| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/10/2007 5:36:47 AM | WOW! LPB, thank you so much for sharing your story. It is nearly exactly like mine, except for a few details...your ex and mine seem like the same guy! It helps when others share their stories because you can see so much in other's experiences that you cannot see when you are too close in your own relationship.
Anyway, some people I know spoke with my BF last night and told him to leave me alone. He didn't call me last night, which was a relief...uh oh...OMG...just as I write this the phone is ringing...it is too early to be anyone else but him...I am not answering it...I will be fine...and I will NOT go back with him... | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/10/2007 2:32:10 PM | Now that I know more about the disorder people who suffer from it behave in remarkably similar ways. They are actually really simple to figure out and very predictable (something it didn't feel like when we dated and I was in the situation). They also suffer from paranoia I discovered which is a handy little tool to use for defensive purposes. You can tell them crazy things to make them fearful because they are likely to believe the worst despite how positive they can appear sometimes.
There are different types of narcissists and it does sound like they were different types from what you wrote but the concept of the behavior itself is the same.
You actually reduced any threat he is likely to be A LOT by talking to other people and having him aware you are talking to other people. It's when you are being private to protect their reputation they are at their most dangerous. They know what they are doing is wrong. They don't want other people to know. Now he risks anytime he does something (he knows is wrong) that you will tell and he risks harming his facade.
You just became a threat 
To someone who was just violent, this could be scary but to a narcissist.....its more like they will hide from you. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/11/2007 9:30:47 AM | The guy sounds bi-polar... run OP run!
He probably believes what he promises... in his own eyes, he IS a caring loving man. When he cries and tells you he will be a 'good boy' from now on... he really wants to be so and it's easy for him to picture himself as a gentle, goodhearted and trustworthy person. Point is, he will keep losing control over himself, no matter if he wants it or not. You will not change him, OP... neither he will change himself, unless he seeks professional help. The "80% of good time" slowly turns into "50%"... then 25%... then 10%... Do you need such rollercoaster?
Been there, done there, got the T-shirt!  | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/12/2007 3:05:43 AM | | Hi Everyone..I am posting for Angelbunny just to let you know she is SAFE and hanging in. She is going through hell right now..unending phones calls, trying to turn the knob on her door..to banging on windows and now tried to kick door in..when police arrive, he is gone,of course, but they have enough they are going to visit Prince Charming now. Angel is safe and staying elsewhere right now..I wanted to let you all know, especially the ones who have been through this before and know how truly terrifing this is, and to all that are concerned for her. Thanks everyone and please keep encouraging her...it is so hard at the beginning of the end with someone like this...I don't know why we can't just shoot them, especially if they are incurable...just my opinion! | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/12/2007 12:14:33 PM | | Girl there everywhere...the more you try not to think about him the easier it will be to move on. I kinda ran into this myself, was crushed and felt like a fool....But we all make mistakes, tough it up, lift your chin up and move on down your path just be more cautious now. Good luck to you, be smart!~M | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/12/2007 12:45:53 PM |
Angel,
I want you to tell the police he is saying the words "you will regret it later" I don't care if his saying it with sugar on his tongue, you know, in a real sweet way. This is how these guys operate. I would take that as a very serious threat, because that is what it is.
