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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/26/2008 2:12:09 PM | Good Questions and Observation...................In my case it was purely timing........
Was with an ex for 12 Years and it just didn't work out and no kids came into the picture..........so here Im in my 30's single, no kids, Im sure women notice that but not much one can do about it.............
I surely have been in a relationships since......................but I agree I have met women who are in their 30's, single, no kids and have not been on a date in a long time........................so it's a red flag for me and I have been usually right and find out soon enough that their either focused on their career and nothing else, or are just hermits, or plain idiots..........
Bottom line, from my experiences, a gal who is in her late 30's, no kids, never been married , etc...............there is usually a good reason for it.....................I mean yes your career is important to you, but there is more to life than work.
Cheers | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/26/2008 7:04:30 PM | | This is a good question. Instead of the men having to ask, why don't the women be more proactive and just tryi telling us what they need now? Noone can read minds and know when to ask if you're expectations have changed. Men have always been taught to SAY what it is we want....why is it so different with the opposite sex? We are taught logic, and being upfront (provided the man was raised properly), why should having a good relationship be such a mystery to us when something we were doing last month was good enough, is not good enough now? Also, can we expect for you to change the way you act at our whims as well? Sorry if this sounds bitter, it's not meant to be..but really, I seperated from my wife of 10 years, 6 months ago because she was'nt happy yet pretended to be, and never told me a freaking thing until the affair came along. I worked like a packmule trying to provide all the extras she told me she wanted, when in fact what she wanted was something totally different. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/26/2008 11:37:16 PM |
... Instead of the men having to ask, why don't the women be more proactive and just try telling us what they need now? Noone can read minds ...
You know, that is so right. The trouble is that women, especially American women, have been conned into perceiving themselves as subjugated, as timid little victims while males take the initiative and run the world.
What's needed is more people - of both genders - to just recognize their desires and EXPRESS THEM. To face the fact that the old fashioned ways their mothers taught them are over. When a woman is confident enough to be able to make it clear what she wants, then a man can say Yes or No. And she does not need to be totally shattered if he says No. When she is secure and self-confident she will not need to be sheltered from reality or patronized or kept protected in layers of bubble wrap to save her from dealing with rejection. She is free now and she is strong and responsible and can take whatever comes down.
This means that women will have self-esteem and ability to desire things and to express those desires. Fortunately there are more and more women like that. It is sad that there are still so many women still stuck in the values framework they learned in high school, back when women were identified by gender roles they did not choose, and were held back from being free and independent and whole.
Unfortunately there are still men around who are not yet ready to deal with modern women. They feel threatened if she is their equal. This is bad news because it is so obsolete. A modern woman is the equal of a man and the modern man enjoys her being his equal. We are all better off as social equality develops in society. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/28/2008 9:41:05 AM | Unfortunately there are still men around who are not yet ready to deal with modern women. They feel threatened if she is their equal. This is bad news because it is so obsolete. A modern woman is the equal of a man and the modern man enjoys her being his equal. We are all better off as social equality develops in society.
This is soooo true, and is part of the reason why things don't always work out. I'd like to find a woman who wants to be treated like and equal, and is not always competing. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/28/2008 10:11:54 AM | i would have voted to delete this one.
why is it any different for a man than a woman? just haven't found the right one.
and come on! we are not a part of the baby boomer generation. we do things differently. i personally hope better too. besides, with today's modern medicine, we are all going to live to be 100. so there is still plenty of time.
jeesh! go get an education and a career and stop worrying about marriage. at 50, you can worry. lol
i also believe that this is a phenomenon of the generation x. a result of latchkey kids not wanting to be the bad parents that we had ourselves. i do truly feel that alot of us are waiting so we can be good parents. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/28/2008 12:15:30 PM | I AGREE!! I'M A 35 YEAR OLD SINGLE FEMALE, WITH NO KIDS.. I WAS IN A 2 1/2 YEAR RELATIONSHIP.. & NOW THAT I'M OUT OF IT I THINK ITS FOR THE BEST.. I LOVE BEING SINGLE EVEN THOUGH AT TIMES I DO GET LONLEY.. I PREFER TO STAY SINGLE.. LIKE GODDARD SAID " I can spend all the money I earn in myself, I don't ask for permission to go anywhere!!   | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/28/2008 2:49:53 PM | Hmm, delete it why...do we have another thread with this same info? I'm just trying to offer something better than the post above which had stated that men should constantly be ""asking" if what we're doing is good enough. I simply stated that that goes both ways...I would like someone to be upfront and say "Hey, what's up with you doing/not doing this?" Noone's a mindreader...
