| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 8:19:12 AM | I agree Tyberious...dont involve yourself with his so called "councilling". He's Broken... he cant be fixed. stay away from the shrink also. Even my ex is saying he'll deal with this guy...lol...youre great Ty, and we all need real men to stand up for us. Angel...you're doing so well, one day at a time, keep telling your story,... you'll find it gets to seem like another person other thatn yourself that went through this. it DOES help to talk about it. I pray for you every day...
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 8:58:36 AM | | Tyberious, I'm so glad to know there are still real men out there! The outrage is justified and totally correct. More people need to get outraged at this type of behaviour so, somehow we can put a stop to it. A woman usually can't defend herself against a violent man, and many times it ends up being too late for anyone to help. The police in my town told me to get a gun, (they were very familiar with my ex and how dangerous he was), and when he came onto my property to "make sure I saw a knife or weapon in his hand"...catch my drift, and shoot him. So I'm partly kidding when I say...we should be able to shoot them...partly not! Just so glad to know there are still men out there that would defend and protect women they don't even know, just for it being the proper thing to do. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 12:57:10 PM | Oh dear, we have been getting daily up dates, and now no word for a day and a half.
Does any one know if Angelbunny is ok, or if she let "the dark side" over take her will power to stay away?
I have no doubt it may take her several tries to get away from him, however each time she goes back she lets her esteem get beaten that much further, heres to waiting and hoping for the best for her... | |
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mweb
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Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 106 | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 3:38:47 PM | Hi Angel
I am a fool...and I realize that.
No your not a fool, just in the wrong place at the wrong time
I NEVER would have thought he had this hidden unstable, out of control, 'dark side' in a million years.
Some people are like that
Please help me stay strong
Were all here on pof if you want help ! Don't worry, it will work out right in the end. Makes me cry ! I like to shoot the bas ..d
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 4:02:17 PM | LBP:
Today after 6 months of heartache....today, after reading this thread especially your post.....I realize I was 'taken in' and a real 'victim'....of a VERY ill and highly intelligent person!! His behavior was a real 'talent'...........I related 100% to your post!!! The 'love of my life' for sure...8 years!!!! I've posted about it many times in other threads.....but, not until today...did I fully understand.....It wasn't me...not me at all..........I only wish I had read this maybe 4 years ago...or 6 years ago....as I knew something wasn't right way back then...but thought it was his alcoholism...I loved him so much....but in the end...he almost destroyed me emotionally. Now with his new wife....a person in 'recovery' also....I sure hope she doesn't spend 8 years on him....she won't be in 'recovery' long regardless....how very sad She will soon be very sorry for running off with him at my unknowing expense....betrayal on both thier parts it seems will turn oh so very quickly...Gosh he actually 'used' his Alcoholism as an 'excuse'....I believe he has always known it was way way deeper than that...how cunning....wow.....how scarry. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 4:32:10 PM | | hi koolgirl1,dont be kidding,if self defense AIM CENTER MASS AND SQUEEZE!! NO HEAD SHOT TO RISKY!!. these type of men once found guilty in a COURT OF LAW,GIVEN ONE APPEAL,THEN IF FOUND GUILTY AGAIN,taken out back,THE SAME DAY and put in front of a firing squad.dont know were alot of you women live but if your state goverment allows you to get a CCW (carry concilled weapon) i urge you to take the course,get a hand gun you like,practice and then if need be by all means PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR KIDS.THE POLICE CANT BE EVERY WHERE.alot of times they dont really care anyway but thats another issue. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 5:10:26 PM | | It sounds like he has the classic sounds of bi-polar disorder. Take it from me it is very hard to be with a person like that. Dealing with the constant bad decisions and the lies they tell to try to cover them up. With Bi-polar people its either all heaven or its all hell, they contain both parts equally. Not to be mean but it'd probably be a good idea for him to seek help and get the right meds and therapy before he tries to pursue another relationship. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 5:19:51 PM | There should be a Child Welfare agency in your area that will listen to you and keep you totally out of the situation. Look up Bureau of Child Welfare, I had to use them when my ex-wife would abuse my two boys. By the way I'm a single parent, you see it could go the other way too. Mental illness doesn't care what your gender is. I'll pray everything works out for you and the children. javascript:smilie('')
javascript:smilie('') | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 6:07:06 PM |  Typical...in these "cases"...women return.To the abuser. Over and over. The drama the lures. The attention.The constant attacks against self esteem (what is left)...but...the weakest ones?RETURN to the abuse. Safety.Comfort. Drama. And fears.
