| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:58:32 AM |
A Lot of people are saying to put on the profile you have kids or to be up forunt. I have one question Do people read profiles? If they did they would know we do. Don't get me wrong I look at the pics I want to see the eyes that can tell you so much. and if she wears glasses
Don't know what it is about them. Then i read the profile to see if We have some in common.
So do people read the profiles?
I think that most ppl read profiles...
Just some advice (hopefully not to offend you greeneyes) try rewording your profile, don't describe a previous date and be more clear about your circumstances. If I hadn't read your post, your profile would of been confusing to me. Spell check wouldn't hurt either. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 5/5/2008 12:01:55 PM | | Because some men play games. Like this guy I was seeing I totally fell hard for. He told me he had kids. He has two and a crazy ex wife that is probably playing games and making his life a living hell. But I was there for him and told him it didnt matter. B ecause I wanted to be with him. So he hasnt even talked to me in a while and I was his gf. So not all women are like that. But I am actually worried or presumed because I have no proof that he went back or is still seeing his ex-wife for the kids sake. So maybe thats why. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 5/5/2008 2:05:35 PM | Hi, I think it only seems like that, believe me when I say it isn't easy for us women either.
I know from experience too, as soon as you mention you have kids they cant wait to get away.
I think single parents, need to meet other single parents from my experience, at least we understand what its like to be a single parent, and we know that we are not looking for a replacement parent.
I think what frightens people off is they think we are looking for a replacement parent, and maybe the fact that we have a responsibility to our kids, which means we cant just go on a whim, or at the drop off a hat, if they would like to go on a date somewhere.
I am a single parent, and I have to say that my kids do always come 1st and there are lots of people who wont like that, they want to be number one and thats why its so hard to find someone who isn't a single parent. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:50:28 AM | I am a newbee so please for give me if I have butted in.....
I think that good dads like good moms put their children first. You can't help it.
Yes, at all costs. No matter what. Walk the walk.
But....sometimes being second just wears you down and even tho when the kiddies grow up, it will be just the two of you again, that wait is too hard.
So, at this point the vow is made to never be second again.
It's really not "scared" it's just honest. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:28:03 PM | Hey there , Me as a woman I have been through the same stuff. I have 4 kid's of my own. I am through haveing kid's, but personly I wouldn't want a man with out kid's. Because me being a mother, a guy who is not on the same page is not going through the same stuff as me. The same thing go's for you, you need a woman who's on the same page as you. My problem is I alway's find a guy that only fall's for me, and not my kid's, and then when it don't work out they ask their self's why. Me personaly I am looking for that ever lasting love, and I guess until I find it or god bring's it to me I will have to live alone. If you ever want to chat ? chat back with me at www.plentyoffish.com ( profile chasityr33)  | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:38:19 PM | This is just a general comment based on most posts on this thread. It just seems as though there is much being taken so personally concerning others' choices in life and choices which are now being made in the present in response to preference.
Agreed, that being upfront and honest is so important -- And, it is my sense that most people would prefer to interact with an honets person, right? Perhaps the honesty starts with one's self -- Being honest as to how any of us arrived to where we are today and noting the choices which were made along the way -- Either conscious or unconscious. This includes being honest why we are attracted to the people which we feel moved to persue. And, have these choices been right for us. Sometimes patterns tends to repeat themselves.
For myself, as a single woman with no children, I do prefer a mate with either grown or no children (hold off on the rotten tomatoes, please!). And, at the same time, as I note my request so clearly in my profile quite plainly, I get a ton of replies of interest from men with children at home. I have to then politely point this out -- As this is the right thing to do. Oftentimes, get a turse or "offended" response or the person tries to sell themsleves all the more. Frankly, it is not in thier best interest to push on something who would not suit them, ultimately. I wonder if people like the "chase' and then to vent -- Or there is a percieved adveture or excitement. But, I can say for me, I am being honest. And, in turn that may be the kindest thing to do.
Also, not having children, does not neccessarily make someone less mature, less knowledgeable about love or ultimately flawed in some way. Some of us have had different journeys in life -- And, perhaps have engaged in other opportunities which have required much work, energy and creativity. Perhaps there has been an opportunity to make a contribution in another way in the world -- And, perhaps it was one which has been soreley needed.
