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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/29/2007 9:03:51 PM | | Yes, a guy's job definitely matters, but not based on financial success. By putting time, ambition, passion, and dedication into a career, this conveys a great deal about the person's personality, beliefs, and motivations in life. These are qualities that are exceedingly important to me in a partner. So, absolutely, a guy's job is an important tool in understanding another person. At the same time, I want a partner who puts in equal level of importance on my career as well. To fail to understand the depth of education, personal dedication, and internal passion within my career is to misunderstand who I am on a core level. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 6:12:39 AM | one question on this why does it matter if what he does is illegal as long as he is happy with his job and has decent money. A friend of mine owned 3 houses 4 cars a boat and his job was totally illegal.
As he put it there are 2 types of people in this world the 95% and the 5% how many people are really going to enjoy their jobs most dont because some have never gotten the chance to do better. they take the job that pays the most because they did not have a chance for college or university due to other reasons. Also most people dont really save up enough for retirement due to inflation what was once alot of money is now not alot of money and by the time someone gets to 65 thier nest egg has shrunk do to inflation and cost of things by that point. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 6:22:29 AM | Women may SAY the job doesn't matter but how many are going to date a porn movie director? a garbage man? the guy at the 7/11? the pizza delivery man? There are probably many out there who would never even consider a cop, soldier, construction worker, bomb squad member - all skilled positioned with good benefits.
You can say that the job doesn't matter all you want to look good - but when it comes down to it, we all have our limits. I don't care how fulfilled a porn star is in his job or how many millions he might make in a year - I'm not dating d*ckrot. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 9:28:45 AM | A job definetly matters. Not as much for financial reasons as for compatibility reasons. Someone who goes to college for 6 yrs to become a professional is just not going to have alot in common with someone who only graduated high school and is content with working a minimum wage job. Before I get bashed for that, I said content with working the minimum wage job. There are plenty of great men who don't have great jobs, or college degrees now but are working to change that and I have no problem dating someone in that tyoe situation.
Off topic, but Finne you are wrong when you say woman wont want to date soldiers. If Tablesalt was 10 yrs older I would be all over him. He is HOT in that Marine uniform.  | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 9:38:39 AM | So what it boils down to is this: a woman wants someone who makes her look good, and is more concerned with how others are going to think of her than with whether or not a potential suitor is happy with what they're doing.
Does the man who's attempting to get your attention seem content? Is he going to be available when you're available so you can spend time together? Is he paying his own bills? Is he able to afford his half of the dates you go on, or even better, able to pay for you more often than not? Is what he's doing legal? Is he not dodging creditors' calls on his phone? Does he keep reasonably clean, not smell, and not wear clothes that are falling apart on him?
Then I don't see how what he does for a job makes a difference. If you've got a degree and work 60 hours a week, there's nothing wrong with that. But don't assume that someone who doesn't have a career similar to yours (even if the only similarity is in having a college degree) is automatically an unmotivated individual who doesn't have personal "follow-through" or goals in life. Not all goals are traditional, nor are all paths to acquiring money. Is money so important to you that your whole self image is wrapped up in your ability to go to places in the world that you haven't been, or to acquire toys, or anything of that sort? Nothing wrong with doing any of those things, and there's nothing wrong with having a nice television, expensive car, $500 iPhone, etc. But if who you are is defined by those things, it would seem to me you need to get some perspective and stop being so acquisitive.
Consider Stephen King. When he first started writing, he and his wife Tabitha were so dirt poor that they would frequently call the telephone company and ask them to shut off their service, as they couldn't afford to pay the bill that month. They lived in a small rental house out in the middle of rural Maine. Steve's first advance on the book "Carrie" (his first book) was only $2500. Both he and his wife had debt up to their ears, and he did the responsible thing with his cash: he paid his bills. He kept writing and started making more money, and now he's very wealthy, but it doesn't invalidate the fact that at that time in his life, he was working a job that many women in this thread would consider more than valid reason for having nothing to do with him.
