| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/27/2007 8:25:05 AM | There are two things here.
First.
How did you find the receipt? Were you snooping or was it innocent? If you were snooping then that is wrong and you got what you deserved. If it was innocent then that's another thing.
Second.
There's no doubt he lied to you about going home to bed. Therefore was he with another woman or was he out with a male friend. He could very well have been out with another woman, as a friend, and thought you would not approve therefore he lied to avoid a situation. It's also possible he was out with a male friend and just wanted some space and lied to avoid a situation.
There are so many possibilities here.
You have a choice to let it go or pursue it and let the chips fall where they may. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/27/2007 8:40:01 AM | I don't know if he is cheating or not. Only he can answer that question for us and possibly the other woman if there is one.
It does to me sound like he is lying though.
If there is not trust in this "relationship" why are you in it?
Isn't that the real question here? Not if he is cheating or not! | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/27/2007 8:50:31 AM | | I have no proof of cheating so I wouldn't go down that route unless there was 100% proof. He did lie though, which is not a good thing. I might take my dad, my brother, or a friend to see a sports related movie or something that she would have no interest in and pay for both tickets. Doesn't mean a thing. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/27/2007 8:56:16 AM | OP:
You posted this roughly 10 days ago on another thread you started. In it you state you are living together.
We been together for 3 years now, and live together.. So yes I think this should be the next step, I would love to have children someday, and I want to be married for that... His also much older then me, his goign to be 35 and he also wants children, So for now I will let things be and see what happends, if I get a ring then yes that's also what he wants, if not then I need to be true to me and move on if that's not what he wants, after 3 years you should have an idea if you want to be with someone .. No?... thanks everyone for all the advice
So you live together but posted this in your opening post of this new thread:
If your Bf or gf didnt call you one evening and the next day you ask why they didnt call you the night before and they responded that they where really tired and went right home to bed, Would you beleive this after finding a receit stating they where at the movies that night
This post presents a totally different picture. It clearly gives the impression that you are not living together.
This, added to the things I mentioned in my other posts on this thread, does not add up.
And while I'm at it, I would like to point out that the only picture of yourself on your profile is of you lying on your bed. While it is not a provocative pose I do believe you must be aware of the thoughts such a photo will cause to spring forth in the average male mind. Why would you do this if you are not looking and only here for the forums?
I bring up these points, not to pick on you, but to drive home the obvious here. You are looking for a reason to escape this relationship, and if you can put the blame on him than you can leave guilt free.
Be honest Corine. Be honest with; us, with your boyfriend, - but most importantly -
be honest with yourself. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/27/2007 9:34:25 AM | | Ok guys like I said before the post about marriage is my Gf's post, she was over at my place and I was showing her this site and we where reading what others have said, then she was really stress about her situation so I told her to ask for help on here, so she did, I didnt think it would be sush a big deal and people wouldnt come down on you for asking for help in other situations, she just didnt want to make a profiel becuase she knew her Bf wouldnt aprove of it, so she didnt under my account.... Oh and (Just) why isnt you can be on here looking at Forums, but not need to respond to everyone, your right the first few months I was on both sides, And I think that was ok, becuase my relationship was serious then... And for me finding the receit it was under his car seat , and I was helping clean his car, when I saw it, I ask right away and I do remember that day, because theres not a night that goes by we didnt talk or at lease say good night to each other, and that day I was home sick, and I talk to him in the afternoon and he said ok sweety I will call you later tonight to see how you are feeling, and he never did, I also remember the next day asking what happen you didnt call and he said No I when home after work and went to sleep I was so tired....... Thats why I remember so well the date, I was sick and used a sick day from work, or your right I would of never remembered... | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/27/2007 10:10:03 AM | OP:
Thank you for clearing up those points. You may feel I'm picking on you but I've been around long enough to know there are two sides to every story. That is why I try to gather as much intel from a persons profile and posts as I can before making any comment.
Of the three threads you started only two were for you while a third was for a friend. But both of yours have to do with a question of cheating. I think this is a bit telling in itself.
Perhaps you could tell us a bit more about yourself so people can make better suggestions.
How long have you guys actually been going out and was there a serious committment from each of you before the movie incident? You've been on this site for 5 months and you thank POF for you being in love with the guy you found. So it sounds like you met him on here. That means your relationship is less than five months old.
You are here for the forums but you rarely write on them. I have to tell ya that I find this a little strange. And as I mentioned earlier it is obvious you spend a lot of time on here based on the number of guys who list you as their fav.
Please answer these honestly. Does your boyfriend know you are on this site? And how many guys do you personally have on YOUR fav list? And how many male profiles do you check out in a week?
