| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 2:50:11 PM | Its scarey sometimes when I think of the walls most of us have built.
I have all these prerequisites that I have in my mind that a lot of the time I discount someone before I have even given her or myself a chance to see if we would be a good match.
The internet doesn't help thing any either it seems when we have too many choices its almost as hard as having no choices.
I suppose it won't matter how many or few until we make our minds up that we really do want to meet someone and make it work.
Why the hell have I gotten so picky I'm not that great myself.... | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 2:55:25 PM | This thread reminds me of a quote :
"Everyone cools off from being hot / it's about if you can handle being cold or not"
The 1 thing that sucks 1000 times more than being single is not being able to handle being single.
*sips beer and enjoys freedom*
 | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 3:06:17 PM | "The internet doesn't help thing any either it seems when we have too many choices its almost as hard as having no choices." I think we've all been on that merry go round. Lots of choices, dang there's thousands of people here....if you're from a metro area like I am. Or just randomly go out...hit or miss...few choices.
As nutso as it may sound, I think it may be better to have a lot of choices. Reason being, I think once you "view" a lot of people within some general parameters, it does tend (at least for me) to help narrow it down to what you're looking for. It's not so much the pics, I don't think as important for many women anyway, it's the written part of the profile, the interests or maybe just the selected answers.
Think of it this way, if you were one of 5 people someone had to "pick" from (as tacky as that sounds) how would you know you didn't make it because you were eenie meenie or made it because you were mo.
Of course that's only relevant if you think of it that way.
I tend to think or feel that there's just a very few people that would stand out or something "click" with even reading a profile, no matter how many others there may be.
I think you have to play the numbers game for awhile either online or in person before you just get tired of it and throw it all in. Just live your life, quit trying and still be open. Do things that make you happy and look for new opportunities to do things you always wanted to do. That's when I've met someone who did click beyond "let's meet for coffee".
Whatever works, the most important thing is to realize if you do get discouraged, most everyone does. Probably won't last long, it's usually a passing thing. Stay positive, enjoy your life as it is now and never, ever let go of your dreams.  | |
|
java41
|
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 29 | |
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 3:26:52 PM | | What you say is very true. I've lost social skills with men and really feel uncomfortable sometimes. It is probably due to not dating and to the fact that game players are out there. | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 3:32:26 PM | The things that bother me most about being single are
1. If you are out with couples, you can almost see all the wives sit closer to their husbands seeing me as a potential threat... They wish!
2. Then there are the couples who always just happen to bring along a "single" friend and get all huffy if you are not attracted to them...
Apart from that I am quite happy to wait til the sun in venus solar molecular system shines up my arse to meet my true love, as the astologers would have me believe. | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 4:23:31 PM | Relationships are not always what they are cracked up to be.
If you can find the right one then maybe it is OK.
Sadly after 40 most people have serious baggage and I dont want to share it with them.
After meeting numerous drunks, selfish people, people with kids that were like millstones around their neck, etc etc I have had a belly full.
It would take one seriously good woman to make me change my mind. | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 4:56:26 PM | I was separated from my former husband in 1991, and our divorce was final in 1993. I've been on a rollercoaster ever since, with both short and long-term relationships. I was not bitter in the least about the divorce; in fact I was glad (we both were) that it happened. We were together 13 years, by the way. What I WAS bitter about was the long-term relationship I was in immediately after being separated. That one was a killer when we broke up! We broke up over ten years ago and I feel like I could still spit in his face! It took months and months to get over that one.
Anyway, I've been fine for a long time, and was in another long-term (6 year) relationship which ended last February. I haven't even been on a date since then. I can tell you this: my philosophy and the way I treat myself are a thousand percent better than the way I was ten years ago when I carried the baggage from Jon (again, not my ex husband).
I've enjoyed being single since February -- I mean truly being by myself and working and enjoying my daughter - but now I just want to start dating and hanging out with somebody nice again and not have a commitment. The idea of that's a burden at this time, being tied down.
