| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:46:04 PM | | Trust me, until you've been in a serious relationship with someone that has an irrational jealousy problem... you have nooooooo idea what being smothered and suffocated truly is. Getting a few phone calls or text messages from someone who's interested in you is hardly what I'd call being smothered, that's just being flattered with attention which you can end at any time by simply letting them know you aren't interested. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 7:19:54 PM | I know that if there's someone I'm not in to and they're going over the top with being in touch it's annoying and I feel smothered.
Having said that, there have been times when I was with someone I loved that it got to be too much. Then again, if I like / love someone, I don't hound them with phonecalls, text messages or emails all the time because I know how I'd see it if I were in their shoes. Sure it's great to have the occasional call or text to brighten up someone's day, but if you can't turn around without the phone ringing or them trying to get in touch, then yeah, it's smothering.
Besides, it doesn't give you a chance to miss each other! It's distracting as well. I'd rather let the anticipation and excitement of getting to talk to them or see them again build up. If one goes crazy being in touch it doesn't leave you anything to talk about when you see each other and to me it just becomes annoying.
I agree though that I'm a lot more tolerant of that kind of thing and sometimes even think it's sweet if I really like the person... but not if it's constant.
Sometimes less is more. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 7:26:58 PM | So my question is, truthfully, do you ever genuinely feel smothered by someone you really like, or is it just an excuse you use (or really feel) when you're seeing someone you don't like so much...
That's a good question .
I think that if you're not into somebody too much , then it would not take much to feel smothered.
However , I think that if you were really into somebody and they became super clingy and needy , then you would end up liking them less and of course you would feel smothered.
Mostly.... I think feeling smothered comes from not being into the person. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 7:38:31 PM | fauor, i appreciate your honesty in your post =) And you've made me think that maybe I'm more like a man when it comes to relationships and the chase!! lol
And about the guy I was crazy about... Maybe I did let him go too soon. I questioned myself for weeks after.
He actually called me for the first time the other night since my decision to end it. I missed his call. Since then we have been playing phone tag. It's driving me nuts. I'd like to know why he's calling.
And as for the guy I am supposedly leading on- he asked me to a hockey game saturday. I told him I just want to be friends and that he should take one of his buddies. His response was "Think about it and I'll call you tomorrow babe so we can make plans to go out to dinner and I can change your mind." | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 8:04:11 PM | I've been finding a lot of guys who feel the need to want to talk to me CONSTANTLY.
I find this really annoying, and soon annoyance turns into resentment. It feels like they are "checking up" on you and monopolizing your time.
I think a lot of people mistake affection for attention. Unfortunately, it's up to you
to use those two wretched words BOUNDARIES and COMMUNICATION to let them
know this drives you nuts.
I usually tell guys to treat me like an Aloe Vera....talk to me maybe twice a week and
water me every two weeks and we'll be cool | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 8:45:50 PM | Re: jtw1974 "I find it cute/silly when two people just randomly text/email nothingness thru a day... as long as it doesn't get in the way of work or out of hand stalky or anything. For me, when I dig a person, I wanna experience their wacky randomness as much as they are willing."
I completely agree with this post. This is what makes getting to know the other person fun. Not only do you learn their humor a little better, you just generally get to see what makes them tick without directly asking. I think it's fun too but you have to be careful as it is email after all. Some people take the words and interpret them exactly as they are written in black and white. You leave yourselves open to misinterpretation which can cause unnecessary problems if you aren't careful and also have good verbal communication. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 8:53:36 PM | I've been smothered by someone I initially liked......neediness or someone wanting me under their thumb is a total turn off....
Interesting thread--why would anyone like being smothered and controlled...???...can't imagine putting up with that...
