| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 6:00:50 AM | sorry to here ur not aving much luck hun but as a single mom for many years i did get the same response as i have 4 but my take on it is there loss mine are pretty much grown up now so dont give up hun there are some desent women out there who dont judge a guy for doing the rite thing by his kids i hold my hands out with praise for you not many guys stick in there and bre a father u seem like a very nice gueine guy so hope u find some one real soon love and kisses to u all pathrishka xxx | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 6:09:53 AM |
Excuse me? It says quite clearly on your profile that you are a single father! Did she not bother to read your profile? Was it not on your profile at that time? if not, why not? and if it wasnt, why didnt it come up in chat prior to meeting? too many unanswered questions here!
Excuse me? Did YOU not read his f/u post to someone? He said he DID NOT meet her on here. So how could she have read his profile? Some of us are too easy to look for something to criticize. Keep  | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 6:12:48 AM | Don't worry about it. I use my kids as sort of a screening process. If she can't handle you even MENTIONING children, (and most women are that way- they LOVE a man who takes care of his kids, they just wouldn't think of dating him-) then its better to let her run out the door.
Women need a LOT of attention. They don't want to share the spotlight with your kids. PLUS- as one woman told me, as she was leaving a 3 year relationship- "I can't even look at them, everytime I look at them, I see your ex". Women may claim that a man's ego is a fragile thing, but a woman's is spider web thin glass, balanced on a precipice, ready to shatter on the wrong word.
There ARE decent women out there who love a man with kids. Most of them HAVE kids. I finally figured out that trying to find a woman without kids who understands single parenthood is a futile endeavor. I will NEVER, EVER date a woman without kids ever again. When they don't have children, rest assured, THEY ARE The child. No offense, but it's a truth I have seen over and over. It's a lot harder to date a woman with children, because you have to make the same sacrifices for her kids. But in the end, its a great way to become even closer and meld your families. Just don't ever show favoritism and treat her kids exactly as you treat your own, and you will be alright. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 6:15:13 AM | My experience is that women tend to think its admirable, or something like that, when you're a custodial single Dad. They don't understand a lot of issues associated with that but the biggest problem is that, after awhile, real life kicks in. The day to day dealing with the details about him having a child often end up being what puts a damper on things.
TO: CallMePrecious
Your post suggesting that sole custody single Dad's got that way because they were controlling is about a rare case indeed. I've known a number of men in that situation and am one myself. You usually can't get sole custody unless the mother is real screw up in a major serious way or she just doesn't want the kid(s). Custodial single Dad's are generally guys who've taken on a responsibility in life that they never would have expected to come their way.
And suggesting that the "natural" relationship is for the mother to have sole custody is a tad narrow minded. Some kids are closer to their fathers and therein lies their natural relationship. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 6:38:07 AM | Fantastic reply 'Don't Make Cookies', your so right in as much as it's not a situation we ever expected to find ourselves in, and with every one of the single dad's I know not one of them obtained custody through being controlling, just through an unfortunate series of events.
R.Hunter, right from the start I have made every one aware that I am a full time father to 4 wonderful kids and yes it probably has frightened a few women away but in the long run it would have saved me more heartbreak and turmoil in my children's lives that they just do not need.
What does anger me though is the women that assume we are looking for mothers for our children, if we have custody we are obviously more than capable of looking after them and tending to their day to day needs so to assume that I am looking for someone to come in and fill this role is just presumptuous and insulting. Do these women not realise that perhaps we may be looking for somebody for ourselves because as much as we love our children there is still that little something missing.
