| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:55:33 PM | chocolatebrowne:
Thanks for the kind words. I am sure you remember the old axiom about the number of times a dollar turns in one community versus another. In some communities they will work that dollar until it needs to be taped back together. Once they have to give it up, they will ask for change back, claiming you owe them the rest. Others will surrender it as if were buying the freedom from who and what they are. Such showmanship comes with too a high price for a humble man such as myself.
onesbm | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 3/14/2008 2:56:00 PM | | Yes...thank you for reminding me about the number of times a dollar turns in one community versus another.....it is something that I had forgotten completely about, but now that I recall it, it answers a major question I have..... | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 3/16/2008 9:57:55 AM | My dad is getting older and starting to have trouble, I ask him to move in with me all of the time. I love the idea of many generations living under the same roof.
I do agree in our culture it is a bit unusual for someone our age to still be living at home, most especially if they have never left home before. That, in and of itself, does not mean there is anything unhealthy in their relationship skills.
I believe if I met someone who was living at home, I would be curious as to 'why', but would reserve judgement until I actually knew them better and saw how they dealt with me and the rest of the world. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 3/16/2008 10:10:30 AM | I think it depends on a lot of things.
Coming from a fairly Italian background, family is everything and it's really nothing to have everyone living on the same block, people in the same house...whatever.
I personally, couldn't live in the same house with my folks just because I value my independence too much but I wouldn't automatically slight someone who does. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 3/16/2008 11:03:52 AM | | Anyone living at home after 25 has issues - its not healthy for them or fair on their parents (who deserve a life of their own by that point) | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 3/17/2008 11:04:26 AM | I have to rethink my original position on this issue...at first I thought NO, NO, NO.....UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES
But I can see where many generations of family members living together can be a GOOD THING....or it can be a BAD THING (Like the Royals in England.....that's scary, and probably what helped to end the marriage of Princess Diana.....)
It all depends on whether or not all parties concerned are MENTALLY HEALTHy and don't have "control" issues and agendas.....because if they aren't, it would be a DISASTER.......and so many people do...... | |
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asle
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Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 207 | |
| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 3/17/2008 11:11:49 AM | | Depends on ethnicity too...I was brought up that our parents take care of us as we grow and when they get older, we are suppose to be there for them. My mom is very strong 75 years old. But there are days where she is fragile. Does not mean your a momma's boy or daddy's girl....could just mean your up bringing differs from others. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 3/17/2008 2:47:21 PM | In response to Msg 206, The Royals, are the biggest land owners in the UK and while they have many public problems amongst them, the end of the Windsor's marriage had nothing to do with communal living. Even if five generations were to live in any of the Windsor properties the square footage of the size of a wing would be larger than many other UK resident's home.
My mother lives on her own and I would without hesitation have her live with me when she is finally ready to give up her independence rather than just talk about it. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 3/17/2008 3:41:37 PM | | Bringing your elderly parents in to live with YOU.....to help them and repay their sacrifices they made for you is WAY different than adult children sponging off their elderly parents....One is an act of love, responsibility and generosity.....the other an act selfish self serving...(of course - as always - one woman's opinion)....I would NOT date a man my age still living with "Mom & Dad" unless HE were the "caregiver"....then I would love and respect that quality in him..... | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 3/17/2008 5:13:17 PM | | Unless there is a circumstance where there was no choice but to live home, I'd say there is a major issue.. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 4/4/2008 12:18:02 AM | It is sad to see many people in the USA abandoning there parents when they are older or going the easy way out and leaving them in a rest home.
In many countries it is a custom for several generations to live together if the house is big enouph.
I don´t see any point in living seperately if the grown children are single or divorced, it just makes more sense to live togther and share expeneses and keep each other company, if someone is married it is sometimes better to just live close by or next door to keep an eye on each other.
The way I see it , it would be a bad idea to live on your own all alone when you can live and take care of your parents and help each other out as a family.
I am a 44 year old professional and responsible adult who has lived with or near my parents and grandparents most of my life, now that my Mom and Dad have passed away I live with my Grandmother and Aunt so that I can take care of them and they keep me company.
I am very glad I was able to take care, enjoyed the company and was close to my parents during their last days.
If I was to get married I would have them close by and with daily communication, it is my turn to take care of them like they took care of me when I was a baby.
Many families have lost the love and care among each other and prefer to live alone and away, this is one of the main reasons so many family values have been lost and are very scarce in the USA and a few other places.
Unity gives strength !
Gregory 007 | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 4/4/2008 5:54:09 AM | Gregory, that was very touching indeed! I took care of my mom too, and would do it again in a heartbeat! I work in Assisted Living Facility for the elderly and you would be surprised at how many just drop the parent off and never visit, or if they do it is a few minutes and they leave. There is one little lady who is 92, very self-sufficient and she asks me every morning if I will call Harry so she can go live with him. Her only son.. It breaks my heart.. My mom was an invalid, but when I see these people who don't require much care being left with strangers....  There are times when we can't care for our elderly parents and must put them in a nursing home. But my belief is that it should only happen as a last resort.
