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 aNgeLiCbLoNdiE
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 25
Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
holy moley...sometimes when I go long times w/o sex, I feel like a virgin, but I enjoy it when the time comes to "pop the cherry" again....I can't imagine being 48 & a virgin.....sheez, what would my 2 sons think?

Mom, did you hatch us from an EGG??

CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK...

I guess I'll have to pick up an ole fogey at menopause lounge...nah, I think I'll go cougar-ing & get a young man who doesn't need viagra...
 claypot
Joined: 3/7/2006
Msg: 26
Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)
Posted: 9/24/2007 5:49:10 AM
I'm not one for looking at profiles to much in here, but you all got my sherlock thinking.
So I looked and sure enough, a statement about being a virgin, first sentence as a matter of fact.
Sorry but I see two choices here, first, he's trying very hard to be clever, HOPING womaen will feel sorry for that fact of being a virgin, OR second, he has waaaay to many parts missing up stairs, all the kings men couldn't put him back together again.

Well then again MAYBE, there could be a third reason. Different countries have different meaning for words, take faggot for instance, it started out meaning a smoke, then it jumped to someone being gay in the US, in G.B it takes on a whole different meaning, lol, not sure of it's TRUE meaning, but it takes on the lite of someone being an aggressive lover. LOL, don't hold me to that, but I believe I'm real close.

So maybe virgin in aussie land could mean...............BS er. Who knows, but Sherlock believes this isn't the real, or whole story. Convict from agae 10 maybe.........lol, you fill in the blanks.

As always, JMO
 velobob
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 27
Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)
Posted: 9/24/2007 6:34:58 AM


Dating at this age with all we have experienced has made us different than when we were in our 20's, even 30's. We know what we want yet there is a certain way to go about it. And I am NOT saying play games.

Couldn't have said it better.
and...

Once again, I'm the odd duck here. I personally would be alarmed if sex WASN'T brought up in the conversation.

Your not the odd duck at all. I found women appreciate a matter of fact conversation about all aspects of a relationship. If sex is the first thing that's talked about I'm sure it's a red flag. On the other hand, no conversation at all about a very vital part of a relationship is a red flag too. We all have our preferences in a relationship and I'm not talking sexual positions either. Some men and women are content with little or no sex, some want a lot. Whatever floats your boat. It's all OK. If you don't talk about it in an adult and honest manner how are you going to know?
 scarlet2007
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 28
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Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)
Posted: 9/24/2007 11:04:26 AM
i haven't slept with anyone for a long time because i have not meet/ dated anyone that i wanted to jump in bed with. hopefully that changes real soon. good passionate sex is better then anything. especially at my age.
most women can't just have sex. there has to be more going on.
i haven't had sex in awhile but i don't consider myself celebate, just choosy.
 SouthCarolina45
Joined: 3/3/2005
Msg: 29
Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)
Posted: 9/24/2007 12:58:01 PM
I personally don't like to talk about sex too soon in dating because then we have to bring up safe sex. Some men are opposed to using a condom and then the dating is over. I can't believe with Aids and other STDs that are incurable that so many men would refuse to use a condom, but it's true alright.

It also makes women feel cheap and used. If you want sex really quick - go see a hooker - I'm all for legalized prostitution.

But, say I do want to have sex right away - well then I'm a whore. sl..., etc - there are NO nice names for a woman who likes sex without committment (not that I personally think there is anything wrong). Not something you want following you around - the world is a small place.
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 30
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Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)
Posted: 9/24/2007 8:26:00 PM

I personally don't like to talk about sex too soon in dating because then we have to bring up safe sex.


The problem is to define what "too soon" is. How long should a person wait or how many dates can you go on before the subject comes up? The answer is probably different for every woman. What offends one woman is perfectly OK to another.
 Moin Amour
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 31
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Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)
Posted: 9/24/2007 9:19:29 PM
Thank you for your feed back. I am thinking about how I could alter my profile. The original idea of being upfront about my incel status was to filter out women who would react badly to learning about my virginity. Reactions range from disbelief, denial to questioning my mental stability. Once in the 19th century there was a condition known as "the love that dare not express itself". Such was the view homosexuality then. Today incel is the pain that dare not express itself. Secrets are such painful thing to have to carry around.

Claypot's musing about the meaning of virginity in Austalia is a little complicated. Virgin in Australia means virgin. Remember Ozkam's Razor Claypot's reaction is typical of many who immediately go looking for other alternative explanations. About 4% of people never have sex in their lives. I can assure Claypot that I am in that minority and I do not have "missing parts upstairs".
 hillbunny
Joined: 5/27/2007
Msg: 32
Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)
Posted: 9/24/2007 10:15:21 PM
Well Peterjol if it's not too soon to mention it ~~

I'm still waiting for that invite to your tent camping trip to Scotland

Great thread - it's helping me learn who's who here and clarifying how I think on the question of sex chat. Too soon is too wrong - "do you want to have phone sex?" will only get a guy hung up on and blocked. What's with that anyhow? euuuuuuu

