| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/7/2005 6:28:14 PM | When I graduated from high school, I had a long term plan. Goto college, get a good education. Find a good job. Get finacially secure. All by the time I was 30 so then I could settle down and raise a family, without all the other burdens.....Gee to my suprise, I didn't make it any farther than 20 before my plans were gone. Maybe some other men have had my same plan, and were more successful with it. Don't take me wrong, I wouldn't have changed anything in my past, other than picking girlfriends better.
I also know several men who are in thier 30's, 40's and 50's who have never married, have no kids, and are content that way. To some of them, it's not that they aren't looking, or don't want to be married & have kids, but they are just haven't found the person yet that they want to spend the rest of thier lives with. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/8/2005 9:11:02 AM | I've never been one to just settle for something simply because I'm getting on in years. I plan to ignore any of the posts where "insane women" are blamed for the 30something men being still single and childless.
I'm more likely to figure that these men are still single and childless because they, too refuse to just settle on anyone so that they can get hitched and start families.
And where the hell is it written that everyone even WANTS to get hitched and start breeding (male or female)?? Nowhere. Don't assume a guy in his 30's is phobic about marriage/kids. Maybe, god forbid.. he just doesn't want either. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/8/2005 9:17:33 AM | I just turned 30 and....
I have no kids because I practice safe sex...I'm a big kid myself and I'd feel a little apprehensive if I were suddenly to become the "example" for a growing child. As far as the marriage thing is concerned, I guess I've come close, but just haven't met the right person. I have a little bit of a streak going where my last 4 ex's have gotten engaged within 6 months of us breaking up....so if you're looking to get married, date me for a few months and Mr. Right will suddenly appear...lol! | |
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aynie
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Joined: 6/8/2005
Msg: 79 | |
| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/8/2005 11:14:39 AM | | why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?? | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/8/2005 4:06:48 PM | I'm 33, Single, Never Married.
Currently living on my own for the last 5 years, before that shared a place with my brother for about another 5 years.
I was one of those typical shy/gutless wonders when it came to girls growing up. Nerves would just go haywire. I had some serious crushes on a girl or two but I can kick myself for never acting on them. Some typical worries; rejection, no money (Hey, can't be afraid to spend money on your honey,) had school to worry about. Thinking that if I go out or end up marrying I should be financial stable. Not an issue anymore at least on the financial aspect. Still a bit of the other two.
I would have loved it if the tables were turned and the girl made the first move but that never happened even though I knew one or two were interested. I grew up in Toronto but moved out here after University so most of my network of friends are still back there and now have to start from next to nil.
The older you become the more set in your ways you become. I can see this already as I cherrish some of my spare time, which I have planty of, and fill it with things I enjoy doing; whether it be pursuing my hobbies, movies and whatnot. Some of which are really solitary persuits. As a result you don't feel it as necessary to be with someone else, or as in "About a Boy" the need for backup. :)
That's not to say I'm not interested in finding someone and raising a family. Looking at my past, I've got some catching up to do with that experience thang. Others have be working at it since their teens and I'm sort of just starting in comparison. A bit of stress is a result of all that. Plus the more you have in common the easier it will be to share experiences. Possibly why we are more fussy.
My parents met and married when they were around 30 and 32. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/8/2005 4:19:06 PM | | i am not a man...obviously..but i would think i would rather be in my 30's and no children or never married than 17 and 3 or more kids and still not with the mother of them...or even worse....3 different mothers to contend with.... | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/8/2005 7:56:15 PM | | to answer the orginal question of why men over 30, single no kids are too picky and not interested in getting into a relationship and waiting for the perfact one is probably because they either been down that road before and not sure if saying if they have kids or not would determine the factor of finding that "one". and also the majority of ex's that they may have had, may have been either over weight, don't like to do anything to keep the house up, or just had a bad attitude to start off with after being sweet and innocent to make the guy feel trapped and more unlikely to leave as in part of an obligation. we get tired of that very quickly and for some of us its not the weight, it is how it is all presented. ya'll got to keep the guy attracted even if it means attracting others as well. sure he might get jealous and maybe even read it like im lucky yeah and she is with me. so as far as a relationship goes its pretty much gone because we don't want to hear all the nick picking that we came to know of. we do believe that there are understanding women out there that are well presented and matching our individual personalities. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/8/2005 9:06:22 PM | In youth we often rush into circumstances such as marriage and children thinking we know exactly what we are doing to discover far too late that we really don't. Some choose to not rush. Not sure if there is a happy balance but I'm pretty certain that gaining enough wisdom to navigate all this is much harder than we think. What I think is tragic is that it takes so much time to grow up enough to accept other people for who they are, and not try to remold them into some hollyweird, happily everafter fairytale character.
