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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/15/2007 9:44:48 PM | From what I've read it's only a small fraction of what the biological father pays, and it only comes into affect after you have been married for a substantial amount of time, and it is only temporary (until the biological parent gets back on their feet from the break-up (not all the way up until the age of 18)). That's my understanding of it anyway.
You said that you spent a great amount of time debating whether to move in, and much consideration. Yet you are still unclear about a lot of major issues. You probablly shouldn't have moved in together until these issues were completely resolved and a non-factor.
I'm assuming that the mother was only half serious about the adoption thing, and that she was fishing towards hearing how you deeply you feel about her children. Or maybe a heat of the moment comment. Realistically, it is something that would never happen, and she must know that. Even if you and her wanted that, the biological father would have to sign away his rights and agree to you adopting his children....and that would most likely never happen, and she knows that very well. | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/16/2007 8:35:20 AM | [retty little princess:
First each province has a variation on this: some provinces onnly make a step psarent pay the differance betewwen what you would pay and what the bio parent pays. Some provinces such as Ontario make you pay the full amount as though it is your child.
Also the suport can be paid until the kids are finished school if that is what the custodial parent wants. Where do you get your info? | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/16/2007 10:27:07 AM | | ok i checked ..you are Canadian ,married or common law doesn't matter ,if you brake up you will pay child support for 2 children ,, so if you love this women ,,and are living with her you have no less to loose if you live common law or married ,, ,,your on her hook right now ..even a prenupt agreement wont help you ..if your worried now you should be .if you haven't stayed with her long enough to become common law then get your own place again and visit her .think real hard about this one and make sure its going to last first ,,take time to remove any doubts of this becomming a failed relationship .if it failed in a year it might bankrupt you and keep you paying for many many years .you are in a vulnerable situation now ..you might be setting yourself up to become a victim ,,and when it happens do not expect any sympathy ,,or place to turn for help ..no matter how wrong this is .everyone will just say they warned you ..if you want to try out common law ,,try it with someone who like you ,,is single ,and use birth control ,,,that way you can change your mind without paying with your future ..read all of the above postings ,you do not have much time here . | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/18/2007 1:08:45 AM | | run like hell now! You are not committed . Y ou mention breaking up several times. Do her a favor and leve the realtionship now. You are so selfish to think about money and obligations. This woman and her children are simply looking for someone to love and love them back. You ARE JUST CONCERNED ABOUT MONEY!!!@! | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/18/2007 7:48:20 AM | Was in the same situation. I diffused it initially by saying that we were not married. Made no sense to adopt children before we had a life long commitment. After we were married I said it should be the kids choice and they were not old enough to make that kind of decision. The bio father would have contested the adoption and was not paying child support so.....
Five years later we divorced and I am off scott free as far as support is concerned.
Use the Jedi mind trick.
(Reading the Canadian laws it sounds like you might already be in a lose lose situation as far as support is conserned) | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/18/2007 9:30:29 AM | First, I think it sounds like possibly you weren't true to yourself because you say you've been hesitant to move in (didn't feel 100% sure you were ready for the parental role). I can understand this as I've moved ahead (given into pressure, nice or otherwise) with things I wasn't sure I was ready for in a realtionship too. When it's a situation with kids, tho. I think it's better to wait until you're more or completely sure. There must have been time over the 2 years you've been together tho to test out the parental role before you moved in.
I find it strange that she asked you to do this major thing (adoption) when you've barely moved into the household, AND before marriage. It doesn't make sense to ask you to adopt when you're not married or engaged. And the kids havea father. I would want to know why the subject was coming up in the first place (question to her). It sounds like she's been the driving force in moving this relationshp forward. Why the rush?
Oh,, and Iris43, what's with the comment about the man "doing the right thing and offering (financial support)? How is this the "right thing" when they're not his children? Why should a man who lives with a woman who has children from a previous relationship be deemed to be financially responsible for them. Different if the couple gets married and split after a long term marriage where the man has provided financially for step kids perhaps. | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/18/2007 12:42:25 PM | | actually if you were to adopt the kids then the father would no loger be responsible for paying support, because the father has to relinquish his rights to the kids. if you cant see yourself in this relationship for the long run then tell her the truth and cut your losses now. dont stay around for to long and have the kids get attached to you, that would be hard on them. | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/18/2007 6:31:11 PM | | U should be flattered . And yes , u would b legally obligated if a split occurred down the lline .But you are only living with her and wouldn't be able 2 adopt them unless you were married . Not to mention the natural father would have 2 give consent or be stripped of his parental rights . | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/18/2007 9:17:20 PM | @ Msg 38.. Ms... DISNEY.. i'm only into PAGE TWO of your posts, and already I must protest your bashing of this OP! Obviously... he is uncomfortable with the situation, was seeking input, and reached out.. and YOU, MY DEAR TINKERBELL... only rang his clock! ( speaking purely methaphorically.. i'm sure you're intelligent to understand THAT... considering your outrageous blasting of this unknown to you person's actual life situation).... happy life MINNIE MOUSE!)BTW... JUST A COINCIDENCE YOU COIN YOURSELF DISNEY??? HMMM??? ... p.s.. hang in OP.. do what your heart and gut tells you is true... you don't need no stinkin' goofy disney moms LOL!~  | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/19/2007 3:17:43 PM | Do her a favor and leve the realtionship now. You are so selfish to think about money and obligations. This woman and her children are simply looking for someone to love and love them back. You ARE JUST CONCERNED ABOUT MONEY!!!@!
L O F'n L!!!! And she wasn't?!?
