| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 9/23/2007 6:49:26 AM | Two of my best friends are women. We laugh and talk on the phone (sometimes several times a day), visit, occasionally go out to the movies or lunch and such, and yes, we sometimes (playfully, not seriously) flirt with each other. One is secretly seeing a married guy and the other dating a fellow whom I consider to be a bit of a jacka##. Both ladies know my personal opinion of their choices, but also that I respect it as THEIR choice. BUT you can bet that if either of these gents would purposely hurt my friends then the gloves would come off pretty darn quick. Are those dudes jealous of me? I know the jacka## is, but I could give a rip, it is HIS problem, not mine, ... at least not until he does/says something to her to make it mine
Mike, however, sounds more like a wannabe suitor than a friend...unless, of course, you've given him good reason to worry about her safety.
Just my 2c, you may want change | |
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| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 9/23/2007 2:16:38 PM | | I totally agree with WakeDan's take on the situation. I've seen this from an outside point of view. The "friend" in this case was definitely trying to break up the couple. She insisted they were Just Friends, but she made sure the boyfriend and friend never met. She would spend hours on the phone with friend, while with her boyfriend and at home at night. Late at night. She would tell her other friends that her "friend" bothered her all the time. But yet, she would answer and talk to him and she would call him too. And a lot of their conversations centered around sex. I have no idea how it all turned out. As far as I know, they are still playing these stupid games. I no longer associate with any of them, and no longer care. | |
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| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 9/23/2007 3:50:28 PM | It is human nature to feel "any and everything human" and as such, you have a right to your feelings of insecurity, petty jealousy and whatever lethal****ail of self-feed, problem compounding solution you might have made up your mind ( albiet hastingly) to hold on to.
However, A benefit of a doubt is ESSENTIAL and should be practiced and given at all times to everyone at anytime irrespective of the situation and vice -versa. Having said that, my sincerest opinion is that you should "Actually" Give her the benefit of a doubt.
**Note the emphasis on " ACTUALLY"*
There is nothing worse than the aftermath and unsalvageable remnants of an avoidable
furore brought about by an equally avoidable decision.
Remember that it may be you seeking her trust another day on something totally unrelated, You most certainly would want to be believed or given an equal benefit. Most times often than not, you will find out it was simply "Much Ado About Absolutely Nothing".
Cheerio ! | |
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| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 9/23/2007 4:21:54 PM | Hey Nova, she can ask him what his intentions are and tell him that you and she are together and if she truly cares about you she will ask him not to jeopardize your relationship and give some space. Asking him not to seem so clingy would also be a good idea. If he's in contact with her so much I personally believe there is
a lot more there than meets the eye. That's exactly how my now ex and her man began, as friends, then she was having him over for dinner all the time when I was at work or vice versa and it just went from there. I'm sorry to hear you're going through all this man, just be careful and be very observant and look for the tell tale signs that there is more there than meets the eye. Good luck dude. | |
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Leonix
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Joined: 1/13/2004
Msg: 30 | |
| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 9/23/2007 4:23:24 PM | It almost sounds to me like she tells Mike he is the boyfriend and you are the best friend.
And if not that, maybe she just tells Mike that he is the one she is really in love with, but she can't let you go so easily because you will have a heart attack or kill yourself if she does. | |
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| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 9/23/2007 5:26:17 PM | I can't stand jealousy and I normally would think that you should get over it but the hand dropping thing doesn't click and unless you are speaking with someone about to commit suicide, why would anyone take an hour phone call when spending time with a significant other or anyone for that matter?
I have a friend that I grab dinner with fairly regularly. Just as I was walking up to his house, my friend from Panama called. I didn't want to let it go to voice mail because I am not calling Panama and if we miss each other, it can take a few days to catch the call again. I felt so bad because I wound up on the phone for I think 15 or 20 minutes. I didn't want to cut things short but finally did because I just couldn't stand to continue to be rude, although my friend knows me well enough to know that there was a reason I was on the phone.
I think there are some natural adustments with friends of either gender when an individual begins a new relationship. While you may still talk to your best friend every day and tell him/her many of your little details, this role has largely fallen to the new significant other. Do you call her when she is spending time with Mike? If not, why, because you don't make the call or because she doesn't answer the phone? | |
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| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 9/24/2007 4:20:44 AM | Sounds like you are insecure about "Mike" spending too much time with your girlfriend,.....you are not being a friend if this bothers you,....she is a grown woman and capable of making her own friends(other then you...lol) and hence decisions to hang out with whom she chooses,....so get over it or you might lose her as your friend.
If you are friends know enough to "SHUT UP"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....if he is not what she thinks it will not last and you as her friend should be there to support her when and if she needs you to,...as that is what friends do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have some very wonderful male friends but no one will ever take the place of my BFF who has been my BEST FRIEND for 18 years,..so I do know a little about what it takes to be a real FRIEND! | |
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| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 9/24/2007 4:36:47 AM |
I can't stand jealousy and I normally would think that you should get over it but the hand dropping thing doesn't click and unless you are speaking with someone about to commit suicide, why would anyone take an hour phone call when spending time with a significant other or anyone for that matter?
