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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/20/2008 11:15:49 AM |
I think a lot of guys here are in the same world I'm in. They spent too long being passed up because they were not "hot" enough, "bad" enough, or wealthy enough...so they decided that no woman would get a ring and commitment unless she EARNS IT. They learned to cook their own meals, clean their own homes, and live their lives without the dependency.
Something to keep in mind when you meet a 30something and find he's never been married and has no kids. I would think it's strange if said 30something never went out on one date and was a virgin, but not if he's just alone and making his way through the world like many others are. Get to know the person first before you pass judgment...or else you'll just be another one on here crying "WHERE ARE ALL THE DECENT GUYS???"
GRKBoy - good ending !!!! 
While thankfully I don't have years and years of 'one bad experience after another" - several of my ex-girlfriends were very positive experiences - we just went different paths. One of which - if I ever meet again - would thank profusely and embarrassingly for some of the really good 'hints' she gave.
I am not an Adonis, won't ever be on Chippendales - but certainly will never starve, lack income or means to exist. (And incidentally, don't resemble Igor either)  | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/20/2008 12:29:26 PM | Oh how I wish I was not interested in getting in to a relationship. I am over 35 have two or three failed long term relationships and two children from one of them (not that i would change them for the world!!!). If i was 35+ had no kids and no exes causing me grief I would consider that like winning the lottery!
At the end of the day, you are very very lucky if you meet your perfect partner most of us settle as it is the done thing and this causes resentment of what could have been!
I am single at present and I intend to keep it that way for a while, sure being with someone is great - - for the first few months! | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/20/2008 12:45:52 PM | I do not believe there is any "perfect partner." It is one of those wonderful dreams like the Rapture that keep weak minded people motivated but come on folks, it ain't going to happen.
Some things in life are real, such as love, hate, marriage, loyalty, compassion, sex, friendship, etc. - and it it totally fallacious to imagine that any one real life human being is ever going to fill all of your desires in all of those areas.
A realistic rational human being will quit dreaming of the fantasy dreamland perfect spouse and will build a life around satisfying relationships of different kinds with many persons each of whom is what you want in one or another way.
The idea of the soul mate, the perfect match who is everything, is childish fantasy. Anybody who still clings to that nonsense fantasy after age 15 is pathetic, setting themselves up for bitter disappointment and loneliness. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/20/2008 1:26:23 PM | OK here is a question, why are men over 30 single and no kids
It is a very simple answer, because we are the smart ones. Here is why;
1. We know what we want and haven't settled for less, mostly because you don't end up happy anyways if you settle and then you have ex's and children with single parents.
2. We know how to be responsible, we still have sex, we just make sure that the soldiers can no way no how get to their goal.
3. We know when to pull out j/k
4. We have put other prorities in front of starting a family, for many reasons, mine is that a family and kids isn't something that appeals to me. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/20/2008 4:47:37 PM | Someone hit the nail on the head when he suggested that a man asking this same question of women would be jumped on until the thread was deleted. I've had legitimate questions result in a baboon attack, followed by deletion. This is just the online version of what I see in the real world. Most American women are not negative people, but a lot of them are vicious enough to make you not want to talk to any of them.
I used to be a shy and sensitive guy, so my feelings were hurt pretty easily, and this made it difficult to converse with women at all. Like most American men, I didn't realize that anything was wrong until I started traveling abroad (and even to other parts of the US), and seeing that the women were just as friendly and courteous as men. When I returned home, I saw women screaming and men and making false, baseless accusations against them, and it turned me off to American women altogether, at least for a while.
I have since found that you have to be very careful about who you talk to. There are some good women out there who haven't been taken yet, but that's the main reason that I'm still looking. I hate saying it, and I know what the reaction is going to be, but it's the truth. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/20/2008 9:12:01 PM | Maxoccupancy, you said one thing so very important!! You said "Like most American men, I didn't realize that anything was wrong until I started traveling abroad "
This says everything. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/21/2008 4:59:12 AM | | Never lived with a female? That's stretching it a bit. But I am single with no kids. Myself, at this age "44" find that just keeping myself entertained and happy is a challenge. Women my age seem to need 2x the attention because of some kind of mental BS they go through. I am from Fla. and I see what happens to older people that hook up. They are never really happy or in Love like we were with the first romance. They just seem to need someone to get by another day. It's sad but true. Even the women that seem to have it all together and are with the guy I wish I could be, just don't work out. Sure, i'm no great catch but I don't want to live the rest of my life like so many seniors I have known. So I guess that is what makes me picky . | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/21/2008 2:27:42 PM | This is the funniest thread ever!
How about the reverse? What's wrong with all these women over 30 who are divorced or separated with kids? (There all over the POF site by the way.