So any grown man, or woman who lives with their parents inbetween marriages or whatever, kudos to them! | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 4/4/2008 7:06:34 AM | | Gregory 007, you do have valid points. And many ethnic people, particularly Latinas and Latinos, are VERY family oriented, and I can see the strength in those families. I guess it is a half dozen on one hand and a half dozen on the other. Some families who are "mentally unhealthy" shouldn't live togther....it just causes more dysfunction. It all depends on the people involved. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 4/4/2008 7:25:19 AM | Someone please request that this prejudiced and shameful thread be retired. I'd do it but apparently I'm on the B list at POF.  | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 4/4/2008 10:43:23 AM | | Sorry but if a man can't stand on his own to feet at that age then he certainly is no man in my book!Free loading comes to mind, cheap rent, laundry done and meals cooked, I have two boys and they will never be free loaders, they will be real men!. The reverse is different however, if a parent needs to come live with the child then it quite right to do so, they have cared for us so it's only right we help them in later years. | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 4/4/2008 1:38:08 PM | I have dated grown men who still live at home, with their parents, either one or both, I see most as being echononic, especially if divorced and lost everything previously, or for some other reason, business failure, it surely does not matter? if the man is good company, in all ways, and the parents don't mind, why should I, only if I intend to marry, then will he provide a home with me, that is the question.
As for inheriting parents, I did my mother, she lived with me for 6 yrs, untill the big C got her, I have no regrets, nor will have. I've informed my children I'm going to spend their inheritance and live with them all for 3 mths of the year... t is is what happened,     so I shall continue on my own, does anyone complain when a woman lives with mum & dad?  | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 4/6/2008 7:32:24 AM |
Ageless Wonder - Growing up I can recall my mother telling me that exact thing "watch how he treats his mother, its a good indication of the way he will treat you". I believe its a true statement.
I've heard this often, too. Apparently, a man will be judged well if he decides to abandon his elderly parents because having them around "inconveniences" his dating life.
Arlo | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 4/6/2008 7:58:41 AM | Depends WHY?
Care-taking is one thing, Dependent on your parents after 25- 30- 40 is another.
With the economy as it is today I hear more and more about this and people are losing homes, It's sad.
I would really want to know why tho, as I don't want to someone elses Mom, That I KNOW for sure.
J'net
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 4/6/2008 9:05:08 AM | I'm 44 yrs old. Before I was even born, a house came up for sale that was right across the street from my dad's parents. The CARING father that my dad was... he bought that house! Then I was born.
The absolute fantastic memories of my childhood is that at any given time I could run across the street to Gma/Gpa house. Which I did multiple times a day. Talk about having a 2nd set of parents to love me and KEEP a watchful eye on me.
It's because of those very memories... I fully appreciate "The Walton's" concept.
Anybody that thinks living independantly from your family is nuts. You have no idea what you are missing. Granted... not everybody has the pleasure of loving family... and that would be a disaster!!! But some do have a loving family... and living together or living across the street would be the best thing you could ever do.
I lived the experience of multi generational family. It got me through some super tough times!!! Especially since dad died when I was only 11. Having Gma/Gpa across the street made all the difference in the world!!!!!! | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 4/6/2008 5:40:24 PM | | I have no clue but my guess is that they might lack in the responsibility department,that's just a wild guess on my part,i couldn't imagine living at home at my age unless it was something i absolutely had to do........... | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 4/8/2008 7:17:10 AM | I think this is much more an issue to women that it is to men. So what if the guy admits that he likes Mom's doing the cooking and laundry....she's probably happy to do it as it's more rewarding to her than hanging out in the Bingo Hall.
I don't think it's fair to just assume that all men who continue living at home are "irresponsible". They could be contributing both financially and by doing maintenance chores that have become quite burdensome to their parents.
This is something that I believe a female has much more difficulty doing. 2 women in one house is a formula for disaster. Men aren't going to care much about what color curtains the female puts up, what china pattern she picks out or what kind of flowers she plants by the front porch. THESE are things that women generally decide, and it's what we call "our own space".
Another consideration is whether the man over 40 has children....either as custodial parent or regular weekend visitation. In either case, perhaps he, his parents and the children all think that it's a better living arrangement than if he lived "alone" and was dependent on less than stellar child care providers.
Not saying that there aren't those who are freeloading off of their parents and who refuse to grow up....but I think I'd delve into the reasons further before making a "judgement". | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 4/8/2008 3:27:43 PM | | I wouldn't say a man is grown if he's still living with his parents. There's something wrong with that picture (unless he's taking care of them) | |
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| Grown Men 40+ who live at home
Posted: 4/8/2008 3:36:24 PM | Why would a man want to set up house alone ?
Let's face it , how many men do you know are interested in housekeeping etc etc .
And in today's society , with such a high divorce rate , and so many men being financially destroyed by broken relationships . I'd say the ones staying home are the smart ones .
Perhaps , as a society . we could rethink the importance of family , instead of condemning it to the commodity status that so many seem to do.
Today's society is a pretty good reflection of the results of the destruction of the family unit .
I have no family any more , and though we didn't always see eye to eye I miss that unity.
In my life . I have lived with , and befriended many people from many walks of life .
This one has always remained prominent in my mind .
I was not long out of a divorce, living away from family etc. I befriended a guy who had grown up in an orphanage. Had been taken from the orphanage at an early age ( around 6 yo) to live and work on his brother's farm . He worked 7 days a week for ten years for food and lodging. No friends , nothing.
He walked off the farm at 16 with nothing and wandered off into the big wide world .
He was eventually befriended by a motorcyle group. Who took him in , and gave him some feeling of belonging.He eventually got an apprenticeship and became a plumber.
He married a lovely lady , and they had a beautiful girl .
Material possessions meant nothing to him . Yet , in the time I knew them , they would always go out of their way to help , if I ever need any .And the became memorable friends .
One day I was having a gripe about my father over something ,, and just quietly , he said ., without even looking at me ......."At least you had one "
Before you start bagging guys who live at home , think a little . | |
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