This isn't to say that every guy who's working at a fast food restaurant or convenience store is going to be the next Stephen King. J.K. Rowling was a single mother on British welfare before the Harry Potter thing exploded, and now she has a net worth higher than Queen Elizabeth. This doesn't mean that every woman who's currently shlepping drinks at Denny's is going to be the next J.K. Rowling either.
But the point is these people found something outside the traditional 9-5 grind to do, and they were happy doing it. Before it started making them a livable wage, they were doing things that likely didn't have many lifetime career options. They were making ends meet. Of the two authors I noted above, one of them was only getting by on the good graces of the government.
To boil it all down, what I'm hearing some women in this thread say is that how a man earns his money matters to them, but I'm saying it matters for all the wrong reasons. They're looking for someone to make them look good; for all the times they say they only want to make sure a man can support himself and occasionally do something fun without being a drain on their personal finances, the reality is they not only care how much money he has, but they car about how what he does makes them look. The bottom line is this: stop attempting to conclude you know anything about someone just on the basis of the job they work. Some people might live into a stereotype, others might not.
But if you're fine making money your god, and making the good opinions of others your goal, feel free to live your life. Me, I'm content knowing who I am, knowing what my motivations and goals in life are, and if they happen to be outside the "norm", at the end of the day I go to bed feeling justified, and with a clear conscience, and maybe just the tiniest bit thankful that I'm not sharing that bed with someone who cares more about public perceptions and money than about simply being happy. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 9:54:45 AM | just the tiniest bit thankful that I'm not sharing that bed with someone who cares more about public perceptions and money than about simply being happy
Might be the reason why we don't all sleep in the same bed, silentman. The OP posted a question for the women, and women responded based on how they feel about the topic. There is no right or wrong answer. Just because that is how you feel doesn't mean women should feel the same way. You kept giving us the bottomline based on how you feel, you twist what we've been trying to say. To some of us, what a person does for a living is an important factor in our search for long-term partner. I am looking for one with an established career, just as I have, not to show off to other people, but primarily so we can be more compatible with each other and there won't be any insecurities in the relationship. The appearance part, or how other people would see him when I am with him, is part of that security level. If I take him to a professional function and someone asks him what kind of work he does, I want him to have the confidence to share with them what he does. One person posted earlier what is the right bottomline: Birds of the same feather will tend to flock together. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 10:49:44 AM | Silentman - Both of those examples you used were of people who did work minimum wage jobs, but were also doing something else to change their future career path. As I said in my earlier post, there is a big difference in my opinion of someone who works at 7-11 (I'm only using that as an example since that was the original question) while in school, or while learning something to start a better career versus someone who works there because they do not have the initiative or desire to learn more and do something else with their future.
You stated that money is the only thing we were concerned about - not true. I am a social worker. Yes, that requires a college degree but it certainly does not pay alot. I am in that field to help people, not bring home a fat paycheck.
I have worked part time as a waitress, which is 1 of the jobs being criticized while working full time at the hospital also, and I can definetly see a difference in personality, lifestyle, goals, values etc in the people who work in the restaurant full time versus those that work there part time while also in college or working other full time jobs.
Noone is criticizing anyone for the job they choose, but in reality people with similiar careers, goals, lifestyles do tend to be attracted to each other. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 11:07:03 AM | | People tend to look down on low paying jobs or low status jobs. But be the first to complain if there is no garbage man to take their trash to the dump. No waitress to serve them food because they are too lazy to cook. Imagine if none of these jobs were filled because everyone considered them unimportant. Everything would almost grind to a halt. People would have to do it for themselves, then how would they have time for their high paying job? People with high paying jobs can afford the luxuries from the sweat & hard work from the products and services of the low wage earner. Then again I wonder if low status is the key word. Maybe they would feel embarrassed if they were seen with a janitor, trash man ect. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 11:31:41 AM | <<<<< Puts on tall rubber boots........
