| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/28/2007 5:16:28 PM | i have a distant relative who is sort of the black sheep of the family. he is 40 and lives with his parents. they are upper middle class.
"gary" eats fine food every night prepared and served by his mother. she cleans his sheets, launders his clothes.
he "works" for his father when his dad can get him out of bed. he is slightly child-like and takes medication to control his bi-polar problem. his big problem is gambling. every cent he makes is gone on payday. his dad has tried to give him little bits at a time but they get into huge arguments. he steals from them, cash and credit card. i'm not sure why they don't kick him out but i believe it is because he would die out there.
it's sad to say the least. his girlfriend is an older disheveled lady near 70 years old with little income. they have sex and watch tv. he's not a bad looking guy. but she is butt ugly with saggy wrinkles and lumpy skin. she looks like she fell out of an ugly tree and hit every branch going down. he told me he enjoys sex with her....GAAAAGGGGG! | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/28/2007 5:33:19 PM |
most any job proves to be too marginal for you since someone else is paying your freight
Exactly! 
I pick and choose the jobs I want now. Prior to 2006, I had to take whatever contract gig showed up within the right timeframe because I had to make that house payment and toss another couple thousand to my wife.
That's gone. I had a lot pressure, costs, constraints and I just wasn't getting much for it.
I suspect that many men are trapped into that type of situation but don't view it the same way. Now I can wait months for the right position. I worked seven months last year but I made about the same income as when I worked a full year and finally got back into similar positions / titles that I had during the stock bubble. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/28/2007 5:46:42 PM |
an adult who should be contributing to society......
I bet I pay more in taxes than you do. 
Mommy, please take me back... I can't do it by myself
Did it for twenty-five years.
Been there, done that.
I was like you.
I was brainwashed by certain social constructs, constructs that made my life harder and less pleasant. When will you realize that you're just burning your remaining time by clinging to "the perfect man" consstruct? You could be *enjoying* your life. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/28/2007 9:20:39 PM | Brainwashed by certain social constructs? LOL
Owning a house and paying your way makes you brainwashed? Good God most people must be brainwashed including myself. I say we all move back with our parents so our lives are easier and have a spare car to use when needed just like when we were children. Yup thats it, we should use our parents until they are gone.
Or maybe some of us are in a position to help our parents instead of using them to make our live easier and more pleasant!!!!!!! | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 1:11:45 PM | | ...don't want to move back in with Daddy. On January 1, 2008, he'll have been mouldering in his grave for 20 years....and there ain't enough room in there for MEEEEE!!!!! | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 1:14:49 PM | | I don't know why men live with their Mamas past the age of 22. I think it's sad...unless of course he is caring for his aging or ill parents - that's a different story all together. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 2:00:02 PM |
Good God most people must be brainwashed including myself
I think that's what I said, yes.
Hey, you know if the path worked out right, I would have walked it, too, but I'm not going to spend a lot of my remaining time trying to make it happen so I can avoid ridicule from people buried in debt or women seeking a free ride!
we should use our parents until they are gone
Perhaps I'm luckier than you, my parents don't view it that way. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 3:15:34 PM | Perhaps you think anyone who doesn't depend on their parents to make life easier as being brainwashed. I think anyone using their parent to make their lives easier as being childlike and a parasite who's views are adolescent in nature.
"Hey, you know if the path worked out right, I would have walked it, too, but I'm not going to spend a lot of my remaining time trying to make it happen so I can avoid ridicule from people buried in debt or women seeking a free ride!"
Not everyone is buried in debt, in fact if you are wise enough you can retire before turning 50, own a home and not depend on your parents to make your life easier.
As for the women looking for a free ride you should be able to relate to them since you are using a parent for the same thing.
"Perhaps I'm luckier than you, my parents don't view it that way."
If I wanted to I could be living with my father. In fact I did for a short time after I got divorced. When I was there I paid all the bills and made things easier for him. Its called being a man, paying your way and having some pride. I even bought a house not too far from him in order to be able to help him as needed, not the other way around. I feel I am luckier due to the fact I learned how to take care of myself and not use others. If you were there to help them I could understand it but as you said before its easier for you. Perhaps you are lucky but not because your parents don't view it that way but because they don't see the real reason why you are there. Why not be a man and go tell them the real reason you are there, or let them read your posts.
