| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/22/2007 3:26:32 PM | | I guess it shows they can live with someone. But, yeah they are looked down on by others as being losers for living with a parent(s). Financially it makes sense, look at he dough he can be banking, better than someone struggling from paycheck to paycheck. Many of those men could probably buy a house with cash, something to think about. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/22/2007 6:39:45 PM | What I don't get is when it's because it's a convenience to them and they try to pass it off like they are 'taking care' of their parents when that is not the case.
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What I dont' get is the massive numbers of short sighted, narrow minded, totally judgemental women who automaticaly assume that such men are mummys boys.
To those women I say this. Consider firstly the kind of man who lives with a girlfirend and she pays the rent. He calls himself a mister mum but still neglects the children. At least he does whe he's not sexually molesting them. She brings home the bacon and his only income is from his drug dealing.
He has a half dozen other childeren by differet women and never ses or supports them. etc etc.
Does the man living with mum (never dad) sudenly seem such a petty issue that it's not even worth thinking about. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/22/2007 6:53:23 PM | Smooze
I get pretty heated with the man bashers myself. A great many do take thier man bashing as far as picking up with lexbian girlfriends but that doesn't last either.
Mostly becasue REAL lesbians don't hate men. They love women. Mellisia Ethridge would be a copy book example. She has hundreds of men among her freinds. But her only lovers are women. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/22/2007 10:12:56 PM | "maybe our western society would be better if we lived with our parents"
Good point. We used to be like this a little over a century ago when we were an agrarian society. Gosh, and we didn't have anywhere near the social problems that we have today. hmmmmmmm.... maybe.
Either my sister or I always lived with my mom following her divorce. I think the longest she lived without one of us was 6 months. Part of it was relieving some financial burden with shared finances .... relief for both of us (Mom and daughter at home). I had a built in babysitter, as suggested.
Personally, so long as they pay their share, I have a great deal of respect for people who successfully live with other adults - parents or roommates. They demonstrate financial responsibility and the ability to live with others. Both are good relationship traits for a potential mate. I have more concern with solitary people cause they might not be able to "play well with others" | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/22/2007 10:40:08 PM | "They demonstrate financial responsibility and the ability to live with others. "
This would make them feel like indepentant adults because.............................. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/22/2007 11:40:39 PM | ""They demonstrate financial responsibility and the ability to live with others. "
This would make them feel like indepentant adults because.............................."
ROFL... sorry, you'd have to know me to know why this makes me laugh. I am a very independent person. Living with a parent was absolutely no indicator of my independence or lack thereof all by itself. You would have to know my relationship with the person I live with to know whether I was independent or not.
I dated a guy back when we were both in our local colleges who lived at home. As a student he was financially dependent. However, that wasn't the part that concerned me. He was emotionally and socially dependent. He made all of his decisions as if he was still a small child - upon his mother's parental direction. Since then I have known men he did not live with their mothers. They did have their own place. However, they had not matured into conducting their own lives. There were still the child being directed by a maternal parent.
Do, I don't use "live with ... " as an indicator of independence. It is quite possible to live at home and be independent. Been there, done that. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/23/2007 9:35:12 AM |
Does the man living with mum (never dad) sudenly seem such a petty issue that it's not even worth thinking about. Crayonzz, I hope I'm not the only person who sees a kind of irony-hypocrisy in women criticizing this situation...that it seems that some women are of a type who will only excoriate/blame/humiliate a guy when he's living with the parent who is of the female sex. I'd think Freud--ahem, no relation, exactly--would have FIELD DAY with that psychoanalysis! | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/23/2007 5:04:04 PM |
Oh, their parenst are not disabled, just getting older.
Would you feel differently if he shared a home with two non-related adults who were 20 years his senior? Is this about total privacy at his home, or is it about controlling his contact with friends/family, or are you competing to own all his stuff before you even date him?
Women I've been serious with have always wanted me over at THEIR HOME more than they wanted to come to MY home. They would have been overjoyed to know I shared a house, so much the better excuse for the woman to drag me to HER place all the time! | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/23/2007 5:36:17 PM |
Of course, it's easy to stay home on your parents' dime, let them do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc and not contribute to the household monetarily AND THEN pay cash for your own home at 35 because you spent the first 35 years of your life freeloading and socking away your money.
Most people are assuming the child is freeloading and still being potty trained by his parents. That's a pretty broad and sloppy assumption. The arrangement could be very much like a landlord/tenant agreement and the parents may see the son even less than in his teenage years when only an empty dinner plate showed he was ever in the house at all. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/24/2007 2:04:09 PM | Hmmm Why would a grown man 40+ (always) live at home (with parents)?
Maybe because the get along. Some families allow/encourage adult children to stay just because they are adult and considerate enough to be good company. Families often have similiar values and lifestyle. After 30 most people actually like their parents at some level.
