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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 12:20:09 PM | most of you are being insensitive.She is saying ,what most people complain and whine about here on the forum all the time, it's just all jumbled up .
Most of us had experienced the same , perhaps not as many times .I've met people who seemed like a dream come true,who turned out to be wolves in sheep's clothing, looking to score.
I have also met some great, sincere and decent people. That's what she is trying to say.
We should be careful, it takes time to get to know someone. | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 12:34:13 PM | Women say "no sex unless you are Prince Charming".
Most men say, **** that, and go back to what they were doing.
Except for the sly men who are on the prowl. They say, no problem, I can be Prince Charming. I can tell this woman what she wants to hear. And they do.
The woman is enchanted. O, at long last I have found my Prince! Suddenly she is free to have sex because he is The One. Wheeee! Hooray!
Then he gets tired of her because along with the sex comes all the rest of her fantasy dream world relationship junk. So he says, thanks and buh-bye.
Then she says, Woe is me! My Prince turned out to be a Wolf! And she laments, and returns to her hunt for her Prince. And she finds another one. | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 12:47:15 PM | I have been here for about three-four years now, I think that is normal. I know men date around fifty during a three- four year period! Is nto that right guys? I did nto go to bed with every one of them even though sme men do nto go to bed with fifty women at once..LOL, I am very picky! I always pay my own drink because I know if he pays for my drink or even a cheap $2 ice cream, he expects me to give him sexual favoured, two dollars in exhange with a full sexual favored..LOL does that sound familiar ladies? I never let any man pay for my drink on my dates, as a matter of fact even when I was pregnant and lived with my ex as well as my two other ong term exs in my life, I always always paied for my rent bills eveyr thing! I was my son s father fiance but I felt I ws just a roomate for him who had to pay all of my expenses to the last dime, he was scottish, jsut figure it out! I paied for his lawyer to get divorced from his first wife! I raised my son all by my self! I am single and I go on dates because I believe you should look every where and search till you know you found the one you are looking for. I had a relatioships with some one three months ago and I was off the system till he had to move out of my city! I am an honest person, I never cheat but it was always the guy who cheapted and lied to me and not me! I am picky but once I have some one in my life, I stay committed and very faithful. But NOw I am completely single and very independent, then what is the big deal dating lots of men guys?Do nto do the same thing al the time??? I want to find a right man, if not I jsut stay single and enjoy my singlhood to the fullest I think other women should do the same! Why men keep dating when a woman has to have a relatioships? I hate to be pressured to go on a relatioships when I know it is a wrong one. My exs forced me to move in and lived with them, I guess you should know some one well before you move with that perosn, I have got my lessons for sure!There are plenty of women who choose to stay single till they find the right person in their lives! Women are becoming more and more independent because guys always complain about every thing we do! They do nto even bother to bring flowers to their dates, they expect eveyr thing from women, but in return they do nto want tobe bothered with any thing!!! Then why bother, I rather stay single and enjoy my life. I am here to date like any body else, are not you here for the same reason too??Good luck to every one    | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 12:56:20 PM | Peekamoose why are you so defended by my posting. I did not generalize every man in the same bag! I am here for the same reason as you are adn you do not own this site with all do respect. I thank the owner of this site for letting us express our minds in a neutral peaceful way. Are you one of the addicts Peekamoose??..LOL | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 1:03:39 PM | knitting kitten can I ask how many languages you speak or know? I am just curious. I live in Canada, French is as important as english. I like to be polite too but I find your comment very silly, Canad is country where you live and tolerate other culutres and languages!French and English are two official languages in Canada. | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 1:23:58 PM | Uh,no Poodle,I am not a sex addict.
What I am offended at is the antiquated notion that women can be tricked and manipulated into bed.Does that not imply women are powerless and stupid and have no control or descision making capabilities?Yes,there are players out there and they come in both genders.And because you may have had some bad experiences you are labeling all men as "sex addicts' which again is inaccurate and a gross generalization.YOU make the determination when to sleep with a guy.And a guy isn't going to hang out for months just to get down your thongs if he truly is a player. He'll move on.
Listen,some times you women are your own worst enemies.We live in a culture that worships sex-teenagers are having breast implants,Victoria's Secret does billion dollar business and those outfits you wear when you go out "clubbing' are meant to be noticed,aren't they?
