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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?      Home login  
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 steffie365
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 176
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?Page 8 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Personally, I'm more attracted to single dads because it means they know what responsibility means. If a man got custody of his kids, then he must be a pretty good guy! Besides, after we get past a certain age, we have to expect a person will probably have kids.
 easyoneverything
Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 177
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 6:48:37 AM
How old are you? How old are your kid(s)? How many do you have? When do you tell her?

I've met a couple of men on here, my age or older, who decided around the age of 40 or older that it was time to be a dad. They married someone younger, it ultimately did not work out for whatever reason, and now they are the single dad of a 7 or 10 year old. That's great - nothing wrong with that, but it's not a life I want to share. I have a different game plan.

I'm 54. My kids are 22 and 16 - pretty independent, and becoming more so all of the time. I'm FINALLY getting to a place, after 2+ decades, where I can plan trips and outings that don't include something "the kids" would enjoy. So yes, as soon as I have discovered that their children are that young, I have politely made an exit. In my case, on both occasions, this info was disclosed at the email stage. No harm done.
 firegurl61-17
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 178
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 6:52:58 AM
I don't understand some people...kids are a wonderful addition to life. Why would anyone judge someone for having kids? I am sorry you experienced it. I know some have their preferences to not have kids...but if they already have kids..it doesn't make sense except that maybe they don't want to compete with your attention. In that case they weren't right for you or your kids anyway. I wish you well, I hope you find that special girl that embraces all of you,(including your kids, for they are a branch of you) Not someone that can't get out the door fast enough. I would hand them their purse and say "it was nice to meet you but I need someone that reflects a nicer image for my kids".
 Rose1122
Joined: 10/17/2007
Msg: 179
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 7:12:55 AM
That works both ways trust me. When men hear I have 2 small boys they cant run far enough or fast enough
 littledoesfawn
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 180
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Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 7:14:32 AM
Not everyone is this way I'm sorry to just join in like this, but I personally do have two kids, and there are just as many guys as there are woman who are to scared to get involved and to the person who wrote after this it's not fair to anyone involved? Why is it fair that the children are growing up without the other parent being involved. Both of my ex's cheated on me and it's not fair to the kids for me to sit back and not have a "step father" figure. Jag your just not looking in the right place yet!
 Rachelle~C
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 181
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 7:30:10 AM

Why would anyone judge someone for having kids?


I have said it before and i will say it again.It's not about judging someone for being a bad person for having kids. Having kids does not make you a good person and it does not make you a bad person so there is no judgement involved . It's about not wanting to be annoyed by someone Else's kids.



I am personally insulted by all these single parents threads accusing people who don't want to date them of being scared , shallow or selfish. I am not scared of a man with kids or shallow or selfish. I choose not to have kids of my own so why would i want to be annoyed and hindered by yours? They are not my kids after all so why do i have to force myself to deal with someone Else's responsibility? I did not bring those kids into this world so i have no obligation to deal with them.


Shallow and selfish would be a parent not wanting to deal or have their life disrupted by their own kids . They brought them into this world therefore they have an obligation to be a good parent. I have brought no children into this world therefore i am free to up and go to a dinner and movie without a second thought. I am free to go on a weekend road trip without worrying about what to do with the kids. If i want to stay out to 3 in the morning or all weekend long i can do that . So childless people are not afraid of you and your kids , we are just not wanting to deal with a huge responsibility that we have chosen to not take on ourselves. We have chosen to live out lives blissfully childfree and don't want our lives disrupted by your choices.
 firegurl61-17
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 182
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 7:42:27 AM
Are you picking me apart for some reason? I was just joining in the conversation...
 Rachelle~C
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 183
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 7:44:41 AM
It's not you in particular it's that your point of view is a common one . You obviously did not read my post. So i will just repost it.





I have said it before and i will say it again.It's not about judging someone for being a bad person for having kids. Having kids does not make you a good person and it does not make you a bad person so there is no judgement involved .



There are good and bad people everywhere . Being a parent does not automatically make you a good or bad person.


I am personally insulted by all these single parents threads accusing people who don't want to date them of being scared


And i am insulted by them. Stop judging others for being bad because they choose not to live and do as you do.



