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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why are most men looking for "Friends with Benefits"?      Home login  
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 Chancelore
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 1101
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?Page 45 of 50    (10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50)

Now, also in fairness: DP, you _do_ imply, even if you don't say it outright, that men thump women with the '50s line as a way to batter down their legitimate resistance. No doubt some do. But unlike your implication, that is not the only reason men do that. Some men do it because they value women as equals and see that strategy as reinforcing a climate of gender inequality that limits the freedom of _women._

Men see only the possibility of getting into her pants. No matter what we say or do. The goal IS to get in her pants. Whether or not it's long term or short term. The goal is a relationship and SEX. That is why they're on a dating site!
Men are men. Some will admit who they are and be honest. Others will try to convince a woman that everything is for her own good.
No one cares about a whether or not a woman he barely knows is valued as an equal or not! I don't even care about some of the people I do know well. And I certainly don't give a rat's ass about gender inequality. And I think you will find 99.9% of men feel the same way.
 Chancelore
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 1102
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 10:31:03 AM

So when a woman say all men are alike,, I will remember she must be talking about that guy above,, as I shake my head in disgust..

Hopefully she'll remember me rather than the men who plead that they're just "Not like that nasty man over there."
 wildcat99
Joined: 8/28/2007
Msg: 1103
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 11:22:25 AM
^^^^ Can't imagine why she'd want to.
I think we found one of those "nice men" that daisy dates.....


I don't even care about some of the people I do know well.


Enough said.
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 1104
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 11:34:54 AM
Men see only the possibility of getting into her pants. No matter what we say or do. The goal IS to get in her pants. Whether or not it's long term or short term. The goal is a relationship and SEX. That is why they're on a dating site!
Men are men. Some will admit who they are and be honest. Others will try to convince a woman that everything is for her own good.
No one cares about a whether or not a woman he barely knows is valued as an equal or not! I don't even care about some of the people I do know well. And I certainly don't give a rat's ass about gender inequality. And I think you will find 99.9% of men feel the same way.


Speak for yourself, my friend.

Personally, I would prefer it if a woman who saw me as a creep said "no." Why would I want to screw around with that?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 1105
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 11:46:05 AM

In fairness, I think that what DP advocates is not that all men are creeps, but that waiting the creeps out is a good strategy for a self-respecting woman to practice. I would agree that it can work, but it can also alienate good men. However, if a woman feels burned because her intution has let her down, it's certainly better than no strategy.

What I see as a better strategy is to realize that,provided one uses wisdom about safety, STDS,and unwanted pregnancy, the world is NOT going to stop turning if you enjoyed a sexual interlude with a guy and he stopped calling.
Obviously, using appropriate wisdom about safety,etc is going to PRECLUDE first meeting sex with someone from ANY internet dating site, leaving a bar with some guy you just met, or getting sexual with a guy where your gut tells you something doesn't seem right. I'm not advocating for sexual promiscuity,but the "wait 'em all out because 98% of are just creeps trying to get the goody and run" seems like a pretty cumbersome strategy. Of course I don't have 16 years of "dating BS" behind me. And I no longer see having a husband or boyfriend as a necessity, to be a valid human being. So I can do whatever I want within the dictates of my own common sense ,self respect,and belief system.
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 1106
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 11:51:42 AM
oops. double post...
Cindy O
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 1107
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 12:28:25 PM

Hopefully she'll remember me rather than the men who plead that they're just "Not like that nasty man over there."

I'm sure you will be remembered by many,, but for all the wrong reasons,, as for me, I'll ride proud on my white horse, and only hope to be remembered by only few in a positive way, in a meaningful way...for me it's quality of life, not quantity,, and for all the women you view as a sub species, and use and abuse, I do feel sorry for those women, I hope that more women find there place and step up and say "NO" to men like you,, when that has been accomplished,, many women will begin to eliminate the thoughts that all men are alike,, because men like you will no longer exist to pry on woman,,
As for your quest to demoralize women,,and use them for your gain, sexual satisfaction,, treat them with little or no respect,, your a poor excuse for a man..in my opinion..

OT, FWB ,, a friend would treat their partner with respect,
a FB,, should still treat each other with some sort of respect,,
a ONS,, the same,, no one deservers anything less than respect,
until it's proven other wise,,
 Nichole019
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 1108
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 1:10:52 PM
I have a FWB we started out dating but that didn't work out but the sex was good so we just hangout hook up and he drives me home. Why I can do this? I'm 19 I don't want to date just looking for new and intresting people to meet. Though alot of men are looking for FWB probably because they get what they want with out a relationship.
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 1109
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 1:20:02 PM
Cindy O / regarding message 1165

Did anyone read all of that? I didn't sign on for a thesis! Please.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 1110
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 1:42:10 PM

Men see only the possibility of getting into her pants. No matter what we say or do. The goal IS to get in her pants. Whether or not it's long term or short term. The goal is a relationship and SEX. That is why they're on a dating site!
Men are men. Some will admit who they are and be honest. Others will try to convince a woman that everything is for her own good.
No one cares about a whether or not a woman he barely knows is valued as an equal or not! I don't even care about some of the people I do know well. And I certainly don't give a rat's ass about gender inequality. And I think you will find 99.9% of men feel the same way.

