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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:55:27 AM | "Ok, now that you have made me ruin attitude, I have to step back, put my head back on straight, and get rid of this bad energy. I know she is out there, I just have to keep looking, keep working on my social skills, keep expanding my interests. "
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idk bout this.. why work on yourself in order to make yourself more attainable..?
I believe you just have to be you..
I immidiatly picture you bungee jumping, cause you heard women like men that like danger..
or taking up knitting to get in touch with that side..
lol
all kidding aside..
I believe one should only work on themselves when having anger problems, drug or drink problems...
the rest, the way you see things and how you experience them are coherent to your past and what youre made up of..
so men over 30 who have no kids or never been married are just fine.
btw, having a broken marriege isnt really beneficial for a next relationship..
I was married, and am 34.. I dont have kids however.. I want to, but am glad I was clever enough to not to.. if looking back at exes.. cold shivers down my spine, thinking of having a kid with ANY of them!!
well maybe with one or two exes it would have been okay.. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/8/2009 10:28:01 AM | Okay first of all that not all of us, or I may ust be the odd one out here.
I am having trouble finding one a kind caring woman who does not want kids or who not so selfish she can not give back. Why are the woman over 30 so picky?
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/8/2009 2:16:06 PM | | Well you tell me, why is it that a lot of married women come after me. Is marriage really that great? Must be! So why the hell would I be interested in marriage?! You know how many people I've seen getting divorced? Shit's crazy! Just because that's what society says you are supposed to do, right. The hell with mainstream society. I think a person needs to get their own life where they want it first, & most men don't mature or have any desire to settle down 'til they're about 40 yrs old. I still have a lot of life to live. Most women spend all their money on stupid shit anyway. I prefer to have a clean house, not a pigsty. Most people have that ass backwards with their preconceived notions of 30+, & still single, towards a person that they know nothing about! They can say whatever they want. In reality, I see it as the person that has been wiser, & played his cards right. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/8/2009 4:13:58 PM | Vagabond1975
idk bout this.. why work on yourself in order to make yourself more attainable..?
I believe you just have to be you..
I immidiatly picture you bungee jumping, cause you heard women like men that like danger..
or taking up knitting to get in touch with that side..
lol
Maybe I should have explained that part
working on social skills: I grew up shy, the bully's punching bag, then spent the better part of 17 years trying not to ruin someone else's life. Yes there were long stretches in my 20's where I would come home to decide on supper of ramen or tomato sauce soup and wonder if I had enough to get to next payday. Therefore social skills at 35 were equivalent to an 18 year old, I am not going to get the girl that way. So mostly getting used to talking to people I don't know in places I am not comfortable. Getting there, making good progress.
Expanding my interests: If I stuck with the interests I had straight out of college, I would be sitting here reading a book, listening to country music and drinking a Shaffer Lite. Not going to find anyone doing that. So I have expanded my taste in music, entertainment, food and beverage. Bungee jumping, NO, I still have good sense of self-preservation. Knitting, if I were interested in older women, maybe, but not likely. But try this one, a once shy west Texas boy will now be seen in public in a Kilt (by the way some women reallllyyy like a man in a kilt), I like the music, people and environment. I can now take a woman out for celtic music, jazz, country, classic rock, or even the symphony, feel comfortable and enjoy the evening. I am no longer limited in my taste for food to McDonalds and Taco Bell.
In short, get out, try new things, you might meet someone and find other things to enjoy. If not you lost a day, it is not like you have not lost a day before. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/9/2009 11:02:48 AM | Ah right!
gotcha now..
I guess I did mis interpet that..
it's good you get out there.. idk bout the kilt tho..lol
but yeah... a good way to meet women..
: D | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/9/2009 1:12:04 PM | Geez,
I just read through a bunch of these and wonder, if women are so critical of never married/no kids men over 30, what does that mean for women never married/no kids? It frightens me some.
I'm 38, never married, never had kids. Why? Because I've never had the desire to be a 24/7 caregiver and thus don't want kids, there has never been some biological imperitive urging me to focus on fetching myself a husband.
What have I done instead? Traveled, a lot. Lived abroad, a few places, long term. Suited myself essentially - not tied to home, husband or kids. I'm hardly a player or anything - I've had long term relationships, but never pushed any (most likely unsuitable relationships) to marriage, because there was no kid urge spurring me to marry - quick - before my eggs dried up .
I'm hopeful that there are men in their 30s who have been doing the same type of things - creating fulfilling lives and living adventures rather than sticking with the socially constructed "shoulds" in the typical life timeline.
I wouldn't assume ANY man never been married/never had kids is somehow dating danger, though I'm sure some are, just as I am sure some women in the same situation are as well.
Hopefully, ANYONE never married/no kids has been living life outside of prescribed norms, discovering what they value as an individual rather than as part of a unit.
I'm hopeful men, and women for that matter, who have never married/never had kids are better partners because they are more emotionally self-sufficient and not RELYING on another to ensure their value, but rather appreciate a partner who recognizes their value.