Sometimes it is sheer cost. Not every generation is born with a credit card tucked in their diaper. Just because a parent might own a home doesn't mean they can hang on to it when the children out grow the need and the cost of living has quad druppled but their income has stayed the same. Nor does it mean that a adult child has the opportunities that his parents had when the employers have left town or the employers that remain now offer no benifits. There are a lot of working poor in this country. The catestrophic cost of a first home in some regions makes home ownership nearly impossible. The small starter home of the 50's or the mobile home of the 70's has gone by the way of the dinosaur in most areas. With efficency apartments topping one persons full time salary in many zipcodes even men are bunking in.
Some are second or third generation business partners; ranchers, farmers, or nurseinghome managers come to mind (that have been "partners" in the bussiness since they were children) but I am sure there are others.
Sometimes parents or children are better tenants or room mates than inconsiderate deadbeats that inconsistently pay their share or even abuse the property. Or their housemates. Have you tried to find a suitable room mate lately? It is a long arduous process. One that takes a great deal of time and sometimes money.
Some adults actually work out a system that allows for personal privacy and personal responsibilities of all parties involved. Something like seperate bedrooms, many times seperate bathrooms, or more. Many so called single family homes have seperate enterances and seperate utilities. Just because someone lives at home does not men they eat at home. Just because someone lives at home does not mean they conduct their "private" activities at home or swinging from the living room chandelier. That is why motels, bed and breakfasts, and other assundry romantic get aways are popular.
Some people are at home so rarely that it is ridiculous to maintain a full time residence. People frequently on the road (truckdrivers come to mind), sent on assignments (aircrew or journalists) or military deployments, people who routinely do little more than sleep at home such a medical residents. Men who have live in positions like caregivers, group home administrators, or construction crews, or even "roadies" with entertainers or emergency relief efforts.
Some adults actually are caregivers. They don't wear it as a badge of "pat me on the back" but simply allow the care reciprent their dignity. Sometimes it is also to hide a "problem" but I think that is more rare than the former.
Some adults have debts or responsibilities they don't neccessarily make public knowledge. Maybe they blew their credit in college, are paying off catestrophic medical expenses, or had past legal issues.
It is possible the attention that how some "bridezilla's " and other partners, includeing the much touted divorce rate, portray marriage, especially in the media and on line, scares some otherwise elligible men to stay right where they are? If I thought my options for marriage was three hangers in the walk in closet, the guest bathroom, the tab for girls night out, and child support of a kid that wasn't even my biological child was my future my enthusiasm would wain for marriage too.
Last, but not least, the new "friends with benifits" and "cyber sex" plans that many must be subscribeing to or it would have died out has taken away a lot of the biological motivation for coupleing. Why buy the cow when so much milk is cheap? | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/24/2007 2:38:40 PM | "Would you feel differently if he shared a home with two non-related adults who were 20 years his senior? Is this about total privacy at his home, or is it about controlling his contact with friends/family, or are you competing to own all his stuff before you even date him?"
Controlling his contacts
 to funny.
It is about want an independant human being who other indepandant human beings can relate too.
If people need to be surrounded by family, why would they want to date to begin with? Do you expect the men/women to move in with your family at our age?
Being independant is adult being a mature adult. Being still under parents control over the age of maturity is bound to cause questions. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/25/2007 10:39:17 AM | | I,m from Europa where no shame to live with the parents until got married.I call "own space" running from your parents your family, the family don't love each another anymore.some people have a hard time to pay the rent,but need own space is very important to show up.I do respect the man who live with the parents,because this the man who wont live you when you get old,will stay with you and take care off you.This man have a hard , with deep feelings!!!!!! did you ever that this way????????????? | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/25/2007 1:17:55 PM | | From all outward appearances it must seem I'm broke and a loser because I choose to live with my father in a nice house, not for free, but two can share costs. Actually there is no mortgage and I may end up with it someday.....I suppose I should go buy a house and more toys to look like I live comfortably. I don't need anyone to support me. I know people who bought houses a while back and then the bank took them, at least for a while they looked like they were doing okay. An expensive car also would look so GOOD but it's one of the worst investments. A house is not always the best investment or an indication of ones finances, but now is definately a good time to buy one since I have been able to stash away some $$$ by being frugal. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/25/2007 1:28:36 PM | If grown men want to live at home with their parents frugally, let please enjoy. If the rest of us want to have our own homes, and have already paid off our mortgage or are close to it, that is the choice we make.
I don't understand how folks can say they live at home but are still independant, when they haven't been on their own for a long enough (if ever) to know what being independant of family even feels like. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/25/2007 5:24:25 PM | | Some people just fail to understand that some people can live in the same house with a family member and still be independent. How could those who can't understand this live with a spouse? I don't understand that. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/25/2007 5:47:48 PM | Widowed people understand the difference between being interdependant while our spouses were alive, and moving back to living alone as a independant person.
