| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/8/2007 11:28:43 PM | | It's called a NO CONTACT ORDER....use your resources! Change your phone number so that you don't have to field your calls. Hon, I've been there...it is mind blowing, I understand...but you have to do all u can to cut him off. Don't give him an inch more. Take back the control. Good luck to you! | |
|
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/9/2007 1:16:29 PM | | Oneofakindgirl- Thank you so much for your encouragement for kittycat... maybe if she hears alot of this type of response from sources outside of her unhealthy predicament she will finally get the courage to leave her violent controlling man... any more suggestions would be of great value to her... | |
|
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/10/2007 10:57:19 AM | Personality disordered relationships sometimes are difficult to explain but many times are impossible to understand, unless you've actually been there. But it can happen to anyone across the social spectrum and to either gender, not just women.
There is a web site I suggest as at least a starting point, because it provides an exceptional service. You can participate as much or as little as you want, and you can take away a wealth of information and support. Lovefraud dot com.
Then don't forget the site dontdatehim dot com. Post your story. Women and men both post and it can be anonymous, your choice. It is simple to use, just search on the city and user name or given name when you are interested in someone. Is it without corruption, I'm sure it isn't. But is telling the truth and exosing the fraud or the abuser worth that risk, it is to me.
Take note of a common comment, "still on here." Of course they are, and they will stay right here and on similar sites and will repeat their behavior again and again where the supply is plentiful, until they are stopped. Knowledge, diligence, and threat of exosure are valuable tools in your defense. Think you can't be fooled, take a look at lovefraud, then think again. My heart goes out to anyone who is or has been there. | |
|
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 4/8/2008 2:26:51 PM | ok iM a guy, and that shit is uncalled for, you did him favor after favor. I am not rich, i drive a 1994 car, but I never hit a woman!!Thats a coward and I would love to see him do something like that in front of me. As far as road rage, drive in Chicago, you havent seen what road rage is. Flipping the bird can also be used to say hi now! Its caller preperation.
I dont care what lies he may have told, but hes a coward and he has very low self esteem. I am a big guy, and if I wanted to beat on a woman I would have to get Olga the weightlifter from Russia, with hairy armpits! Just so I can pick on someone my own size. Spankings are one thing, but to lay your hands on another person with malice and then say you love them? fukk that! | |
|
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 4/8/2008 2:44:32 PM | and reading onto some of the other messages, NOONE can diagnose by a few words. Its SPECULATION. I can say the guy above me is a stark raving lunatic ( oh shit this is gonna be under my original post, ok ok ok you got me) lol but is it true? i am NOT playing devils advoocate, but plain and simple hitting anyone or abusing them in ways not accepted mutually is wrong! Words can hit just as hard. If i start dating a woman thats 190 lbs what the hell right do I have to say you need to loose 50 lbs so I like you better? I know hard to believe I am single huh? yannow this might be something to have a little fun with, a POF dating guide
1 DONT GIVE MONEY
2 DONT LET THE PERSON MOVE IN ON THE FIRST DATE
3 DO A NAME AND SEX OFFENDER CHECK
4 IF HE HITS YOU, PRESS CHARGES
5 IF YOU STAY YOU ARENT HELPING YOURSELF, YOU CAN MAKE IT ON YOUR OWN NO MATTER HOW MANY KIDS THERE ARE AND IN A CASE LIKE THAT THE FAMILY STRUCTURE IS WORSE IF YOU STAY!
6 DATE A FAT GUY WITH TATTS AND A GOATEE, WERE CUDDLIER..
Ok the last one is optional, but a smart move! seriously seeing threads like this kinda get me agrivated.
and to the guy with the iligitamte daughter, or whatever, keep your drama in private, noone cares that you hooked up and banged a chick with a crazy kid ! If she is deflaming your character, then ger a restraining order, or whatever its called. I had an ex start doing that to me, one court date, one warrant, one night in jail, one face to face conversation, and problems were solved. Communication goes a long way. When it breaks down, there is the legal system!
anyways to recap:
getting beat = leave
psycho ex's kid = restrainging order
fat guy with goatee and tatts= smart move   | |
|
| |
| |
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 4/10/2008 5:16:36 PM | | Accept it, or don't!!! You won't change him. He will remain the same person. So either you are attracted to the sex or the game???? You need to figure out if you want to play the game for sex or have sex and play the game??? What kind of [erson looks in the mirror...and loves a liar...Quit fooling yourself...get un lonely...and move on. Go get some strange!!! Cures the BLUES! | |
|
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 4/10/2008 5:48:10 PM | Wow
I am so sorry that happened to you.
I had an adictive relationship once. I just kept going back. Finally my faith and telling my self the truth repeatedly got me through it. Its hard when you love someone better than they have ever been loved and they don't love you in return. But you know thats
really the problem.
