not over reacting at all. You're not even married to this woman, for pete's sake! I think the subject of adoption should be something that YOU bring up, NOT her...... and that's after you've made a marital commitment. Yes, if you were to break up you would be paying child support for children who are not yours. In fact, I have a friend who is doing just that (married a woman, adopted her son, divorced, and is paying monthly child support for this child because he adopted him. What a mess!) If I were you I would be very offended by her efforts to push this on you. There's a good reason for your angry feelings, and I would really be questioning my relationship with this controlling woman. I strongly feel that the issue of adoption should be an idea that comes from you, not her! She should not be bringing this up to you.
"4) Should I just cut my loses and get out now before legal ramifications can affect my future livelihood?"
I think you already know the answer to that question and you're looking for validation. So, I'm here to give your validation: Cut your losses and get out now. Things are only going to get worse! | |
|
| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 3/23/2008 10:11:18 PM | I'm sorry - you'e been together 2 years & she wants you to ADOPT her kids? I think that's premature - you asked & I think that will be the general concensus here.
I would definitely NOT do it. See how you all mesh as a family for a looong time before you take that step.
Just my HO!
Dee | |
|
Home
login 