raychass you are very secure in your thinking and I agree with you. Happy at work, happy at home. If your able to support yourself and contribute to the relationship, are financially resposible, have goals and aspirations what more can one ask. If the women want so much more out of life she should get off her arse and do it. Its hypocritical to expect a guy to fullfill you dreams. In todays female liberated society (if you think that way) you should be prepared to pave your own path and potentially enjoy the company of any man who has moral fiber, integrity, is responsible financially so on so forth. Anything less and your just looking for a handout.......me luvs these topics..... | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 1:32:34 PM |
for all the times they say they only want to make sure a man can support himself and occasionally do something fun without being a drain on their personal finances, the reality is they not only care how much money he has, but they car about how what he does makes them look.
That's your opinion. If he's not working illegally or hurting someone I could care less what he does if he's happy and able to support himself. How do you assume I care how I look from that? How do you know what the reality is? Are you psychic? Sounds like you're speaking with bias from some personal experience.
True, I won't make up the difference between incomes if he makes less than me, nor should he make up the difference if I make less than him. No one should carry anyone else, but otherwise - how is that a problem? | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 2:32:48 PM | | Do you like your job? The way you "think" a girl reacts when she sees you are your own insecurities. You feel you can do better. Unless someone says what they think how do you "honestly" know?...and...we all know that if a girl likes something.....she doesnt care how she gets it...right? | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 3:56:37 PM | | Whatever...I'm content with myself and I love my "dead-end" job. Sure I don't have a posh mansion and I'm not driving a Porsche cayenne suv, but i don't need those and never will. Forget those who can't love the delivery guy...I have more than enough love and affection for that lady who will. : D I don't care if she is working at the corner gas station or the ceo of time warner...miss right is miss right, regardless of where life has tossed her. I'll take a big heart over a big degree anyday!! To each their own tho...keep lookin for your "equal" lmao. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 4:14:11 PM |
and...we all know that if a girl likes something.....she doesnt care how she gets it...right?
That is sooo not true. There ARE women with integrity you know... | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 4:40:04 PM | taray_queen said:
To some of us, what a person does for a living is an important factor in our search for long-term partner. I am looking for one with an established career, just as I have, not to show off to other people, but primarily so we can be more compatible with each other and there won't be any insecurities in the relationship. The appearance part, or how other people would see him when I am with him, is part of that security level. If I take him to a professional function and someone asks him what kind of work he does, I want him to have the confidence to share with them what he does. One person posted earlier what is the right bottomline: Birds of the same feather will tend to flock together.
I'm sorry, taray_queen, but what you're functionally advocating here is strict social class delineation, something that's ultimately harmful to a society on a macro level, and to individuals on a micro level. You're making the assumption that someone who works a job not traditionally considered a "career" is somehow unconfident enough that they can't share that information when at a "professional function". The reality is this: you're really saying you're embarrassed about what they do, and you don't want your colleagues knowing about it. Thus, quite simply, the problem lies not in what this potential partner who isn't in a "career" does, but in how you think about it. Your thoughts are very easy to change if you're willing to see that you might just be wrong. That's the neat thing about being an emotionally and intellectually-evolved adult: we can have someone else point out, with logical examples and simple extrapolations, errors we're making that we might not see, and we can be humble enough to thank them that they care enough to point those errors out in the first place; we can then change our behavior and perspective so that we don't continue in the error.
Your statement likewise automatically assumes that the person who isn't in a "career" is somehow insecure about that reality. Do you know they're insecure? Why not try asking them? You might be surprised to find out that they're quite secure in what they do, and if they've been able to provide for themselves doing that up to this point, there's no reason to assume they can't contribute their fair share in a relationship. So again, the problem then lies not with them, but with you.
