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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/16/2005 9:32:54 AM | Hey Sassy. I'm 37, have two sons and am as single as single gets. I have been in a few relationships in the past few years but, sadly, they have all ended in me finding out that they have been unfaithful. The last woman I was with I loved with all my heart. She asked for her "SPACE" just until she could find herself. So I did. Needless the space she sought was in a few other guys bedrooms and a few other girls. I waited around for almost a year for her to "find herself" and this is what I got in return.
I don't think it's that we all want to be "PLAYAS" I just think some of us have been burned so badly that we don't want to risk having it happen again. BTW...the woman I was with was 34 with 3 daughters. So I assumed she had at least matured enough to know what she wanted. Apparently I was wrong.
So I guess the best advice I could give is to NEVER give up hope. I've since recovered from the pain I felt when I found out I wasted all my time on this woman but I'm sure those thoughts will always be in my head that the next MS. RIGHT could just be the next MS.THING. It's gonna be hard to trust again. Hope this helps you out to WHY some of us 30+ guys ar ethe way we are. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/16/2005 10:42:06 AM | | i was married once as for kids 0 all the women i meet are already fixed and its not real easy to meet people out here when your gone from home for a month at a time driving a truck cross country for a living and my house has 18 wheels so i genrally stay with friends or family when i go home for time off and just aint figured women out | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/16/2005 11:02:38 AM | I truly believe MANY women are looking for a guy with a set of qualities and not THE GUY HIMSELF. That is why dates with women older than 30 are often interviews and interogations rather than a date to have fun. They are looking for a guy to insert into their lives. Any guy as long as he meets the qualifications.
Plus, you must remember, to some guys two/ three year relationships can be reduced to a footnote when they're on the prowl. We're not concentrating on the past.
It was brought up in another thread, women often like to pour over the details, looking for acceptance of their decisions and behavior while men are just like...NEXT!
And you come off bitter or still in love with your ex(es) if you give too much info.
I'm weary of a woman who has been through several committed relationships, has kids etc.
Not everyone is damaged goods but more often than not there are reasons... | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/16/2005 2:47:57 PM | Had to reply to this one, as I've definitely been on the wrong end of this particular stick....
I'm 40 next week.... single, never married, and no kids! Which means there must be something wrong with me right?? So where to start? I have never minded being single, so consequently I allow myself to be choosy, I believe in finding the right one, not just a piece of eye candy you can flash in front of your none single (that is 98% of them) friends.... how sad is that? Also I'm the first to admit that when younger, in my twenties, I was so worried about being rejected all the time, that at some point I gave up looking very hard, (probably why I am on here now- not many like you over here Sassy!) now I don't care so much, but I often get the "there must be something wrong with him" scenario...
Part of it mught be to do with not accepting second best either, I really would rather be single.... I've also spent a lot of time travelling which in it's own way necessitates shorter, less serious relationships.
So maybe now in my twilight years, I'll be able to find someone and build a long lasting relationship, 20 years too late, but with enough time left to fit it all in... I hope!!! | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/16/2005 2:56:50 PM | dannyab,
I have dated older almost my entire life, doesn't mean your a perv at all. I chose older for the maturity and stability. More stable in life, more acceptable of kids and much more repectful thats for sure.
The dating scene has certainly changed over the last 16 yrs for me and yes woman now make the first move, why not. Something that I have noticed alot is that men do not approach like they used to, the women do the approaching. I have been told by many men its becasue they are afraid of rejection, well so are we.. lol
But now in my search I look for someone closer to my own age, age did become a factor me, I was in my prime, they weren't. Its not always a good thing getting involved with younger or older, some relationships last forever and thats great but I personally wanna grow old with the person Im with and spend years learning about each other.
You would think at the age of 30ish, we all have our goals in life and some are much more different then others, but I have received many great responses and one in particular that answered my question orginally asked. I know feel I understand why men at that age are the way they are, by choice and because they are used to it.. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/16/2005 3:09:00 PM | | i have a daughter at 5 its just the way life go s iv live with some one but didnt work out | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/16/2005 3:55:35 PM | I am 36, no kids, still live at home, never dated etc... As for me, there are several factors for it.
1. Social anxiety, just recently diagnosed and never sought help for it.
2. I was satisfied with my life totally up until age 33, then I became lonely.
3. Depression, thought I was too ugly.
4. I can't have kids, because of genetic defects.(depression, anxiety, asthma, GERD, IBS etc...)
5. I am looking for an attractive woman, so I guess that does make me kind of picky. I don't want to just settle for someone or have someone settle for me.
