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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/2/2007 11:08:18 AM |
This is the cheapest thing I've read yet. How about you take him along with you at your expense. I guess love comes at a price for some people.
So you want us to date someone who makes less than us AND pick up the tab? How is it fair that we have to do both? If we're to love a man for who he is and not what he can give us, then how does what we can give him fit into that? Exactly, it doesn't. Hopefully even if I wanted to pick up the tab, the guy I date wouldn't want me to. I know I don't want someone always paying my way, I mean what am I, 12 years old? I work, they work.
Expecting someone to float you because they make more than you is entitlement. People don't owe you money they worked for. Relationships and money don't mix. Relationships are tough enough without the added stress of money. Two people (male or female) who are at similar income levels no matter what they are will have one less thing to argue about.
I don't personally agree with living together or being married, but in a marriage if couples take turns supporting while the other goes to school, raises children, etc that's an exception because one can't do two things at once and at that p0int they become more of a family unit, but when dating someone - it's a different story.
And men are NOT more generous than women, they are just programmed from years of using their money to impress women from a time when women didn't work and they HAD to be the one spending, and therefore are more tolerant of it. I don't think they should either...if they think they should pay for everything and the woman they are dating feels they should too, then they belong together (and vice versa). Just because women want to keep their hard earned money to themselves when men prefer to spend it doesn't make them stingy, it's their choice and right to do whatever they want. | |
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K_Dub1
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Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 102 | |
| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/2/2007 12:08:14 PM | Well, kinda yeah. How a man chooses to spend a fair chunk of his lifetime (40 hrs per week by most standards) says alot about his personality/character. I don't think I could derive much personal satisfaction working at a 7-11 no matter what they paid me, nor would I find that attractive in a mate. I would have to think that he "settled" because he didnt have the drive or ambition do put himself in a position to have a more fulfilling CAREER (note: "career" is hugely different from "job")
Some might dissagree. | |
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livcom
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Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 103 | |
| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/2/2007 12:21:39 PM | | If a person wants a partner and not a dependant, it does not make them materialistic. Either sex. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/2/2007 12:43:38 PM | | Yeah but a person doesn't need a "career" to be independent. I'd rather date someone content with their job , than someone who puts there job/career, social image, and ambition before all else. That's the entirely the wrong reason for living imho. Money doesn't buy happiness, and work stress doesn't make you live longer. Yeah you have to pay your bills and rent/mortgage, have money to live comfortably, but you don't need to be a lawyer or a docter to achieve that. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/2/2007 1:13:10 PM | All I read from you is "I'm cheap" and I'm trying to make excuses for it without calling it cheap. Everything you've written just backs up everything I'm saying. Thanks for your support.
I forgot to mention, it helps in forum if you view other points of view besides your own valid...if not, there's really no reason to contribute. I don't find men who don't want to spend money on me "cheap". I know it's their right to do what they want with their money, and I don't want it anyway. Someone who buys you everything might just looking for ownership and control in a relationship. I'll pass.
If a person wants a partner and not a dependant, it does not make them materialistic. Either sex.
Exactly.
Yeah but a person doesn't need a "career" to be independent. I'd rather date someone content with their job , than someone who puts there job/career, social image, and ambition before all else. That's the entirely the wrong reason for living imho. Money doesn't buy happiness, and work stress doesn't make you live longer. Yeah you have to pay your bills and rent/mortgage, have money to live comfortably, but you don't need to be a lawyer or a docter to achieve that.
I agree with that...status has nothing to do with someone paying his bills, taking care of himself and planning for his future. If he lives within his means and it's not illegal or hurting anyone who cares? Some people don't necessarily want careers. That's their choice... | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/2/2007 2:08:18 PM | It's funny how you can call someone a loser and then say " oh but no offence" like that will make it all better. We all keep saying 7 11 and minimum wage jobs but what if it's just a job making less then you ?What if he is a janitor ,garbage man ,factory worker,maybe a mailman ? Why exactly are they losers just because they don't have a degree for what they do? How exactly are they not a contributing member of society ?