Doesn't seem much different than saying I would put up with anything if I really liked the guy..........preposterous
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/4/2007 9:21:36 PM | ^^^^ Good point.... This is the problem.... The phone calls and text messages need to be welcome.... It's the ones that phone or text you with nothing to say... 'How are you?. 'Having a good day', 'What you having for lunch?', 'Why are you not answering my messages!'.... Either because they don't have anything better to say or your heart is so not in it and your giving monosyllabic replies, killing the conversation....
Either way the situation's the same, you have to reciprocate the feeling of the other person for you to appreciate it, whether your glad that your getting those generic, pointless texts because the other person is hot and you have the content of an empty goldfish bowl or they really come back with something interesting to say and you welcome it because the, spark is there.....
My point is, its going to have to be some stunning pros in the vein of shakespeare or keats before it is ever likely to change the chemistry of two people, but some people just batter on regardless and if its not there, well, there going to end up looking like a****..
Sorry to all the needy people out there, but you really have to get the message.... EASE UP ON THE RABBIT SOUP; hey, there's actually a higher chance of you getting a phone back if the other person thinks you being nonchalant..... | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/5/2007 6:42:14 AM | You know what I think? Sometimes the person you're not so into subconsciously picks up on that and it almost makes them contact you more and get reassurance, which you see as annoying.
Maybe it's all connected.
I had a friend ask me once why a guy she likes will hardly ever call and another she's not really interested in calls too much. I thought about it, and told her..."maybe the one you're not interested in feels like he has to work on it and put more time in, and the one you like knows that no matter when he calls, you'll be home and waiting? "
Could it be that the vibes we're throwing off sometimes predicts the reaction we get?
Food for thought. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/5/2007 6:57:31 AM | Does not the subject line say it all!
Anyone who says they feel smothered.....is because they are not into you..
and trying to find the possitive in the word 'smothered' is ridiculous!
If you already know you don't like him...then let him go!
anyone you like....you look forward to the mutual numbers of exchange
through phone ect...
so if anyone is in a relationship and told by a partner they feel smothered..
they need their space? wake-up....take the decietful blanket off them.
and send em packin..\
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/5/2007 7:12:26 AM | Good Post.
My last ex did the whole email and text all the timeand phone calls. Once we moved in together he still liked the email and texting, but when he came home from work he would spend all his time on his computer. So, to me why bother with the pretense of emails, texting and so called phone calls saying how much you miss me when the truth of the matter is, when he was around he was always busy. Found out later this is how he is with all women. He just can't live alone, but he has no idea how to be with a woman and have any kind of fun.
The last man I dated was great. We didn't do all the phone calls or emails or texting. Mind you he is Arabic and does not have the best english. But, somehow we communicated far better than me and my ex. I never felt smothered, never felt left out. When I didn't see him I really missed him. Checking up on him was never on my mind either. And I really like this guy.
So as far as I am concerned I am not sure I could accept all the phone calls and texting. It's just not where I am at right now in my life. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/5/2007 9:41:33 AM | Personally I just don't like the constant calls. It makes me feel untrusted and kept tabs on. I don't have a cell phone, because I don't want one! I HATE it when people have called at work, I'm working. I don't just call anyone to say hi...It's because I have something to discuss, or I want to make plans, confirm, or cancel. With me there has to be a purpose to the phone call.
A lot of it I think may be how quickly this guy started in your case. With the last guy you knew him and were having a relationship. It just might be that it is too much for this stage for you.
You have to tell him to back off. If he can't then it's really just not working out I would say. That drives me nuts too! | |
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faour
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Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 40 | |
| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/5/2007 9:45:47 AM | | Hey, OP, did you talk to the guy yet? I'm curious as to how this whole thing is gonna turn out. Don't worry about "being like a man." I'm very much like one myself. I like it that way. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/5/2007 1:48:36 PM | | i think threads going on about when it is alright to call and how soon and all those so called hard and fast rules like this that arent used mean you're supposed to run like the wind and labeling the person a stalker... that is a bunch of garbage! no wonder men wont throw themselves into the dating pool hook, line, and sinker! i think this mentality sucks! if i and the other person are feeling sparks, heat, passion, etc and its obvious there's an attraction, i want the guy to call me within the next day..or even sooner! it doesnt mean he's clingy or a stalker..just affectionate. i think its appalling how so many take this simple act of expressing yourself and labeling it as "red flags" ..all that means is the person labeling the other persons acts is that the first person is just looking to find fault..and if you look hard enough you can find it with anyone. stop making this harder than it is for cripes sake! | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/6/2007 1:00:30 AM | too true... reminds of that rita rudner line..."when you like the person it's flirting.. when you don't it's called sexual harrassment...."