Also, I do know quite a few women who still play victim if someone can't read there mind- NOT all, or even most...but some. I like to keep things on an even keel because nobody's perfect. Staying single is fine....so why are you on a dating site anyways? | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/28/2008 2:51:19 PM | | Oh, yeah....and I have a simply fine career and education. Definitely not looking to change careers anytime soon- but thank you:) | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/29/2008 10:22:00 AM | | Its rather comic that someone can take NOT making bad short sighted decisions with their life as some kind of negative. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/29/2008 12:59:22 PM | | I'm 43, and, while I don't really feel I have the time, energy or money to start a family of my own, I'll be happy to take on a woman in her thirties who has kids, as long as the money portion of it is mostly taken care of (I'll be happy to treat all of us to a vacation every now and then). It's difficult to step in and assume financial responsibility for another's ready-made family--the ex should be stepping up to dole out alimony and/or child-support to cover that. I happen to love kids, relate and communicate well with them (am a big kid myself) and would make a great stepdad. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/29/2008 4:47:08 PM | Amen natedredd08
As for me, single, 33, never married, no dependants, had a few significant relationships but also opted to educate myself, build my career, enjoy life and acquire some global experiences and material goods. Nothing wrong with that.
Z | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/29/2008 11:42:08 PM | financial worries , cant speak for the other males but i dont dare even try to meet a female for long term until i feel financial secure myself.
after all shouldnt the man make the female feel safe , secure in all aspects of life ? | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/30/2008 12:15:29 AM | Dave
It's simple observation, sweetnsassy.
I'm 33, I'm single, never married, no kids: because I've helped so many friends get through their own divorces.
Unfortunately, guys believe they are actually providing whatever their woman wants or needs.
Guys, you ARE NOT providing what it is you think you are providing.
Trust me.
Whatever she likes is a consequence of what she really needs, if it's that simple, which it isn't. She may appreciate nice dinners, moonlit walks, and home-cooked meals. But whatever it is you are now doing, she is attracted to something else. And whenever you stop meeting whatever needs you've been unconsciously fulfilling, she will dump you. And you DO NOT know what gaps you've been filling, I assure you.
If this sounds insane, I can guarantee you've never been in a relationship with a woman.
So, to answer your question, sweetnsassy, us single guys in our 30's have realized that women are generally insane.
That we can't please you is a given.
If we go golfing next Saturday, your friends will tell you that we're selfish **stards who'd rather hang out with the guys.
If we take you antiquing next Saturday, your friends will say we're smothering losers who need to cut the apron strings.
We lose either way; so why bother????
So I'm single because women cannot be satisfied.
Men can easily be happy with a situation, but women will always look for a better deal.
Disagree if you'd like, but you're wrong.
Dave04
So true it hurts my eyes and ears | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/30/2008 12:19:00 AM | beautiful b.
I AGREE!! I'M A 35 YEAR OLD SINGLE FEMALE, WITH NO KIDS.. I WAS IN A 2 1/2 YEAR RELATIONSHIP.. & NOW THAT I'M OUT OF IT I THINK ITS FOR THE BEST.. I LOVE BEING SINGLE EVEN THOUGH AT TIMES I DO GET LONLEY.. I PREFER TO STAY SINGLE.. LIKE GODDARD SAID " I can spend all the money I earn in myself, I don't ask for permission to go anywhere!!
Money can't buy happiness or can it? | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/30/2008 7:56:38 PM | Take it from me....Mr. 32 years old...got married young...realized my mistake when it was too late and now with child and paying large support checks to a completely ungrateful ex.
Marriage is a DISASTER for men many times. In today's world, the fairy tales are rarely true. They are by far the exception.
