| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/30/2007 8:49:04 AM | So sad that again judgements and assumptions are made. I rent the basement from my mother - does that make we a freeloader?? She is only 60 with M.S. and each day we never know what is in store for her. She can be great for months - other times she may wake up screaming in bed as she cannot move her legs (although the screaming has decreased in episodes because she now understands it) . Assisted living - lol there you go mom off to the warehouse. Have you gone to visit some of these assisted living facilities?? Have you taken the time to tour them and smell the urine in the air in some of these facilities?? How about read the paper when it spoke of the low premium given to different facilities to cover the cost of food for their patients?
It appears that in many responses an automatic "mama's boy" stigma comes into play before taking the time to know who he is, why he may live at home, what brought him back there, or even if he never left. Please have respect and take the time to find out before judging .
My mother was diagnosed with M.S when I was 20 and pregnant with my first child. My marraige did not work out and have lived with my mom since then. Condem me if you must yet would love to have others see her daily struggles and to be told each year will be a blessing if she makes it. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/30/2007 9:28:19 AM |
Assisted living - lol there you go mom off to the warehouse. Have you gone to visit some of these assisted living facilities?? Have you taken the time to tour them and smell the urine in the air in some of these facilities?? How about read the paper when it spoke of the low premium given to different facilities to cover the cost of food for their patients?
Bravo to you for pointing out the ridiculous meandering of Message 148 and for understanding the expense of a decent assisted living facility that actually give a sheet about your mother or father there. I have read some of her posts before, and she I think in general she has a difficult time with the gray areas in life. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/30/2007 2:33:14 PM | | mmmm I guess because they are lazy and know that their parents are there to do the cooking, cleaning etc. I find it a total turn off when guys still live at home. I left home at 18 and had to defend for myself, you need the experience of living on your own its part of growing up | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 11/30/2007 2:35:00 PM | | you sound a very caring sort of person, and I can understand where you are coming from, it is not the normal living at home situation. Life can be very complicated sometimes, I admire you for what you are doing and im sure your mum does too, she is lucky to have you. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 12/1/2007 9:10:32 AM | -->timeforacoolchange.
I think the thread is more about men who don't make any real effort to make a home for themselves. In your case, you were out, back in for a while that you found satisfying and for some reason, moved out again.
I don't think your situation is what they're talking about.
My eldest daughter and I can't really live together. We're just not compatible house mates and she recognized that early. That doesn't mean it will never be so, or that we both won't welcome a chance for the joy you experienced. Regardless, she is an independent soul who will make her own life separate from mine.
I think this thread is hinting at grown up Mama's Boys who appear to never really cut the apron strings. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 12/1/2007 9:16:27 AM | -->MischiefEyes.
Same comment as timeforacoolchange.. I don't think the point here is about people who have a reason to live in close contact with parents. I thought it was more about Mama's Boys who grow up and never really cut the apron strings. I've met some people who at 40, can't make a decision without their parents, focus most of their time around their parents activities and not because of any kind of need.
It's easy to understand people who are helping each other. What's difficult is trying to date or form a relationship with someone who doesn't seem to have grown up and away from their parents. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 12/1/2007 12:39:19 PM | I am 60 years old and yes I too live with my mother. My father past away 4 1/2 years ago and before he died he asked me to take care of mom, who is now 88 years old and still living in the same house since 1949. I do the cooking and 90 % of the shopping, at first I questioned my moving in with her in August, but now have no regrets as her mind is starting to forget more and more weekly.
At this time there is no way mom will move into a home for seniors and I don't know if there is one who will take her because of her my way or the highway attitude. I admit I asked several women about there thoughts on dating a 60 year old male living with his mom and suprisingly the feed back was positive.
I considerate this to be my responsibility to preform this task, also my sister who lives in Kentucky and the last thing I wanted was for her to visit mom and find her on the floor dead.
So I guess you are right, it is a choice one has to make, but make no mistake I accept my responsibility no matter how it will affect my life.
So if you date me, you date me, the bottom line is mom does not run my life, I live my life but try to enrich hers and make her comfortable... | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 12/1/2007 2:12:05 PM | Aged parents needing help aren't a problem to anybody who has half a heart.
Now if the 40+ man/women has a parent(s) who is in great health, and perfectly capable of taking care of themselves...............remind me just why they would want their adult child to come back. If that child has been gone for a decade or two, I think that Mom and Dad will have found a lifestyle they enjoy. Please don't say now that they need you to go home to give them purpose. Most Retired people work hard to enjoy their retirement. They don't need to start sharing the valued floor space with their offspring again. I am sure there are co dependant people who if they loose their spouse, rather than do the work to make a new life for themselves wouldn't mind transfering the co dependancy to their parent(s). | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 12/2/2007 1:19:07 AM | I read all your posts before deciding to comment Angelicblondie ...I gotta think that one of the most common words directed at you, throughout your lifetime has been "*sshole".
