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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 7:56:20 AM | When someone show's you who they are, beleive them the FIRST time. Sounds JUST like my X - exactly. You KNOW who he is - Mr. Hyde, NOT Dr. Jekyll. The latter is the act. Just remember all the bad things. This is the typical pattern for a narcisist. Look it up on-line. And work on yourself. Hang in there - and know you know who he REALLY is - the rest was just an act. Greive, cry and learn. It does destroy part of you, so work on finding and building yourself and by yourself.  | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 9:40:46 AM | Koolgirl says:
By the way I always think our moniker's tell a lot about us..so who ya' trying to burn rp....sorry but just my interpretation.
Uh, rpburns is my name. You are right, my monikker does tell about me.
Also, the poster above who says to click History and read Angel's post in order and by themselves has a good point, for it is telling. I would recommend the readers do the same for you, too. Sadly, I think the OP might have a psychological problem and you and some others are not helping her but rather contributing to and worsening her neurosis by "feeding" her. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:31:39 AM | Uhh.. rpburnsusa, I read my thread replys in order....your point????????
I have copied and pasted your words from the thread Cleveland gun shootings. We are to trust the judgement and advice of someone who thinks following the laws is to be an idiot??? Okay Einstien, maybe you should stick to subjects you atually know something about. Then again you keep bringing up neurosis and from your quote here you have me wondering if perhaps you do know about that subject.
(quote) I own several guns. I have rifles and shotguns, and a handgun. I am basically just a collector and occasionally like to shoot at targets and skeet. At any rate I personally don't care how tough they make the laws as I've never bought a gun from a store or other place where you need background checks and all that. No one but an idiot buys a gun where you have to do that, anyway. And I sure as hell would not if I were going to commit a crime with the gun. Who but a yuppie moron would or does?
(quote) | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:38:18 AM | | I,m sorry 2 here u went through this but I went through simliar ........2 stay strong U hve 2 hve no contact with this man it will hurt like hell u hve 2 heal now and when that fog clears and it will u will b able 4 move on 2 all the wonderful things in life u missed while u was caught up in all this trap. No u will not regret this beleive me cause it wasnt a healthy thing U will learn from this and ur radar will b around u once again u lost some of this while in connections ...........not all men are the same I hve found out but men showing these signs never change. Lession are here u hve 2 take them on board and learn from it.U will find peace i did xxxxxxxxx | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:43:36 AM | It's unfortunate that lifes biggest lessons come with a huge cost taken against our hearts.
The good news is that you found out before you spent more time with him, or married him!
And for what its worth, I dated his sister! Seriously! I have so dated the female version of this guy! LOL I know exactly how you feel... when everything is sooo perfect and that first thing surfaces you do the right thing and question them and also do the right thing in believing their answers. Its what good, kind, compassionate, trusting and healthy people do.
When that 2nd thing surfaces you follow the same steps and everything is still rosey and these are the first steps down that long, slow, slippery slide in to hell. When you wake up (and it sounds like you have) you have little demons with pitchforks jabbing at you from every side and you know you have to leave.
You wanna know whats next? For the next year or so you are going to be hearing all sorts of things from all sorts of people who knew all about his past and his behaviors. Here's what they will say: "You are both friends of mine and I didn't want you to get hurt!" Well, bullshit. If they were truly your friend they would have told you and by telling you after the fact they are hurting you. Their actions will make you feel like a total idiot. Loose the boyfriend, when the "friends" come forward telling you stuff, loose the "friends" and then they can go back and tell your ex what a horrible person you are.
Unfortunately there are some very bad, very sick people out there who will take advantage of your good nature. The good news is that you will have learned some great lessons and it will make future efforts at finding Mr. Right much easier.
You have my prayers!
Pete | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 11:44:00 AM | | rpburnsusa, I meant to reply to your earlier statement of why the guy is not in jail if he crashed into the metre-officer government car? He goes to court this week for it..it's a little process called innocent until PROVEN guilty. It's called the law...oh, I forgot something only idiots believe in...take care. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 1:58:45 PM | Koolgirl, I am not following where the "buying guns so as to not have a background check part fits in". Have to read the threads more carefully.
Who does this?