While I VERY SERIOUSLY doubt that 99.9% of men feel the same way, there are enough of them out there to make me, and other women like me, decide that we can have sex for our own reasons, not because it's the only "bait" we have, to get "a real relationship". We're well aware that sex may make a man "vanish", so we don't let ourselves get to emotionally invested until we see that he speaks truth, not pretty lies so he can "get some." We don't let a guy who quits calling, or a FwB whose life takes him elsewhere, "gut"us.
If there is blame to be cast here, let's cast it on the male "players" who've taught women that they better enjoy sex for it's own sake and not as "currency" to secure her a place at the "campfire"...
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 1111
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 1:43:08 PM
Damn, another double post...it's technical glitch city here today I guess...but I can edit to respond to post 1174 regarding post 1165. Post 1165 was in response to post 1156...and I quote(LOL)
OK, here's what puzzles me, DP. Earlier on in this thread you mentioned having lots of nice dates with nice men, but you keep coming back to this "all men are out to get no strings sex on the first date and they hassle and belittle and argue if you say no." So which is it? Are you dating nice men? Doesn't seem like NICE men would "thump" you for being "so 1950s". It just doesn't add up.
[uote]He's forced to offer a relationship so that he can finally have what he wanted right from the beginning.

I will answer you, CindyO, when you have my quotes right. The above is not what I have said.
You have picked a fight with me based on your assumptions...

I was simply establishing that if I WAS in fact picking a fight( since when is expecting someone to be consistent picking a fight, anyway?) it was based on things written IN THIS THREAD,not on my 'assumptions'.
Cindy O
 AceOfSpace
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 1112
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 1:43:29 PM
Hopefully she'll remember me rather than the men who plead that they're just "Not like that nasty man over there."


Actually, I want to comment on this, because I think the poster makes a valid point.

It is all too easy for men to undercut one another by making other men out to be bad guys from whom women must be rescued. I've seen predatory women play men off against each other using that tactic. I've also seen seemingly heroic men ride in to the rescue and steal the attention of women from men who were a lot nicer but not as smooth. As men, we do each other a huge disservice when we make those kinds of comparisons. A "nasty" man is one who want to take things further with a particular woman than she does. A really nasty man is one who isn't willing to take no for an answer. We have all had our moments.

I am just like that nasty man over there, and so is every other man. Of course we all want to enjoy the pleasure of your touch and more. Why wouldn't we? Some of us even enjoy giving _you_ pleasure once in a while. I know that's shocking to hear.

If there is any difference at all between a man who's intentions with you are honorable (even if that means he wants you for a one night stand as long as that works for you too), and one who is not, is that the honorable man will take your honest desires and limits into account.

An honorable man will take no for an answer and respect you just the same, regardless of what he wants. An honorable man will take "yes" as the sincere compliment that it is. Any man who fails to do so is dishonoring himself. There is a big difference between expressing frustration over a difference in readiness and pushing past your boundaries. A mature man knows the difference. You don't need to play a waiting game to tell the difference. It will be clear in the content of what he says.
 surely im shirley
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 1113
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 2:07:13 PM

An honorable man will take no for an answer and respect you just the same, regardless of what he wants. An honorable man will take "yes" as the sincere compliment that it is. Any man who fails to do so is dishonoring himself. There is a big difference between expressing frustration over a difference in readiness and pushing past your boundaries. A mature man knows the difference. You don't need to play a waiting game to tell the difference. It will be clear in the content of what he says.


Nice. Well said.

I'd like to think that I could warmly squeeze the hand of a man on a first date to convey my mutual feeling of chemistry. I'm just wary of being misinterpreted and therefore I don't send signals about something I'm not yet ready to deliver. A mature man does understand and appreciate that difference. That's why an FWB could be very satisfying because many men have not reached that level of maturity, and sex is a fundamental human desire. You'll notice that I don't call it a 'need'.
 Renaissance Man 1950
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 1114
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 3:29:21 PM
What has me shaking my head in this, as in many other threads, is how counter it all is to what I encounter in real life. It seems as if so many attitudes are stuck in how things were, when we were teenagers, not how things are, as we enter our 50s. So, while it's possible that my experience differs from everyone else's, I doubt it.