Now, that is one aspect of this. Here is a less pleasant one: marriage and children are a coffin. Once a person selects another then all other choices are gone. When children enter the picture, all freedom is gone; no matter how much one hates one's job--the children need food, shoes, medicine.....it never ends. Options, choices, careers are all deterined by how many mouths one must feed. And here's where it really gets ugly. In the US the materialistic lifestyle wants of many pretty much preclude the parents from choosing careers to which they may want to pursue but find they have to do something that pays more. (know anyone in this country who has 7 or 8 kids sleeping in the same bed?....used to be pretty common but not anymore. But I bet we all know some mom or dad who has a job he or she hates but keeps because they are trapped by having children).
I'm sure there are more reasons, but these are enough to deter a lot of guys from rushing into being a family man. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/8/2005 9:54:35 PM | well im 33 single never married YET and still have faith that some day i will find an honest open monogomous woman that just melts my heart. so far i havent found her and honestly i just refuse to settle i have been on alot of dates with 18- 52 year old women but know one has really sparked that interest yeti mean i am willing to deal with some crap but, dont tell me you love me on the first second or even third date im not scarred to show emotion, im not scared of commitment as a matter of fact i long for it. im not scared of kids or any oter stereotypical excuse. i just know what i need in a womand and refuse to settle.
rick | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/9/2005 4:12:42 PM | Well im 35 and had 3 relationships, 5,9 and 3 years.
Only reason im single is im having a break from that kinda stuff...
and im enjoying it!
Nowt to do wi being over 30, just an age!
People of all ages r single, some who arnt wish they were!
Heh! I'll get myself a gf when mutual  | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/9/2005 8:56:34 PM | | In my early 20's I decided I didn't want any kids. I couldn't, and can't, afford to raise them. They're emotionally draining (I've been working with kids for 3 years and it's nice to go home and not have any there). I've never been in a serious relationship because I'm too picky for my own good. I hardly date at all, for the same reason. I've lived with 3 women, none of them romantically (though one of them I would have liked to). | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/10/2005 7:55:36 AM | Looking over the posts in this forum, here's my take on it.
A lot of good people mess up because they think they have a duty to please others. If they focused on being 100% themselves and true to themselves, then everything they need in life will just wander by with no effort.
People who live to please others never find satisfaction because it just doesn't work out in the long run. The ideal relationship will connect two (or more) people, each being already complete and whole and happy with his/her self both before and after they meet. Then they will relate not as dependents but as equals. Each will respect the other as a free independent individual. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/10/2005 12:29:23 PM | I should be the perfect one to answer this thread. I'm 40, never been married and have no children. I just never met the right girl. Came close twice but it never worked out, once when I was 22 and at 30. One time she wanted her career first the other time she just didn't love me like that.
I guess there are a few guys who fell through the cracks. I don't think I will ever have any children but there is nothing I can do about that | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/10/2005 12:37:19 PM | But isn't it better to not have children, than to have children with the wrong person, just for the sake of procreating?
I dunno?
I don't really think anyone, male or female, should settle from someone that doesn't truly make them happy, just for the sake of having children.
just my humble opinion. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/10/2005 2:53:12 PM | I agree with you on that one skettistraps! A couple of my lifelong buddies got married when they probably shouldn't have and a few years later and a couple of kids later; their life is living hell. They break up and leave their wife for a few months, constant fighting when they are together, their kids are an emotional mess.