WTF? | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/19/2007 6:25:54 PM | Adoption really is a creation of a false reality. In our country, it is illegal for "open adoptions" to occur, especially in the state of Pennsylvania. God himself is the only one who gives life, and He gives it to whom He chooses. Signing a paper cannot make a person the real parent/father/mother. You only get one set of parents. Beyond that, if there is a need, a role model status where there is real love is the best position to take. It is also an incredibly derrogatory remark to call natural real families, "birth family."
Your best bet is to be a solid role model and try to get a notarized promise of continued visitation in the event of a breakup. In addition to that, if you want to be a solid male role model and help care for the children, do it for the good of it, help them go to college and whatever it is they need. If you 'adopt' them, your income will count against funding for things such as college in the future, or other things. It doesn't serve it's purpose.
www.abolishadoption.com get the real facts there. | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/19/2007 8:29:06 PM | Dear OP... It is ABSOLUTELY WRONG of her to ask or insist that you adopt children that already have a relationship with thier father. Deadbeat or not. I am not sure where you live, but in many places once you cohabitate with children for longer than 2 years you ARE liable for child support regardless of your intentions.
On a kinder note, if you truly love this woman then explain you will not adopt because they already have a father but also make the committment to her and her children that you will love and cherish every moment good and bad and follow through with it so that the eventuality of a break up is pretty much irrelevant and thus child support issues also become irrelevant.
Now wouldn't that be a switch for once? The guy NOT heading for the hills the first sign of a problem. Couples that stay together for years are the ones that overcome those problems. But I digress... | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/19/2007 8:38:09 PM |
and YOU, MY DEAR TINKERBELL
No. I like Cinderella better dammit! I want the castle. Get it right!
happy life MINNIE MOUSE!
Wait a minute! I thought I was tinkerbell to you? Well! Which one is it?
JUST A COINCIDENCE YOU COIN YOURSELF DISNEY???
..and this would mean.....? Uhm, let me take a stab....Uh, I like Disney? Crap. That was hard huh?
(yes, I changed my handle. No, Im not hiding. Thought Id save the future question for ya. Just tryin' to help ya out there...)  | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/21/2007 11:50:33 AM | | WAIT!!!! I really need to put my two cents into this one! I married a man who had 3 daughters. Mom died. To make a long story short, when we got engaged he ask me the same question, if I would adopted his children. The first two were 17 & 18 and they didn't want and and to be honest, neither did I. He also had an 8 year old. He was pushing me with her. Her and I really didn't hit it off from the start. No matter what I did, it just wasn't there with us. I asked her over and over if this is what she wanted, I beg him to talk to her. So I adopted her. No matter what I did after the adoption all I heard was your not my mother, and things got a whole lot worse. Her and I don't even speak to each other anymore. She is married with 3 kids of her own. No matter how good you are they aren't you blood and it will always be thrown up to your face your NOT their parent. I think this woman is moving way to fast. Even though you moved in with her, that was wrong. Have you and her talked about marriage? Just because you living with her doesn't mean you have to adopt her family. Tell her sorry ass husband to be a man and do his duty! As of now, she can't hold you legally responsible for her children unless the paternal father gives them up and you adopt them. Good Luck! | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/22/2007 10:11:37 AM |  unless you plan on being with her for the rest of your life then after the marriage adoption should take place (if thats what you choose.) But by all means discuss the situation and tell her your true feelings. This is a choice that you need to make on your own..one that is going to make you happy. It sounds like its a no go for you. And you need to know its ok to feel this way, just cut your losses and move on. Good luck | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/22/2007 10:40:01 AM | I guess I am kind of wondering why did you move in with her and her two children?
It isn't as if you didn't know she had them and you have known and been involved with her for two years.
If you are ready for this pkg deal then maybe you should leave...it would more fair to her children and her.
While walking away would hurt her and them it will be less painful if you do it early on and not longer into this relationship.
I don't think you two are on the same page at all.
She wants a committment and while you say you love her...being a single mom myself it is a pkg deal hon.
You can't have one without the other unless you are just friends or just dating.
She believes you want to make a committment and that you are now a family...something you are definitely not ready for and maybe never will be.
Be honest with her.
And yourself.
Just my two cents worth.
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/22/2007 11:59:34 AM | well i would say your getting alot of great advise here, of much is
true. if you really love her and want her in your life you do need
to really talk to her for get her ex talk to her really talk and see
why she wants you to do this tell her your fear and want and
desire. and you get her as well. and then I believe that you need
to examine your self and see why you moved in. if you made that
commitment then you can go all the way if you feel that your
care about them. If not then move on, i believe i have a good
option in this as I have 3 asome girls from 2 different woman
and I love them with all my heart. Yes i know that they are mine.
and slightly different go allot but they are still children that need
love as well as the mom so I would say think about your action and
thoughts and feeling of all concerned. (just another option)
dan | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/22/2007 6:14:54 PM | HI,
I have always considered myself 'not wanting to raise another mans kids'but as time goes by, Im finding it harder and harder to meet someone who doesnt have kids.
So i guess at some point in the future I may find msyelf in your shoes.
if that is the case, i guess there are a couple of options available to you. I have no legal experience, but i can see that you have concerns about adopting these kids. Ask for your own legal advice from citizens advice, or a lawyer. But do it on the sly, and tell you missus until afterwards.
Or, simply tell her!
Good luck! | |
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| Well I just moved in with a single mother and kinda have a few questions
Posted: 10/22/2007 9:25:23 PM |
The OP I ago as we as myself all live in Canada our laws are not the same as yours...you have to pay child support for step children even if the biological non custodial parent is paying support.
yes this is true but if for example the person John who posted the above was married and his wife left him and left him with the kid and John shacked up with a girlfriend for 13 months and she left him for the same reason Johns wife did then John would take his girlfriend to court to collect C/S payments from her because she made more money than John ..
works both ways johnny boy [/B]
so when you preach John....get the facts straight | |
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