i could never be smothered by someone i was really crazy about... if i am crazy about someone it doesn't matter where we go or what we do. seriously... just being with them is enough...
lara | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/6/2007 1:59:23 AM | I also believe the amount one feels smothered is directionally proportionate to how much one cares for the one doing the smothering. If I’m crazy about him, he could put a pillow over my face, wrap me in swaddling clothes, and roll me up in a blanket.
S is for the sixty e-mails a day you send me
M is for the many times you call
O means that you’re only thinking of me
T means you’re always texting---what a doll
H is for the hours we spend chatting
E means everyday you're in my face
R means that you’re really dear, it’s true
Put them all together they spell smother, or stalker if I’m not that into you | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/6/2007 4:56:06 PM |
when you like the person it's flirting.. when you don't it's called sexual harrassment...."
How true.
Also, if you're the one being told you are smothering, what is that telling you about how the other perceives you?
We all have a level of interaction we are comfortable with. When in limerence, that level goes up considerably. But as that stage progresses into the next, we (or I guess I should say I) move back towards the initial level. I've come across some women who just cannot understand why I need some time in my cave to maintain my mental health. I seem to get along best with women who need cave time also, and I think because we both know and understand the why, it's not perceived as threatening at all. Granted, too much cave time is not good either, but I feel I know myself well enough to know over time, I will feel "smothered" if I don't get some on a regular basis.
Bob | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/6/2007 5:21:22 PM | I'm with the majority here. It is only smothering if you aren't that into the other person. If you had an INITIAL attraction and then feel somthered by the attention it is only because you only had an INITIAL attraction and are not feeling it now. The attention didn't turn you away, it was the loss of interest that made the attention annoying.
If someone is insecure and is actually "checking up" instead of just attention then it can grate on your nerves. However this thread wasn't about that, it was about receiving attention and rather or not you feel smothered if you really like the person. There is a vast difference in attention and harsh can't let you out of my sight stalking.
When I like someone I enjoy hearing from them. If I don't like them then it annoys me to hear from them. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/6/2007 5:43:58 PM | I disagree, it is still smothering if I'm into him.
If I like someone and they start calling several times a day or even once every day, e-mailing & texting all the time, I stop liking him. I can't like someone who is smothering me.
I might give him a chance to stop if I really like him, but if he doesn't, I'm done. | |
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| I only feel smothered when I don't like you...
Posted: 10/7/2007 12:03:27 PM | A lot of people have said it's only smothering if you don't like them, and for me that just isn't true. When I'm in the mood.I'm crazy fun, noisy, talkative, and want to engage in chatter.
Frankly, for the most part I'm not. I'm a quiet person who enjoys my personal space. Some of the best times I've had with a partner are sitting in two different chairs in the same room reading a book, or working on a project and glacing up now and then to share a smile or a look.
My problem is communicating that just because I would like to be my myself dosn't mean I'm angry/upset/or not into you. It's the way I am. Even with straight forward communication there are some men that don't understand. They are different kinds of people that need that constant contact.
To me this behavior even when done in a trusting playful way seems annoying. It shows a lack of respect or implies that what I have to do isn't important. A lot of the time I see it as a flat out interruption. I hate it when a person calls me when I am doing the things I need to do, or needs my constant attention to feel secure in a relationship. | |
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