So basically the only advice I can give is to try and get the facts out there as early as possible and then they can make their informed decisions from the start rather than having to run when told on the first date. That way you know you are communicating with women who will fully understand and appreciate your situation and be able to build a relationship on that. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 6:56:05 AM | I felt compelled to reply to Ur posting. I had been a single Mom since 1992, re-married in 1997 to a man w/ 2 young girls. I felt like we were the 'Brady Bunch'. When he and I split in 2003, I had to start ALL over again. Now , I'm 'back in the saddle again'. My kids are 14 and 19, the oldest in College, engaged and living outside of home. The youngest living at home w/ me, he knows I date often, but NEVER bring men home w/ me. I want a man for ME, not my kids. Men w/ children, especially younger children, and most commonly they have 2 or 3, want a 'replacement Mommy' for the kids. They want a replaccement for what 'screwed up' or 'walked out' on them all. My decision when deciding to meet someone new, I want to know right up front about them having kids. If the kids are under the 'teens', I personally won't date that guy. I'm almost done being 'Mom', and am finding that I can have more Independence and time for either myself or to be w/ someone who wants to enjoy just being w/ me. If it comes to 'bedtime stories', I'll wait to tell them to Grandchildren someday. I was the 'step Mom', it's a real bad position for either men or women to fill someone else's shoes. Virtually impossible. So, as to try to give you some insight as to why women 'run away' when Single men mention kids, personally, I want a Man w/ kids in my own age bracket ; I would have inquired into kids right off, and if I was told they were grade -school or younger prior to setting up a meeting, I would have politely declined the meeting.  Marci | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 7:10:13 AM | MarciBabi,
I have found that women assumed I was looking for a Mom for the kids and took on a role I didn't want them to take on. So, you're saying that these guys came right out and said this to you and its not something you deduced on your own?
I would have liked for my son to have a healthy relationship with a woman I had a relationship with and for them to even be close. But I never expected to find a Mommy. And, it certainly isn't something I wanted while we were dating. Too many people try to fill a step parent role in an inappropriate way.
Maybe that's just me, but I've found most single parents, men or women, to be like that.
(BTW, I'm not in the least arguing with your choice not to date someone with young kids. It seems to make sense for you.) | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 7:15:10 AM | | Dont loose heart! I personally would like to meet a single dad With the hope that i and our children got on well,Maybe youre looking at the wrong women. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 8:07:53 AM | I think single dads are admirable people. I have found that most men RUN LIKE HECK when they find out I have kids. And I do tell them right off the bat, and the conversation ends in a few minutes for those types--usually. I met a man online who didnt seem to mind that I had kids, for a while. Then he decided it was a problem the longer we were involved--he didnt realize how challenging parenthood can be. Being a single parent is not only stressful for the parent, it is stressful for the other party too.
Some people are just not cut out for it. So if they run early on, be glad that they did-- instead of stringing you along for a few years and then leave you flat on your face with a broken heart...and perhaps with another little additon to your family!  | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 11:15:30 AM | I am a middle aged woman who has never had kids and I don't mind dating men with kids. If they do not display proper respect for me and other adults and the dad allows bad behavior, I'm gone.
However, since I am middle aged, I do prefer that they be in their teens or older. As the poster before me stated, in some cases, I've loved the kids but not the dads and being a dad does not make you undateable. On the flip side, I have a male friend who is a year older than me (he's almost 49) and although he is witty and charming, he has two children under age 5. Although I admire his devotion to them, I don't want to go there.  | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 12:54:12 PM | its not a matter of fear in my case....i'm in my mid 40's and have already raised my kids. while i prefer to date men whose kids are in the same age group as mine...i have also dated men with younger kids. and like those that have posted above me....if his children can't show a little respect and dad condones the behavior, i'm gone. and i expect my kids to treat whomever i'm dating with respect. if they can't, well then i don't expect him to stick around either.
thats the way it goes i guess | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 1:00:15 PM | | Women like me are scared of your ex wives and your child support payments!! As a woman with no children of my own, from a biological standpoint, there is no benefit in raising another woman's offspring. I think single parents should only date other single parents. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 1:02:56 PM | | My only experience with a single Dad (and yes, I ran fast) was a guy I had met off of here and I talked to him quite a few times on the phone and even still decided to give him a chance and meet him but all he could talk about was his ex and what a b***h she was, and on and on and on. It wasn't the kid that scared me, put it that way. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 1:14:08 PM |
Women like me are scared of your ex wives and your child support payments!!
but all he could talk about was his ex and what a b***h she was, and on and on and on. It wasn't the kid that scared me, put it that way.
These are very good arguments! It's not the kids, it's some of the angry ex's, the battles and the accompanying drama that some of us like to avoid. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 1:44:12 PM |
On another note, these days a blended family is very common and although most people think they are equipped to maintain....they are not. I have had the opportunity of sharing conflicts with blended families and in short.....unless you find a fantastic mate with no children then 'your children' are better off being raised by you only, as a single parent.
