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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Why are most men looking for "Friends with Benefits"?      Home login  
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 haydaddy
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 101
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?Page 5 of 50    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
well frankly, I have had several women come to me with this suggestion. So its not just a man thing. From a mans point of view however, I think we choose FWB with women --we would normally not date. Hopefully both parties are on the same page.:)
 haydaddy
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 102
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 12:56:24 AM
Actually I know a few women who have kids who have NO contact with the dads. And I know of a couple who have no idea where the father is. SO ther eis more to it than a warm bed and money. I see your focus is financial. Thats unfortunate. I think the better question is, why do women AGREE to a FWB situation?
 TruLovr
Joined: 9/24/2007
Msg: 103
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 1:56:52 AM
Seriously though,I think it's no different for girls then guys.You go through the stages of "this would be nice" and "that would be nice" then you get your heart broken and lower your standards to settle for what you think you know you will never find.Set yourself up for failure and you never get let down again..
 TOM FROM RVC
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 104
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 4:31:57 AM
Not all men are, ask yourself how long do you talk online before you meet them? Thats the key questions ladies, you have to make them wait, talk awhile and get to know each other, if he loses interest right away you know what he is looking for, a real gentleman will take his time to get to know someone. I have had women talk to me for one hour on line and give me there phone #. this whole FWB with males can only work if there is a female at the opther end wanting it. This is 2007, it's all about the dance, you want men to stick around , make em wait and want them coming back for more. if you dont make em chase you, the aint worth be caught.
 smallfry3
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 105
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 7:31:48 AM
It has been my experience on this site that no matter what they put down "long-term" "Dating" it all means the same thing to them. LOL I throught it was me! I tried the "Friends, Dating and Long-term" the results were the same... SEX
So, now that I know that... I hopefully can make better choices. Right now I put "Talk/email" so I figuer if I don't meet them... there can be no misunderstands! LOL..
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 106
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 8:42:04 AM
^^^I don't look at this negatively, just as a different way of thinking...I think most men will try for sex no matter what they say they're looking for. It's just a matter of what they'll take with it depending on the woman in question. Some they don't want anything else from, some they'll wait it out for because they see more than that in that person. The sooner you sleep with them, the less they know about you and the less attachment you're going to have. Also, the less you'll know what their original intention FOR YOU was once the sex is over and the smoke clears.

I'd say don't sleep with someone you don't know well unless you don't care if there's any attachment or where it goes. I'm not saying all women want relationships and hold out for em, but I think over the years we've been programmed to think it's something to be worked for even when we don't want the rest...it's sort of a default in our programming.

My quote from a recent thread - it applies here as well:

First of all, you cannot have a friends with benefits situation with a complete stranger, no matter how much someone approaches you and tries to convince you otherwise. Anything less than an established friendship is a booty call, plain and simple.

A lot of people have to understand that it's more often than not the first option for women. HOWEVER...some women become attached after the fact, and yes some go into it knowing full well what the deal is and hope for more. To the women who want more than this and hope for the best, I agree it's a bad move. Ladies, please know your limitations based on your personality and avoid situations where you're putting yourself in emotional danger.

Yes, some people want a sex hookup and tell you they want otherwise, but it's certain people that are into this generally. It's not a gender issue. I am really getting tired of this male=predator/aggressor, female=victim/unaware scenario that's the mindset of a lot of people here, especially women. MANY women have wanted a no strings sex situation, and many men have gone along with it and gotten attached and ended up hurt.

This is the year 2007 for God's sake, please ladies - give your own gender more credit than that. A lot of us know what we're doing. We're discovering that we can have sex lives, and they don't necessarily have to be wrapped up in a fairytale ending. It can be separated, not because we've settled, but sometimes because we actually don't want all the drama that comes with a full relationship.

There are people for times when you're not into the whole enchilada, and there are people for when you are. Many times you just don't want to go without sex because you're not interested in something serious. When you are ready for a serious thing again, then you look elsewhere for it.
 Just JJ
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 107
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 10:11:57 AM

This is 2007, it's all about the dance, you want men to stick around , make em wait and want them coming back for more. if you dont make em chase you, the aint worth be caught.


Seeeeeee... told ya so!! lol it's all about the chase!!!

Bravo to you Tom.
 finandfine
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 108
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 1:04:20 PM

Seeeeeee... told ya so!! lol it's all about the chase!!!


If only you were Closer to me, hell I'd love the chase with you

mabe mabe not; shire hell why not!

Arnold
ooxxo
 finandfine
Joined: 9/1/2007
Msg: 109
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 1:53:05 PM
Justjanics: I cant even email you. huum!

One more thing to uglybetty: what is T&A must be a spelling mistake as it don't even come up in the incarta dictionaries: some other sex thing maybe? can't email you so posted
 giggleparts
Joined: 10/23/2004
Msg: 110
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 4:21:17 PM
I must be one of the most outmoded guys in the history of time.