Funny i thought marriage was about being in love with that person and everything that is mine is yours ,and everything that is yours is mine. Well i think to most women it's still what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine. How many times does a man marry a woman who makes much less then he does ? Yet you never hear , at least i have never heard, a man say my wife is a burden who can't pull her weight and pay for her own tickets on a vacation or an equal half for our house or car/cars? | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/2/2007 2:15:11 PM | No, not at all....You could be one of those dudes that have them hotdog carts, to a graveyard digger, to a busboy....it doesn't matter to me.
As long as you have a job & I don't have to support yer a$$, ( Unless I wanted too of course)... got tired of that.
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/2/2007 3:19:35 PM |
How many times does a man marry a woman who makes much less then he does ? Yet you never hear , at least i have never heard, a man say my wife is a burden who can't pull her weight and pay for her own tickets on a vacation or an equal half for our house or car/cars?
Really? You've never heard a man say that? | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/2/2007 4:05:03 PM | Guys are allowed to get whatever job they want, and not have to find a whole new one just because some girl pressures him into it. If they enjoy their job and feel that they are financially able to provide for themselves, then what exactly is the problem? If the girl keeps on whining at him to get another one, then it is obvious that she never liked the guy for himself, but only based on how much money he can spend on her.
Sounds like a gold-digging challenge to me. I work at a minimum wage job($7.15/hr.) and it manages to pay well for my needs, and if I choose to get another job that pays $8 an hour or so, then it is my decision and mine alone to do it. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/2/2007 4:21:45 PM | what if the guy's job's title is a fudgepacker http://www.twango.com/media/mac.public/mac.10180
i don't care how much you have, what you do, what you know, or who ya blow, that is some funny ****ing shit. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/2/2007 4:37:13 PM | So the argument I'm hearing is this: "I want a man who makes near as much or more than I do, so that I won't have to support him."
The assumption underlying this statement is that just because you might make more than a man in the alternative scenario, that you're somehow going to have to spend to make up the difference. This might be true with some men, but with others it isn't, and I'd say the split between the two is significant enough to warrant noting.
I frequently hear women defending this position say that they want to go on vacations, want to save money for the future, want to have nice things, want to have houses, etc. No matter how they sugarcoat this or attempt to explain it away, they're being materialistic. It's nice to have nice things (that's why they're called "nice" things), but it should never be the focus of one's life, much less a determining factor in a relationship.
Now I'm all for dumping the loser who constantly leeches off the more affluent partner's finances. There's no defense for that kind of lazy behavior.
But if they're happy with what they make, and they aren't attempting to take any more of your money than what you choose to offer (whatever your motivations; there's the key, ladies: check your motivations, and for once try and be honest with yourself about them), then I say they're doing fine. At that point, money isn't an issue for them, it's an issue for you if you're complaining about it to begin with (which the ladies defending this approach of "caring" what a man's job is are doing).
I think it's fine to want to enjoy some things in life; there's a reason we have some time in American culture to be single, whereas in almost every other nation in the world most people are married by their mid twenties at the latest, and often their early 20s. Go on trips! Buy a nice car if you really feel you have to have something like that (and so we're clear, the financial data is abundantly extant: buying a brand new car is a financially-irresponsible decision for any reason other than the warranty; cars, all of them, lose value the instant you roll them out of the dealership, and they never appreciate in value past that)!
But the thing to realize about relationships is this: it ceases being about what any individual wants, and how another person can fit into that. It becomes about what they want as a couple, and the rest are negotiable bonuses that might or might not come to pass. This is why the divorce rate is over 50% in America now (one of many reasons): people have ceased having a mind towards a couple, and instead treat relationships/marriages as situations of two individuals who just happen to cohabitate and occasionally stick themselves in each other. It's ceased being about caring wholly about the other person (because when both are doing this, both are taken care of), and it's become instead "It's about me, and you happen to be here, so you'd best fit in with what I already decided when I didn't have you around."
Wonderful approach, wouldn't you say?  | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/2/2007 4:43:25 PM |
Well here's the interesting thing HappyGilmore.. we've had single income families for centuries. It's called LOVE. It means you were two and become one. You support the other and work together with them to achieve common goals. It's the fact that you can't work together unselfishly that is driving the wedge into the relationship, not the fact one earns more than the other.