While I know these may be a little personal, my point is to establish in your heart whether you are truly committed to the relationship. Because from the view on this side of the forum it doesn't seem like it.
I say kick him to the curb. But do so for the right reason and be honest with yourself, or your next relationship will fail as well. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/27/2007 10:35:12 AM | Ponie,
I agree with you on not telling someone the truth about how pants make them look or how dinner was but if you have to lie about your actions by blaming her nagging, complaining, etc. then your just making excuses. If she is possessive and you don't like it get out of the relationship. But if someone gives you freedom, respect, and only asks one thing in return and that is honesty no matter how much it may hurt, then you owe them that.
I am so tired of guys doing things to me such as lying, cheating, etc. then blaming me. (Yes I know women do this too). I actually lived with a guy (only time in my life) and he cheated on me, then lied to me about it, then said it was because he felt I was ignoring him. My side, I had a job which we required me to live at every other week, I had kids the other week, I was being sued for full-custody, I was being treated for leukemia, not to mention trying to maintain a relationship with him...yet he felt I was ignorning him. Why didn't he say something before he cheated? Then I had one guy actually tell me that it was my fault that he broke dates with me because his ex-wife called when I 'let' him talk to her. Huh, they have kids yet I should forbid him from talking to her. The list goes on and on.
People quit making excuses for lying and hurting someone else. Get a backbone and be honest. Accept the consequences of being honest and if they can't accept your honesty - then THEY have issues.
HMMM - not doing well with my recent breakup I guess...... | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/27/2007 11:09:47 AM | justAcheckin:
You are here for the forums but you rarely write on them. I have to tell ya that I find this a little strange.
some people are listeners (readers / forum) and some are talkers (posters)... I - similar to OP - am here for forum and what it means for me is READING posts mostly... it's a form of entertainment when one gets bored, it's relating to some people without even talking to them, it's more than just one reason...
OP - hope all will get good for you :) | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/27/2007 11:16:42 AM | Two things...
1. To Challenge:
It could be worse than you thought.......he may be cheating on you with his "boy" friend....
Why is that worse? Cheating is cheating. Does it matter with whom?
And personally, I'd feel BETTER if that were the case - at least I know he's not cheating because there's something wrong with ME - he's attracted to men - so he wouldn't ultimately want me anyway.
2. You don't forget going to the movies the next day. If you had not asked him the next day where he was, and then found the receipt a while later, that's one thing - but you did ask him immediately.
You don't forget going to the movies the day after you've gone - unless you're drunk. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/27/2007 11:56:43 AM | | The first question I would ask is, "What makes you so suspicious of him?" Has he cheated before? Have you heard rumours? Why the concern about cheating? Sounds like there may be more to this than you're saying. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/27/2007 2:03:02 PM | Heres why I am convinced it was cheating.... If he was with a guy friend or even a female friend he would have called. Not calling, to me means that he was with someone, and he didn't want "them" to know he had a girlfriend. What time did the movie end? I would think he'd have called you when he got home, even if he was out on a date with another girl and hiding it from you. The fact that he didn't call till the next day makes me think that she was with him all night.
I had a very similar situation. Saw my gf that day, things were fine, was feeling sick so I stayed home. She never called to check up on me like she said she would. When I woke up at midnight, I tried to give her a call (she was a night owl) but she didn't answer. I Thought it was suspicious. Turns out, she did cheat on me. Just like I can assume from your situation, she was out with a guy she knew (not some random hookup) and was also keeping it from him that she was in a relationship.
I'm sure you can dig it up and find out the truth if you really want. Obviously this bothers you, and I know what thats like. I thought about it all the time, because it just didn't add up. Eventually other details came up and was enough for me to put the whole thing together. Your instincts are trying to tell you something. You have reason to be worried and now you need to decide what you want to do about it. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/27/2007 2:25:20 PM | This is a hard place to be in.
First,there is some self examination necessary.Are you by nature an insecure,jealous person?
If you can honestly answer "no" and you still suspect,ask for an honest answer.If you still fell it isn't honest and you are not being insecure,leave the relationship.It is impossible to sustain a healthy relationship if one person is cheating,lying about it,dishonest etc.
It is also impossible to sustain if you are jealous by nature.Typically,anyone you always have to worry about is not worth dating.There are many ways to make your partner feel secure without having to feel you're being smothered or pressured into it.
Jealousy is normal,but when it's excessive it isn't healthy.It isn't about love.But again,if you really feel your partner is not being honest,cut your losses and go. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/27/2007 3:44:56 PM | cheating or not???