You can't fix them fix you! This is not a dress rehersal get a firm grip and good luck!
It can be done | |
|
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 4/10/2008 8:05:29 PM | You must leave him for good/
I stayed faithful to a mentally ill man for 25 years and it was so much drama. I was a loving good faithful wife.
He is a Pscho path with a another life. He was into everything- sex drugs bi ,fraud etc and he gave me flowers and rings most of the time. He even became a Christian and served the church with me.
He was a nark and in and out of jail for breaking the law. However he makes alot of money and as a great pyshcopath; He destroys everything in his path little by little.
You must make a decision to change you and realize that people will lie, cheat and deprave you of everything. Educate your life and seek out other groups of people dealing with Domestic Violence. Look for giving and non selfish people.
I made the right decision to leave. Hopefully you have no children with this man.
If you look at your mentors in your childhood it may help as well.
My Dad was a Bipolar man. Make better choices and Enjoy your self. Practice safe sex too. Cat-Always Look Ahead !
 | |
|
| |
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:53:53 AM | OP.. I am sorry you are in this situation.
Sounds like you need to get out of it.
I know feelings sometimes get in the way but selfish preservation and feeling good about you and what you want for yourself are more important at times.
I'd rather be alone than deal with all the drama and uncercertainaty. | |
|
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 6/20/2008 3:56:12 PM | OP..I know that you are hurting right now,,and I know this because i went thru the same thing,except he was not rich,he drank(I found out really how much after the I'DO's ) He wouldn't work after we wed,,he wanted to be where I was so he could "watch" me) and he had the bright idea to live off of my check...among other things...I did not go through all the horror you did as I left PDQ after I found out about all the lies I was told and the mental abuse I was put thru...
The pain and hurt you are feeling now will go away in time...it may not seem like it..but it will...
I can understand how..well not really...but when you feel like someone loves you and treats you the way you always wanted to be treated,,,well it does something to your heart...and you will go to any lenths possible to protect this new found love at any cost...then as days go by..you start to see a darker side to this bright shining love,and start finding holes in it...you don't want to hbelieve there is a dark side to your knight in shining armour...
YOu did the only thing you could do,,you left!! You deserve to be happy..and to have the respect & self esteem,self-worth..all the good things in lyou probably saved your very life in leaving...
Please don't think yourself a fool..it's not your fault,,,you were PLAYED & CONNED by this smooth talker...and his family wasn't exactly honest with you either it seems to me...these flowers & sweet talk will soon turn into rage when he realizes that you really aren't coming back to him,,you need to stay strong,and ignore all of this,,,CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER..and if it gets bad...get a protective order out..move if you have to across town,and can afford to...it will all be worth it for a sense of peace,your own happiness and peace of mind...PLS KEEP IN TOUCH!! GOD BLESS!!
 | |
|
| |
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 7/13/2009 4:24:55 PM | | HI, am so so saddened you went thru all of this. Your ex-boyfriend might have bi-polar which is a mental illness caused by a chemical imbalance in his brain. Or, he is just someone that is an abuser: abusers are the best actors; they present themselves as wonderful in every way to others and either abuse their spouse and the children or just the spouse (tho of course the children are hurt emotionally/mentally by seeing the way he treats the spouse. You should go to a battered women's shelter or to a relative out of town; most battered women are killed right after they get a restraining order; the men are angry that they cannot get to you. PLEASE'''GET TO A SAFE PLACE, NOW'''''''''. A RELATIVE NEARBY WILL NOT DO; ABUSIVE MEN WILL BREAK IN THERE ALSO. YOU NEED TO GET THERAPY AND IF POSSIBLE INTO A BATTERED WOMEN'S SUPPORT GROUP. I married a man who presented himself as a christian and he seemed one in every way. all i saw of the 3 step-children was manipulation till i married my husband. And then, the 2 in the home and my husband were abusive in many ways 24-7 between them. i did my best as a christian wife and mother. (also have 2 children by adoption from my lst marriage). My husband goes to church 3 times weekly, fills in for pastor whenhe is not there; goes door to door with Pastor to make home visits; does the devotionals and abused me beyond measure for many years. I thought when I left that I would lose my mind'''''''. Came out in late 2007 and my husband has given me great troubles even after I left. He threatened me before I left that if I filed for divorce, he would contest it and it would be in court for years and i would get nothing'''. I tried to work things out fairly but he does not want to. I know God is on my side. Going for my divorce on July 22nd. and Judge has already waivered that I do not have to pay for any of the court charges because I am disabled and have such a low income. My husband stole all my monies when I left; gave me $10 and he told everyone'''including Pastor and his family, his family, close friends that I stole his monies. Has been having affairs on a christian site we started together to encourage hurting christians. I only share this to say: sometimes there are signs of an abuser and sometimes they are such great actors there are no signs. I pray you get to safety as soon as you can and that you get into therapy as soon as you can. One does not know how much they have been emotionally damaged until they get out of the situation and you do have post-traumatic stress and need help with this. My prayers are with you. Suzanne Just thought of sharing this; very important; I spoke once with a facilitator of a group of men that were court ordered to go for anger management classes and he told me that on a scale of 1 to 10 that if a man was a 4 before the class, he might come out being a 6, still very abusive. I know that the only way''''a person can stop being abusive completely is: if they repent of what they did and receive Jesus as their Lord and Savior and then the Holy Spirit can change their heart and spirit'''''''''. | |
|
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 7/13/2009 5:32:29 PM | Incase you haven't spoken with the Police, please do so asap. Keep in close contact with loved ones and good friends. Change your number and keep record of any attempts of communication that entails. (him coming to you somewhere, phone calls, etc). Dates and Times to be specific as possible are helpful. Learn Self Defense and find a group of women that have gone through this to speak to. You're not alone.
