| single for too long??
Posted: 3/8/2008 3:19:38 PM | Latteplease,
I couldn't have said it any better. I feel exactly as you do. I've been divorced for 16 years and am just as confused, yet don't really want to be alone, I don't think. Maybe I do. | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 3/8/2008 5:23:48 PM | | I guess I have been single for 34yrs!..because I have never been married. But I have had relationships. The last few years have been very difficult though because of the "being single for too long" scenerio. Its an odd feeling to really want to find someone and not be single...but not "settle". I try not to be too picky-but I can't ignore what my gut and heart want. I try not to get too discouraged when my attraction to someone is not reciprocated. I have become frustrated with even finding someone with potentional mututal attraction-enough to chat or arrange a first meeting. Dating and a relationship seem like a very distant possibilty because so much time has passed by since I have experienced those things. I just try to keep hopeful and enjoy each day. | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 3/8/2008 5:51:11 PM | I have been unencumbered for almost 4 years, but occupied in raising 2 babies totally on my own...
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| single for too long??
Posted: 3/9/2008 12:17:27 AM | Single for almost 19 years. By choice: my youngest will turn 19 on her next birthday (she was 3 months when the ex walked) and I chose to raise my kids the way I felt best without bringing a strange man into their lives. In that time, I healed, went back to grad school, job, bought a home. I had one FWB with a younger man that lasted about a year (lesson learned: Heart is attached to intimacy - can't fool myself to think otherwise anymore!) and a few short term dating situations.
Man, was I bad at dating when I let too much time go by!  Uncomfortable, nervous, un-natural! Egad.
When youngest turned 18, I looked at my life. I liked it. But I also REALLY liked men, and being with a man.  And when I looked around at the men in my circle, at work (few and far between in education) and groups I ride with or play tennis with regularly, ALL of them were married or gay.
I had a problem.
So I'm trying to change that. I hope that a few of these neat and interesting guys I'm contacting and meeting up with will be friends too, and then I'll see where life goes.
That's my plan.  | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 4/1/2008 10:07:57 PM | | When can I change my situation. I went through my whole high school years single...that's kinda lame. I kinda want someone there for me now, but it doesn't seem people are interested in dating me.. | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 4/1/2008 10:29:51 PM | My boyfriend has been single for 18 years!!! Here are a few things that he has learned from being with me.
1. You can learn to trust
2. Not every woman changes into someone else because she appears too good to be true(his words).
3. Fear of committment escalates as the years go by.
4. There are no shortage of fruitcakes in the world(men and women).
5. If you can allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to fall in love, it just might allow happen.
There are more, but thought I'd say a few things. I have been the PERSISTENT woman up against the wall that people build to protect themselves after being: cheated on, hurt, abandoned, deceived, ALONE, what have you. I knew in the very beginning how I felt, and I do think he did as well. If I had given up on him, I might never be loved as I am, and feel the depth of love for anyone that I do for him now. | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 4/1/2008 10:43:38 PM | | I have been single for a couple of years now, and am starting to actually think that I might be better off staying single. But at the same time, I crave being in a relationship, and having someone to love freely. I never thought of myself as one of these people who just stay single, until now, that is. It's kind of a sad thought for me, but the idea is growing on me. | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 4/1/2008 11:03:47 PM | | Is 17 years single a long time?...lol. Well there have been a couple of boyfriends/lovers but nothing that seemed commitment material...It really took me a long time to get to know myself as I had made some, lets just say choices that weren't very healthy.Still those marriages gave me two beautiful daughters so some things are just meant to be. But living where I do its been a challenge to meet men which is why I am on here... took me some time to get brave enough though.. used to think it was just too strange and disconnected... Still the jurys out...I am still here..... | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:11:00 PM | | My advice: Stop 'thinking' and analyzing so much, go with the flow, enjoy life, and take each day as it comes. Cause with each new day, one never knows what life will bring em'! :o) lol | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 7/14/2008 7:24:15 AM | | I have never seen my own life articulated so well. I live my life in a fashion that personifies the "do unto others as you would have done to you" motto. Unfortunately, not many people understand the latter part of that. I love to be the care-taker, and my personality type attracts "takers". I tend to have faith in the wrong people and believe that when I need them, they will be there for me as I am for them. However, I'm so independent I rarely need them, and by the time I do, I'm terribly hurt when I find that they're not there. That's what keeps me single. There's no drama in being single. I'm not heartbroken when I let myself down. by: Divorced for 10 years at 31 | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 7/14/2008 7:34:18 AM | | I feel exactly the same way, I have been single for a long time and think I know what I want, but I thought that the last time I got married. I just don't want to make a mistake again. I am very nervous about dating again, I know I need to get out and do it, but it takes a lot of courage to make the first move or to let yourself go and try to feel something again. | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 7/14/2008 9:03:59 AM | I've always enjoyed being single. And I know what you mean by not wanting to turn anyone, and being picky. The longest I went without a date was 3 yrs, but that was simple... don't ask anyone out and ignore innuendos.