That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 4:57:37 PM | | you may not realize it ,,but every person has choices...you have remained single by finding every excuse in the world except the right one ..you are single by choice...when you are ready to choose to be married or with someone,if you are fairly intelligent ,you will consider the steps necessary for the change and implement them...you have managed to find enough ways to stay single,,now think of that many ways to find a mate and get busy...complaining will not bring you a mate,only you can do that..i have been single for 23 years and have loved every minute of it...sometimes it didn't seem that way to me,,but i look back and wow,,i didn't miss much...now i an ready to find a mate for keeps and i will find him,,cause i am ready...hope you change your way of thinking so that you will be happy also..and to show you that you have to think correctly to make thing work you way,,i will share a secret with you...i have never settled for less than i wanted...i am 66 years old and have never dated a man older than 47 years old...don't tell me you cannot find anyone cause i know it isn't so..Good luck every one !!!!! | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 5:14:32 PM | "you are single by choice...when you are ready to choose to be married or with someone,if you are fairly intelligent ,you will consider the steps necessary for the change and implement them...you have managed to find enough ways to stay single" Have to disagree strongly with that.
Single by choice, if by choice leaving a bad relationship, then that's making a good choice. It's not nearly as simplistic as the picture you paint. Some leave an abusive relationship literally out of fear for our lives. I did and still nearly lost mine anyway. Hopefully not something you've experienced, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
And some are single because of death of a spouse. That also happened to me, so it wasn't a choice to be single.
I think the OP did hit on something key....not settling, not just grabbing someone who's available...okay you'll do. Let's get on with it. If it were that simplistic, this site wouldn't have 8 million members.
We do make choices, then life happens and we don't always find ourselves in a position as a result of our choices. Being single versus being unhappily involved...single is the better choice. We can't plug someone into our life and try to make do. I don't know anyone that's worked with.
"if you are fairly intelligent ,you will consider the steps necessary for the change and implement them...you have managed to find enough ways to stay single,,now think of that many ways to find a mate and get busy" Sorry, hon, no disrespect, but finding a mate isn't like deciding what brand of coffee you like. Maybe you're different but noone including me I've ever known has that worked for.
I wish you the best, and everyone else, truly and sincerely, I'm just saying you're making it far too simplistic. Just find a mate and get busy...I just don't think that's it. IMO | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 5:21:35 PM | I agree with A.K.A. I myself didn't choose to be single (divorced since 99), I didn't cheat my ex cheated on me. I don't like being alone, and certainly have seen alot of the bad sides when it comes to internet dating. Most are major neurotics and have mega drama in their lives.
Met someone recently on here, with a big heart, a great person. One in a million. You know who you are :-) | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 5:24:45 PM | Hey dude! No need to put a timeframe on it. So what, when it is meant to be it will happen, you could perhaps be a little more open to meet people, but how many relationships do you know that you would want to emulate? I don't know of any that I would envy. You just have to do what's right for you and be happy with your choices.
Good luck. | |
|
clay71
|
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 37 | |
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 7:38:53 PM | | Can't quite trying, I maybe in a long slump but, I do keep trying. Sometimes that seem's like all I'm holding onto in that department.Just to not give in,and become a bitter,old, curmudgeon who threw in the towel. | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 8:17:52 PM | | So many people are searching for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, that they miss the rainbow. I don't know of anyone who found the pot of gold, but I know a lot of people who realized that in their search, that they did in fact miss the rainbow. | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 8:27:57 PM | | If we all thought about it and examined our own hearts. Perhaps our first love was our best love. There's a wonderful comfort that comes with familiarity. Trust once shattered takes some work to regain. We all need to give ourselves permission to love again. | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 9:12:47 PM | I’ve only had a few relationships - but two of them added up to 36 years.
Single for four years now and ........ I am firmly in the same boat as the OP.
I’ve been telling myself for these four years ...... “when I get enough work done (business work) - THEN I will get serious”.
I’ve been saying the same thing to myself for FOUR YEARS.
I went on 5 or 6 “dates” right off the bat then ........ just stopped.
I just don’t see the point in trying to date - when I don’t really see her as a LTR potential.
I have never been the “see how it goes” kind of guy. I was always VERY INTERESTED from the first few minutes (that I knew she existed) or NEVER interested.
I think I am screwed (and not in a good way). | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 9:42:05 PM | I've been "single" since my divorce. I've dated off and on, and had one serious long term relationship but we did the long distance thing and the amount we saw each other over 4 years, probably only added up to a year, if that. I haven't lived with anyone since my marriage, and I know this has caused me to be almost too independent.
I guess for me, I've been single too long for my own liking. I'll still date, and I'll still try. Have I given up? No, not yet. Life is too short to write off the whole idea of "anything is possible". | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/2/2007 10:11:36 PM | OP: I hear you loud and clear! For me, 6 yrs in November . . . I was in survival mode. I kept telling myself this or that and wait . . . next thing I know 5-1/2 years had gone by . . .