I very very seldom refer to a woman in any derogatory fashion ...however in this case you make it quite easy ...your post was mean, without any form of objectivity, and critical of a something you know absolutely nothing about....or do you? After your parental unit put you on the street did you not get knocked up and trap a man so he could then look after you? feed you, cloth you, house you
I glanced at your profile ....you've requested that people rate your appearance ...yet you've been checking off "10" yourself ...wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ...wahhhhhhhhhhhh I need attention ...wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh .....wahhhhhhhhh I need someone to tell me I'm pretty ...wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 12/2/2007 2:46:43 AM | | There is nothing wrong with a man over 40 still living at home with his folks,, its up to the indivdual , if hes happy thats cool, and it certainly wouldnt put me off him. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 12/2/2007 5:41:48 AM | I really think this thread was meant to be about Mama's boy who could not leave the nest and the thought of the apron strings being untied.
I totally respect someone who looks after their ailing parents, after all one thing we cannot avoid is becoming old and frail. God bless them all for caring and sharing.
It's a totally different situation however, when a man is not secure enough to leave home and stays so he can be pampered by his Ma. In fact, surveys has shown that people who have never left the nest, will have a hard time getting adjusted in life when the sad day comes and he loses his parents. It's harder, later on in life to learn how to be independent!
As for the ones who are totally coddled by the parents...Nixxxxxxxxxxx... a lot of them can't even make themselves a "tea" and some are emotionally crippled... I hate to say this but in a room of 1000 people they usually stick out like a sore thumb... out ....yikesssssssss...scarey mary....  
Now I'm waiting to get the brunt   | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 12/2/2007 7:55:08 AM | Seaenchantress ..I'm one of the ones who returned home to tend to my mother for the last six years ..she passed a few months ago. I live in a small community ..the same critism exist amongst adult children returning to look after their parent(s) as does the adult child who allegedly elects to live with their parents.
Firstly, simply because the adult child looks sound or has a business or whatever, does not necessarily mean he is not without medical problems, most often of a psychiatric nature ..but not to the extend that he would be deemed disabled or functionally incapable.
You referred to them as emotional cripples ..your views are a tad harsh, especially from a person whose Province is the brunt of every 'stupid' joke, but I follow your jist.
Unfortunately years of newphie jokes has provided you with no empathy . Regardless, some men reacted so badly to the loss of their first love that they never again would entrust their feelings to another ...the devestation often resulted in the need to be sheltered ...these men want nothing more than to conduct themselves "normally" ..but no longer have the tools. Further, they must now have to endure the critism, remarks, and personifications of those who do not live in their minds.
"Leaving the nest" ..hate to burst your bubble but not all birds learn to fly ..they drop to the ground and die. Live and let live ..we are all just trying to get through life the best way we know how. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 12/2/2007 4:49:44 PM | All of you people that are putting these guys down. What if he was in your family, maybe an in-law or friend of friend? What if you had to socialize with him from time to time like at a family get together? Would you talk about him behind his back to friends and family, would you bash him like your doing here?
What if you had to work close with one of these guys, would you bash him and talk about him to other co-workers? In order to do your job, what if you had to interact closely with him and communicate with him, how would you treat him? Would you take him seriously or just look at him as a joke and ignore him, etc? | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 12/2/2007 7:48:21 PM | | I had a cousin who did this. He lived with his parents until they both died. We all just assumed that he was gay! Then after they died, he married a woman his age and had a fantastic marriage! | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 12/4/2007 10:13:47 PM | I say why not? If you get along with your parents and your mom or dad don't interfere or try to run your lives, do what you want. If your family is too dysfuntional and you are too codependent, then don't do this type of living arrangement. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 12/5/2007 1:58:17 AM | Know what I can't understnd people?
I can't understand why women are so picky, over something as petty as a mature man still living with his parents.
I could undrestand picky women rejecting a man who
- Had done over ten years in jail
- Dealt drugs in front of his own children
- Had beaten up his ex wife badly enough for he to need a week in hospital
And these men are not hypothetical. They do exist.
Which is why I will never understand a woman who is so shallow that she makes a fuss if he's still living at home.
PS I moved out age 17 | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 12/5/2007 8:39:46 AM | I find it funny that we have a double standard. Men are bashed if they live with their parents. (I live on my own by the way) yet I most recent (now ex) girlfriend lived with her mom. She did not make enough money to pay rent on her own so she lived with her mom. Okay fair enough..most would not bash her for that but some would. Some would only bash the men. Understand where I am going with this?
I have dated a few women who were single mother's who lived with their parents so they would have a baby sitter while they were at work. I have no problem with that.
I do ha e a problem with the women I have dated who were in their 30's who lived with their parents but could afford to live on their own. They talked of ex boyfriend's as being "Mamma's boys" who lived with their parents. I pointed out to them what their living situation was and they said it was different because they were women.
I have no problems with the living situations of anyone as long as it works for them.