Agreed pkgdeal. I mean, sure, if we were *living together* I might feel differently, but if we were together on a date (trying to have "quality together time") and she's spending an hour on the phone talking to *anyone* (not neccesarily the guy "friend") I would have to wonder where exactly *I* fall on her "priority" list.
Now, of course, if it was a friend or family member calling about their SO/child or another of my siblings or parents being rushed to the hospital (ie, an actual *emergency*) that of course is a whole 'nother story. But if I was say, out to dinner with a woman and her cell phone rings, and she spends an hour on the phone with her "friend" paying no attention to me at all... I'd just find that rather rude. "I'm on a dinner date with my BF, can I call you back later?" would be an appropriate response, ignoring the person you are with is showing a lack of interest/skewed priorities. | |
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| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 10/25/2009 10:33:41 AM | OP.....Why all the drama.....if you can't handle her best friend......tell her and and explain you're going to look elsewhere .......she'll make her choice.....if you hear back from her........she chose you.
PS: You are not wrong or right here.........it is just how you feel........you need to be comfortable in the relationship........as does she...... | |
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| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 10/26/2009 11:33:42 PM | In high school and after, I dated a girl for 3 years. Time went by, now we are friends. Neither one of us like each other in that way anymore. We still go to movies, go to dinner, watch DVDs and I bring the pizza, we go shopping together.
I think she's walking the line and doesn't want Mike to be jealous, maybe Mike doesn't want you dating her for one reason or another. | |
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| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 10/27/2009 12:17:51 AM | You are SO being played.
The part about dropping your hand when he's around.. tells it all
She wants HIM.. Probably doing him too and HE doesnt want her the same way
You are Mr. Backup.. and her focus is on HIM
It isnt jealousy.. If he was her "best friend" he'd want to meet you.. be buddys with you.. you three could hang together.. Just like if he were her BROTHER. Point is.. she doesnt want "Mike" to see you as a threat.. you are like an affair to keep from her husband.
I dont give a damn how she makes you feel.. a prettier hooker could do the same thing.. with NO emotional grief.. and cheaper dates too.
end it.. and end it quick.. Stop being a sucker.. your entire posting has sucker written all over it.
Oh.. to WANT to be a "girlfriend's #1 in all scenarios and NOT getting it.. is not jealousy.. it's NORMAL.
she is ASHAMED to be seen with you.. is NOT PROUD of you.. BAD BAD BAD | |
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| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 11/15/2009 3:30:34 PM | Yeah, dude, that is totally screwed. If this girl respected the concept of dating and monogamy, she would cut these strings. But I wouldn't blame or get heated with the other guy; he's probably just hanging around for the fringe benefits: sexy talk etc.
Give her a choice, stick to your guns and whatever happens, you will have at least kept your testicles firmly where they should be. And this means not up your own a@#. | |
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| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 11/15/2009 4:09:58 PM | | GOD NOOOOOOOOO YOU ARE NOT BEING OVER JEALOUS, INSECURE!!! I got angry at her just reading that crap. DUMP THE LADY! This is common reactions and words from ladies who make excuses for these situation as if ur suposed to be such a fool and swallow all her crap. Ooooh....he's just a friend!! Ooooh...he's just being nice, funny, joking around, nothing serious, no harm, we are only friends so why u jealous. I don't like him that way. I'm not sleeping with him.........GET THE POINT YET? Don't be a fool!!!!! | |
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| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 11/15/2009 4:12:58 PM | | FATALEVIX, is a complete fool. Guess her actions are same as lady in question. Don't ever date an excuse maker of obvious over the line activities. | |
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| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 11/15/2009 7:29:33 PM | Nova...I hate to say it, but she's going to give you heart ache. She hasn't took this serious enough to communicate this situation with you properly..that alone is enough reason to know where her head, and heart is at. She doesn't seem to care for you either you or 'Mike'. You will be happier with someone who is actually devoted to you, and not ashamed or afraid to share/show affection..and make lame excuses like protecting you in case you both break-up. I can't believe she gave that answer it's like she's planning a head on it already. You need to end this before she does resulting a toll on yourself..and hopefully you don't get any insecurity issues. Prevent all that..and confront her one last time...if she gives bogus excuses, and doesn't understand what a relationship is you need to tell her you have to bail out to save yourself from her.
I'm very sorry about your situation..but you'll be happier without this uncertainty. | |
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| My girlfriend's best friend is a guy
Posted: 11/15/2009 9:55:38 PM | | Having lunch is one thing, but movies and other things are dates sweetie... not just best friends. And the big hint is, when you say she gasps and throws your hand away when she sees him, then that should be a good indication to you that more is in her mind than friends. Let the bells go off please! If she was ONLY friends, and her friend knew that the the 2 of you were dating.... then why would she be afraid for him to see you hold hands? Nope, there's more to it. She is two-timing you and I would let her go. | |
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