Possible Answers to why anyone would not be married by 30:
1. Demographic change: many men and women are getting married later although women feel more societal or family pressure to get married younger
2. They've actual and real relationships that have TAUGHT them to postpone marriage until they have met the right person and right conditions under which to proceeds. Perhaps they have met many bad partners who have clouded their willingness to get too highly involved with someone. Hopefully they evolve to the point of learning from their relationships
3. Believe it or not, many people not married by 30 because they were more focused on other things in their life that make them happy and productive. Perhaps they are in an environment where the chances of meeting the right one at work are less than average. Perhaps they missed their "window" of greatest chance to meet that person statistically. Who knows.
4. Some people are skitish over partners who think having kids is a more important goal or ideal that to create the best relationship possible. I believe many men, especially intellectual, might fall into this camp.
The bottom line is there's nothing wrong with someone who remains unmarried by choice or who is happy in their life they are leading. You should know within 15 minutes if the person falls into this camp vs that they are some sociopath(which is what original poster implied)
LOL | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/22/2008 9:17:55 PM | For me personally, age 36 (for a couple of more weeks anyway), it's not so simple. I feel that the reason that I've never been married (been close a couple of times) and I have no children is that I just haven't found the right woman yet. My mother told me many years ago that "you know it's the right person when the question is not whether or not you can live with the woman, but if you can't live with out her." Those words of wisdom, I have held onto. I have had a couple of long term relationships with women that could have ended with marriage, but they would have also ended with divorce. I personally take the concept of marriage very seriously. "To death do us part" is a solemn oath. Maybe you should be asking yourself why aren't there more men over thirty that don't have a bunch of kids and ex-wives.
An equally interesting question could be "are there any women that haven't had kids and been married after thirty?" | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/22/2008 9:23:31 PM | | Couldn't have said it better. If you (and I have too) ask this same question of a woman, you are attacked immediately like a hive of angry bees. All too often, I've been made to feel bad about wanting a woman that hasn't been married three times and carrying a large brood of kids behind her. There are places in this world where this doesn't happen. And I hope, that one day I'll get to go to one of these places. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/23/2008 7:41:43 AM |
... just haven't found the right woman yet. My mother told me many years ago that "you know it's the right person when the question is not whether or not you can live with the woman, but if you can't live with out her." Those words of wisdom, I have held onto.
Whoa. Who says there's such a thing as "a right" woman or "a right" man?
That looks a lot like mysticism, the fairy tale idea, Cinderella just needs to meet the one and only Prince and bingo, the rest is magic. All is then well for life, everything will be perfect, smooth sailing, she has found her soulmate, her destiny is fulfilled, they live happily ever after.
What krrrrappp. Nursery tales. Bedtime stories. Teenage dreamland.
The reality is that life is what you make it. It is NOT predestined. You DO gave choices and with intelligence and good will you can make good choices as often as not.
Immature foolish children "fall in" love. Real rational human beings choose to GIVE love and ACCEPT love. "Falling" is helplessness, easily accomplished any time with a pint of bourbon. Rational adults make considered choices and accept outcomes, they don't "fall" for anything. Falling for a salesman's pitch is for suckers.
Relationship with a real live human being, not a fantasy, is not a magic moment that hits you when the stars are in the "right" conjunction. Life is a pathway, not a destination. It's a good idea to keep your eyes on the road.
There is no "right one." There is no "soul mate." There is no "match made in Heaven." The reality is that we are all flawed yet promising human beings on the road together who can give support to each other and accept graciously what others give us, and it's a lot more fun when you walk alongside others and share the experiences both rough and smooth with equals. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/23/2008 9:41:26 AM | I agree...As a 36 year old male who WAS married for 14 years I found that soul mates are a bit of a myth. I dont have any kids and live in Utah which is the land of single mommas. Try living here and finding a woman over 30 who doesnt have 2 or more kids.
The dating scene really sucks here.
It would be nice to find a girl to share life with that doesn't involve all the drama...
Just my 2 cents. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/24/2008 1:18:15 PM | OK here is a question, why are men over 30 single and no kids.. 2 picky, not interested in getting into a relationship. waiting for the perfect one..
Im just kinda weiry of men when they are like 35, single. never lived with a female, and no kids.. Can you please shed some light on this for me..
Being a man in my 30s who is single with no kids, I feel I'm qualified to answer this question. I may not be able to answer for all the 30-something, childless bachelors, but I am an expert on my own love life (as much a someone can be an expert on something that is non-existant, lol), so I can tell you why I'm in this situation.