I understand what you are saying. But those days are rapidly disappearing. The new name of the social game is equality. And with equality comes equity. A relationship is about partnering. Before it was partnering on a social level with separated responsibilities (the man brings home the dough and the woman takes care of the house). Now the rules have changed and include partnering on all levels. We share responsibilities in an equitable manner which means both the man and the woman is responsible for house choirs and bringing home money. The interesting side effect of this is exactly the view of equity. More and more people are now looking for a partner to be equitable at all levels. Love, yes it is still the most important aspect of any relationship. But love is not enough in today's society to single-handedly carry the relationship. Your testament to my conclusion is a whooping 50%+ divorce rate and I am sure they married for love yet the relationship fell apart.
Yes we all want to believe in the romance novel where love concurred all. But reality is quite different isn’t it. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/2/2007 4:45:12 PM |
If a person wants a partner and not a dependant, it does not make them materialistic. Either sex.
Correct. It is not about money. It is about equity and compatibility. Most posters haven't understood this yet. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/3/2007 5:43:50 AM | A man's job does not really matter to me. I'd date a man who was unemployed, retired,
who worked at McDonald's.... job's don't really matter. Being a nice person does. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/3/2007 9:11:32 AM |
Finneganne, offense taken and your arrogance is most unattractive. The guy working the counter at my gas station is 35 years old and owns the station and two others, has a beautiful european wife, two young daughters, and drives a late model BMW 325 Xi with 18 inch chrome rims. But hey...since he is working the counter at his own gas-station, obviously he is intellectually inferior and a total loser right? Just like because I'm a pizza delivery driver, I must of ate paint chips as a kid. Doesn't matter if I'm taking home more than my ex, who is a teacher with a masters degree, just by catering pizza and pasta to corporate fortune 500 companies. I'm just a lowly delivery driver, if I take a day off I'll almost certainly end up homeless and in a shelter...right? Whatever...judge away, with the arrogance and capriciousness you toss around these forums you'd probably tip me a shiny quarter while casting me a gaze of total superiority.
I don't plan on being a driver forever, I'm going back to school in a few months to finish my degree. But regardless of where fortune takes me, you'd never ever hear me refer to someone who is actively contributing to society as a loser. My job as a delivery guy has made me an expert profiler of personalty, and I'd much rather hang out with the dudes at the 7/11 than an arrogant, haughty woman such as you Finneganne.
Mine was a tongue-in-cheek reference about a lawyer dating anyone because she can pay for everything she wants herself. A lawyer might see the 7/11 guy as a loser in terms of dating him.
Your gas station guy OWNS the gas station - if he was pumping gas and didn't own the gas station that he'd have all those things?
And if you're so proud of working as a pizza delivery guy, then why are you quick to say that you don't plan on being a delivery driver forever?
My point is that people with the same goals/aspirations, income levels, educational backgrounds, etc, make better mates than people coming from opposite ends of the spectrum.
The gap is easier bridged when the male is the one with a higher paying job as men don't care as much about that - you may see a male doctor with a woman who doesn't work at all - but you're not going to see a female doctor with the cashier at the 7/11 unless he owns the 7/11 chain. That's just life.
It's just fact, women don't want to date someone who is beneath them - and job is part of that package. Hanging out with someone, being friends with them - is vastly different to choosing them as a lifelong partner. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/3/2007 9:16:43 AM |
If a person wants a partner and not a dependant, it does not make them materialistic. Either sex.
Correct. It is not about money. It is about equity and compatibility. Most posters haven't understood this yet.
I agree. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/3/2007 9:19:10 AM |
It's just fact, women don't want to date someone who is beneath them - and job is part of that package. Hanging out with someone, being friends with them - is vastly different to choosing them as a lifelong partner.
And there you have it.
These types of women are at the bottom of the barrel. You and other women like you put worth of a person based on their financial situation or their wealth. You are the most despicable of people and probably among the most superficial and materialistic as well.
This is not about gold-digging but about values, personality and character. Women like this have neither.
A guy's job matters because of the priorities mentioned.
Why do you think there are so many questions like this in this section of the forum?