I have never, nor will I most likely ever want to be in such a situation.

Some people have claimed that men would do pretty much anything to get to a sexual point with someone they find attractive (even partially), I say this is total bs. I had a coworker try and push a girl she has been friends with for a long time on me, because she knew I was single and was frustrated about my situation. I've met this friend and talked with her a few times when she comes into our work, but I would never just go through the motions just to have sex with someone. Even if that's what they wanted, that's just not me and since I know this girl isn't someone I could see myself with (for various reasons), it's just not happening.

I personally find it distasteful as to where things are headed both culturally and socially.

I love sex... I mean, I f***ing adore it... I want to have glorious crazy monkey sex all the live long day. But, most preferably with someone whom I care about and could see a future with. Most FWB situations are not all they are cracked up to be... many don't end well or become complicated. Freedom to have sex is not the issue, the choices we make in order to gratify ourselves are; so, make your choices wisely or make them not at all.

the giggleparts - I wear light colored jeans... yes... I am that guy.
 dreadstalker
Joined: 6/3/2007
Msg: 111
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 5:59:26 PM

Seeeeeee... told ya so!! lol it's all about the chase!!!

Only for a very few.
You know it's interesting that there is a current thread on just that subject. General consensus is that the chase is game playing and best left for kids.
 TheDaleShow
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 112
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 6:05:30 PM
Would you rather be friends with benefits, or ex boy/girlfriends?
If you are in a relationship, wouldn't you want that person to be your best friend.
If so then you'd be friends with benefits.
Am I missing something here? Unless they want to do all their friends, and if that's the case why would you want to be in a relationship with that person anyway? Just be friends and don't put out.
 grog27
Joined: 2/25/2005
Msg: 113
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 6:15:36 PM
***sigh***Yet ANOTHER post from some bitter soul painting ALL members of the opposite gender with the same brush. (And they wonder why they're single?!)
 Lyricallady
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 114
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 6:19:17 PM

I think the better question is, why do women AGREE to a FWB situation?


Because they don't think they deserve any better, or can get any better. So they settle.
Sad but true!
 janedoexyz
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 115
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 6:32:31 PM
mr. dynomite

Very insightful. But, men also look for "mommy replacements" for their kids. They used to advertise in newspapers looking for a wife. Nowdays they look on dating sites and are more subtle about their motive.

Everyone is looking to fill some kind of need.
 smallfry3
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 116
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 7:11:40 PM
I would like some one to tell the truth for once... It may not be pretty but it is what it is... Sex is a risky thing when you are trying to get to know someone. If it's good it can make you over look other important things, so I try to take it slow. Sometimes it works and others while, it's a gamble but so is "dating"
 Nu2Florida
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 117
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/5/2007 11:48:22 PM
I woke up EARLY wondering this.

Why would anyone want to be with someone who is basically telling them, "You are not worthy to spend your life with me?"

At least one of the two parties concerned is thinking this.
 Larissan04
Joined: 4/28/2004
Msg: 118
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/6/2007 1:52:32 AM
ThatNickGuy~et al

you questioned the choice of the word "most" ... well, i would even venture so far as to say that in the web world of dating... it would probably be "the vast majority."

i don't know why it is but MOST men have the unique ability to be sexually attracted to someone and not have any interest in them what so ever beyond that. i would even go so far as to say that some men can sleep with women they really dont even like at all. i don't think MOST women have this capacity. SOME women do, yes, but not MOST. women don't typically sleep with men they don't like...

men who want the whole "friends with benefits" set up are immature peter pans, who are just looking to get laid and are too cheap to pay for a professional... they don't want to have to deal with any emotional responsibilities to a person... and they just want to get some... but this is something you do when you are college... it's so completely boring after a while... it is so unsatisfying...

sex is best when there are true loving caring feelings there... and when one has had that it is hard to settle for anything less...

lara
 Resident Male
Joined: 9/6/2005
Msg: 119
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/6/2007 4:20:40 AM

Why would anyone want to be with someone who is basically telling them, "You are not worthy to spend your life with me?"

Why does it have to be so dramatic? You seem to be taking it as a personal slight toward you, when it's about him. Perhaps, in this case, the man is just being honest. Perhaps he doesn't think he can sustain a long-term emotional relationship and doesn't want to lie and say that he can.

I agree with previous posters who acknowledge the difference between a "booty call" and a "friends with benefits". I think either could turn into "long-term" and could both lead to jealousy and heartache. It's not easy to separate the physical needs of the animal from the emotional needs of the human being.
 Just JJ
Joined: 2/20/2007
Msg: 120
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/6/2007 5:32:01 AM
Since when are personal preferences considered games or too dramatic?? Last I checked this is for some of us, the good ol US of A, and we have the right to choose what works and what doesnt as far as relationships go.