I am also hopeful I'm not wrong on this one! Good luck to all us "weird" never married/no kids folks in our 30s!! ACK! | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/9/2009 3:09:34 PM | To be frank, some of us are just late bloomers. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/9/2009 6:33:24 PM | i am single and 42 and no kids because:
due to chemotheraphy (cancer treatment) i am unable to have own kids
girls enjoy my company for a few months because they dont have to worry about getting pregger, but then they want kids and run away
i have only been used by girls so far. but i still believe in love.
maybe one day i find the right one. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:35:46 AM | | I agree with you man, we look at the divorce rate of so many young people who choose to get married early and go through an ugly divorce, child custody issues, ugghhh who needs all that crap?? I'm a single parent, although my kids don't live with me and i am soooooooo glad i did not get married or even question the point of it anyways for a man in this country?? There is no benefit for a man to get married, stay single and just date, and if you like the one you're with, great, stay with them. Why does someone need to sign a legal document to prove they love someone?? | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:38:23 AM | | you couldn't have said it better dude!! If women over 30 are so picky to begin with, fine, i have no problems letting them be and dating all the twenty somethings, if they wanna be like that, they can sit by themselves lol!! | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/11/2009 1:15:22 PM |
sweetnsassy34(d385669) wrote: OK here is a question, why are men over 30 single and no kids.. 2 picky, not interested in getting into a relationship. waiting for the perfect one..
Im just kinda weiry of men when they are like 35, single. never lived with a female, and no kids.. Can you please shed some light on this for me..
Well, no one is perfect for starters. I'd be interested in a relationship. Sure, I like attractive women, but physical attraction isn't the whole deal. For example, I wouldn't be interested in a Pamela Anderson or a Sandra Bullock if they wanted me to support her kids and/or go to church with her. I've had female roommates, but they weren't roommates with benefits. One was quite attractive but had a lot of issues (and boyfriends, so I wouldn't touch that with 10 condoms on). I don't have kids and frankly I wouldn't want a woman with kids unless they're grown and out of the house. I definitely wouldn't want a young woman with 2 or 3 kids and is pregnant with a new one from her ex!!!
Hope that answers your question, at least on my part. Other men will have different answers. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/11/2009 3:14:29 PM | Lol sweetnsasy34,
Good question, I have been wondering the same thing about the ladies out there. It seems a lot of women these days are very content being single, having several partners, boyfriends, boy toys whatever you want to call them. I am haviong a very difficult time meeting a women that is a one man type these days. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/11/2009 5:30:24 PM | I am not against having kids. But I also like my freedom to do what I want when I want. If you have kids, your gonna have that day where you have to choose fun or a kids problem. And if your any kind of parent you will choose your kid. And there problems. I don't want that. I can still have fun with my woman no matter what. She doesn't come with the same issues.  | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/11/2009 5:42:10 PM | It seems between this post and others that a 30 something year old man is "undateable"
Single fathers are undateable for various reasons time, money, etc.
Divorced men are undatable because they can commit (even if it were for reason)
Never married w/o childern because they are somehow breaking social mores.
Have the women here considered they're expectiations are the ones that unreasonable?
Upon reading many profiles, it seems they wish to have a multi-millionare boyfriend that can go any where in the world at the drop of a hat. Yachting in the afternoon and shopping trip to NYC on G-5 in the evening. So if they have kids, the man must be an every other weekend man or be able to aford a live in nanny. For the those of us in reality, good luck finding someone with realistic expectations. You'll have better luck at church. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/13/2009 5:00:46 PM | Ouch :0( What about the over 30 somethings who have have been in a long term relationship (9years) with 2 teenage kids?? (not my own) there is no hard and fast rule. Unfortunately, I have had to move back with my "mummy" not because i wasn't responsible, or "mature" enough to live on my own, but because the relationship disintegrated for a multitude of reasons and all "my money" was in the kids schooling? (hmmm, I'm sounding a little protective/bitter here i realize) I just don't like people assuming that a guy at home with "mummy" is somehow a sadcase/not responsible.
P.S
My mum is cool, used to date Lemmy from Motorhead :0) | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/13/2009 5:27:40 PM | | Any immature guy can impregnate a woman when he is in his 20's. It takes a mature man to avoid having kids until they are in their 30's. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/13/2009 8:38:26 PM |
OK here is a question, why are men over 30 single and no kids.. 2 picky, not interested in getting into a relationship. waiting for the perfect one..
Im just kinda weiry of men when they are like 35, single. never lived with a female, and no kids.. Can you please shed some light on this for me..
I hope nobody has answered this in the same fashion I'm about to. I just went ahead and decided to reply to this without reading the thread.
My answer is simple. The few women that I would have married, things didn't work out with for various reasons. Most often it would seem as though the timing just wasn't right. I think a lot of people overlook the significance of finding the right person AT THE RIGHT TIME.