OMG I sooo agree
be very cautious of your surroundings, b/c it aint no telling what this guy will do.. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/12/2007 12:48:39 PM | | dear angel bunny,i can match your story,if we ever chat i'll tell you that nightmare!! but dear take my advice PLEASE!! GET A RESTRAINING ORDER ON THIS PILE OF SHIT,HE IS A PREDATOR,DONT LET HIM CALL YOU OR ANYTHING!! this dudes getting what he deserves,HE SOED TO THE WIND NOW ITS TIME FOR HIM TO REAP THE WHRIL WIND!if your concearned about the children talk to there mother if your not satisfied with her call social services,iam not a big fan of them but you may have to get them involved.i know the pain you feel,some one who hasnt lived it will never understand.iam sorry to intrude on your life but this is a very serious matter. IF YOU EVER FEEL THE NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY AND NOBODYS AVAILABLE TRY ME IAM NO SHRINK BUT I DO HAVE COMMON SENSE! you becareful and if you dont mind ill check up on you from time to time unless you tell me to get lost then i'll do that. dave. | |
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clay71
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 88 | |
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/12/2007 1:05:44 PM | File a restraining order on him, and get some of the good mace.It does'nt sound like he's going to just give up and quit persuing you.Which could escalate into even more trouble for you.And Why did'nt the ex wife warn you about this?
When you are going to your car keep a good look around you and,keep one hand on the mace keep your keys in the other.When you have you're keys in hand, close your fist around the key ring,this should cause some of the longer keys to petrude beyond your closed fist. One punch in the face with those,should make him back up a bit.Just a safety tip.Who know's what this guy is capable of?
Don't take his calls,send flowers back,forget about the guy who used to be sooo sweet cause he's gone bye-bye.You did'nt ask for this sh*t,so don't let him make you feel like a victim.Even have a co-worker escort you to your car if you have to.You can't file anything more than a restraing order, until he actually puts his hands on you.But every time he breaks the order call the police so that they are aware of your situation.You may hear that alot of cops don't like to deal with this sort of thing but,that's not correct.A lot of officers don't like creepy guys that are freaking out people.Good luck to you! | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/12/2007 2:50:12 PM | | thanks KOOLGirl1 for your update. keep us posted. I am praying and I know she is in danger, but will be alright. All the precautions that have been posted must be followed. This man is VERY dangerous. and I do worry | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/12/2007 4:14:16 PM | Hello everybody. Just letting you know I am okay and everything is calm here. I was gone all day with some women friends working on a charity event for tommorrow...so that helped occupy my time and he couldn't find me.
He is fooling the counselor...who actually called me and asked me 'why don't you give the guy another chance?!!!" I almost fainted!
..when I asked him what he was told by my EX...he told me the story...at least of course what my EX said to him...so when I told him the truth...he immediately retracted his comment about giving my EX another chance...in fact...he told me NOT to see him...and he will assess him more...he said my ex appeared so kind and professional and sincere...he did not confess the REAL or ENTIRE truth to the counselor...I would think that a trained counselor would see through this...but it just further proves how good a man who is NPD and abusive can fool ANYBODY.
The hard part also, for me is when he is sweet and the whole 'honeymoon' phase...but you will be happy to know...so far so good!!! Steady on my little feet...thanks everybody for all the e-mails and everything. I changed my name, because I didn't want him to recognize me...even the date on my profile and location is not correct...I am a very honest person...don't like to have anuything that is 'fake'...but for my protection...as I know he checks out this site...on POF is where we met about a year ago...
Anyway...don't worry about me...I am okay...I will be gone most of tommorrow, so don't be too concerned if I don't write until tommorrow night. Okay?
Be Blessed | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/12/2007 6:20:49 PM | Angel honey....be glad you're okay! And just know that you can and will get better and better. My last serious boyfriend informed me that "He used to have some anger issues but that he'd gotten over all that sh#t" AFTER he shoved me up against a wall, broke my toe and left 8 fingerprints and two thumbprints in BIG bruises across my chest from the shove. Not too long after that I witnessed him back hand his 13 yr. old and then try to get his son to laugh about it with him while he cleaned up the blood from the little gash it left on his forehead when he fell into the coffee table. When he pushed me and left me bruised and bleeding....I just stood there dumbfounded remembering the promise I'd made to myself that I would NEVER stay with any man who EVER laid a hand on me in anger. And....I left. A week later with no place to go....but it didn't matter because anyplace alone is better than a home with an abuser. You're gonna be GREAT and it won't take as long as you think. As others have mentioned, it's the relationship that you miss....not the guy. (I will tell you that I got a silly, naughty bit of pleasure out of telling him as I walked out the door that I was the best thing that had ever happened in his life and that he'd never get that lucky again......and when I saw him a year later, I could tell that he knew it then even if he'd disagreed in the moment.) Just stick to your guns and don't speak with him. Also, even though your local police can't really DO anything to him unless he hurts you (unfortunately, one of the crummy parts of situations like this....) you can ask them to perhaps let their patrol officers know that perhaps if they happen to be in your area....could they take the occasional peek up at your place. And of course, in YOUR case...if he does call or do things that make you fearful get a restraining order!!! There should be NO reason for you to be afraid....you do not have to live like that.