I am thinking certain people on here WILL return to their abuser.
I HOPE Angel is smarter than that!!! | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 6:15:10 PM | | Hi Swabbas..how are you doing hon? So sorry you had to go through it too. I had never even heard the word narcissitic till my divorce started and my lawyer told me my husband was a bad case one and to research it. So along with P.P.O's and the program the police put me into to learn how to keep myself safe, I would need to learn all about them. I thought ,.."they should have to wear a BIG sign that says, NARCISSIT, BEWARE !!". In case anyone is in need, most cities have a program that the police can refer you to, to learn how to keep safe when leaving an abuser. I hope this thread has helped you some Swabbas...and just keep putting one foot in front of the other and Be Well...koolgirl. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 6:32:45 PM | Koolgirl1:
Thank you so much. My 'love' of 8 years was basically emotional abuse...Alcoholic/Bipolar?....Narcissit?.....these posts surely set some real self doubt straight...and the guilt as well...up till today...I was so enthralled still with missing so much of all the good he made me feel...I just couldn't grasp all that was so VERY VERY wrong...I could voice it, I could see it.....but couldn't feel it (does that make any sense at all_.....I guess being much of a 'caretaker/enabler' I've been taking it all so very personal....
At first when it all happen, him leaving the way he did, his behavior freaked me out so bad I was afraid to go to my car in the morning...but I was blaming most of his behavior on the prozac and being only 2 months sober and I guess too I was blaming 'her'...thinking she had caught him at a weak time and 'groomed' him...but, I realized today after reading so much....he most likely NEVER was honest with me about anything!! And certainly not her.....And most likely from the very beginning I wasn't the 'only one'...his kind caring side was most likely a 'talent'......he often blamed me for his behaviors...not telling what he was doing this last time as in 'getting married' he blamed on my "misguided communications'...meaning basically I would divulge all I knew about him to his new wife's friends...now that he is married...I'm no threat nor of any concern or value whatsoever!! He can take on a real 'mightier than thou' erogance......so much of my love, my spirit, my heart was given to this 'human'....he is off now 'high' on life.....he has left such wreckage behind.....and not an ounce of care in him regarding it......I will be o.k. it's been six months...it comes in such waves.....perhaps if I were a bit younger I would have gotten 'over it' by now....I've always been a very sentimental devoted person...wear my heart on my sleeve....so, it all takes time...what I know AS OF TODAY...I lost nothing of value....but time. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 7:57:18 PM | Islgurl
It isn't about being smart, it is about being strong. It is about have value for oneself, and a good support system. One which include counseling, and knowing that if they go back they are just defeating what they had hoped to gain by leaving.
They allow hope to builld that because being alone seems more painful than the abuse.
It takes getting a restraining order, and a please order of no contact, then sticking with that desire to break the sick addiction.
One has to hope that Angel loves herself enough to know what she felt and seen is this dark ugly side, and no matter how shinny the other side is, that dark side is all consumming!!!! | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 9:34:30 PM | The first stage of the grief process is SHOCK and DENIAL
eVEN EMOTIONALLY MATURE INTELLIGENT PEOPLE ARE NOT EXEMPT.
iF YOU ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH HOW THE GRIEF PROCESS WORKS...YOU COULD GOOGLE IT...ALTHO i SUSPECT THAT YOU DO KNOW OR HAVE HEARD ABOUT IT IN THE PAST,
oH DEAR....JUST REALIZED THE CAPS WERE ON...darn it they still are...
anyway.................
I feel for you....I am going thru something similar...I needed to read your post today...
Thankyou for sharing.
We'll get thru this one day at a time.
The other stages are....anger.....depression....bargaining...and acceptance.
The kicker is....you go back and forth....back and forth.....between these stages
Gradually.....you stay in ACCEPTANCE.....it takes TIME.
I do know the first stage and last are correct....a bit hazy about the 3 inbetween stages....best to check it out for yourself. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 9:54:43 PM | Hmmmm, Angelbunny here is a fiction writer. There are more internal contradictions in this yarn than can be found within "The 'Diary' of Anne Frank." A person would have to possess subnormal intelligence to not be able to see through this carelessly put together tear jerking, attention craving tale. The piece itself and the unthinking face value acceptance of it by so many here is a prime example of why shysters enjoy such a lucrative trade here in America. Indeed, whenever one deigns to fabricate a Sob Sister story, he or she quickly gains sympathy and "understanding" from the gullible audience and thus flourishes accordingly.