I have to agree with this...
I already have a grown family overseas from my first relationship (20 year marriage)... and now a youngster from my second committed relationship... conscious choice to have him, sad and unhappy necessity to end the relationship...
So, I am a very mature! (49year old) single parent... beginning the dating thing again...
Because of the physical and emotional safety concerns, I wont do the revolving door thing, introducing men I am 'just dating' to my son to whom he might get attached, only to have him feeling abandoned if/when the connection ends ...
And I dont want a man to take on a second father role in my son's life - its too confusing and conflicting for a youngster, just as I dont want to be a second 'mother' to any man's children... I wouldnt want demand their loyality by pulling that kind of 'rank' on them...
And I am aware of the other blended family issues and logistical difficulties, as well as my own sometimes thinly stretched parenting reserves, and I dont want to add those challenges to my son's growing up...
So, and I know it sounds mean and picky and a double-standard, unless there is someone out there who is the perfect parent with the perfect offspring, I am looking for a partner who either:
* has no children and doesnt want any at this stage in life (though truthfully, I'd really want to know how/why he got to be childless at this stage in life);
* has children who are grown and flown the nest; or
*has children but they live mostly with their mother.
Sorry if that sounds selfish and not accepting and understanding... I just know my own limitations at this point in life and that I couldnt contribute positively either to the relationship or to the lives of his children if I had to take on the role of caregiving to more young children... and much as I would like my son to experience some sort of 'sibling' relationship, I do want to spare him the conflicts that would inevitably arise...
Namaste all | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 3:00:35 PM | They don't want to deal with it ~ pretty simple answer ~
it is a thankless job ~ with stepchildren
I enjoyed 11 years of it ~ it was a labor of love
but why take it on if you don't have too??
Not all women feel that way ~ and those are the ones
you need to locate.
I personally wouldn't hold it against anyone for running!
In fact, I'd worry about the ones that stayed! ~ dar | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 5:33:31 PM | | Yes it is easer for woman with kids. To an extent You always figure the woman will have the kids.but it is getting more common for guys to have them. You can't blame woman for shying away from single dads. I feel they have a harder time with the kids accepting them. Hearing stuff like Your not my mom and all the things that guys hear plus more. Its got to be harder on a woman to help raise another womans kids. Don't worrie R Hunter You'll find some one There are plenty of fish out there that will accept all of you. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/26/2007 7:01:36 PM | | So true about single dad's, we have been seeing them around a lot more lately! I don't see why women would freak on that....... considering it's mostly single moms so you think they would be able to relate to the situation and not judge based on being a single dad at all. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/27/2007 12:18:07 AM | First off, this has just been my experience. I've dated a couple of men in the past that were single dads and it usually came with a lot of baggage. Not with the child so much, as the mother. These "ladies" were on drugs and would pop in and out when they were sober enough to let the guilt set in. I have adult children, also, and frankly didn't want to deal with the day to day of raising kids. I mean, obviously, the man is doing the raising, but I'm a pretty spontaneous person and when I get up one day and would like to grab a bite to eat, take a trip, whatever, I don't want to worry about my gentleman friend finding a sitter. (Just my opinion). I guess it matters where the woman is in her life also. If she's still raising kids, this type of relationship could be ideal for some. | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/27/2007 1:07:04 AM | Well i don't have a problem with single dads, in fact i say hats off to them for being such 
We all have a past we carry through the present and into the future, it doesn't just disappear because someone else comes into our lives. Wether a mans kids live with them or their mum doesnt make a blind bit of difference, those children are a big part of his life and he is, at various points, going to have to have time for them and not the person he has met or is dating.
Any woman who is a mother and cant understand that needs to take a reality check. Guess those that run a mile can't have kids of their own
~ Lainey ~
xxxxxxx | |
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| Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 9/27/2007 7:33:30 AM | | It seems like that...There are so many Women without a good Man--it would be hard to think--unless you knew them. Now on the other hand--many of the Women accept things--Men who are not even worth their time...Like some of us men--we need to have patience... | |
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