It's too bad so many guys think they need to 'prove something' or sell out in order to obtain approval from a woman. | |
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Icene
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Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 119 | |
| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/3/2007 9:57:31 AM | It really depends on the girl. For me it depends on what type of relationship we're in. If we're just friends, I couldn't care less so long as its legal. If we're boyfriend/girlfriend, then all I care is that he's happy with what he's doing. If we're in a serious relationship, then things change a bit.
Low-skill positions, even if they pay well, don't interest me. I'm a focused, driven person who likes other focused, driven people. I don't expect my guy to support me financially (I make plenty, thanks) and I would like for him to be comfortable enough to support himself. If we're married, obviously I'll support him fully when times get hard (laid off, pay cut, etc.). We don't have to start off at the same place, but ambition and drive are important to me. Even if it gets you to a place that only pays you $30K, if its what you love and dream of then I'm right there with you.
I've always made more than the guys I date, so I'm just trying to avoid having a guy who just sits back happy with a low-end job while I fuss and try to keep everything afloat. :) | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/3/2007 10:02:15 AM | I was married to a man who made less than I did. I was fine with it until it looked like he stayed in the relationship so I could finance him and his girlfried. Hmmm, that would be a no go. He was more upset about my setting up my own checking account and changing my direct deposit out of our joint checking account than anything else that happened during our breaking up.
I can handle a guy making less than me if he supports our relationship in other ways, supporting me emotionally, with things around the house, etc. What I don't want is a guy who makes less than me and also wants me to be doing all of the cooking, housework, yardwork, etc. I want a partnership and that doesn't have to mean that the finances are the only part of the equation. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/3/2007 10:24:53 AM | This is not about gold-digging but about values, personality and character. Women like this have neither.
And such is reality. You will find that most women indirectly share this belief whether they say it or not. It is a genetic issue whereas females are hard wired to seek out and mate with the alpha male. In other words, the one who can provide for a safe financial environment for their offspring or have a superior physical appearance. Why do you think so many females have the following statements on their profile: career oriented, financial secure, motivated etc. I hate to tell you the truth but if you can not provide for yourself and your offspring you will not be viewed as alpha and consequently dateable (mate-able). | |
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EC22
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Joined: 4/25/2007
Msg: 122 | |
| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/3/2007 3:21:05 PM | | Of course a man's job, financial status, and/or income matters. There are plenty of unattractive rich men who are dating or are married to good looking women because of his money. Let's face it. A man who is a doctor or a lawyer will get more attention from women than a man who works at a McDonalds or a 7-11. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/3/2007 4:15:00 PM | This would be JMO, but I'm gonna throw it out there anyhow just for the hell of it. I think you women should know this ! I've had it all, Money, great guy, lots of material things, but guess what. It's only yours as long as you can keep it. My husband took a massive heart attack in the states with no insurance so the money, material things and everything else other then his health was all immaterial and in the end LOST because of the cost of his heart attack !. You can't spend it when your dead and you can't take it with you, my point here is, who cares, if you love someone~! money, or lack there of should not really matter because what about when you already have married them, love them and they get sick, lose thier job or go bankrupt, are you leaving them for your TRIP alone ?????????? your friends can only keep you happy for so long, lower your standards a little bit.. GET OVER YOURSELVES and just know that life is too short to worry how much money a man makes.. if he will treat you good and respect you and be there for you when no one else is, that's IMPORTANT ~!!! :-) | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/3/2007 5:17:52 PM | I would say that you need to forget what other people, may, or may not think of your job. Focus on living a life that makes you happy, doing things that bring you satisfaction. If your job pays the bills, allows you to live the life you desire, and pursue what ever personal goals you find worthy then do not change a thing.
In the long run, being happy in your own skin will benefit you more than going through a bunch of contortions simply to satisfy someone else's materialistic goals. | |
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| Does a guy's job really matter?
Posted: 10/3/2007 10:14:38 PM | | Hell no! My boyfriend works at round table pizza when hes home and otherwise when hes gone touring with his band he has no money at all... I love him anyway... he has never had alot but what he does have he gives to me and thats more than I can say about the doctor who was rich that I dated for a lil while!!!!!!!!! | |
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