Generally speaking, I have dated either women close to my age,who are well educated and professionally successful, or much younger women, who seek me out. I have dated a lot, and have been in a fair number of relationships ( defined as lasting 6 months or longer). Never, not a single time, has there been an "issus" with sexuality. Never, not once, has there been some effort to "persuade". And, in truth, at this point in life, it has seemed that it's more common for the woman to introduce the discussion of sexuality, and her desire for dating to be sexual.

I just haven't met these "nearly virginal" mature women, such as one hears on the fora. In my experience in life, it is usually women who introduce sexuality, through sending out unmistakable non verbal signals.

Which is relevant to this topic. If a man and woman are friends, I would never attempt to "put a move on" a friend. I'd feel that I was "violating" a "trust" in doing so. When FWB have happened, it has always been the woman, who has suggested it.

Truth is, I have a fairly strong sex drive, but I've found that mature women tend to have a sex drive that is just as strong, or stronger, but still have enough vestiges of the "old paradigm", that there is some need to know that they are "valued". So, for a lot of women, FWB has seemed to work.

It's not fo everyone, and I've never sought a FWB as a goal, but they can be a nice part of life, at certain points in life. Those who don't "get it", shouldn't "go there", but insistin that it's men "using" women is ludicrous, IMO.
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 1115
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 6:39:05 PM

Oh....I am sorry. Not all men are going to try to get a woman horizontal if they are attracted to her.......No...I take that back. They will try. It's healthy if they do.


I dunno about the rest of you. The "trying" part doesn't give me issues. HOW they go about trying might though. It's one thing to have a guy make it plain that he'd like to have sex with me at some point.. it's quite another to be harassed about it. Something I've rarely been confronted with. I;ve encountered the former though.

Guess which one I'm fine with? Well.. not that you have to.. I think it's obvious.

I suspect that the majority of women think the same way on that score... what'll be different is their reply.
 kellygrl51
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 1116
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 6:53:44 PM
Well this is one of those rare times when I agree with RM. Although, in my real life no one is in or interested in FWB relationship. Not saying they don't exist, but not in my world. This must be an internet thing is all I can say, I believe very little of what I read on the net. I'm starting to think people have way too much time on their hands. I say this because I can't find the time to write a novel on this subject. Too busy working and dating I guess....
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 1117
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 7:05:28 PM
Anyway, it sounds like she is angry that I date...and she doesn't ...

Why would she be angry that you date endlessly to no avail and she doesn't even have to try and has successful relationships? According to you, your husband left you after 20 years and won't even look at you anymore. Her marriage ended when her husband died. Who might have a better idea of maintaining lovingly successful relationships with men?
Thou dost protest too much, DP (so inappropriately named)...
 elcasey
Joined: 9/24/2008
Msg: 1118
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 7:20:33 PM
I've found that more and more girls ask me for friends with benefits when I am interested in dating. Odd. Course college campus is different
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 1119
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 7:43:24 PM

Although, in my real life no one is in or interested in FWB relationship. Not saying they don't exist, but not in my world.

I think real FWB's happen almost without any planning. It's something that people just drift into.
Now, too many people think they have FWB's but in reality it's just a Fvck Buddy... It's sex, with a limited friendship, whereas a real FWB it's the other way around...
 read only
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 1120
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/5/2008 9:03:35 PM
People have way tooo much time on their hands.
 Zuglo
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 1121
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 4:44:19 AM

That all may be true, when someone else's reads a profile it's their perception of what is said, and just their view, and has nothing to do with the forums..

How can you say that? She made a comment in the forums about those who are not against FWB, being a selfish pigs. Isn't that a topic on this forum? And in her profile she is looking for one..FWB..That to me had everything to do with a topic.That's why I was wondering who's side she is on? Or does she has no problem being a selfish pig herself? Am I missing something here??
Yes, "put your money where your mouth is", and "don't do what I do, but do what I say" , comes to my mind as well.
Yes, than there is that line that you quoted, about hoping to turn into a proper relationship, but that was off topic. That's why I didn't quote that one, because my friend, THAT has nothing to do with a forums! We talking about FWB, and she made a comment, and I responded, and I felt I had to quote something from her profile.
Where is that "rule book" that says we can't go to someone profile, and quote something from it, if it's necessary to prove a point? But I do aplogize if that was rude in your eyes, take my words for it, I didn't wanted to be rude. Enough of that going around here..But I am still beleive a few lines from her profile had enough to do with this forum topic.


this woman stated she left her husband,, no reason to bring that to this forum.
You are right..Apologize for that..
 Zuglo
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 1122
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 5:08:33 AM

Some of us even enjoy giving _you_ pleasure once in a while.

I enjoy giving every time..