Hard to imagine after living as an adult in charge of our lives and our homes, how we could go back to loosing control of our lives and go back to a child like role within our parents home. Hard to imagine too if our parents desired to move to another city or to a different type of house, where we would fit or not fit into the plan. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/25/2007 5:53:25 PM |
I don't understand how folks can say they live at home but are still independant, when they haven't been on their own for a long enough (if ever) to know what being independant of family even feels like.
Just because someone is living at home after 45, doesn't mean they were never independant at some time in their lives, or that they aren't independant now, just because they live under the same roof, such as, they could be contributing their fair share of expenses, and possibly helping their parent or parents in so doing, and still be independant and come and go as they please.
I think a lot of people have blinders on and think everyone thinks and feels the same way they do. If we were all alike, it would be quite a boring world!
Widowed people understand the difference between being interdependant while our spouses were alive, and moving back to living alone as a independant person.
I'm not picking on you moriana, but widowed people don't have a monoply on living interdependant nor do all widowed people, before being widowed live that way. There are some I'm sure who were co-dependant all their married lives and being widowed or divorced has nothing to do with it. I can't speak for all divorced people, nor can you speak for all widowed. Everyone is different, and every situation is different. JMO
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/26/2007 3:24:44 AM | I don't respect young 30 or 40 or 50 years olds who live with their parents because they want Mom to cook and do laundry for them again. Notice NO GENDER there. Just age!
I do respect men and women who chose to help or take care of an elderly parent. And if that involves living with the parent, then it would not stop me from having a relationship with a guy.........I would include his parent in our life.........and help to take care of them, too........ | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/26/2007 7:50:12 AM | | Unfortunately most of the 40+ men that I know who live with a mother (or even a grandmother), are living OFF of them, not HELPING them! That's why I'm suspicious! | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/28/2007 12:14:54 PM | I grew up a shy and nervous type person- how I made it through college is beyond me. Then I came down with some chronic med problems in my late 20's and quit grad school and have been back at home ever since. My problems were'nt real serious, but they just kept me fatigued, feeling like crap and kept my nerves shot. Since then there's been times I haven't worked like I should, but for the last several years I have worked good at a labor job. Maybe I've just been weak and gave into my problems. I regret I didn't try harder to over come them, that I was shy and nervous and didn't get out and get a life and lady, but I can't go back. I want a woman, but I doubt a fairly sensible woman would want me. Its not a good way to live. A mans not living life as a man, if he doesn't get married and have a wife. Im not talking just about sex, but thats part of it too.
But think about this!!!! Most you people in here that are putting these guys down, you've been divorced! If you men are so damn great, how come some woman divorced your azz? For you ladies, the men you married probably didn't live at home. If you can pick the "prince" how come you divorced his azz? If all of ya'll are so great, how come your divorced? I suppose you can say, at least we tried. At least some of us "mamas boys" didn't get out have some children, drag them through a couple divoces and create some single moms that have to burrden the welfare system. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/28/2007 1:38:43 PM | Airecon, actually the man I married DID live at home with mama and daddy paying for everything. In fact, two of his brothers (now in their early 50's) are INCAPABLE of living on their own now that their parents are deceased, so they go from pillar to post, staying with people because they LOST the paid-for family home that was left to them. And my ex-husband might have suffered the same dysfunctional fate had we not gotten married at a very early age, and I INSISTED that even if we lived in a tent, we would have to live as an independent unit.......because I could just sense that if I hadn't done that...........
And I became a "single mom" (and he a "single dad") when our daughter was 13, and she was NEVER a burden on the welfare system!!! | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/28/2007 1:43:03 PM | Hey Choco hun? Don't pay any mind to that attitude! It takes all kinds. How they can just come in and blurb out their insults without knowing any of us simply astounds me!
I have always supported my two children and have never even been on unemployment insurance never mind welfare...wonder if he can say the same? | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/28/2007 4:08:34 PM |
This would make them feel like indepentant adults because....
I have more freedom and independence.
I'm not pressured by house payments, car payments or costly wife.
I can pick and choose the jobs I want instead being forced into marginal situations.
I have backup cars available if mine needs work (like this week).
I always have somebody to go out to dinner with.
It's peaceful and quiet.
What did I give up?
I'm not a big fan of Boise.
I have less privacy but still, it's a pretty big house and women never want to have sex anyway.  | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/28/2007 4:54:53 PM | OMg................................how can you stand to be you.
Sorry kids, but more freedom.................more freedom to be an non adutlt..........even though you are old enough to be an adult who should be contributing to society...........not using it...................
Mommy, please take me back. I need help.............I can't do it by myself...................th e opposite sex pick on me Mom................holy h...l. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/28/2007 5:06:16 PM |
I can pick and choose the jobs I want instead being forced into marginal situations.
I bet most any job proves to be too marginal for you since someone else is paying your freight. Geeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzz Try not to be judgemental, but this one's over the top.  | |
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