Even if you haven't lived with a woman, if you've been in a lengthy relationship it can be on the verge of that. I'm sure there are subtle differences, but I don't think you need to live with someone in order to really know them. I'm sure some people will disagree.
I don't want to have to feel as though I'm taking a leap of faith by doing something. I don't want to do it because it's expected of me to do it. I want to do it because it feels right, and I know it's going to make me happy to be married to this woman.
I bought a ring for a woman I was dating for over 2 years, and I never even had the chance to tell her I bought it. It's a long story, but while I'm sure other men have different stories to share. I really think a lot of it boils down to meeting the right person at the right time. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/14/2009 5:18:51 PM | | Well I can explain.I'm 34yrs old until 4 weeks ago I was in a 16 yr relationship,2 kids and a house.everything. She turned 30 took everything away from me including my dear boys. All because she wanted to find herself. I love her and cared for her and I got my soul crushed. Other guys see this kind of thing so they are really scared to commit. They see how a guy who opened up and gave everything in return got screwed hard. They are intimidated to commit that's all. This is the dam thruth. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/14/2009 9:38:37 PM | | hello, i can not speak for other guys but, the women i have dated have so many issues, or problems. i would like to really find someone and grow old with, but women now play so many games, and lie so much. its really hard to really trust someone. i did not want to be 34 and single with no kids. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/14/2009 10:34:25 PM |
Allnewthing wrote: Well I can explain.I'm 34yrs old until 4 weeks ago I was in a 16 yr relationship,2 kids and a house.everything. She turned 30 took everything away from me including my dear boys. All because she wanted to find herself. I love her and cared for her and I got my soul crushed. Other guys see this kind of thing so they are really scared to commit. They see how a guy who opened up and gave everything in return got screwed hard. They are intimidated to commit that's all. This is the dam thruth.
Sorry to hear about that, man. I've heard Canadian women are worse than American women. There are good reasons for having no-fault divorce laws, but nowadays women abuse them for whatever silly reason. "I don't like the way his hair looks in the morning. I'm so outta here!" 
Sorry you're having to go through this, but if anything will give you some perspective, this site will: nomarriage[dot]com  | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:42:35 AM | WOw becareful of becoming too cynical people.
Just because youre friends have had shit marriages and their wives have got fat blah blah, you gonna let that put you off settling down? Now being cynical based on your own bad experiences is bad, but other peoples, that's pretty negative witha capital N, a personality trait I stay firmly away from.
I admire people who have made a choice to be on their own at 35-40, independance is great, and as an only child myself I too like being on my own. But, I dont want to be forever.
You will get lonely, maybe not now, but when you get older. I read an article in the press actually recently which suggested that most people do not want to be alone when they are elderly. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:17:30 AM | | My post Joey was trying to make a point. I wouldn't be here if I didn't think I had a chance at long term happiness with a woman. Of course I would like to someone to share my golden years with. How that will take shape, and when only time will tell. Again, both men and women here need to be realistic. No one is going to be absoultely perfect. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:39:03 AM | A lot of men are single during this time because we've been culturally programmed to focus on establishing themselves in the work force once they've graduated college. And for men it takes a long time to get established financially to the point where you're able to sustain a wife and kids. When we are established we're in our early to mid 30's. And that's when we start looking for a wife.
Also during this time we're starting to settle down and become marriage minded. When we're younger we're told by our family/society to have fun sexually and not establish any long term relationships for we're to young and they'll end in failure. So we just sow our wild oats until we get tired of it and want a real commitment. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/15/2009 8:16:50 AM |
Street King wrote: A lot of men are single during this time because we've been culturally programmed to focus on establishing themselves in the work force once they've graduated college. And for men it takes a long time to get established financially to the point where you're able to sustain a wife and kids. When we are established we're in our early to mid 30's. And that's when we start looking for a wife.
True, Back in my 20s I didn't want to get married until I was financially stable. I didn't want any gold diggers or anything, but it does take money to raise a family. After all, isn't that what marriage is for?
Also during this time we're starting to settle down and become marriage minded. When we're younger we're told by our family/society to have fun sexually and not establish any long term relationships for we're to young and they'll end in failure. So we just sow our wild oats until we get tired of it and want a real commitment.
Speaking of sowing some wild oats, I just looked at your profile and you're about to take a teaching job in Korea. Before you go, watch the first "Sex is Zero" movie and you'll see how fine Korean women are! I lived in Dallas and saw quite a few, even had a roommate who lived over there for a long time and learned the language and all. Yes, he was into Korean women. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 10/16/2009 7:52:42 AM | | Im 35 single no kids never married, cant say I envy my friends and guys I see around me who have the whole marriage, kids thing going on. Completley under the thumb, they never get to do what they want to do, they got to be in by a certain time, they get told how to spend their own money. Most guys who are married with kids in my experience are not truly happy with their lifes. Men need freedom, women want to keep tabs on us all the time, thats not what we are. | |
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