Based on some posts in here, it seems that the guys who are looking for the FWB's are the ones that are protesting the loudest and hearling off insults towards the ladies that choose to want a relationship and all it comes with. (bitter, tossed aside, disgruntled.. etc)

NEWSFLASH guys.... A real relationship has drama of one kind or another, and the men that want a real relationship will in fact "play the game" as one of our more "eloquent" cough cough, fish stated, and only the real men know how to chase the right woman they want. That's correct.. the woman they want... not the women they wanna just sleep with.



again.. jmo :)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 121
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/6/2007 6:00:20 AM

Why would anyone want to be with someone who is basically telling them, "You are not worthy to spend your life with me?"

Um...I don't know, because we're not all looking for marriage from everyone we run into. A lot of people don't think in those terms daily, and it's not a personal attack on anyone. Do people really consider spending the rest of their lives with everyone they meet like that? Sounds tedious.

The very reason for an FWB or FB/NSA is that the person/people involved AREN'T looking for a long term, full relationship. It's the exact opposite of a lot of emotional drama and involves people who don't want to be accountable for each other. Therefore the concept of anyone thinking someone else isn't marriage material or accepting that they aren't doesn't come into play - it's kind of the whole point.

Sometimes the people involved aren't interested in a serious relationship and the hassles that come with it AT THAT TIME, regardless of who they meet. They want to stay single, date around, or stay away from the dating scene altogether. The object is to find someone who's just as not interested in dating seriously as you are, and take the edge off - some people don't want to give up sex/companionship entirely but don't want to have to marry someone to have it.
 Nu2Florida
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 122
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/6/2007 7:33:37 AM
Why does it have to be so dramatic? You seem to be taking it as a personal slight toward you, when it's about him. Perhaps, in this case, the man is just being honest. Perhaps he doesn't think he can sustain a long-term emotional relationship and doesn't want to lie and say that he can.


I'm not sure why you ass/umed it was about me. I included both the male and female sexes in my statements. It isn't always the woman who is the one wanting more.

About that honesty...The last man I met wanting a FWB had "long term" on his profile. Not all people (both sexes) are honest about what they truly want. I find that to be problematic.

Um...I don't know, because we're not all looking for marriage from everyone we run into.


Who said anything about wanting marriage? Not all loving relationships have to have marriage as an end result. I'm talking about love.

In addition, all of the "drama" spoken of??? Often times, it was the drama that led FWBers down the FWB road. They got hurt and didn't want to go there anymore. And even FWBs have their fair share of drama. Try to deny that one.
 GEOSC
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 123
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/6/2007 7:41:21 AM
I did not read all posts. I did not see the reason that men/women are worried about lossing everything again. It would be great to have fwb because she/he can not take my house away from me again.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 124
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Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/6/2007 7:49:56 AM

Who said anything about wanting marriage? Not all loving relationships have to have marriage as an end result. I'm talking about love.

When someone's LOOKING for love, I agree - your statement implies that all are looking for that, which isnt really the case. People all have a different definition of love too...some idealise it, some find it limiting, some think it's nice but don't leave the house in search of it daily.

In addition, all of the "drama" spoken of??? Often times, it was the drama that led FWBers down the FWB road. They got hurt and didn't want to go there anymore. And even FWBs have their fair share of drama. Try to deny that one.

Yes, some did get hurt. Some got harassed by an SO. Some didn't like the loss of freedom from an SO. Some have little to no time to devote to a LTR. Some don't want endless phone calls and emotional outbursts from someone they're dating. It all depends on the person...but some aren't reacting to hurt, they're just not the LTR type at all (or at the moment). Period.

About that honesty...The last man I met wanting a FWB had "long term" on his profile. Not all people (both sexes) are honest about what they truly want. I find that to be problematic.

I do agree with this. If you aren't straight about what it is you're looking for and you basically misinform someone to get what you want no matter what it is, it's wrong.
 Nu2Florida
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 125
Why are most men looking for Friends with Benefits?
Posted: 10/6/2007 8:26:36 AM

your statement implies that all are looking for that, which isnt really the case.


I'm not sure why you say this. My statement didn't imply any such thing. Not all individuals care to have a marriage certificate. They can remain in a long term very easily without it. The love is still there.

I certainly hope people don't walk out of the door each day with such thoughts on their minds. Good grief! That would be a tad obsessive, dontcha think??? As for me, I honestly try to keep things on a friends level. I'm not interested in FWBs, and I manage perfectly well without sex. My boyfriend lives in my shower, and he doesn't talk back.

Oops! Sorry. Thought this thread could use a little humor.

BTW...Could someone tell me what I'm doing wrong with the "quotes thang"? Damned POF rookies, eh?
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