Essentially, perhaps less judgement is key. Looking at the truth and not judging other's choices. We can all be a bit self-centered. Whether that self-centeredness is expressed via wanting something or someone for ourselves or perhaps seeing our loved one as an extension of ourselves. It really is not much different.
I felt compelled to contribute to this thread as there is just so much hurt out here concerning these issues. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:00:45 AM | First of all, I look at her profile.
I like a woman who has kids. but a few profiles indicate that she has kids, but does not want children.
That basically tells me that "you must accept my children, but I am not willing to accept yours"
In conclusion if the playing field is not level, then I don't play.
Tom | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:27:27 AM | I think it takes a special kind of guy to be a single dad and I find that very attractive (I'm a single mom). Not all women get scared off but if they've never had kids, then that is unfamiliar territory and they may feel threatened | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:08:03 PM | Well I could say the same thing about men....I read a post today saying that a lady with 3 children was only worth a phone call at best. I found that statement to be offensive | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:11:17 PM | Oh have I got stories for this one! I'll have to come back and do it later though. Gotta run...
Long story short--It can go both ways. Either a blessing or a curse....more on this later... | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:14:27 AM | | Well this is s two sider single dad... first there is the mother behind the kids and what her role is with the kids and extorting the ex and second theres wondering where you fit in with a handful of kids , work, life etc. Personally I actually stay to myself unless there is someone with kids that understands the day to day of parenting. And its better that you find out right away rather than 6 months down the road when your heart strings are attached. Good luck | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:02:49 PM | | My first step into a relationship with a single dad with a child was not an experience to remember...it went on far too long..had a child that was 3 when i met him...only child that he had later in life. I am a mother of three great children all over 18 however i thought when it began as he only had her weekends and i day a week , not a problem. Wrong, his child ruled the house, never slept, demanding, always babied, no discipline. This is coming from a mother who raised her kids and raised them well...i have no desire to ever enter another relationship with a man who is not a father but wants to be a buddy to his child. It's a shame because there are probably so many great dads with young kids out there...but not a place i could see myself in again! Wish u luck out there fishing! | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:52:35 PM | | Woman are primary caregivers so investing in a relationship with children is a difficult move cause so many men are looking for mommys for there children and not so much relationships for themselves. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:10:46 PM | The funniest part was when I emailed a single mother, from POF, who said straight up that she didn't want to date a single dad who had custody of his kids. Didn't want the drama, she said.
wtf-ever. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:37:17 PM | | Well my son is living with his mom now... however I don't think that will make a big difference in the dating situation for me - I guess time will tell. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:17:40 AM | "a few profiles indicate that she has kids, but does not want children. That basically tells me that "you must accept my children, but I am not willing to accept yours" In conclusion if the playing field is not level, then I don't play."
Not necessarily. The answer options for that question are pretty limited. Speaking for myself, I have grown kids, but I'm not interested in having any more babies or raising someone else's kids. I expect that a man my age will have grown children who are independent enough to allow us to pursue an adult relationship. I'd rather not meet up with someone who is still raising a youngster or two because that dictates certain realities of a life together that I'm frankly not interested in. Been there, done that, don't want the sequel. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:35:13 AM | "a few profiles indicate that she has kids, but does not want children. That basically tells me that "you must accept my children, but I am not willing to accept yours" In conclusion if the playing field is not level, then I don't play."
Actually, my "Has kids" and "Does not want children" means that I'm not interested in creating another child. Those that are already part of a man's life are fine & dandy, generally speaking.
As a single-again Mom in her 40's, I have found that dating gents without kids either means our worlds are too dissimiliar (No, I haven't a tradition of doing Vail right after returning from the Bahamas... ) or that the 40+ gent has procreation as a requirement.
But then again, these aremy views and I've never been a standard-bearer for the 'typical gal' either. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:39:26 AM | call me precious???? how about dimwit? In case you haven't noticed the number of single dads is on the increase. I have been one for ten years. and i know a heap.. Dads and kids are really cool. I have looked after my girls while their mother boozes her life away. A single dad , with a track record, is a great catch for a lady.