Criminals that don't want the guns traced, people with mental conditions, or felony records do this, because by law they aren't able to own a gun LEGALLY. Meaning that they are registered owners...
as for Rip Burn, it would be in question as to the type of person he is...Most abusers DON'T recognize they are abusers, and as angelbunny's perp does, blames everything on the one they are victimizing and the world in general.
Isn't it sad that someone would think themself above someone being victimed, and then blame them for having some mental disorder.
Oddly enough the very thing an abuse does, blame the other for having some mental problem.
Hmmmm, perhaps Rip Burn USA, out himself... Only conjecture, but if one takes the time to look closely enough at his threads, and has training in the field of medicine, law, and abuse...I personally can say with confidence through reading his posts, this is someone that has put up some very large red flags of his own. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 2:12:02 PM | Ohhh thanks Koolgirl, got it now... Look at the posting history... Guess I never really paid all that much attention as to what people posted on.
For being such an intellect Mr burn, perhaps you should use a spell check. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 2:15:59 PM | Hi Nexthyme, Yes that is exactly the point I was making without coming right out and saying it. If Rp Burns thinks only idiots follow the law to buy guns....(his words, which I copied from another thread he had posted on ) what does that make him? You expressed it very well and I really would not take advice from him.
I saw the red flags also and wondered myself if he has or had abused a girl then claimed she was just neurotic when she told???????????
Very good deciphering Nexthyme!!! | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 2:53:28 PM | Since you talked to Angel, how is she doing?
I am sure Mr Rip Burn will rip me for my poor grammar, which I deserve. I didn't go back and re-read what I was typing out fast.
About the gun thing, he said that people are idiots to by guns from a store in one breathe, then said what idiots, parents are for letting their kids get ahold of guns in another.
I lived in Eugene, when Kip Kinkle went on his shooting spree. His "idiot" parents took there son for training in handling a gun properly. They also let him EXPRESS himself in his art, and go out target shooting.
Sadly they became targets, as did his classmates. Parents can't mind read, and what one kid does for interest and grows out of, doesn't mean another will.
Just as you said, when a girl becomes fearful, she can say last year, when it was the beginning of this. WHO CARES. The fact is she did what an abused victim is SUPPOSED TO DO, which is reach out and develop a support system.
The media may have people believing that the police will drop everything when an abuser comes a knocking, but the truth is they don't always. I have found that a large number of cities don't have any support system for these women. A lot of these gals have to hope that somehow HE will find someone else to abuse, so that they can get free of him.
It all depends on the area that a person lives.
I hope she is doing ok, and I'm glad she has found support in you. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 3:07:12 PM | Hi Nexthyme,
Angel is well at this moment. A bit more there but so sorry, I feel Angels' safety might be compromised if I post here. I tried to write you but won't let me because I'm from a different country. Can you write to me on my profile?...koolgirl1 | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 6:36:11 PM | My name is Robbie, not Rip.
To everyone else here, there are three posters on this thread who are one and the same. Guess which three.
To this person. Go to Google and type "Text Criticism" into the box and hit GO. You may pick up some tips on how to evade detection if you are going to use multiple profiles to back up a story.
As for my comments on another thread concerning someone being an idiot for going through a background check when buying a gun, start at the very begining of that thread and you should see the context in which I was writing. There is someone on there who is fanatical in his belief that if only there were no guns then the world would be a better place. This is true I suppose, just like it would be so much better if no one ever got sick and died and a hundred other things we can think of right off the bat. Unfortunately, it is not going to happen on this Earth.
Back to this post: As I have explained in a private e-mail to a reader, I am pointing this scam out because it only serves to damage and make more dificult what is already hard. There are enough troubles today for people trying to meet possible romantic interests. There are enough true circumstances of abuse and stalking and what not. We do not need people to invent quite dramatic situations to further alarm people who are already leary of meeting new people. That is why I have called this out. I make no appology for doing so. If you feel that I am simply an abuser myself and am therefore doing this to divert attention then so be it. I only ask you to consider doing two things: First, reread what I wrote in my first posts and then read Angel's History (and Koolgirl's), i.e., their past posts dealing with this thread. Second, ask yourself, what if I am correct in my assessment of this thread? Would people inventing stories like this help or hurt things?