It's not about waiting for that perfect one or being too picky, I've been single way too many years to be picky. In fact, it's been so long that my only requirement now is a pulse! lmao. And as for the idea that I may not be interested in getting into a relationship, that's just ridiculous! It's not fun being lonely, so why would I want to stay that way? The reason I am single is because women want a guy who looks like Johnny Depp rather than Johnny Vegas.
N.B. For anyone outside the UK, do a Google image search on "Johnny Vegas" to see what I mean. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/24/2008 1:36:15 PM |
... And as for the idea that I may not be interested in getting into a relationship, that's just ridiculous! It's not fun being lonely, so why would I want to stay that way?
What does "being lonely" have to do with whether or not you are in a relationship?
"Being lonely" is a feeling.
Who creates your feelings? You do, right?
If you are lonely then who says a relationship is going to cure it?
When you are at peace without a relationship and enjoying your own company, then you can enjoy a relationship without imagining that it will cure loneliness. And I suspect that will be a better relationship than the therapeutic kind.
If somebody is in a relationship with me I hope it will be because they WANT to be, not because it is a fix for their loneliness problem. I want to be a lover, not a social worker.
I was married and lonely. I left when I figured out that the choice was not between being lonely and not being lonely. The choice was between being lonely within a relationship, which felt like being trapped, and being lonely out of a relationship with the freedom to do something about it. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/24/2008 2:18:44 PM | | For me, I have no desire to bring another person to this planet till this planet gets better. As far as the other stuff for 37 yrs I have always benn "a good freind" and nothing else. I dont think the problem lies with me there are just not any women who are enough of an individual to take beyond the friend level. I'm not morbidly obese or severly handicapped in any way. Thats the only conclusion I can come to. There are people like myself who are incapable of connecting with a member of the opposite sex. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/25/2008 3:03:48 AM | Hi people,
Interesting question and I noticed a lot of whining and griping. Everyone has there own circumstances that led them to where they are today (30's single, no kids) so to generalize a all encompassing answer won't work. I like the way guys posted how they came to be in their 30's, single, no kids. So I will do the same.
For me like many others it was a convergence of events. I was a shy growing up, but did very well in college dating. I also had made a conscience decision that i wouldn't get married till i could financially afford it. So I came home from school to help my parents out in 96 (which many people do after college either to save up or to help the people that supported them).
I wound up getting suckered into a career in the Strip Club Business by my brother a year later and have been in it ever since (13 years)
Which brings me to the meat and potatoes of the conversation:
1) I am attracted to younger looking women. (age is irrelevant, but I like a younger looking women) So I wind up dating 18-26 year old women. I was laughing reading other responses because no one seems to admit they like the appearance of younger women.
2) The pool of women I meet are a younger age (18-30), they all have issues (kids, drugs, domestic violence past and present, something) So I deal with what i have in front of me.
3) I do feel blessed because I believe working with 25 women 7 days a week and playing psychologist to them has given me a great insight into them, that a normal guy would not have.
4) I have found a prejudice against me from women not in the adult entertainment business. They are not willing to give me or any of the other guys i know in the business a fair chance because of the environment we work in (nude women running around and being friendly with us)
So that brings me to the present. 34 single, never married, with no kids.
It is not that I AM the one that is TOO PICKY, or waiting for the perfect women it is that time has a way of slipping by.
Ironically I am financially stable ( more so them my "professional" friends and family) I just don't seem to have the time or the know how to go out and meet women. The bar scene gets old. So this seems like a good alternative.
Like I said everyone's circumstances are different that led them to 30's single and no kids. Every guys asks the same question of women. Whare are all the 25-30 something year old women that are single, never married, no kids?
All in all this was just my story and 2 cents worth. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/25/2008 3:05:41 AM | Gosh fellas, I see alot of disheartened , descent , lonely guys here who totally deserve a nice sweet lady in their life. BUt the answer is SIMPLE!!!
Please open your mind and expand your horizons to consider Looking overseas for these ever so ellusive ladies , particularly Philippines. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/25/2008 8:53:11 AM |
. I am from Fla. and I see what happens to older people that hook up. They are never really happy or in Love like we were with the first romance. They just seem to need someone to get by another day. It's sad but true. Even the women that seem to have it all together and are with the guy I wish I could be, just don't work out. Sure, i'm no great catch but I don't want to live the rest of my life like so many seniors I have known. So I guess that is what makes me picky .
I can't speak for what has been seen directly by this poster, but one of the most blissfully happy couples I know are seniors. They are head over heels, giddy, hot after each other in love, and getting more so every day. Granted, it was each other they needed to get this way (both had been products of brutal divorces previously) but they didn't let cynicism get them down; nor close doors on themselves.
As for someone over 30 being single, I have asked this question out of curiosity, not accusation (as I'm sure the OP did also; I did not feel it was hostile in any way). I just like to understand where people are.