Put a note on your bathroom mirror that says, "I AM a strong, smart, attractive woman who deserves only the best." Sooo, every time you look in that mirror you'll remember that he doesn't deserve you, sweetie....you deserve to be treated well 110% of the time. Best of luck, honey! | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/12/2007 7:32:58 PM | | Life always has that "Dark Side" Luke had Darth Vader, Batman had the Joker, The Bionic Woman has to contend with the prototype Bionic woman constantly, Wildboy had Bigfoot (although they were kinda friends & looked out for each other) Jeckyl & Hyde, the Hulk, Freddy vs. Jason, spiderman & Dr. Octopus, etc, etc. You feelin' me??? | |
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clay71
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 94 | |
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| im really
Posted: 10/13/2007 5:22:51 AM | | sorry but ive been in violent realitionships half my life please dont make the same mistakes i did he will never change and will make u beleive its all yr fault and u;l begin 2 beleive it there very good at that its because they have no control in any aspect of there own life and will control u its all about control yr better than him i promise there that ive been single now for 6 yrs and having a great time get 2 know yrself i have just started dating someone he seems great but u never know trust is 2 be gained and earnt ive been in long term realitonships since i was 16 untill 6 yrs ago i never really new myself i was what all those violent men made me beleive i was im 37 now think of all those wasted yrs go and live babe if u want 2 talk add me on msn its crystal345543@hotmail.co.uk we can chat and maybe become friends be strong love marie x x | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/13/2007 5:34:30 AM | "I have wanted to talk to the ex-wife about what I have witnessed...but I am afraid of his anger towards me if he finds out I spoke with her about it"
Who gives a damn about his anger toward you,you are a big girl.You can defend yourself,a little boy can`t.
Get a restraining order if you are that afraid of him. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/13/2007 10:19:00 PM | OMG!!! OP my ex husband was bipolar and never got meds for his problem because he didn't want to admit anything was wrong!! He physically and verbally abused me. I learned alot of history on him as well while we were married. But because of the way he could manipulate and sweet talk his way into and out of any situation i believed him and thought he could change.
Men like this DO NOT change and have no ability to change. How can someone change if they don't see anything wrong!! I have been away from him now for about 7 yrs and never looked back! Yes he tried and tried but to no avail.
BE STRONG and keep telling yourself that whatever comes out of his mouth is a LIE! He's not capable of telling the truth because he himself doesn't even know what the truth is.
Good luck OP and please , please stay away from him!!!! | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 12:36:12 AM | | glad to hear your doing ok dear,screw that counselor,he's nuts dont trust him dont beleive him dont give him any information about you.if you do talk to him tell him to tell the nut case to pay tyberious from fish a visit in person. would love to put the boots to this LOSER. he will hurt women and children.he needs to bring his show to the big boys,the ones that will bring it to him.sorry for the outrage,these type of men (losers)bring out the wurst in me.MY GOD HOW CAN SOMEBODY DO THESE TYPE OF THINGS AND EXPECT TO BE TREATED LIKE A HUMAN.i cant see it and never will.fight the good fight dear beleive me time will heal your wounds and you will meet a man that will treat you like a lady,not like an object for his predator sadistic games. | |
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