But not all has gone to waste . . . for during this time, I regrouped . . . I learned to cleaned my plate and keep it clean . . .
I also learned feeling lonely at times is part of being single . . . we all have our moments of loneliness . . . but it is temporary . . . it comes and it goes . . .
There is a difference between feeling lonely at times (which is normal) and being alone all the time . . .
Thanks for sharing!!!
Best of luck,
~Myth~ | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/3/2007 8:14:12 AM | been 10 years single for me and most of it was by my choice. I also am selective as to who comes into my life. I am filled with many friends and aquantances.
Matter of finding a balance. I believe, its all a matter of timing to finding someone whos on the same page as ourselves in life. And i believe when I do meet that special someone, it wont matter what stage we are in our lives, the relationship will happen, naturally. It could be someone from my past, who knows.
as for the internet, menu is to large for some to choose, afraid to give it effort and a chance to one person in fear, they might miss out on something better ahead. Competation to large, at what point does that person give that someone the chance to build a solid foundation of a relationship? I believe if, most will narrow it down to a few, they just might find that special someone to share their lives with, even if it is for a short time, least they tried. | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/3/2007 2:49:27 PM | | I think you must be very insightful to ask this question. I had an experience recently with a man that is 57 years old from Yahoo. He contacted me, and I wasn't sure I was ready to meet anyone, actually told him that. We emailed about a week and we had a lot in common. He persuaded me to meet him for a drink, and we had an instant chemistry. I felt very comfortable with him, he was so complimetary, seemed to have his priorities in order. Close to his family, etc. He said he was falling in love with me, and I know I was with him. But, he has been divorced for 20 years, and thought he was ready to make time for someone else, after 5 he realized that he wasn't. I think he is so set in his ways that it would be impossible for him now. | |
|
| |
| single for too long??
Posted: 10/3/2007 3:54:03 PM | | I have been single/widowed for 6 yrs and it hasnt bothered me one bit. I am free to do whatever, whenever and with whomever. I do miss being in a long term relationship however, but there are times when I dont also. It wouldnt bother me if I am single forever, I like my life and I have many friends who always have time for me even though most of them are married. I have been in relationships that I might not have been in if I were married for all this time. I have lots of memories but wouldnt mind making more with the right person again. | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:48:59 PM | | I love your survivor attutide..you love and like yourself..many people could use a lesson that you have already learned..make the best of what you have instead of always complaining...it would be much more pleasant to be around them. | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 1/25/2008 2:04:17 AM | 
I was very honest and sincere in my relationship w/my x. I do remember it really hurt to see her go....
Now that the divorce is all paid off-n-my son has made alot of progress in getting over being "dumped for a chump" I don't really remember too much about it anymore.
I remember a stage where I felt that I even thought I smelled a woman in my house that I'd blow a circuit  
I date when I feel like it anymore and only with women I feel comfortable about for dating.
Theres no way the x has a right to hurt me on the long term. I consider myself to be a real "catch-n-keep" and as long as everyone is chasing the bad girlz they'll stay away from me.
I hope this has helped.
   
| |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 1/25/2008 2:20:19 AM | I have been single for alot longer than those whose post I have read.
First, I would like to say we are all different. Those that say they are set in their ways probably were already that way to a certain extent. Those with high standards or picky, keep it that way, never settle.
I have been single a long time for various reasons, first of all after divorcing I promised myself I wouldn't remarry for atleast 5 years, I believed then and still do that far too many jump right back in too quickly. Being in the service at the time didn't help, a few women didn't want to get involved and also seemed to meet women with potential right before I would be transferred. Now that I am retired from the service, I just haven't met the right gal. I won't settle and woudnt' expect a woman to either. | |
|
| single for too long??
Posted: 1/25/2008 3:07:50 AM | This is a good thread.....I often wonder why people who are happy in their singleness (I guess I am one too) put out profile that they are looking for THE ONE..looking to see what out there...do random "meetings" and come out still single.....
Of course they don't admit they are "a little picky"...(I guess I am too)
I have come close to being THE ONE but they seem to want to hold out for the one they will "get weak in the knees" for. I have had chats with men on this subject...
They will settle for what is out there but will still look for connections on the side(without the other person knowing it) ..it's not fair for them to feel that they do fill the requirements but you just don't feel "weak in the knees' for them..
Anyway...the guys I have talked to that DID find THE ONE...the weak in the knees type ..did not reciprocate their feelings and felt used when they have them all their money for gifts, dates and time... and left them for someone else....
   | |
|
Home
login 