I'm sorry to say, but I don't hold with relativism. Not every perspective is valid. There is absolute right and absolute wrong, and if someone's wrong, they can either get ticked off at the person who tells them they are, or they can examine what was said and, if their logical faculties aren't impaired somehow, reach the same conclusion, as logic always leads to the right answer when talking temporally.
softballmom said:
Silentman - Both of those examples you used were of people who did work minimum wage jobs, but were also doing something else to change their future career path. As I said in my earlier post, there is a big difference in my opinion of someone who works at 7-11 (I'm only using that as an example since that was the original question) while in school, or while learning something to start a better career versus someone who works there because they do not have the initiative or desire to learn more and do something else with their future.
You stated that money is the only thing we were concerned about - not true. I am a social worker. Yes, that requires a college degree but it certainly does not pay alot. I am in that field to help people, not bring home a fat paycheck.
I have worked part time as a waitress, which is 1 of the jobs being criticized while working full time at the hospital also, and I can definetly see a difference in personality, lifestyle, goals, values etc in the people who work in the restaurant full time versus those that work there part time while also in college or working other full time jobs.
Noone is criticizing anyone for the job they choose, but in reality people with similiar careers, goals, lifestyles do tend to be attracted to each other.
For you, likewise, I'll point out that what you're advocating is social stratification. Have you ever heard the phrase "opposites attract"? This isn't always the case, but the reality is this: a fully healthy relationship doesn't require people to be in the same lifestyle or making the same amount of money or have the same (or similar) careers. It requires two people willing to meet each other halfway, to learn about facets of their partner's life that will be integrated into theirs, and to be willing to explore that instead of automatically assuming from the beginning that they always know what's best, and anyone who thinks differently is obviously somehow thinking "wrong".
It's very arrogant of you to state that someone working at a 7-11 is doing so because they don't have initiative. Believe it or not, some people work where they work because they want to, and your determination of their initiative doesn't amount to a hill of beans, sorry to be so blunt. You aren't the determiner of worth of someone's employment. It's fine if you aren't attracted to them, but what isn't fine is your stated rationale for said lack of attraction. It's self-centered, shallow, and wholly judgmental in every undesirable, unadmirable way possible. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 4:50:25 PM |
Finne you are wrong when you say woman wont want to date soldiers
No, I said there are many who wouldn't consider it. There have been threads about it and a lot of women don't date military because of the long deployments. Personally I prefer a man that is gone most of the time.  | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 5:00:58 PM | | Silentman, this forum is all about individual opinion and answers. If you're insinuating that my answer and opinion are wrong because they don't conform to yours, then don't be disappointed because I am sticking to my own. For over 2 decades, I was married to someone who was very insecured because of the gaps in our career and lifestyle. Because of that, we avoided social functions, just so he won't feel uncomfortable around the people he thought were stuck ups. It was difficult for both of us. I think that experience was long enough for me to know what I am talking about. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 5:19:44 PM | ^^^
I agree. I seriously doubt that a doctor is going to date someone who works at the 7/11. Generally people in the same educational/financial backgrounds are going to be more succesful long-term. It's not about anyone being a snob or anything.
I think people are only taking it personally as they are unsatisfied with their current jobs. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 5:42:48 PM | Most of the guys my age are still working on college degrees or working jobs where they barely make above minimum wage but most of them still have spouses or girlfriends even at that. In my opinion, when you are 26+, you should be fairly steady on your feet and have some idea of what you want to pursue in your life to make a living but perhaps that is just me. I've never been one of these type of people to drift aimlessly but some do and girls will like you just the same regardless. It is your obligation to make the sell and if your job isn't your strong suit, then don't make it one. Avoid lengthy conversation or don't talk about it at all. Focus on the characteristics that make you a strong person, since 7-11 isn't one of them, then talk about what does.