What I've always done is mention up from that I'm only looking for a friend. Then let it evolve on it's own. Next thing you know, POOF, you have a GF.
Don't worry about standards, they're always too high anyway. And if you think high standards will save you from an eventual breakdown, you're sorely mistaken. | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 7/14/2008 9:20:01 AM | I've been single for quite awhile also, however it was due to a long term illness that seemed to create a total deal breaker mentality , even though I was still trying to date, ( still am)
However the experience of being single for some time and ill for some time, has taught me quite a lot about myself , and when I do find someone, I plan to cherish them forever as life is too short, | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 7/15/2008 11:42:37 AM | | first of all im amazed this post is still going, thank you all for your input, its been a year since i put this up. I have had a date or two at the most since i posted this, and have come to realize that most of the issue's i have are my location. I live in a very rural and small community so the dating pool here is very limited. As a friend of mine said " here you dont break up you just loose your turn" haha. I am still very happy and loving life but still looking for that one thing i dont have. | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 7/15/2008 7:24:34 PM | | Single three years short a couple of months and counting, oh well, guess it's not meant to be. | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:22:05 PM | Being single sure does suck but I tell you after a very long term relationship, the ex got a boyfriend very soon after we broke up. Turns out her new boyfriend is a a drug dealer and a low life whome she supports and from what I know (mutual friends) she is not happy with him at all. So my point here is I rather take my time still being single for the right lady then rush into another relationship just for the hell of it and not be happy (just like my ex). I can't say I am too happy and I miss the cuddles, the affection, the kisses the "hi honey how was your day" when you come home blah blah blah but I've only been single for 2 years and I know I will be very happy once I meet that special someone.  | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:53:40 PM | I would like to think it's individual choice and not quantitative. I have been officially divorced for nearly 10 years this Fall, however we were seperated for two before that and in counseling for the last 6.
Now years later after choosing to be alone, not dating and celibate...I know what I want, and how I want to be for him and for us and together. I think most of us have that in our heads as a motivator. Our vision of how it could be? (38 Special song there folks!)
Do I set the bar high? Absolutely. But I bring a great deal to the table and while sex and all that goes with it is magnificient - it cannot and will not make up for the lack of mutual admiration, respect, integrity and honor that only comes through time spent with each other, learning each other and giving generously.
We appear to have become a nation where people are disposable. More so than our posessions. It's easy to walk away. It's easy to say -"This isn't what I signed on for!" Too often it's even easy when our children are watching us do it. That's sad. But how it is.
I hope when next I have the opportunity to give and to love and to really look into the eyes of someone special, I hope I do it each chance I have and I hope he knows how much it means and how truly important he MUST be because I waited for the absolute best man for me. | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 7/17/2008 7:05:10 PM | Hi!!!, just thought i would share some of my thoughts & opinions on being single....First off, I think that being single can be over-rated for some.
I have been single for almost 3 years & strongly feel that i am ready, willing & able to allow someone into my heart again.I have been dating, but low & behold, here i am.(lol)
I believe that healing our pasts takes time & that you must close 1 door in order for 1 to open.
I am so sceptical about internet dating, so i seem to avoid meeting & the disapointments & rejections that may come along with it.
I know u sometimes have to take risks, but i feel that i have alot at stake.
I know i need to put myself out there more, since sitting in my house alone gets me nowhere.