As for those of you who talked about how us women "clean up" in marriages, you are not speaking of every divorce. In many divorces I know, there is not only no alimony, the woman actually carried the man in the marriage financially way more than the other way around; and even after that the man left her for greener pastures).
Those days are long over, of the woman cleaning a guy out and then moving on. I know way more the other direction. just food for thought... | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/25/2008 10:12:27 AM | Since I was unable to edit my last post, Im adding one more comment here and then Ill let it alone.
I know Ive ve mentioned this foreign girl subject here many times in this forum, but Im just trying to help some guys see the amazing difference, especially when I see what it is guys are complaining about in regards to why they are still single. If I had to rely on finding an American GF or wife, I serioulsy dont think Id ever get married!
Id compare it to someone who has been used to driving a beat-up Ford Escort. If you are only used to driving a beat-up Ford Escort, then you have no idea what it feels like when you drive a Bentley or Ferrari. You need to at least test-drive a Ferrari, so you'll have a reference point on what a real car feels like. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/25/2008 10:51:44 AM |
why are men over 30 single and no kids.. 2 picky, not interested in getting into a relationship. waiting for the perfect one..
Im just kinda weiry of men when they are like 35, single. never lived with a female..
Wait a minuite... how did "never lived with a female" get dropped in the equasion?
Ever stop to think that maybe after they DID live with a female, they are extra cautious now? some of you are impossible to live with as it is. lol
and no kids.. Can you please shed some light on this for me..
A guy with no kids is a guy who used a condom when he was boning a girl he didn't love. It used to be that men were praised for not making the mistake of having kids by accident. Now he has a problem?
Oh, i long for the good old days when women actually made sense ...oh wait... have they ever made sense? | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/25/2008 12:00:39 PM |
... I know Ive ve mentioned this foreign girl subject here many times in this forum, but Im just trying to help some guys see the amazing difference, especially when I see what it is guys are complaining about in regards to why they are still single. If I had to rely on finding an American GF or wife, I serioulsy dont think Id ever get married!
Since I have lived in several countries I know what differences there are.
In Europe I enjoyed a rich social life without being pushed into the silly "hooking up" pattern. I found life easier when things flowed freely without anybody assuming that there are rules. Each person can treat each other person as an equal.
American women over 50 are all too often stuck in the values and social customs of their high school years and do not know how the world has changed. Some think they are bait or they are prizes to be won in a contest, and there are some men who still think of "conquest" when they approach women. How pathetic.
Some people still think in terms of "dating" patterns and gender-role obligations. The most obvious is that many American women still think there is something "wrong" with asking a man for his phone number, but something"right" about expecting him to ask for hers.
And if I ever hear a women talk of men "taking the initiative" as if she is to be passive and just responds, I'm outathere fast.
The woman who only reacts rather than taking initiative as a man's equal belongs to the ages when she was expected to be in the kitchen making his meals or in the bedroom servicing him sexually like Grade A masturbation, like the famous instructional handbook for wives in the Victorian era which tells her to lie down, close her eyes and think of England while he has his way with her. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/26/2008 12:39:34 PM | I just want to reiterate what Dave04 said. I agree with every word of his quote:
It's simple observation, sweetnsassy.
I'm 33, I'm single, never married, no kids: because I've helped so many friends get through their own divorces.
Unfortunately, guys believe they are actually providing whatever their woman wants or needs.
Guys, you ARE NOT providing what it is you think you are providing.
Trust me.
Whatever she likes is a consequence of what she really needs, if it's that simple, which it isn't. She may appreciate nice dinners, moonlit walks, and home-cooked meals. But whatever it is you are now doing, she is attracted to something else. And whenever you stop meeting whatever needs you've been unconsciously fulfilling, she will dump you. And you DO NOT know what gaps you've been filling, I assure you.
If this sounds insane, I can guarantee you've never been in a relationship with a woman.
So, to answer your question, sweetnsassy, us single guys in our 30's have realized that women are generally insane.
That we can't please you is a given.
If we go golfing next Saturday, your friends will tell you that we're selfish **stards who'd rather hang out with the guys.
If we take you antiquing next Saturday, your friends will say we're smothering losers who need to cut the apron strings.
We lose either way; so why bother????
So I'm single because women cannot be satisfied.
Men can easily be happy with a situation, but women will always look for a better deal.
Disagree if you'd like, but you're wrong.
Dave04 | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/26/2008 1:15:07 PM | | The older I get, sadly, the more I think that this is true. God help me, I hope I'm wrong. But the evidence is pointing toward "tbuddha" being right. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/26/2008 2:08:59 PM | | remember, its always the second mouse who gets the cheeze from the trap. | |
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