I choose not to have kids of my own so why would i want to be annoyed and hindered by yours?


What part of this is so hard to understand?

 hd_rocker1
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 184
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:23:56 AM
In response to Rachelle C:

First I apologize if you may of already adressed this in an earlier post...

If you are not interested in being with a person because he has kids - since you choose not to have any yourself. (which both are fine, it's your lifechoice)

Then why not just make that point clear, so it's understood by all parties with no confusion.

Now my opinion: As I said earlier in this post, it is your choice - but I do feel you could be selling yourself short because their are many great eligible men who have children that would not be a burden or a "hinderance" as you have put it.
 Rachelle~C
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 185
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 9:27:54 AM
As i said before i don't have children because i don't want them. I don't like them. Why would i date a man who has them when i don't like children. Perhaps i can make his children feel left out and unloved because i don't like them? How fair would that be to the children? I can't pretend to like children when i don't . To me ALL kids are a burden and a hinderance.I am not selling myself short by not dating men who have a huge annoying burden in their lives.


I find you attitude really bizarre actually. You want me to go out and date someone with children even though children are annoying to me. Is this what you would want for your children? A woman in you life who will ignore them and want nothing to do with them? You would not be a very good father if this is what you want.


For me a man with children is not eligible and i do make it clear when dating that i don't date men with children. I am giving my opinions and views here on this thread because i am participating in it just like everyone else. There is much ignorance out there about people with no children and people who wont date others with children.


Oh and before someone say "aren't you glad your parents didn't feel this way" Well my parents chose to become parents . I did not choose to be born. They are the ones who wanted to become parents. If they wouldn't of had me then i would of never known the difference now would i ?
 hd_rocker1
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 186
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 12:18:39 PM
ok, there's alot of things I could say, but won't because I think anyone who reads your post will draw the same the conclusion that I have. As for myself and the rest of the single dad's here we're glad to know where you stand.

Good luck...
 Ms.Sheila
Joined: 1/16/2007
Msg: 187
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 12:30:16 PM
Im not scared to meet single dads.
im a single mother of 2 and sumtimes guys dont want us coz of extra baggage, anyways i prefer to meet single daddies anywayz.....
 gypsy gal
Joined: 3/5/2007
Msg: 188
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Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 12:51:17 PM
I am a single mum with children and a lot of men take a wide berth too! Many people do not want to be lumbered bringing up someone elses children as well as there own. They see this as too much responsibility you see. There are allsorts out there. One fella wants to take on me and my children, and move to Spain. He has never met me or my children and does not want more of his own. Which I find rather different! There are some lovely geniune people out there and if they are not interested in your children then they are loosers and you and your children come as a package. Word of advice, best to let them know your circumstances ie lone parent so as not to waste their time and yours! x all the best in your quest x
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 189
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Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 1:03:10 PM
I'm not opposed to single dads with kids, I do like them and have several great kids in my life. Having not had kids, and being in my late 40's, I feel that I can relate to guys without kids or older ones. It is just my own preference.
 Wondering-Waiting
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 190
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 1:26:18 PM
Dude...Maybe she just didn't feel the connection. Sounds like your a nice guy, but step back in there. Think of it like a baseball game. 9 inning game, 3 outs per inning, 3 strikes per batter...LOL.