For me personally, I am ready to move forward with my life, but need someone compatible who is also in the same place in their life.
I am a single mother, so that seems to cause a challenge sometimes too.Some men just aren't willing to accept my kids as part of the package, but it is all or nothing.My kids are a blessing.
I just want someone special for me to look forward to seing & spending quality time with.(IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?) I hope not.
Anyways, I have rambled enough for now....tty later, SARAH   | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 7/18/2008 6:51:42 AM | Like you, OP, i am from a small town also and its very very hard to meet single men here. Im not one tho either for long distance relationships so with that said, i guess im kinda stuck. Ive been single quite a few years and my fear is is that i am settling in my ways and becoming TOO picky about the men that i do happen to meet (which is very far and few between). Sometimes i sit and look around my house and think, 'Do i really want someone here and losing my peace and quiet?'. Im so used to doing things for myself im afraid id resent it if someone came along and tried to change that. On the other hand tho, i really do miss the companionship of having a SO. It'd be nice to come home from work, cook a good meal (heck i rarely cook for just me anymore), and share with someone the everyday normal stuff.
I guess once i meet that special someone i wont mind giving up my independance, but thus far its yet to happen. I think im broken! lol | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 7/18/2008 7:39:40 AM | been single for 10 yrs myself, most by my choice. what to say...not loving it but am okay with it. I have my good friends and family so I am never alone. I will say this...I wasnt born independant, but after my seperation, I became independant, it was others in my past that made me this way, not being able to rely on any of them to be there. I wasnt perfect and maybe I am to independant now, who knows. I'm not picky, just selective as to who enters my life...thats all.
it took me quite sometime with alot of hard work to rebuild a comfortable and stable lifestyle for myself, and I am actually content and happy today, then I ever was. I didnt want to be in a relationship just for the sake of being with someone....just havent found someone on the same path in life as I am thats all. its not as easy as I thought it would be....dating has had its up and downs, just like anything else. I have no regrets, and i have learnt alot... rejections, are never easy. so you see, at what cost do we continue to proceed? I havent lost hopes, just lost the faith.
I found myself more at peace when I'm not putting myself out there...if that makes any sense to anyone. I am more calm and relaxed and stress free with less confusion and frustration, meeting others and being rejected only made me feel like there was something terribly wrong with me, but in the end, wasnt always me, everyone has their preferences just as I do too. I have zero tolerance for certain things and its up to me if I want to enable them or not. I choose not too.
lifes to short and the remaining years of my life, I want to live them enjoying it and being happy with the company I keep in the real world, not in some superficial world.
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| single for too long??
Posted: 7/18/2008 8:45:21 AM | I used to think there was something wrong with me as I have been widowed 8+ years but still haven't found The One. There have been two marriage proposals in the last 4 years but overall something was missing so I ended things. And I won't get married just so I'm not single and can be part of the couple's crowd.
A younger cousin of mine was widowed two years ago and is getting re-married this November. Family members ask me all the time why I haven't yet found someone. Well, folks, its not for the lack of trying. I have to be 100% certain I am not making a mistake or I won't jump into a relationship. The more I've dated, the more in tune I am to my intuition/gut feelings about men. My 6th sense has never steered me wrong when I listened to it. However, problems arise when its ignored.
I've become much more selective since my late H died and like my FIL told us at our wedding rehearsal "If its a matter of taste, go with the flow. If its a matter of principle, stand like a rock." I am very flexible - going with flow - on lots of things but I won't bend where values and beliefs are concerned. Plus I have a teenage daughter and her happiness and safety are paramount to me. | |
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| single for too long??
Posted: 7/22/2008 7:13:19 AM | | I understand the mindset of wanting to be 100% certain your not making a mistake, im the same way. But i think maybe thats where we may be shorting ourselves. Nothing is certain we all know that. Remember when we were 16 and just jumped head first into anything that felt right??? we learn not to do that as we get older but i think we go right past that fine line to the other end of the spectrum. My ex bro-in-law just got married again to a girl he met over 500 miles from him. She moved and lives with him here now. they both have kids and i still just cant figure out how they got to this point only seeing each other once or twice a month. I guess it goes back to that willingness to take chances. So how do we get back to being able to do that?????? i guess thats the question...... | |
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