Best of luck to you Aussie man - you've gotten great advice here.
 aoibheann
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 33
Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)
Posted: 9/25/2007 2:13:12 AM
moin amour....
i have to disagree with just about everyone i guess.... i see no reason to pull that out of your profile, it is deeply woven into the fabric of who you are today, it is , in part, the reason for you being you...and any sensitive, open and kind person would not "shun" you nor think you "odd" for it says measures about what you value, what you believe, what molded you to this finely aged wine, uncorked so to speak, and perhaps even more enticing for the untapped passion that is yet to be bubbling forth..... quite frankly, i am shocked at the horrific response of most of these people here..... rampant, meaningless sex might be the norm in this society, but so are 99 pound women venerated as goddesses amongst us..... and this mockery and horror from the "norms" in todays society that went on ad nauseum over a gold digging drug addicted whores death for three months straight and salivates at the mere mention of her little **stard babys every step and bowel movement..... i wouldn't listen to the mediocre masses, i would cherish myself for my unique and special status as virgin...... i doubt they would be giving a woman the same advice. it's somehow "odd" in a man, but "chaste" and "pure" and "honorable" in a woman....same ole, same ole double standards...so sad, so sad.
 velobob
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 34
Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)
Posted: 9/25/2007 5:43:44 AM
Sorry if my post came across as horrific. Didn't mean it that way.

The OP has it in his profile in a negative way. Almost apologetic about it. He writes about his virginity with the same boldness of someone saying they are looking for an intimate relationship. It's just not going to go over well.

I would agree with you if he toned it down a bit a put it in a positive manner. "I'm still pure" or "I'm chaste."

I can say all this with a tiny bit of authority. My first "marriage" lasted almost 5 years and I was still a virgin when I met my second wife several years later. My first wife had some problems and it left me with a lot of self doubt. (I'm sure the OP has same kind of self doubt.) If we had online dating 20 years ago, could you imagine the response I would have gotten if I had written about that in the opening line in my profile?

There is no double standard. When I see a profile that states they have never been married I have to wonder why. I have dated a few that have never been married and are up in their 40's. The relationships did not go well at all and it had nothing to do with sex. If they had actually said they were a virgin I would have steered clear from the beginning. Been there, done that, not going there again. No sex is indicative of a deeper problem.

My appologies to the OP but at my age anyway, if you have never married or you're a virgin, there is a reason and it's not usually a good one. There are exceptions I'm sure and I hope the OP is the exception.
 aNgeLiCbLoNdiE
Joined: 9/7/2006
Msg: 35
Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)
Posted: 9/25/2007 6:24:11 AM
There is no double standard. When I see a profile that states they have never been married I have to wonder why. I have dated a few that have never been married and are up in their 40's. The relationships did not go well at all and it had nothing to do with sex. If they had actually said they were a virgin I would have steered clear from the beginning. Been there, done that, not going there again. No sex is indicative of a deeper problem.

My appologies to the OP but at my age anyway, if you have never married or you're a virgin, there is a reason and it's not usually a good one. There are exceptions I'm sure and I hope the OP is the exception.


I agree. I'm not saying a virgin is an evil bad person, or an unmarried 40 something year old is a freak....

If, by a certain age, you have not had an intimate relationship w/ another adult, including living together or marriage, it is going to be THAT MUCH harder to do it later in life...so if you want an intimate LTR, go w/ someone who has done it in the past...I am sure some people are late bloomers, but as for me at age 48, I do not want to hedge my bets for a poor risk by dating a novice.

I have been married once & over my lifetime had at least 1/2 a dozen LTRs (more than a year) so I know I can sustain relationship to some extent, why would I want to be w/ someone who can't?

I do think it would be awesome if 2 virgins got together.
 aoibheann
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 36
Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)
Posted: 9/25/2007 11:41:41 AM
well, i didn't read his profile, but that is my fault, i usually don't, i'm not out here looking.... i wasn't singling out any one poster, but it is nice to see replies that have ameliorated the shock...and are willing to be optimistic, open to the possibility that this soul is not a freak of nature, but another yearning, stumbling pilgrim who will reach the mountain top...... life is hard, love is almost impossible to find....... let us just see this wanderer as fragile as a cloud, racing across his singular moon, trying to reach the final chord...... there is symphony waiting for him. let us wish him luck.
 scarlet2007
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 37
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Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)
Posted: 9/25/2007 1:49:08 PM
moin amour
please read my advice to you.... being upfront like that isn't neccessary & please post a pic. life is about having fun.... your putting too much pressure on yourself & others by putting the fact that you are a virgin out there.
just because you are a virgin doesn't mean your be lousy in bed.
a lot of guys have been having sex since they were in their young teens & at 40 or 50 they still have no clue what a women likes or wants.
cut yourself a break & post a pic.
i won't even respond to an e-mail without a pic.
 shipoker
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 38
Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)
Posted: 9/25/2007 1:59:19 PM
I will NEVER EVER did I say NEVER, bring up the subject of sex while dating or even in a relationship. My experience has been, that if a woman is interested, they will let you know. The last date I was on, started talking about this subject, and it was the first date. I quickly changed the subject and suddenly remembered I had an early morning appointment. I have not called her since. Believe it or not, ladies, that is not all that is on a guys mind!!.............................................JMO
 prof48
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 39
Advice to older incels (involuntary celibates)
Posted: 9/25/2007 3:29:34 PM
And you live in Australia? I think visiting a psychologist might be worth your time. When I was in Australia, it seemed the more you weren't "available" the more women pushed for it. So I am confident that it is NOT because you lacked opportunity. Unless your into something Kinky, I doubt there would be a need to visit a lady of the evening down there. Heck, I know a former physician on the Gold Coast who seemed to be out cruising for anyone to appreciate her twosome just about every night. Your biggest problem is that you live in a college town and so most opportunity is oriented towards the younger set.
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