These men you are talking about were smart enough to realize that and avoid screwing up their lives at a young age before they can even realize what they wanted in life. The rest of us learn the hard way.
And many of those who do stick it out, do so in misery.
Cynical? Maybe. Realistic? Absolutely.
You might want to change your view....these men who made it to their 30's still single and no kids have demonstrated enormous foresight and intelligence, even when still immature in their 20's. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/30/2008 8:05:04 PM | | I married with great ideas, and even better ideals:) I wanted to do better, what so many of my friends had, and were unhappy with. It seemed to me like worker harder than the next guy would keep things together, and that the "other" guy had just lost his passion and appreciation for marriage. The reality took almost 10 years to set in, and it was a case of both my ex and I changing so greatly, so gradually, that neither of us reallt took notice till we said "Holy ......what am I doing here with you?" That's putting it nicely, but dreams only last so long. There's a new beginning for everyone for sure. I think people should be more open to just letting their head and heart do the judging and stop relying on ideals. It does'nt matter if someone is in their 30's and never married, is it really any better to be in your mid 30's married 10 years and divorced? I don't htink so. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/30/2008 8:39:14 PM | | For me I've been a loner and too shy far to long, and perhaps I'm a little wierd. I've also been preoccupied with work and to pursue other interests and avoided the dating scene. Living with parents (mom only now) also reduces the odds of a woman taking me serious, but I have my reasons for staying with my mom. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/31/2008 5:32:31 AM |
Dave
It's simple observation, sweetnsassy.
I'm 33, I'm single, never married, no kids: because I've helped so many friends get through their own divorces.
Unfortunately, guys believe they are actually providing whatever their woman wants or needs.
Guys, you ARE NOT providing what it is you think you are providing.
Trust me.
Whatever she likes is a consequence of what she really needs, if it's that simple, which it isn't. She may appreciate nice dinners, moonlit walks, and home-cooked meals. But whatever it is you are now doing, she is attracted to something else. And whenever you stop meeting whatever needs you've been unconsciously fulfilling, she will dump you. And you DO NOT know what gaps you've been filling, I assure you.
If this sounds insane, I can guarantee you've never been in a relationship with a woman.
So, to answer your question, sweetnsassy, us single guys in our 30's have realized that women are generally insane.
That we can't please you is a given.
If we go golfing next Saturday, your friends will tell you that we're selfish **stards who'd rather hang out with the guys.
If we take you antiquing next Saturday, your friends will say we're smothering losers who need to cut the apron strings.
We lose either way; so why bother????
So I'm single because women cannot be satisfied.
Men can easily be happy with a situation, but women will always look for a better deal.
Disagree if you'd like, but you're wrong.
Dave04
So true it hurts my eyes and ears
I don't really know where to start with this. It's sad to think that so many men have such a negative view of half the population. The flip side is that many women are left by the wayside, usually holding a baby, once motherhood has played havoc with their figure and the guy wants a younger, unencumbered model. I'm not talking from expeireince, merely observation.
Personally speaking I can be pleased. By being treated as an equal. If you want to go and play golf, go play - what business is it of my friends? I can't comment on antiquing because I've no idea what it is.
I have no problem with guys staying single, if they don't want to settle down, have a family, then it's their own business, it seems the OP is saying, 'how dare they want a different way of life to the one I want', each to their own I think. I do also think, however, that there are other alternatives to getting married and having the proverbial 2.4 kids and a dog. Not all relationships have to be the same.
H.x | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/31/2008 6:33:07 AM | Now there's a woman with her head screwed on straight. [aitche on 12/31/2008 5 31 AM]. She recognizes that she is to be treated as an equal. She sees that each relationship is custom made, a one off agreement to suit the persons involved.
Regrettably a lot of women and men too reach adulthood without outgrowing the gender role assumptions they learned in their teenage years. When people grow up they leave behind all that stuff about "falling" in love as against responsibly *choosing* to love, and move beyond the juvenile "one true love soul mate" fantasy.
This poster observes that males often want a younger woman. She is correct in that observation however she sees only that appearance is involved. In my experience (yes, been there, done that) the attraction of younger women is that they are more likely to have modern attitudes. They have grown up when women are not just prizes or bait or prey but are people.