Trust me...your going to find a pitcher you can hit
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 191
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 1:35:53 PM
The kids are easy to fall in love with.......Dating someone with children has its perks. It also has it's downside. Like whenever you have a falling out the last thing you want to do is hurt their children. The upside to it is the Man is usually decent and his kids come first and the other upside is that children are a spice of added flavor....they add fun to the mix..........Blue
 seritoga
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 192
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 4:35:03 PM
I think it just seems like that. I am sure there are a lot of single Moms who have had the same experience. You were just unfortunate to meet some very self centered females. Consider yourself very lucky. That is not the type of person you would want to introduce into your children's life.
I admire single Father who has continued to play a part in their children's lives after a break up. And I commend any Father who has custody of their children and are guiding them into their adulthood. Speaking from experience when my son's father and I separated he cut ties with his son completely. He even quit his job and went on Welfare so he did not have to pay the 200 bucks a month child support. I was struggling on a student loan trying to make ends meet and provide my son with a fairly good childhood. Today I have a wonderful son, he respects me, and I know he would do anything for me. And he knows that I am his rock, I will always be here for him. He slowly lost respect for his real father. I never spoke badly of his Dad, but i did not lie when my son asked why his father didn't want to help with him. I was gentle but gave him the truth. And I know that my son will not be a father like his Father was. He will be a loving Dad, who will be a big part of his children's lives, when he decides to have children.
Have faith, The perfect person is out there, and she will admire your courage. When a great many Dads shrug their responsibility you have stepped up to the plate.
You are a good person and your rewards will come when your children become adults...
S
 prairiechick2
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 193
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Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:02:03 PM
Quote {why would I want to be annoyed and hindered by yours?}
You wouldn't want to be annoyed by anyone. That would be horrible.
Rachelle, no single dad would want to date you. But you don't care because a single dad can't spend every waking hour boosting your ego.

How can you dislike children? Do you also dislike puppies? Probably. They require attention.

That's great you can go out whenever you want to. And stay out til 3 a.m. So can I. I have 4 kids. I can go out whenever I want to. Gramma is always there to babysit or my 16 year old daughter can.

It's sad to think that you will be alone in your old age. No grown kids to love you and help take care of you. Think about that.

Before you say it Rachelle, yes I take care of my own kids and would never want or need anyone else to. They are my "burden". My kids are precious and very well behaved. Not an annoyance to anyone.

You chose not to have kids. Yes that's your choose. Mine is to have kids. Please don't insult us single parents by calling our children annoying burdens. There's no greater love, than a parent's love for a child.
 fly0nthewall
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 194
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:13:09 PM
Okay, okay... Simmer down now. Why is everyone picking on Rachelle? She said that kids in general are annoying to her, not just your kids (and this is directed at all of the people taking her posts personally). So, she's not a match for a single dad. So what? That doesn't mean she's scared of dating them. That means she chooses not to. I believe that was the point she may have been trying to make before all of the name calling and defensiveness started.

Until fairly recently, that was a choice I made as well. I didn't really want to date single dads for a myriad of reasons. I've changed my mind in the last year or so because I realized I could be passing some great guys up by limiting my choices like that.

There is nothing wrong with choosing not to have children, just as there is nothing wrong with choosing to have them. I may not totally agree with her point of view, but she's certainly entitled to have it. Not everyone loves children. And not everyone who loves children will love all children.

And to quote one of my best friends (who is a wonderful mom to two boys, ages 7 and 11) "Somewhere down the line I just learned that not everyone is gonna love my kids or love being around them as much as I do."
 prairiechick2
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 195
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Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:33:12 PM
flyonthewall;
Have you read all the posts. Rachelle has been defensive from the start. NO one is picking on poor childless Rachelle. I just don't like the way she's talking about children in such a negative manner. If you had children, you would understand.

I don't care if she doesn't want to date someone with kids. Her choose. What I don't agree with, is her bitterness.

Also I have not called Rachelle names. I don't recall her calling me any names either.
 Rachelle~C
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 196
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:34:35 PM
Oh God cute princess you are following me to this thread to keep on with this?
 isofunpa
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 197
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:41:53 PM
BINGO!!! We have a winner!! ))
 prairiechick2
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 198
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Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:45:20 PM
Oh yes Rachelle I'm stalking you. OMG
 fly0nthewall
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 199
Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/26/2008 8:47:03 PM
cute princess - wasn't just about you. You just happened to be the last person who posted. And yes... I did read the whole thread. That's why I thought something needed to be said.

If you had children, you would understand.

Probably. But I would hope that I would be objective enough not to berate those who don't like kids. That was one of the reasons I added the quote from my friend. A lot of parents have a hard time understanding why everyone doesn't adore their kids.
 dugarry
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 200
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Single Dads with kids! Why are women scared?
Posted: 3/27/2008 6:01:15 AM
tell me about it,,seems the oposite when the shoe is on the other foot.and a lot of the time you dont get told about kids until things start getting serious.
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