WHAT EARTHLY DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE IF HE WAS OR NOT??
whats most important here is that regardless of the answer to your question, this guy deserves to be with someone who trusts him. i would hope you would want the person you were involved with to trust you and not go around questioning about a reciept, etc.. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/28/2007 6:01:50 AM | Wow p-trish, nothing like attacking the OP rather than attempting to answer her question. Instead of being a hypocrite, why not 'trust' the OP. It sounds like she does 'trust' him for the most part but there is a specific event that sticks out in her mind and she wants advice. She just wants to know if she is being paranoid or does this seem like something to be concerned about. Unless you are trying to read into this post, things that weren't written, it doesn't sound like the OP is an untrusting person.
WHAT EARTHLY DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE IF HE WAS OR NOT??
Hmm? You really don't think it makes any difference if her SO is lying or possibly cheating? You think she should just blindly trust him, even though her own personal intuition is telling her otherwise? Questioning every little thing that your partner does is a negative thing, and will ultimately destroy a relationship. I agree that a relationship needs to be built on trust. However, that has nothing to do with this post. When people break their usual pattern, those events stick out. This is a forum where people come for advice, not to get bashed. You can chime in and say that you're not bashing the OP, but that comment stating 'this guy deserves to be with someone who trust him' is quite backhanded. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/28/2007 6:13:00 AM | He's lying. Did he usually call every night?? How did you find the receipt?? do you have other reasons to think he has been cheating??
Sounds to me like you don't trust him. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/28/2007 6:46:48 AM | yes, as a matter of fact, i happed to be under the delusion that ppl should either trust who they are paired up with, or not be with that person. i know,, odd concept huh?
if she is paranoid, then again, SHE ISNT TRUSTING HIM.
you claim the oringinal post had nothing to do with trust, when in fact thats all we are talking about. she isnt trusting what he said, or her own judgement of that and her instincts.
turn it around a bit,,lets say she finds out that he was in fact where he said he was,,, then who is the fool here?? him for being with someone who doesnt trust him,or her for not trusting him? my contention still holds firm, these two are in a relationship devoid of basic trust.if you dont have trust, then you dont have much worth hanging on to.
even though my manner is gruff at times, its not meant as "bashing". but lets do be fair, some ppl need what should be obvious pointed out to them.
this woman came here, telling a story in a manner that demonstrated she wasnt so sure about the validity of what her man said to her,, then asked that a bunch of ppl who dont know her, him or she know any of us, to land judgement on the scenario.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/30/2007 4:04:53 PM | | yes he is cheating!!! if he had gone with a mate he would have said so at the time. also how many guys do you know who would take another guy to the pictures??? | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 9/30/2007 4:14:13 PM |  im sorry but i truely hope your not naive to believe a poor excuse for a story like that.the answer to your question is yes hes definately cheating on u.hes lying thats for sure first of all.and secondly hes a real bad liar at that lol and 3rd he really must think your stupid for telling u a bullshit story like that and expecting u would believe him.
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 10/1/2007 10:11:41 AM | | Come on, guys do not pay for other guys to go to the movies. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 10/1/2007 11:46:01 AM | | A lie is a lie. Yes, snooping was wrong. But now you can move on to someone you don't feel the need to snoop on. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 10/1/2007 12:23:37 PM | | phone call ..... if you feel someone is cheating a phone call isn't going solve anything, best you see face to face to see the impression on them. Then, you'd see the answer right there. But, don't blow up!! Just go and see if you can sense denial. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 10/1/2007 1:45:04 PM | | Does it really matter? The fact that you are questioning means you believe he isn't being honest with you either way. Whether he cheats or not will not change your perception of him - your trust for him gone. Why spend more time torturing yourself with did he or didn't he? We can't answer that question. | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 10/1/2007 2:29:32 PM | Well if everything has been great except that ONE blip in the radar, don't sweat it. I go to the movies with my best friend on occasion and he is a guy. When his wife isn't interested in a movie that we really want to see, we go when she is busy with something else. Plus I've paid for both of us before. He brought the beer over to the house last time. So I think I got the better bargain buying the tickets.... Thats not to say he isn't cheating, just saying that his story is possible.
I would be careful asking that question on a singles site too. You are kind of cute. So you will have guys telling you to dump the cheating bloke so they can have a crack at ya. If local I might have done that myself. j/k  | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 10/1/2007 2:47:29 PM | | If this was a while ago.... no wonder he forgot what he did that night..... come on!! Why are you checking receits?? welll it seems like to me that you don't trust him... Not much of a relationship if one lies (or forgets,,, whatever) and one doesn't trust.... If there's not trust in a relationship. It will NEVER WORK IN THE END!! dont waste too much time! | |
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| cheating or not???
Posted: 10/1/2007 2:57:18 PM | My god !!!!!!!!! Ray Charles coould see through that one !!
Sorry for being so blunt!
He's a cheat and a liar !! | |
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