I enjoy a woman who puts forth a balanced mixture of sensuality and intelligence.That appeals to me.But if a woman is wearing something very revealing and then gets offended by a sexual pass,is that not hypocritical?
I'm not suggesting you fall into that category.What I am suggesting is that you get to know someone via email or phone calls first.And develop parts of your personality other than sex.I find it hard to believe all guys want your poon if indeed that's not all your offering.Again,I'm suggesting looking inside yourself.My hunch here and i could be wrong is that you'd get offended if men didn't notice you sexually.And again,YOU determine when to knock boots.To admit you get 'tricked' is adolescent and insults women.
And to the other women out there that sympathize with this froth-that all men just want sex-examine yourselves as well.
And if you're attracting the wrong guy,maybe you're the wrong person.Better to self examine than to simply-and ignorantly-lable men as 'sex addicts' and parrot the tired old "men only want one thing' line-that's old,man,old.Give me a bright,intelligent,well read woman anytime.That's sexy,and if i'm lucky enough to land in her bed she'll be keeping me interested over the long haul.Stop whining and do some self exploration.
and for god's sake-if English is not your first language,I commend you for your attempt at writing but you need help.You're probably a very nice and bright,albeit misguided,woman.And if English IS your first language well then god help you! | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 1:36:19 PM | Hi
This is a great message for innocent women out there or women that are feeling volunable. Usually women that have low self-estem fall for these characters, but each lady has to be strong and not fall victim to these characters.
Men think so differently to women, I guess that why we were created different, and our teaching in life as we grow, determine whether we make informed choices. Women could always consider themselves special and loved, and therefore attract good characters, because the not so nice man will see you as strong, therefore the lady will not become the victim.
Thanks again, we live and learn in life, but most of all once we learn we take the right path, remember I'm loved, you are loved, we are strong, all the best.
Juliamaths | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 4:18:44 PM | OP: I attempted to Email you privately, but I am too old for your restrictions. I speak 3 languages, including French, although not fluently.
I will not get involved in any arguments and I will not be judgmental, as you have been in calling me silly. I feel that everyone is entitled to their opinions and styles of writing and, if in exercising them, they receive negative comments, it's one of the pitfalls of enjoying the freedom of expression.
As an Editor, I am simply aware of the proper use of the English language, grammar and sentence structure and I try to set a good example. You may write in any style or language you wish....it's your expression.
Sincerely,
KnittinKitten | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 4:29:42 PM | Peekamoose:
I'm so sorry that I could not get through to you regarding your great post. Do you have any idea how terrible it feels to be "too old to talk to someone
Anyway, nothing stopped me from putting you in my favorites!
KnittinKitten | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 4:35:16 PM | I did not realize a person couldn't actually get through! thought they were just preferences!
My profile is hidden,but I will go in and change the preferences to 90.KIDDING! I assume you've got a sense of humor.......... l | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 5:30:18 PM | Strange thing is that she has dated at least fifty men and she is still single !
True its not just men its people in general. But when you date that many and are still single maybe you should look at yourself?
I am not trying to be mean just realistic. | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 5:42:10 PM | I agree with Peekamoose's first message.
For all those who are bashing the OP for being "dumb" etc. because her English isn't 100% correct, if you read her profile you would see that she is French. I would like to see any of you write French as well as she does English. | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 5:46:08 PM | Could someone please confirm this woman's Phd,or is this an opinion.....Just because some men do have problems with sex ,doesn't mean that there isn't just as many women suffering with the same illness,
We all take the same risk's on these sites with the one's that are unable to be honest about their motives for beeing on here.
How about the profiles that state,I like qadding or boating or4x4ing then a person gets in touch with them to hang out and do this stuff only to find out these people rely on us for the equiptment C'mon ,goldie dig dig dig ,somewhere else ,please learn to be truthful ,hard working men are more than a bank roll.
I know all you ladies that bust it out on your own will not appriciate this comment ,it's not aimed at or intended,to offend just an observation. | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 6:14:25 PM | Swamp Thing... That was the funniest thing I've read on POF in a long time. But, to save you some typing (cause I'm so nice), the answer to the question you are going to ask me that's on your mind is, NO.