Forgive my spelling, I do not have a spell check on this computer and my dictionary is not at hand. (Is my spelling that bad?) | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:06:01 PM | Well...odd that a poster would be accused of dramatizing a non-existent situation!
jeeze. welcome to the REAL world of internet forums. Plenty of scammers "out there" in cyber-world...
BUT i feel, whether a "scam", or not, this thread was an eye-opener for many who might have been, or are, in similar situations.
Who might feel that they are "isolated" and the "Only ones" feeling as they do, as well as accepting unnecessary abuses, and self-esteem issues in living with/ dating an abusive narcissist....and certain threads , such as this one, might lend advice, hope, and a way of dealing.
Get OVER yourself. (esp rpburns) 
This thread, and many similar ones, have brought out a wealth of compassion and understanding by so many posters. Refreshing to observe.
Scam, or not.
To all. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:22:20 PM | Angel.....remember babe....it's ...ONE DAY AT A TIME
Also remember that it is normal to be in the first stage of grief...ie.....
SHOCK and DENIAL.
Also..please remember.....
that it is NORMAL to go back and forth between the stages
It's all part of the grief process
I'm sending you lots of hugs and best wishes . | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:45:30 PM | Thanks for letting us in on your name Robbie. (I was thinking Rip Burn, was an excercising term)
I can say for sure I am NOT one of these alleged 3; and admittedly I don't have the time to go through this entire thread to detect which ones may or may not be.
If it is true what you are saying, your right, that is sad, very sad. Abuse is NOT something to make lite of, or to create a thread to stir the pot.
If I get your correctly about your post on guns, it is with someone that is Canadian. Robbie, ya have to understand, that nation has gun control laws, and a look of them really can't understand the idea of the "right to bar arms". Heck that isn't the only nation that shakes their head at us.
With that said, I am glad their is some sort of need to be a registered gun owner. Does it help? Maybe not as much as we would like, but hey at least someone was trying to do something with out unarming our Nation.
I have to say, I dont think this thread any anyway hurts someone trying to find a relationship. Angel says she met someone wonderful, that turned into a nightmare. That happens everyday. What is it, every 6 minutes a woman is beaten? (never been good with remembering statistics)
Any of us that post to these threads, post to them on face value. We don't know if they aren't real, or that the posters are three in the same. We post from the heart, or from a critical frame of mind.
Sorry about giving ya a rash of crap about your spelling...I'm a legal studies student, and one of my classes this quarter is in advanced persuasive writing. Personally I have to have a spelling ace next to my pc at all times.
Lastly, when you say that Angel has some mental issues... That is one of the signs that an abuser uses. If you are NOT, GREAT... Believe me, we don't need any more. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/16/2007 1:09:11 AM | Hi Swabass,
I just want to let you know, this is real and unfortunatley happening to this girl. AGAIN....I wish it was not. The idea that there are 3 people writing as one, sounds a little like paranoia to me. But the really sad part is this happens to more people, men as well as women then should be acceptable. The good part is posting and threads like this help to encourage other's to give hope and answers to help themselves get out of a bad situation and stay safe.
A mindset of an abuser is to create doubt and isolate, so they have no one to turn to...hmmm. Sound familiar? I think you can write to the moderator of the threads, his moniker is "ticketoride" and he can tell where the posts are coming from.
I'm sorry if Robbie does not want or feel he wants this to be part of reality..still has me questioning "why"? But in any case, as many people that have responed in this thread with their own stories, it is much too common an occurance for us to just ignore. I want all who HAVE been through experiences and still are going through them to continue to help and support one another. Right at this time, I did not want to post this,
but now feel I must. Angel has gone back to the person. ALL that have been there understand this..as we KNOW what that is all about. If "anyone" is going to write here just to bash her, please save your time and energy for more constuctive things.
All we can do now is hope and pray she will be "able' to get out again. As far as myself, I have already told her, I will be there any time, any year, she may need me. She has my real name, phone, etc.
To all those who HAVE been through it, thank god your out and healing will come. To those still going through it, I hope you were able to get some hope or help from here or any where to make your lives better.