Angel, you have so little respect for intelligence that you never even bothered to realize that your readers will immediately wonder why the man in question is not in jail held without bond if for no other reason than purposely "crashing" into the "meter-officers government owned car." But that detail is itself insignificant among all the other BS contained in this piece.
For the folks who may be vulnerable and thus have fallen for this melodramatic tale, I suggest you first put away your Kleenex and reread the narative critically. Starting of course from the very first paragraph, we already see Angel engaged in a lie since she says here she "just found out" yet later tells us otherwise. From there you will wish to note especially the topic sentence of her second paragraph and attempt to reconcile that with what is later stated. In fact, pay close attention to all of this second paragraph and try to reconcile it with what Angel later says. The following paragraphs only get worse. For example, study paragraphs four and six and then read what Angel says in paragraphs five and seven. After doing this you should be getting the drift and will either laugh or shake your head in pity when you read her follow up posts.
If you really have a taste for dramatic fiction, try John Grisham, Michael Crichton or any of a number of less sloppy and more conscientious writers. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 10:16:09 PM | I don't agree with the previous poster.
I do agree with the concept that we all look at things through our own individual filter.
I am tempted to make further comment as to why the previous poster sees this thread the way he does...but that would be conjecture.
I prefer to be generous and give him the benefit of the doubt.
I will say that I also do not agree
with the previous posters remarks about the
'subnormal intelligence' of the
'other' posters on this thread.
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 10:26:25 PM | ^^^LOL!
2+2 = 4 Do you agree with that? LOL!
It is not a question of "agreeing" or disagreeing. If I state, for example, that I first met a woman in February of 2007 and then later state we divorced in June of 1998, and that her neighbors told me that she was a wonderful person but later told me they have always known her to be a murderer I am obviously making up a story. It is not a question of "agreeing" or disagreeing.
You know, you can use psychology on the persons who write these stories, too. Why do you always automatically believe the sad, dramatic stories but are ready to "conjecture" about those who might be skeptical? You are aware that folks make up these things, are you not? And when we find serious problems in the text, I think it reasonable to be somewhat suspicious of the writer. If you do not "agree" with what I pointed out, then reconcile the paragraphs and statements that I mentioned. You cannot just say, "Oh, I don't agree!" and let it hang. Tell us why you do not "agree" and give a few examples to support your position. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 10:31:27 PM | I disagree that there are the discrepancies referred to.
I don't see them.
To see them I would have to be using different 'discerning' characteristics.
I have my own discernment.
my post..... AVOIDS conjecture.
I do not feel the need to support my right to disagree.
I posted on this thread because of my interest in the OP
Posting off topic in reference to a particular reaction to the OP
simply doesn't interest me further.
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/14/2007 10:56:53 PM | We all have a dark side at times and you may be his nemesis so tell him to take some medication if he wants to remain friends with you.
This is the only way I can see out of this situation so that no more fuel is added to the fire of his insane behavior. | |
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Kynnie
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Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 124 | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 7:17:06 AM | Hi rpburnsusa...I really wish angel's story was fiction...ahh..wouldn't that make life easier to live behind our rose colored glasses, or in your case probably black or white, depending on your day. Unforunately for angel this is real. I was on the phone with her, which I might add she had to ring up quite a long distance bill to call me, when ex BF. started to try to kick her door in. She began to hyperventilate and freak out, which is NORMAL behaviour under duress circumstances by the way. I had to talk her through just to hit the hold button for me and dial 911. There is much more in these cases that we leave out of the forums because of shame, guilt, etc. Does she sound confused to you??? You bet your booty she does and IS !! Unless you have actually gone through any type of abusive situation, maybe you can't really understand. Your mind is racing and emotions are all over the place with just your own internal struggle of "how did I let this happen to me", let alone, how much will I share with complete strangers w/o looking like a total idiot for having gotten into this is the frist place. So let's nit pick just one of your complaints. She says she met him last year, then goes on to say a few months ago the other woman e-mailed him. Truth...she met him in January-07, not quite last year but almost. She says a few months ago the other woman e-mailed her. He say it was a few months before they met he wrote O/W and she is now trying to be vindictive. Well it all occured in "month"s time. Jan to Oct..hmmm..adds up in months. Twenty lashes with a wet noddle for angel for saying "last year" !!! My God man...do you really want me to continue? When anyone, man or woman has had significant other lie to them and con them it is embarrassing and confusing for them. I really hope you never have to find this out first hand.
By the way I always think our moniker's tell a lot about us..so who ya' trying to burn rp....sorry but just my interpretation. Could be wrong...like yours of angel
Be Well...koolgirl | |
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