I would not trade places with them. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/12/2005 6:30:59 AM | | with me i guess it is just finding the right gal. oddly enuff, the lat 2 gals i have had relationships with got married! LOL | |
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Shaps
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Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 92 | |
| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/12/2005 7:00:02 AM | It's my choice, to have kids or not, I'm interested in getting into a relationship but I am too picky -- for some reason, I like my women with an IQ.
I've lived with a female and everything was fine. So at 32 years of age I haven't seen anything I have done wrong with the opposite sex, other than getting cheated on.
Ahh the blast of the shock lol | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/12/2005 8:44:33 AM | Why would you be "weiry" (do you mean weary or wary?) of men who have successfully avoided having children if they havent wanted any?
Some of us don't have any interest in the responsibilities and consequences of fatherhood and have been successful in avoiding any such "trap." By trap I mean the result of not being careful when doing "baby making excercises" and then having to pay for it for the rest of their lives. Parenting is a thankless job and some of us are too selfish and responsible to let it happen to us.
Im only speaking of myself here. I dont know if any other men feel the same way, but i guess it's possible.......... | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/13/2005 6:01:32 PM | Meet me!
I like what you said my sentiments exactly and made true sense. What are you doing all the way in NC? lol - I am in Canada so you wont accept my emails but c'est la vie!
Good luck to you! | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/13/2005 6:34:05 PM | Ok, little late just in this but here goes.
I'm 36 divorced twice, no kids.
First wife got a Noraplant??? 2 weeks after we got married. 2 years later after buying a house she filed for divorce and moved her Mom in.
Second wife was 12 years older than me and already had her tubes tied. After 8 years together she started showing up 3-4 hours after she got off work and draining the checking account dry. When confronted about it she was gone in 30 minutes and didn't even show up for the divorce hearing.
Some of us over 30 single men with no kids are not this way by choice. But with the way things have turned out not have any was for the better.... I thought anyway. Now a man with a home, a good job and no children is considered wierd??????
Since I'm the soft hearted mushy type wanting the wife, kids and white picket fence I'm holding out till the right one comes along. Not saying that I'm looking for a woman without any children but HOPEFULLY there's still someone out there who still believes in family and forever. | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/13/2005 8:08:54 PM | self selected out? Issues? baggage? No money? no communication skills? no lust for power and conquest and being the balsey loudmouth a***hole jerk AKA alpha a-tard?
No, its usually just to busy at work and working on career and goals? Religion?
Bad, early on stuff?
Unsupportive family?
pop tarts and ring dings/ ?
star trek conventions and magic the non-gathering??? sorry those elves of gaming! | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/13/2005 9:15:46 PM | | An interesting post.....I am a 37 year old who has dated quite a bit and lived with a person, but, as the saying goes: "havent met that one." I guess part of the reason may be that I am very selective...My parents have been happily married for over 40 years.....Perhaps the bar was raised to a very high level of expectation....In ways it took me until 30 just to figure out who I am and what I am looking for....Unfortunatley, once you get out of school its harder and harder to meet quality singles especially when you are a bit old fashioned.....In ways I am glad to be in this position...Many of my friends are in unhappy marriages or are divorced with kids....If waiting results in a happy marriage later on it will all be worth it!!! | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/13/2005 9:53:48 PM | | Oh, not affraid...Make no mistake about it...least not from this side of the river. Just cautios and really not moved yet. When you get moved you lnow it...thats's...There's no controlling it, just recognizing it. Hang on for as long as you can or until ya get thrown off. There is no silver bullet. I hope you're not looking for one SnN. But talking and geting comfortable with someone to star 'er off?...I'm all for it! | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/13/2005 9:55:41 PM | | BTW...The first ingredient in Divorce is Marriage. Can't get one without it! | |
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| For the Men Over 30
Posted: 6/13/2005 11:44:02 PM | | your newly single but your very sexy and a hot looking women you wont have any problems getting any man you want joey | |
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