Cathy | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/16/2007 3:04:53 AM | The first stage of the grief process IS after all....SHOCK AND DENIAL
I am not surprised
I feared she might return which is why I have been so repetitive in my posts
re....Shock and Denial.
There's someone reading this thread who will be helped by it
It was not in vain because Angel has returned
It is a 'real life' illustration of how vulnerable we are.
This man didn't act like an abuser at the beginning
Angel DIDN'T choose to connect with an abuser because she was abused as a child and that's the pattern she's repeating.
If one rereads her post...it is obvious that a rational woman or man
CAN become vulnerable.
My love goes out to her
Good post Kool
Keep the Connection open
You know enuf not to judge her and risk losing the opportunity to be there for her
when she gets away again..
.and she will
Unless...and this is the scary part......
I don't want to even say it....this man has a history of violence
It's very frustrating...
Does she have any friends or family close to her that are aware of this situation?
P.S....She needed 100% love and encouragement when she turned to us here at MD for help
It's too bad she had to face another kind of abuse HERE
I AM VERY ANGRY ABOUT THAT....VERY ..VERY...ANGRY | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/16/2007 3:40:45 AM | You Schould leave him and the Fam. alone.. Mother and Father know how crazy he is .About the Boys .... Very Very sad .. Yes, You can call Anonamously, yust be very careful.. If this nut is on :: Plentyofffish;; I'm sure he 'll know all your Thoughts and doings..  Take care of yourself be good to yourself and kind to your heart.. I know you'll do what you think it;s right , but this 'll take TIME TIME &Time.. Stay safe,,,  : | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/16/2007 6:11:38 AM | This all set me to serious thinking of my own 'problem'....
I would not put it past him to be on here in disquise of some sort monitoring me....
My eyes have been opened the last few days...and remarkable how much is coming back to me regarding his actions especially this last two years.....I've always known he could be cunning...but, I realize now how deep deep it all really went...and how devious he is...and his total lack of regard to the lives of others as his destructive behavior leaves an ugly trail behind him where ever he goes.
I understand how she could go back....now though he will see her as more 'aware' regarding him.....more of a 'challenge' for him....sad. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/16/2007 2:39:14 PM | Nice post Georgy Girl.
It is hard to say if she was abused or not, unless you spoke with her personally.
The tragedy is if anyone decided to bash her, that just shows how much ignorance they have to this kind of abuse.
You are absolutely right, he wasn't that way in the beginning. He slowly drew her in. Sure there were signs, but even the most intellegent people can become victims. That is because we want to believe in the good of MANKIND.
The abused look past these, it was a bad at work for him. Maybe I did say something that was unkind, and deserve him getting that pissed. I did over cook that steak, and he was tired; long day at work and all.
The list goes on.
Because each abusive behavior can come with an apology, or an excuse as to how it was the abused fault.
What is scary for Angel is that she sooooo wants to believe this time he really will change, and after all he is doing it for her isn't he?
That is where the denial comes in.....
I really wish the best for her too.... | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/16/2007 5:54:58 PM | | iam a gun owner and dont want to go down that road,cuz i dont know who said what but wish it was said to my face,then i'd respond.HEAVILY!!. I DO WANT TO KNOW HOW ANGEL IS DOING AND IS SHE BEING LEFT ALONE BY THE PHYSCO. does anybody know?? | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/16/2007 8:14:25 PM |
The tragedy is if anyone decided to bash her, that just shows how much ignorance they have to this kind of abuse
Where in any of my posts do I even remotely state, imply or anything else that no one goes through abuse at the hands of another? How on Earth did you get from me stating that his thread was a fabrication to "ignorance...to this kind of abuse?" I stated the reasons this was a hoax, and none of them denied that some people abused others. On the contrary, I pointed out the contradictions and improbabilities Angel wrote. None of this has anything to do with abuse or abusers.