It would be like if I worked realty, and I had a house that needed work in the living room because a previous tenet had stained the carpet and the roof had a leak there. If I was showing that house to prospective buyers, I wouldn't make that only and central focus of the tour of the home. The rest of the house might be in fantastic shape and that is what the other person needs to see--maybe I might mention something like "we plan to fix the leak and the carpet too." You see what I mean? If you think people are judging you because of your job, you are obviously investing too much interest in it yourself. Take them through the tour of the rest of the house before you bring them to living room that is all I'm saying. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 6:04:47 PM | taray_queen said:
Silentman, this forum is all about individual opinion and answers. If you're insinuating that my answer and opinion are wrong because they don't conform to yours, then don't be disappointed because I am sticking to my own. For over 2 decades, I was married to someone who was very insecured because of the gaps in our career and lifestyle. Because of that, we avoided social functions, just so he won't feel uncomfortable around the people he thought were stuck ups. It was difficult for both of us. I think that experience was long enough for me to know what I am talking about.
Ahhh, yes, one experience with one individual, no matter how long, is obviously enough to form an educated opinion on something... 
finneganne said:
I think people are only taking it personally as they are unsatisfied with their current jobs.
Nice supposition, but it's a poor attempt to go on the offense because you either have nothing to say in defense of the position being considered, or because you can't say anything to defend the position in consideration, because you realize it's indefensible.
finneganne said:
Generally people in the same educational/financial backgrounds are going to be more succesful long-term.
Show me your evidence. Studies you can quote? Information from professionals to support this position?
I have no problem with someone saying something contrary to what I believe; but the proof's in the pudding, so to speak, and the burden of proof falls on them for making the statement. :) | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 6:19:00 PM | ^^^^what he locnar said ~ !
Furthermore OP....don't ask a question sincerely then slam the posters who took the time to honestly answer your questions. Accept the answers and come to your own conclusions.....or don't. But believe in yourself and your own judgement. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 6:36:03 PM |
Show me your evidence. Studies you can quote? Information from professionals to support this position?
I have no problem with someone saying something contrary to what I believe; but the proof's in the pudding, so to speak, and the burden of proof falls on them for making the statement. :)
Have you shown us your evidence? Or are you exempt from that because someone appointed you god of this thread? Who do we prove ourselves to, you? We have to prove to you? Gimme a break! | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 6:49:28 PM | | well i like to think of myself as a motivative person because im training in college to become a police officer. So what would ya'll think about that??? | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 6:54:19 PM | taray_queen said:
Have you shown us your evidence? Or are you exempt from that because someone appointed you god of this thread? Who do we prove ourselves to, you? We have to prove to you? Gimme a break!
It's fine if you can't back up your statement, but there's no reason to get upset about it... :) | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 6:58:16 PM | Well....this is a hot potato. I'll be brave and admit that I do take into consideration the kind of work a man does when thinking about whether or not I would consider him as an LTR.... not because of money (although it's unrealistic to imagine that money and relative income isn't or will never be an issue in relationships), but because if you are the kind of person whose identity is significantly linked to what you DO, then it's difficult to get your head around the idea that someone whose life's work doesn't have some kind of intellectual connect to their very being can find fulfillment in that part of their life. And since I personally can't understand why anyone would be satisfied with that... that means that I couldn't really understand HIM...
Really, anyone in the world can call me or anyone else judgmental for this--it's all subjective and comes down personal feelings and what's right for us as individuals. But I know myself well enough to know that if I considered a guy intelligent, imaginative and creative enough for me to want to have a relationship with him, I would have a very hard time understanding why he would make the long-term (as opposed to stop-gap) choice to work at a "job," just to pay the bills, rather than in a "career" (whether a trade or a profession) that was in some way a reflection of HIM and his unique self. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 9/30/2007 7:02:58 PM | OP: In my opinion, yes it does. Having a job that requires skill, challenge and a certain amount of ambition matters to me. I've dated many a man that have had the reasoning qualities of a grapefruit when faced with real challenges regarding future goals, politics and how to manage money in order to plan a secure future for their families. Education is the key and its offered to all of us if we want it bad enough.
But what do I know? I raise show rats for a living, but it pays well.
Sans | |
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