A man of any age who has modern attitudes seeks equality with women and younger women are more likely to live that way. Their older sisters are all too often stuck in the gender roles of their high school years and do not realize that the world has moved on. There are fewer and fewer males who want to go back there, so a lot of fine females are going to be alone wondering why the men are ignoring them in favor of the younger women. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 12/31/2008 9:38:57 AM |
Money can't buy happiness or can it?
I can guarantee you one thing, poverty sure can not buy happiness. Money can sure help you be happier though. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 1/1/2009 11:25:38 AM | | A lot of men are stuck in their ways. Too smart for their own good. I was guilty of this til about 33. We all mature at different times and some people..like myself...have to have something wake them the hell up. Don't take it personally or knock yourself, cause if a guy doesn't notice you, you should feel like it is his lost. Also, some guys are inferior of an independent woman. So you might have to use bait...within good taste. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 1/1/2009 9:06:44 PM | Sorry people, this is my first post, and I have to say this. This is quite possibly the most nonsensical thread I have ever read on the internet..............ever! There are as many single 30-something women who have never been attached/don't have kids as there are men. To pigeon-hole someone because they have never felt the need/had the opportunity/or met the right person, to want to settle down and have kids is just wrong. There are many different reasons for 30-something singles.
In answer to your question sweetnsassy; Men over 30, single, and no kids are probably waiting for the right person to come along, as we all are. They're probably just not willing to take the same chances that othes are happy to take.
There's no great mystery to it. It just happens................... as it does with women also.
By the way, before I get lambasted from some of the women on here; I am 38, divorced, with 2 beautiful teenage children so the question doesn't really apply to me :D | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 1/1/2009 10:13:36 PM | | you left your ex for "something else" and now you are on here,kinda proves the point of the thread -does it not? | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 1/2/2009 12:59:18 AM | | I will say this much. It sucks living here as a guy. The ratio from men to women is very uneven. Every place I go, guys outnumber girls at least 7-1. This makes it hard for men because women have too much to chose from. A comedian once said that a person is only as loyal as their options which says that many women are very fickle and indecisive because of the numerous choices. The same cannot be said for men. A guy can be on a dating site for a year and have like 25 people who have put him on their favorite list, and then a cute girl who signs up in one day can have over 100 people put her on their favorite list in less than a week??????? Unless you are very successful or extraordinarily attractive, guys will have it rough,therefore, they will have to be very proactive to beat the odds. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 1/2/2009 4:02:24 AM | OK here is a question, why are men over 30 single and no kids.. 2 picky, not interested in getting into a relationship. waiting for the perfect one..
Im just kinda weiry of men when they are like 35, single. never lived with a female, and no kids.. Can you please shed some light on this for me..
Hmm? ~ red flags! ~ I suppose it depends on what you are looking for in a mate.
every horse is different ~ one might sire many colts but awful to ride! Or they might be troublesome to keep. ~ They fight with others, bite, like to kick their stall down.
It's a matter of what you want and what you expect from your mate.
He might be a Mama's boy ~ and expect you to fill that opening!
There's few men that don't love their mother's. ~ but there is a line that must be drawn,
Has the cord been cut?
Quote( I will say this much. It sucks living here as a guy. The ratio from men to women is very uneven. Every place I go, guys outnumber girls at least 7-1. This makes it hard for men because women have too much to chose from.)
this is true only in the fact ~ that it's every place "you" go! ~ I've found that they covey up! ~ If you wish to hunt trophy ~ go when you might see one!
and it won't be the bar! ~ it;s be at the work place, church, schools, etc! or the YWCA , grocery store ~ bank ~~ ~ like all game ~ it a matter of be prepaired, and use the seasons and time of day ~
If there be a 10 ~ I met a 12 at diary case 3 days ago. ~ I was so schocked! ~ her natural charm and beauty ~ frozen me in my tracks! I wasn't prepaired for the encounter! ~ She was just a tad too young for me ~ she helped me with my cheese selection and I wasn't prepaired to take it farther.
You should have been there ~ ! face of an angle, 5, 8 ~ one fine , tight package.
Dance | |
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