Angel even went so far as to write me an email and I'll be damned if she didn't tell ME(!) that from the get go EVERYONE had warned her repeatedly to not even go out with this guy, much less to start a relationship with him. Yet, what did she say at the very beginning? Angel said this:
I met a wonderful man here last year on POF. After making MANY friends and dating some great guys who I became 'friends' with...who for one reason or other...just weren't quite right for me...or me for them...and then! I hit the jackpot! OR so I thought. I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT! TOOK ALL THE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE FOR DATING ONLINE AND OFF…,ASKED ALL THE RIGHT QUESTIONS…TOOK THINGS VERRY SLOW…GOT TO KNOW HIM…AND EVENTUALLY HIS ENTIRE FAMILY, WHO WELCOMED ME WITH OPEN ARMS AND EVEYONE SEEMED SO NICE. WE MET EACH OTHERS FRIENDS, WENT ON MINI VACATIONS TOGETHER(and here I always thought that if you wanted to really know someone, you should go on vacation with them-- R.P.B.)…HIS CHILDEREN WERE FOND OF ME AND I OF THEM…AND EVEN HIS EX-WIFE TOLD ME ON THE PHONE THAt SHE WAS HAPPY I WAS IN HER CHILDRENS LIVES. (My Bolding)
He was the absolutely kind, thoughtful...of me and others, appeared classy and well grounded. A solid man with a good character...everything any woman would love in a man. A nice guy, who was confident, articulate, stable, smart....the whole nine yards...I didn't care that he drove a 13 year old car. I didn't care he wasn't 'rich'...I was searching for a man with character who had a heart and love to give...who wanted the same things in life as I did and who had similar values. And I had finally found all these things in him. He told me he felt like the luckiest man in the world with me in his life...He was sincere and was someone a gal could count on. Or so he seemed.
He wasn't an alcoholic, didn't even smoke. He didn't take drugs...never had...he had a University education, a good job for over 6 years with a growing corporation. He owned his own townhouse in one of the best parts of town...he was attentive, loving and treated me like a lady...I felt like a princess most of the time. We rarely argued, in fact we were one of those couples who kissed constantly...couldn't keep our hands off of each other. He looked deeply into my eyes frequently and told me how much I meant to him...and eventually we spent most of our free time and all our nights together...he even held my hand most of the night in bed when we were sleeping...sooooo endearing...most of the time soooo loving...
(Oh, and Angel? Where in the world did you get that I was a Scientologist? A "fellow Scientologist" at that. )
Anyway, I simply said Angel contradicted herself and she did. many times: If he was "a solid man with a good character" then why would everyone, his friends as well as hers, warn her about him? He drives a thirteen year old car and isn't rich yet owns "his own townhouse in one of the best parts of town(!)." They are together all the time and every night yet he has been having an affair the whole time. Oh yeah, I forgot, he was doing all this at work. Yeah.
I also stated that it sounds like he would be in jail and held without bond if this was a true story. I think everyone will agree that attempted murder of two government officials most likely qualifies for that (What would you call running down someone with a car and smashing into them?). At the very least I would think that the bail would be quite high and thus a problem with a man who "isn't rich" with no job (Or is he rich? He owns his own townhouse in the best part of town. I dunno, which is he?). And, incidently, police detectives do not call suspects on the telephone to tell them they are in serious trouble. They come with warrants and make an arrest. And yes, to the poster above who said you are innocent until proven quilty, they do arrest a person first, THEN you might can get out on a bond while awaiting trial.
But like I said, go back and read all this again if you want all the contradictions.
And what about when he was busting down Angel's door? I mean, how convenient that this violent episode just happened to take place while one of her defenders here, a total stranger who lives far away (the telephone bill will be costly, she tells us) and has injected herself into this mess(!!), was calling to see how things were going. WOW! But didn't any neighbors call the police when this was going on? Or is this legal up in Canada? Scroll up if you have forgot about this ordeal. I thought it also convenient that the "other woman" whom Angel's boyfriend was hitting on just happened to have Angel's email address so she could send her pictures. But we will let these two small details slide. By the way, I will admit that if all this is true, it MUST be hard on an old woman. Angel is 100 years old, you know. Just look at her profile if you don't believe me. by the way, just two years older than a certain woman poster on here that is "very very angry." I suppose this should serve as a warning to women to not date younger men (the boyfriend must not be retirement age yet and thus should be at least 40 or 50 years younger.)
Hey, this is Angel's story, not mine. | |
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