There was a time when we valued family. Maybe part of the social problems that we have as a society today is that we do not value the family unit. We did ot have many of the problems in the past tat we do today when we valued family. Look at some countries in Europe that value living with the family unit like Italy. Less social problems. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 2/19/2008 12:53:09 PM | I agree, it is a parent job to help their child become strong independent adults, with values. Some parents, just do not want to let go of their children so they keep them weak, so they will always be dependent. To me that is such a selfish thing to do.
What hapoens to your child after you are gone, and they are 50 plus and never ever
been able to take care if themselves.
I think so many adults who live at home,( not the ones who have sick parents), are
insecure, weak indivisuals, who are using their parents, because they want their life easier. Now it is totally different, if you are making their life easier, or you just went through a divorce. But to live at your parents house, just because you are not man enough or woman enough to stand or your own two feet is pathetic!!!!
Even, animals teach their young to be strong and to survive without them.
God, designed you to be a man to have your own family, and women God designed you to be the women in your own family. Scheesh !!! No wonder so many of us cannot find a mate, you all ,( over 40+ living at home), are out their busy trying to stay a
child. GROW UP ALREADY !!!!! | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 2/19/2008 1:00:33 PM | timeforachange
You sound like a wonderful person, you gave of yourself to make your mother happy,
and you were not doing it because it was all about you. That is a huge difference for people who are just lazy, and do not want to grow up!! You are in a catagory all by yourself and I applaud you !!!
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:04:05 PM | I moved back to my parents' house when I was in my early 40's. Pa was having some trouble and my presence there, as the only kid, was intended to help. I was single, back in school for a few years, and although it did mess a bit with my social life, it was bearable and wasn't the end of the world for me. I stayed till my school was over, till I accomplished what I went there to accomplish (to some extent), then moved away back to my own place.
That would be one reason that a man would willingly choose to live with his parents. Of course, there is always the reason that the man is just a mama's boy (as has been mentioned in this thread). I suppose everyone forms their own opinions on things, but I can't say that while I was there, I was really concerned about what others thought.
cdn guy | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 2/19/2008 9:15:01 PM |
Incidently, the one thing my parent wanted was to never end up in a nursing home and you know what? She never did, she had six kids that loved her, she stayed in her home. I would hope that those of you so willing to criticize people who live or lived with their parents would be so lucky as to avoid to avoid the same when your time comes, but somehow I doubt it. Assisted living facilities are soooo popular these days, I just don't have time for mom or dad...
I went home to take care of my mother during the last year of her life. I was the third daughter to try. I made it till the last month. As a result, I've instructed my son, that should he observe I've become as crazy as a loon, to please put me in a nursing home. By force if necessary. And to please ignore anything that "I" would have to say to him at that time. To please remember *this* calm and loving woman who is speaking at this moment. I have zero desire to tear his life and my grandchildren's life into little bitty bits.
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 2/20/2008 6:31:20 AM |
I hate to say this but in a room of 1000 people they usually stick out like a sore thumb... If you hate saying something, why not keep your pie-hole clamped shut? Unless, of course, you do NOT hate saying it at all. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 2/20/2008 7:31:04 AM | As the single mother of a young son I hope he lives with me forever! I could use the help around here, both financially and physically.
I am kidding, of course I want him to meet the woman of his dreams and live with her, happily ever after.
*But...just in case that doesn't happen or it doesn't work out, please see my opening statement.
All kidding aside I always look to see how a man treats his mother. I think it is a very important insight to how he treats his women, and if a man chooses to live with his parents to maybe assist them in any way or simply because they are a close family, that seems like an admirable trait and I don't see how this would be an eliminator. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 2/21/2008 8:09:18 PM | I get comments all the time about the amount of time I spend with those close to me. But I feel that it is my right to live my life the way I choose. And if I wish to post a picture of a lovely nature walk by the lake that I recently had with my mummy, I see nothing wrong with me doing so – all kidding aside, of course ...
cdn guy | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 2/22/2008 6:23:37 AM | Only in North American society is it absolutely necessary to break out on your own to prove you are a worthwhile human being.
I work with a very varied group of ethnicities and I realized exactly why North American families are different.
First off, its not unusual for any family member to live with their family forever.. even after they marry.. in some cultures.
I work with families from the Phillipines and seriously they understand the meaning of family. They come to Canada to work and save and they still send money home to put their sister's kids through school in the Phillipines. If they can help in any way they do. If they had an unmarried brother who was 40, I'm sure he'd be living at home helping to take care of his parents.. It would be expected..
My opinion, way too many people make snap judgements about people based on things they have assumed about them. I learned the hard way in life that appearances can be very very decieving and that 40 year old never married man who lives with mom and dad might be one of the kindest, most decent men you've ever met.
But would I automatically assume he's a good person .. NOPE.. would I automatically assume he's a druggie, taking advantage of his older parents NOPE, would I run like hello NOPE. I would actually find more about the situation and then make a well thought out decision based on my observations and conversations with the individual. | |
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