6. Late bloomer... | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/16/2005 4:48:16 PM | | I'm 42 goin on 43 this week and i agree women are complicated but thats to me is part of the challenge to figure them out to a point your comfortable.As for me I have kids I married fairly early and have been divorced over 9 yrs.I had a short relationship where I got ripped off and heart ripped up and bascally havet foud a lady i feel i can tust and that dosnt play headgames sense. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/16/2005 8:39:10 PM | My story: I've wanted kids my entire life. I was married for 9 years to a women that said she didn’t want kids, she was young when we got married, I figured after a few years that the motherly instinct would kick in, it never did, she said she didn't want to be as bad an mom as hers was, a long story. Her mom wasn't bad at all. Any way after 9 years she decided she didn’t want me, that blindsided me, I was in for the duration, even though it wasn't what I wanted, we weren't fighting, but we weren't loving either. I made a promise, I was sticking to it. I would have been 34 at the time, a few years later I was normal again and started looking once more. I spent a couple years learning that Kansas has very few outdoors active; want kids, non-traditional work environment type women. At 40 I was a member of few singles groups, even president of the local one, but women don't join singles groups till after they figure out everything else has failed and that happens when they are to old to have kids. I join a national agriculture singles group and end up being a national director of that group. Again it's all 40 and up, too old for what I need. I have met a number of women along the way, got side tracked with a couple of relationships, most can't or don'r ant to have kids, and I mostly learn that I have to have kids to feel complete, so those relationships don't work. At 45 I was getting to old for the younger (33-38 yr old) women to want me. I then find the internet matching sites, think this is the answer to my problem; surely there is somebody out there to recognize the gem here, one that still wants kids and will not be so hung up on age. 5 years later and 50,000 profiles read, and thousands of emails, I’m still single.
Women with kids would be fine, adoption or a partner and a surrogate mom is a possibility. I don't want to only have kids, I want a family and that means a wife and partner too. I wouldn't choose a single parent family for a child; a child should have two parents. It's one thing to end up a single parent, quite another to choose that. I'm not that selfish to choose that for a child just because I want to be a dad. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/16/2005 9:15:05 PM | for me it was the anti-pig religion birthcontrol money thing...I had ample opportunities to be an animal and reap what I could sew in the "secret garden."
I'm guessing...but many people just fill er up high teset and damn the torpedos.. full speed ahead...the guy choosees after the girl chooses him?? you? | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/16/2005 9:55:41 PM | | I like kids but never really wanted my own. But this is not to say that I would not accept someone elses children as my own either. I most certainly would in a long term commited relationship. As for women, I have been in a few pretty commited relationships and come away with a very sound and sure understanding that I most certainly appreciate a good woman and I enjoy showing her my appreciation. However, I do not "NEEEEED" a woman in my life to make my life complete. Yes women are very complex creatures, more so by far in most cases than men. I enjoy the challenge, as I certainly pose a significant one to her as well, but I simply don't NEED a woman in my life to feel complete as a person. I am here to enjoy life and all it has to offer, women and the intimate relationships that develop with them, are simply a compliment to that enjoyment. Perhaps one of the greatest compliments, yet with the greatest potential to bring the exact opposite. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/17/2005 3:18:44 AM |
Posted By: sweetnsassy34 on 5/16/2005 5:56:50 PM
Hey....good reply ! i like whats on your mind....nothing like being a straight shooter.
your right again about men that you've been with that are much older than you....
I understand why men at that age are the way they are, by choice and because they are used to it..
i dont understand this ^^^^
yes woman now make the first move, why not. Something that I have noticed alot is that men do not approach like they used to, the women do the approaching. I have been told by many men its becasue they are afraid of rejection, well so are we.. lol
yes indeed....its every one weakness....however, coming from old school, this is very different.
times have changed in so many ways....i am still adjusting to the "todays women".
i like it....
i personally believe that, men should be older than their women by 10 - 15 years. i believe its a good age gap for the relationship.
anyway.....good reply
time for me to hit they hay..... | |
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cw71
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Joined: 3/2/2004
Msg: 64 | |
| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/17/2005 8:08:32 AM |
OK here is a question, why are men over 30 single and no kids.. 2 picky, not interested in getting into a relationship. waiting for the perfect one..
Im just kinda weiry of men when they are like 35, single. never lived with a female, and no kids.. Can you please shed some light on this for me..
I am 33, never lived with a woman Ive dated, and never married and have no kids...