Peekaboomoose--You almost would have had me there...I might have taken the bait, hook, line and sinker. However, are you aware that women like to foof, primp and preen for their own pleasure? Did it occur to you that we sometimes do this for our own enjoyment and not with the intent to attract the male eye? Believe it or not (I know this will be a shocker), we sometimes wear "revealing" clothes when it's hot outside. Scandalous, I know.
To the poster who insulted the OP (crazy, drunk, or whatever comment)...The OP speaks English as a second language. I think we should commend her for trying.
OP--I've been attempting to online date for about the past three years too. One of the things I've noticed about men on here with less than honourable intentions is that they will lie about their age (to attact younger women), have goldiggerphobia (it's like they almost WANT women to treat them like a wallet) and have "no head games" written in their profiles.
Yes, I agree that there are more men looking for sex on the internet that in "real life". Even though women are not necessarily "hornier" than in the past (libido has nothing to do with gender...never has), it's all the rage now to hop into bed rather than shaking hands after a first date. It's socially acceptable and even encouraged. Whatever floats people's boats, I guess.
This is why I'm here mainly just for the forums. I think that meeting men through friends and common hobbies and interests (the old-fashioned way) is the best way to meet someone. | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 6:18:31 PM | | You know what, everyone is entitled to their own thoughts. If that is how she thinks, that is fine. I can see why she is not married. She seems like the type that needs to be in control of every situation. Yes and many men are the same way. It's good to find out those things because relationships last when 2 people meet in the middle not with 1 controling a relationship. Mark frenchpoodle off my list. | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 6:21:20 PM | | I'm not really certain that there IS such a thing as a sex addict. Everybody moves at their own pace. If you prefer someone who moves slowly,you should say so initially. If you prefer someone who moves quickly,just grab when you so desire. Talk about this when you first meet,and avoid complications later. Isn't communication wonderful? I know men and women who fall into both catagories,and I've known this about them by simply talking with them. They're not hiding it. You only have to ask/talk. Don't wait until you're all alone and the date is coming to an end... by this time it's difficult to avoid hurt feelings or possible problems that could easily have been avoided with earlier conversation. | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 6:32:47 PM | OP, it took you 50 freakin dates to figure out that men want sex?? Sheesh, and here I thought I was a slow learner!
If you are repeatedly meeting men who manage to screw you on the first or 2nd date, then subsequently DUMP you, did it ever occur to you to wonder about YOUR part in the situation?
Men want sex. Men can have sex with a woman WITHOUT thinking "she's the one". And yes there are men who really only want sex...they don't want a wife, SO,steady girlfriend or whatever. You are partly right to suggest proceeding with caution. But that won't be proof against a guy who's addicted to "the chase" and might spend 3 months dating a woman, until he gets her into bed...and then loses interest because the chase is over. These types of interactions have been going on for YEARS.
Now, I got some real bad news for you...there is no magic formula of behavior, no set number of "dates" that can guarantee the guy isn't just either a nooky hunter or one who has actually made "the chase" into a hobby. I SUPPOSE you could try holding out for a wedding, but for the most part(except in cases where BOTH people have very strong religious or moral convictions) that ain't gonna wash, because neither men or women want to marry someone and then find out that the person is lousy in bed, according to their own particular expactations and standards.
Here's the way I've come to look at it, and I offer it just as food for thought, it's what works to help ME hang onto what's left( damn little) of my sanity with regards to relationships.
I have sex with a guy when it feels right to ME. I don't count how many dates, or money spent, it's more about attitudes and interactions. I will say that I pretty much don't go in for sex on the 1st or 2nd date(unless he looks like he could be a helluva lotta fun and worth risking that sex is ALL he's after) But as a general rule I like to feel like we've connected on some other interpersonal levels,but there just is NO WAY anyone can quantify that by number of dates, phone calls,whatever.But, if after the encounter,he disappears, or his behavior becomes distant or disrespectful( the 3 Ds) I figure "Oh WELL..." and LET IT GO. Does it hurt sometimes?
Hell yeah it does. But I see no point in going to a forum,blog, or bending some poor bartenders ear with a big discourse about how the singles scenes are full of male sex addicts.