An honorable man will take no for an answer and respect you just the same, regardless of what he wants. An honorable man will take "yes" as the sincere compliment that it is. Any man who fails to do so is dishonoring himself. There is a big difference between expressing frustration over a difference in readiness and pushing past your boundaries. A mature man knows the difference

Very well said..I agree..She'll gives out signals, she'll let you know it's OK to kiss her, or if she wants/ready for more.
Sometimes tho men read those signals wrong, and I have scars to prove it..J/K
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 1123
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:52:36 AM
Anyway, it sounds like she is angry that I date...and she doesn't ....(maybe : .)

I am a woman who has dated many men. Maybe I am weary of the BS that goes on.
Well, ya got me there,Daisy...I can't claim to have dated so much that I'm "weary of the BS that goes on." Whether or not you actually do date, Daisy, has been called into question by other posters whose dating experiences are far different from being continually browbeaten, or having to browbeat a woman, to have sex. I don't care if other women have FwBs or casual sex(provided they aren't producing unloved children or spreading disease) because I don't feel frustrated and angry, needing to blame someone or some thing else for my presently single state.

For you??? Maybe it's you trying to get them horizontal when they are not attracted to you leads you to go the "friends" route.
Oh , now that's FUNNY. Why would I have sex with men who aren't attracted to me? I don't need male attention that badly.
Daisy, you are the one reporting all this bad male attitude. You are the one who claims to have men making you feel bad about saying no. I never experienced having my late husbands friends coming around offering to "fix me up" with sex.
Whatever I do or don't do about dating and sex, Daisy, I'm not running into all this DISRESPECT that you claim to be encountering. I wonder why that is?

Is this your life, Cindy O??? To do this? How utterly sad. You forgot to copy all of those references to men that I have enjoyed. The ones that have decent values, good manners and are not looking for easy sex because they are looking for long term or marriage. I have said that most of the time I have enjoyed men. There are actually plenty of those out there.
So why aren't you WITH one of these? Lord knows, I 'd never advise anyone to "just settle", but after "16 years of dating BS" it seems like you'd either decide to do without a SO or take what you could get.
Cindy O
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 1124
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:05:20 AM
Zuglo, This is nothing personal OK,, we both have similar ideas what FWB means,,
And no I didn't agree with the woman who made a generalized statements about men,, and I did comment on that as well..
I didn't need to go to her profile to establish my point of view.
I went to her profile because you made a comment about her and her profile,, and what I had read, and correct me if I'm wrong,, no where did she say FWB, nor did she write that,, she did say NSA is not what she is looking for, that's about the only initials she used in her profile,,

Your right there is no rule book that say we can't go to someone profile, I cold be wrong, but I think DP used your profile against you or some one else, and I commented there as well that I thought that was wrong,,


Yes, than there is that line that you quoted, about hoping to turn into a proper relationship, but that was off topic. That's why I didn't quote that one, because my friend, THAT has nothing to do with a forums! We talking about FWB, and she made a comment, and I responded, and I felt I had to quote something from her profile.

That's exactly my point,, because you only quoted what you felt was relevant, yet this woman never used the words FWB, how I read her profile in my view,, is,,
This woman was hoping to meet someone to have fun with, enjoy life, get to know them, yes she mentioned sex as part of getting to know someone with the thought of having it turn into a long term relashionship. How I view what I just said, she is looking to date one man, she is not afraid of sex, and will not hold out until she is married,, or use it as a tool to further a relashionship, but rather to help and develop one..I could be wrong in all that,, because that just my opinion of how i read her profile in my words,,

However there is no rule book on life either,, as you speak of honor, and one view of my integrity and honer, I can stand up for my beliefs without trying intentionally attack some one by going to out side sources,, but ratter use the word they say in the forums,, Thats just what I believe, but in now way does my opinion trump you view..


But I do aplogize if that was rude in your eyes, take my words for it, I didn't wanted to be rude.

No need to apologize, I have read enough of your post to know you are not rude or disrespectful,,I just voiced my opinion, because I happen to disagree with that tactic,,
All it's says both you and I agree on many things,, and disagree on others,, no offence..

later,, norm
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 1125
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:17:47 AM

I think real FWB's happen almost without any planning. It's something that people just drift into.
Now, too many people think they have FWB's but in reality it's just a Fvck Buddy... It's sex, with a limited friendship, whereas a real FWB it's the other way around...

That's a pretty good summation,m church. And if both people are OK with just being fvckbuddies that's alright too, as long as they behave with sexual responsibility.
As the times change and, as RenMan said,a woman's future is more determined by her own brain and/or brawn, not her sexual and reproductive value, you may see more nontraditional sexual/romantic partnerships evolving. I don't see marriage ever becoming irrelevant, but I do think the 20th century model ( male breadwinner, female homemaker) will be more of a rarity.
Cindy O
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