Ive only ever had one lady do a runner, about this. A real western mind set type, materialistic, 1/4 acre, nuclear family white picket fence type blah blah. On the other hand I have had more woman really admire it. particularly younger ones, or from other cultures | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:54:40 AM | ISHTAR38
"no benefit in raising someone elses kids" i like that statement. it helps me illustrate my previous point that dads having kids really exposes the level of open mindedness and social awareness of a woman. That statement indicates cultural narrowness. My experience is that people with that type of mind are just in life for themselves and ultimately are locked up in a me me me existence.
if they cant see past the end of their own nose, then my suggestion to my fellow single dad brothers is to look for someone else, with a more open mind and free flowing heart.
I tell ya, i have noticed certain types of women are particularly open to the wider family context, and it has to do with their upbringing and culture | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:14:32 AM | please don't mistake disinterest for lack of admiration. I'm 54 years old. I don't want to chase children around a campsite any more. I have done that already. Now, I want a different life -- the one I have earned by doing the aforementioned with unbridled love and generosity of spirit, thank you.
So please do lead a fulfilling life raising your children with joy for the sheer honour of having them to raise,as I have. And when you're done and they are grown, you may be somewhat more generous in your assumptions that those who choose not to repeat the performance are not as selfish and narrow minded as you think. You will probably be one of them yourself. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:54:05 AM | I have dated a few single dads and I wasn't scared with one dad I actually was told by his Daughter to take him out on a date another with two daughters was surprised that I was ok with this and never invaded his personal time with his girls. I personally have two boys who are extremely possesive of me, but with coersion I get to go out but it wasn't all that often that the opportunity is there to go out.
I guess the truth is make the IM first contact about responsiblities and priorities. Kids work, family and such that way you will know her take on things before you get to the dinner table and say oops I forgot to tell you I have kids and I love them very much how about you? Do you have kids? Of course we know we put these in our profiles but not all people are looking at the standard questions smoke? drink? wants kids? has kids? right? | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:02:16 AM |
That basically tells me that "you must accept my children, but I am not willing to accept yours"
Ok-I checked I have undecided/open on my profile-I have kids I can't bear anymore but have you considered some people-guys also will put doesn't want kids because they dont want to dissapoint that man or woman without kids that want to have some of their own? I think it is always good to send a line and let them tell you a reason to why they don't want kids-everyone has a different reason for putting the answers they put down so ASK ASK ASK it is online dating not a wedding this is where you get to ASK the questions that you are too afraid to in a face to face meeting so go for it what have you got to lose-hmmm-I will take having the window slammed in my face over wasting the money on a dinner for someone I will or who will never want to meet again. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:24:22 AM | | I admire a man who has taken his responsibility seriously, I have male friends bringing up their children on their own and they do a great job! but they too have the same problem, I don't think its a gender thing, I was a sole parent and had the same problems when my daughter was young. Someone will come along and if she accepts your children and your circumstances then you know you have met a women probably worth knowing. Good luck and dont give up! | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:00:53 AM | Sorry this turned out to be soooo long...
My experience in dating single dads is that, in both instances, the children RULE their lives. They could not make plans to do anything until after the children had changed their minds 15 times between supper and 9pm. Only then, the father could do what he wanted. These weren't little children, they were teenagers. One, I swear, had all orphaned friends because he had to pick up all her friends all over town and drive them to wherever. Then around 9-10 he had to pick them up and drive them all home. None of the friends seemed to have parents. And these children lived with their mother part time...but he still had to chaufer even when they were with her.
The other guy had his daughter full time and she was 15. They lived in the country and he couldn't make plans till after she decided when she wanted to come to town. Then she got her license and just took the car and left him home.
My experience dating men with kids is that they somehow want to overcompensate. The first guy does all the cleaning, all the laundry, all the dishes, shovels the snow, mows the lawn... the kids were 16, 15 and 12. I can't imagine my best friend who is female and has 5 kids (3 are grown up now) ever being told she couldn't make plans because she had to cater to them. She makes her plans and they work around them. If she has dinner plans for 6 and they want to go to the show at 6:30 - they either go early, find another way, OR stay home. | |
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