OP, I'm sorry for your disappointments and the hurt you've felt. But it does not mean that PoF, or internet dating in general, is overloaded with sex addicts.
Just based on numbers, going out on 50 dates( I'm assuming this is with 50 different men) without having something develop, even if it's a relationship that fizzles out after 10 dates or 4 months or whatever, I do have to agree with other posters and suggest that you re evaluate what YOU are doing, rather than throwing rocks at the guys...
Cindy O | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 6:44:59 PM | Cindy.....
GREAT Post...as usual.....You usually have your finger on the pulse of the action...or non-action, as the case may be. I think I might just print it out and post it nearby...so I can read it the next time my spirits need a lift.
Fondly,
Judy | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 7:24:01 PM | This is worth "breaking my cherry".
I've never posted, chatted, instant messaged, or entered my opinion before now; but this is one I had to chime in on.
I am new to this site because I just recently ended a relationship with a 'clinically diagnosed' sexual addict. She did have most of the symptomatic descriptions that were entered out of that list of 23. (But, I liked "Swamp Thing's" sense of humor)
I quite frankly felt sorry for her. She was a beautiful, enchanting and gifted woman. She had a killer body that she kept in great condition, but being a single Dad, the baggage got overwhelming.
Being new to the site and curious what type of people are here, I am happy to see the healthy cross section of intelligent and balanced people that have something to say.
I can relate to her run on sentences and typos, and will give her the leeway that she was likely emotional at the time of the post and venting. Hell, I'd likely be called Jethro if it were not for spell check. But back to my reason for entering my two cents worth.
Because I have a healthy libido and found my recent ex-girlfriend's sexual addiction a slight 'turn on' at first; I have to say that I'm sorry for feeling that way, because she is the one that lost on out something deeper, TRUE INTIMACY. That's the part after the sex is over, (for the third time that night) the part when you are happy to wake up with the other person. When you want to be in their heart, because they are in your heart. That is what most of us really want, eventually.
It is normal to feel used, to be hurt, to feel like you are cheated out of what will be a great thing long term, but to the originator or this thread, may I first say thank you. You have stirred a lot of mostly intelligent debate. But use it to help yourself. The most common denominator of response to you is the QUANTITY as opposed to what it should be, the quality of people you have associated with.
There is an old Chinese Proverb that proclaims: "If your problem is with one, you could be the problem or they could be with the problem." "If your problem is with two, it is possible that the problem is with you, but HALF as likely it is with them." "BUT, if the problem is with three, then the problem had got to be YOU."
I wish her well and hope she does find true love one day, but she needs to love herself to be loved by another worthy enough for her. And to the rest of you, thank you for your balanced and objective (as well as humorous) input, you've made me feel at home here. Hopefully my "Jethro" side has been masked by my software. {:o)> | |
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| How to distinguish a sexual addict from the rest of the crowd
Posted: 9/22/2007 7:33:20 PM | You have done well Frenchpoodle to write what you have. Some have written abusive nit picking responses which is unfortunate. Ignore them if I could suggest that. One problem for many woman is they have been conditioned by society and there life experience to pick the "bad" or the "nice" guy. Neither is healthy, the nice guy plays the part of the people pleaser and does not know how to be real. The bad guy acts out his rage and has a character disorder which these woman might be addicted to fixing and also does not know how to be real. No one is all bad and no one is all nice. To think other wise is immature.
Woman in general think they are are very intuitive giving them a sense of power. But most are not intuitive to any healthy level. Most women I meet do not even know what is going on in their own body when it comes to feelings and some are terrible at intuition for example some woman minutes away from giving birth to a full term child not even knowing their pregnant.
Any addiction is potentially deadly be it is love or sex. An addict does what ever they can to avoid a feeling or a reality they do not want to deal with. You won't pick them in a crowd by sight. My problem is if the person does not fit the the conditioned sense of attractive woman useually instantly turn away as if they are looking at a homeless person in the gutter you know the super quick glance. Like I useually get treated not even giving me a chance to know who I am. But the healthier you are the more likely you will be attracted to healthier potential partners and those healthier ones will be attracted to you. An extreme example of people relating is if you were useing crack you would feel comfortable hanging with others doing the same.
May the forced be with you. ...Love and hugs to all who would like that...Confester.. HAI ..Bye | |
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