I want all of the above only now in my life, and that's my fault for waiting but I WILL wait as long as it takes for the RIGHT woman to share that goal with.. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/17/2005 11:07:22 AM | dannyabe,
What I meant is that some men at that age choose to be single for reasons of there own, they are happy that way, used to it and bringing someone into their life and not being ready for it just leads to complications and people may get hurt. I understand alot more since I posed this question and if people aren't ready they just aren't ready and no need to question it. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/17/2005 12:11:07 PM | Here's a perspective for you from a 51 year-old single guy. I've been married and divorced 3 times and have one 18 year-old son. I tell people I've been married to a manic depressive, a schizophrenic and "Trailer Trash Barbie". I've signed over more homes, autos, personal property and more cash than some people own in a lifetime. Divorces are expensive because they're worth it! I lived in a 10' X 10' mini storage unit after the 1st marriage, a small popup camper after #2 and a one-room apartment after the 3rd. After being single for the past 5+ years I own my own home, paid off all my debt, have a clean home, a new car and blood pressure at 120/70. I know I've been an "enabler" and had a poor choice of personalities so I blame no one but myself. I don't drink, don't smoke and never cheated in any of my marriages. Bringing home flowers twice a week, spending time with your spouse, having sex often and trying to communicate with them doesn't necessarily guarantee a good marriage. Relationships and marriage are like a full-time job and require a lot of focus and concentrated effort every day from BOTH spouses but most people eventually take each other for granted. I can't rebuild my heart and financial life again from scratch again in case I make another wrong choice so I choose to remain single. I have several female friends who know I'd do anything for them except marry them and they accept it.
For those guys over 30 ~ take your time and never feel pressured to sign the bottom line. It's a lot easier to get into a marriage than get out! Best of Luck to all those who are willing to try! | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/17/2005 12:34:09 PM | Okay- i am 37...
I have lived with women since I was 18 (or they have lived with me) 
I have one 10 year old daughter that is my world. I have been looking for a relationship and I admit- i have found it really hard with online dating....Most of my relationships just "happened" .... I am not the greatest looking guy- i will admit-but I have a great personality :)
Most men I talk to that are my age- have been burned by women - so they are leary..I can understand that. I was in a very abusive realtionship and I didn't want to get burned again...
So I made my profile so specific that I took myself out of the market ...go figure...LOL
Most of my friends say that they are looking for someone who will take the time to know them- that they find alot of woman don't take the time to know them... | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/17/2005 2:39:25 PM | 33 and practically monastic.
1. my career involves travel. that seems to turn alot of women off.
2. my career pays well and keeps me away from home a good bit. this seems to be a positive for some women. turns me off.
3. I've spent the last decade playing referee and mr. fixit for my friends that married early.
4. The women i have been involved with kept me around because they could count on me. I was a "nice" guy, and that, whether women will admit it or not, equals eunuch.
5. my friends and their wives insist on telling available women that I am a nice guy. refer to item 4.
Would I like to be in a healthy relationship? Sure. Do I want kids someday? Why not, they can continue screwing up the world long after I'm gone. Also, the area I live in has an atrocious male/female ratio, and people around here say the best place to meet people is at church. Lots of single moms as well. I'm not religious, and I really don't want the added element of children when I'm trying to get to know someone. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/17/2005 4:54:08 PM | DAMMM....what a great thread man....
i have so much to add to this, but hell, i gotta run, real life demands !!!!! | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/17/2005 5:20:02 PM | Strange that people on here think that never lived with someone=never had a serious relationship. WTF?
I have had serious comitted monogamous relationships, just not cohabitation. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/17/2005 6:27:09 PM | Thats wasn't the question robertpaulson, question was why no kids, no serious relationships, never lived with a female and no kids at that age. Kinda sent some flags up with me and was just a question posed to find out why and I got many gret responses..
T | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/17/2005 7:24:55 PM | well i know in my case, 31 1 child and siingle, it's because of what i do. sometimes we all make mistakes. but in my case i have been in long relationships but they don't work long distance. i miss my kid alot. but the mom and i don't get along and thats the way it is. doesn't mean i don' t like kids or relationships its just not a perfect world. but one can still be hopefull.
not everything works outthe way we want
Devine | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 5/17/2005 7:38:59 PM | | I want to have established my career first, I don't have to worry about any biological clock, I also wanted to discover variety of women and their general behaviors and attitudes before I select one that I want to have a serious relationship with to avoid making the common mistakes most people do. You should have a foundation to base your selection for a long term. Lack of that knowledge may be the cause of many divorces, because they just jumped into it. This is where you might be heading ~OP~ for being over zealous. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/7/2005 11:19:25 AM | For me it was bad decision making....wanting to hold onto a relationship, especially because two baby boys were involved. Finally I walked, before we really came to odds. I decided
afterwards to take time and think things through...move when it was right, not just because
I was on cloud 9 with some girl. I've since regenerated my life-long career goals, and now, three years later, have come to a better understanding of who I am and what I want. Is it that we don't really establish ourselves as to where we want to go in life that bad relationships happen or in-decision follows us? Just some thoughts.
I do know that if you don't like yourself when you're by yourself, you'll never be happy with someone else. I'm 33 now, and it often strikes me that this isn't how things should work out..
especially when children are involved...but you carry on and don't repeat your mistakes...teach your children to think wisely too! | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/7/2005 1:43:11 PM | We were all waiting for Brittany but, unfortunately that redneck Kevin found her first...  | |
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