You sound like a spoiled child who never grew up and became an adult. Did your exwife get tired of your "Its all about me" attitude and kick your butt to the curb? 
pssssssst you can save responding to this, I will treat you like I did when my children tried acting like spoiled brats, ignore them until they figured out they weren't getting their way, maybe someday you will grow up as they did. I doubt it though. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 3:16:59 PM | | I wonder if men who live at home in their senior years ie. 40+, end up as bitter at their parents as they are at women. After all, everyone owes you to take care of you, and if they don't give exactly what you figure they owe you, who is going to take care of you then. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 4:34:51 PM |
I wonder if men who live at home in their senior years ie. 40+, end up as bitter at their parents as they are at women. After all, everyone owes you to take care of you, and if they don't give exactly what you figure they owe you, who is going to take care of you then.
True. And the parents can't die in peace because they have left someone they love, here, who can't, or won't, man up, and take care of themself And after they die, does the "child"
hate them for leaving them "alone and helpless"?????  | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 4:48:08 PM | This thread is so depressing!! Geeze, lets find some positive remarks. Perhaps they live at home to help out the parents, and then they have to stay there or they will feel guilty when the parents don't have anyone to help them.
The best way is to ask the man or woman why they are living at home and if you don't like the answer, then block/delete. LOL | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 5:39:56 PM |
This thread is so depressing!! Geeze, lets find some positive remarks.
You're right, AgelessWonder. We should lighten up. It's just that sometimes reality bites, and it takes courage to tell it how it is.  JMHO | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 6:26:26 PM | ou sound like a spoiled child who never grew up and became an adult. Did your exwife get tired of your "Its all about me" attitude and kick your butt to the curb?
Actually she fought the divorce like a she-demon for over a year.
Even now, she managed to get it partially rolled back and I have to redo it. She's been stalling the second pass for... almost three months now.
Yup, it's definitely about me now because I spent twenty-some-odd years where it was never about me.
I will treat you like I did when my children tried acting like spoiled brats, ignore them
That's okay, I'll reply for anyone else that's reading.
What you have to ask yourself is why YOU are so upset about MY personal choices that don't affect you. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 7:04:09 PM | I don't think for a moment that anyone here is going to have a problem with an adult living with an aged parent who need real help.
Yes, reality can be depressing at times. People who use people can sure be the root cause of depression. Aged Parents don't need the added pressure of adult children who won't/can't grow up.
A older neighbour lady was an inspiration to me. She was in her 80's, and had to take her oxygen with her where ever she went. I used to see her often and stop to chat. She wouldn't let me help her shop or take her groceries to her vehicle, and always had a smile on her face. Poor dear women died a few months ago. Up until her death, both a son in his 40's and a daughter about the same age lived at home. Both got divorced and moved to their mother's house. The house was one of the smallest in town. Mom did the cooking and cleaning and lived on a pension. Her children paid no board, and wouldn't even put her window air conditioner in for her in the 100+ weather of last summer. She may have had oxygen, but cool air would have made her last days so much easier. Why does it bother me to see this type of abuse going on? If you have to ask, there is no point in me trying to explain it. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 7:22:26 PM | I can't imagine. I was out of the house at 18. While some of my friends were going on pogie and drinking beer in their parent's basements, I was working, marrying and buying my own house.
Now my older sister has moved into my place. I'm kinda hoping she'll grow up someday and get her own place too! ..grin..
I've heard of some cultural groups where this is more common, eg. Italian. You live at home until you are married, period. Outside of some deeply entrenched cultural tradition, I can't understand how a man could not need to go out and make his own home. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 7:48:06 PM | You might be surprised why some people still live at home.... I lived with my mother for about five years in my forties after a breakup, turns out I was totally unaware of what she could or could not still do in terms of maintaining her house and life, seems there were a lot of things that needed doing and I was the only man still around (father deceased) to do them. It can be a lot of work maintaining an older home. I was also quite surprised how much purpose my being around put back into my mother's life, she had someone to cook for again, wash clothes for again, she got to see her grandaughter more often, there was a purpose in her life again. Initially I kept telling her not to do these things as I would do them, but she still did them, I finally realized it made her happy, caring for her son again so I stopped bothering her. I eventually moved out again but only after making sure someone was with her (my niece). Four months after I left I stopped in to check on her one day while my niece was at work and found her deceased in her favorite chair in the living room, which was the most intense emotional moment in my entire life... I can only say this... I lived with my mom in my forties and only regret I did not spend more time with her, I love you Mom....