You said it yourself when you said : "...he says I will regret leaving him, because he is a really "great" guy...inspite of all this other stuff! and that he treated me like a princess "80% of the time... WTF?!!!!!!!! I am to be grateful?"
that last statement proves you know better. Some women dont. Unfortunately.
This is worse case scenario but You are doing the right thing. If you are on good terms with his ex-wife, maybe you can both be a support to eachother. If not or it just doesn't seem comfortable to connect with her specifically, its' ok. It's just better having two heads being better than one. Strength in numbers, that kind of thing. Pray for the kids.
If he's getting arrested for charges, let it happen. Cooperate with police and also file a restraining order. It only works if you report it. Fine Tooth Comb those laws so you know them well. Sometimes you just going over to his house to drop off his stuff can null and void it but all in all, it's best you just file one. Speak to them asking about anything else you can do to protect yourself. A lawyer too just incase. again, this is worse case scenario but it helps. More knowledge is power for you.
:hugs: | |
|
| |
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:49:32 PM | my .02
ok, he might be bi polar, so **** ing what? why make excuses, if YOU like to get beat, thats YOUR thing. I read 2 lines of your post, and its holier than thou, and i have a bleeding heart made me throw up in my mouth.
2 things, you need to learn:
1 beating is wrong.......end of discussion ( spanking is FUN)
2 While i am a Catholic and believe strongly in God, He is NOT the answer for everything...if you sit and do NOTHING and pray for Him to get the guy to stop beating you, all you are gonna get is a black eye!!! If you take action, and leave and get help, and if there is no help, you make it your damn self. You make proper choices, and you ask Him for his guidance to make the best choices. I been praying for a goose to shit out a golden egg on my lap for 30 years. It hasnt happened yet......... | |
|
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 7/13/2009 6:52:36 PM | self defense, just think Lorena Bobbitt.........makes me shrivel if i hear the name lol
But seriously, cut the mother fukker off, I bet he wont hit you again.......But make sure you are a different size than he is, He might wanna borrow your dresses | |
|
| |
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:01:23 PM | Wow. Sounds like your ex and my ex could be the same guy. Lol... Obviously not really, but jeez..
Do NOT go back to him. He is the way he is because people keep giving him chances. I am sure he has promised to change for people before and he obviously hasn't followed through.
If you decide to be with him, you'll end up only a fraction of who you are right now. You'll be a shell of yourself. Relationships with people like that just slowly destroy you... | |
|
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 7/13/2009 7:45:20 PM | All I can say is wow and i sorta went through the same thing. I was at work and this guy asked me to dinner i denied him and i friend i worked with said if you dont go i'll go. I told her have fun and he said if she goes i have to aswell. We would go all over together, movies, dinners, it was perfect. Everytime he would walk into my work he would have flowers. After five i thought were wonderful years with my ex husband i found out he was on dating services and i asked him about it. He told me he was doing it for a friend and i told him he was full of himself. My ex never did drugs, he was a socail drinker and smoked every now and again. When we started dating i told him there was two things i couldnt stand that was lying and cheating. Then he decided he wanted to be a truck driver i was like what ever makes you happy i'll always be behind you in your choice. The more he was out on the road the less he came home and wanted to talk to me. When we did talk he actually convinced me that i was losing my mind and going crazy. He started with die hard religion and that everyone in my life is going to hell. And that i was a devil worshiper. Then to find out hes been with another women in nebraska that works at one of the truck stops. You'd think being with someone over five years you would know them. He sit there and lie about stupid stuff. He would start fights at the blink of an eye.
The only thing i can say if for some of you talk to your boyfriends/girlfriends - friends and family. Before taking the jump into "dating" | |
|
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 7/13/2009 8:54:28 PM | | Count your lucky stars and get the hell away from him as fast as you can. If you care to make sure the kids have a way to get ahold of you without their father knowing if he does something to them and get them to safety. | |
|
Home
login 