Before passing judgement on someone who lives with their folks... ask them why... | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 8:46:32 PM | Well, I am old enough to have a 40 yr. old son, and have been living on my own for 15 years now. What I can't do myself around the house and property I hire someone to do. I have my own interests and won't led an adult child take over my life and home. It iswonderful that you loved your Mother. However, you said you move there because you marriage broke up, so in effect Mom was helping you just as much if not more than you were helping her. If you hadn't been there to do thing then she would have hired someone to do the work if and when she wanted to. Besides why do men have to move in with their parents before they help with heavy work around the house. I cetainly help other folks in the neighbourhood who need physical help around their property, and I wonder why their children aren't helping on an occasional weekend.
Surely you could have done the work without living there. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 8:54:38 PM |
I am willing to bet that if these so called men still live with their mother for their own selfish reasons have their mothers' doing their wash, cooking, etc.
I certainly would never consider dating anyone under those circumstances. That just screams to me that the man was always lazy.
Why would any independent woman consider an inept man? I raised my son (who can cook, wash, clean, iron and empty a dishwasher while he attended high school, playing sports and working a part-time job) while I held two jobs to maintain our nice home and maintain our standard of living.
It would be selfish of me to even want my son to move back home to take care of me.
That is why "Assisted Living Facilites" have been created.
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 9:19:31 PM | | Well that is me. I live with parents and 2 of my kids and I own a business i do it because in next year I may lose one if not both of parents so for me I owe them for me to be here it is that simple and for the 2nd to last woman I dated lol guess you found out the hard way why I would not rent a house to youlmao I also own 2 houses. But ma and dad need me here plus want me here. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/29/2007 10:13:03 PM | Bleepto:
Obviously, you are not living with your parents for your own selfish reasons which I stated.
Hope all goes well for you. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/30/2007 2:09:04 AM | | I can see why most people don't understand why these men live at home. I can see why you think its odd and strange, but I can't see why your so concerned about it. I don't understand why you call them names, through out insults and say you don't respect them. I can't see why you keep analyzing them. Why? If its not your parents they live with, if its not close relatives, or someone you know that's being abused, what damed business is it of your? You say they don't pay rent, don't do their laundry etc etc. Why is it any of your business? I've never been concerned with people that can't manage their marriages and get divorced. Some of my relatives have got divorced- I thought it was a bad deal for them and the kids, but I wasn't too concerned about it. I didn't call them names and insult them. Its none of my business. The only reason I've said anything about divorice is because most of you that have been dishing out the insults and that seem so concerned about these guy are divorced. So like I said- if your so mature, if your so responsible and if you got your "sh!t" together so well ( like you say these guys don't have ), why did your marraige hit the skids? | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/30/2007 3:22:38 AM | waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh................I lost my binky........waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...................I don't wanna leave my crib........waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............where are you????????????
I don't waaaaaaaannna wear my diapie.........
PUHLEEZE- this sounds like some of the Lil Boys ( & girls) who are still tied to the apron strings
Even a bird pushes it's young out of the nest so it can learn to fly........ | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/30/2007 6:20:52 AM | | The difference between humans and birds (including bird brains and other animals) is that humans can care for each other. I "invited " my 90 year old mother and handicapped sister to live with me because I am a doctor, can care better for them, have people come in to help as well , hate a big empty house so sectioned it off for my own private entrance, everything works great including bringing in my friends for sleep overs and is way better than having your kids live with you for whom I bought their own house. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:38:35 AM | I am glad I am not an arrogant, heartless F--k, there are people out there that appreciate the sacrifices their parents made in raising them , and when the time comes makes a similar sacrifice for their parents as well, its called LOVE... I am sure lots of people might live with their folks because they are dependent on them, I also believe many do not, there are other reasons, some of you people are way too judgemental and negative on this subject... I would do again what I had to do to help someone I loved, if I had the opportunity, only I would do it better, have helped more. Did you ever stop to think some of these people love their kids? and vice versa? What is so wrong with that?
Its no wonder so many people are alone with attitudes like that, critical of the fact that someone might choose to live with a loved one,
its a bad thing, something is wrong with that, so what? Some people just can't stand that some families actually had close loving relationships? And still do? That they actually cared about one another??? Our society the way it is tends to tear family units apart, not keep them together, one reason this country is so screwed up...
Past societies kept families together better than today, imho... | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/30/2007 7:53:57 AM | | Incidently, the one thing my parent wanted was to never end up in a nursing home and you know what? She never did, she had six kids that loved her, she stayed in her home. I would hope that those of you so willing to criticize people who live or lived with their parents would be so lucky as to avoid to avoid the same when your time comes, but somehow I doubt it. Assisted living facilities are soooo popular these days, I just don't have time for mom or dad... | |
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