| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/17/2007 7:38:49 PM | Swabbas....I can see you changing right before my keyboard!! Yeah!!!! You are getting stronger every minute it seems girl. Keep going forward and don't look back, except to analyze and learn so it won't happen again. Your well on your way and if all of us sharing all our terrible experience's has helped even one, it has all been worth it.
Take care..P.S. I tried to mail you but won't let me 'cause of different country thing!!
Cath | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/18/2007 2:19:54 AM | I'll ignore the post above... Anyway, just to let everyone know 'Angel' is doing well. I saw her last night and she is fine. It hasn't been easy for her, especially when her Ex-boyfriend turns up the charm. But, she has alot of support from her friends and family here and she also has been reading about NPD and sociopaths and learning all she can to be able to identify and avoid them in the future. She is NOT back with her Ex. She is at her own home and did NOT move in with him after all.
I have read this thread, and it seems that it has provided some valuable information to help educate others, for people here to be able to tell their own stories too, and to support each other. BRAVO!!!! | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/18/2007 8:38:26 AM | koolgirl1:
If I had not been kicked to the curb after 8 years of many many displays of loyalty and the deepest love and comittment to this person, if he had been truthful about his plans and affections for another from the very beginning...if he had offered me a honest conversation and good hug and a respectful 'goodbye'.....I would not have been so devasted in such a manner that I went looking for answers...I would not have come to these forums....I would not have learned so much about him...his actions and myself and my actions....
I am thankful for a better understanding of so much. It takes away a lot of my own self doubt...and helps me understand how I could have been so 'naive'. Mostly, I realize I am not alone. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/18/2007 9:18:10 AM | eclectic cowboy:
he got married...I am resonably sure even in HIS demented way of thinking he understands the consequences of all that has happen.......it most likely will take a long while for him to completely suck the life out of his new 'victim'......
for her, it is marriage.....I am sure she will try very hard to make it work.....
for him, it was a 'lock in place' move......he'll hang in there until the last drop of 'life'...last bit of 'value' has been depleted....then he will move on.....in the event she 'runs'......beforehand.....well of course he will be 'broken'....but, he knows....I am all out of 'super glue'........and way to 'educated' at this point. He will find another that is completely oblivious to his past..use his 'brokeness' to suck 'em in...and the cycle will begin again. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/22/2007 3:19:25 PM | Hi islgurl and everyone,
I have not heard in a couple of days. I wrote to her and will try to call her later. The last time we spoke she assured me she was alright. She has a good support system in place. I will let you know. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 10/22/2007 4:07:01 PM | Angel,
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Something similar happened to me 2 months ago. One can't describe the pain and hurt that comes from deception of that kind. You'll get through it, but you'll get through it faster if you subscribe to what we call "NO CONTACT". Everytime you talk to him, it will be harder to pull away. No calls and no e-mailing. No Contact. Period. And another thing; It's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself for not seeing "it". Even though you gave him more chances, it's still NOT YOUR FAULT. There's a great web site called Truth About Deception. You can google it. There's lots of other people that have and are going through exactly what you've been through on that site. It also has some great info on people with personality disorders, which is probably something he has. Hang in there, you can do it! Remember--NO CONTACT. WL | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/1/2007 9:17:11 PM | | Why don't yall just quit fu%*n! with people, stop advertising this goofy Sh%*! keep your life more privatelike, take a look in the god%#*^m mirror & figure out something ELSE to focus on than silly relationship Bull- WHAT HAVE YOU PERSONALLY ACHIEVED LATELY for yourself??? I recently got my motorcycle licence & I'm going skiing & alot of other sh%* I've always wanted to do so EXPLORE LIFE because Death will find you life is short. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/2/2007 8:11:15 AM | LMAO...Pisces619!!!!
Because we wouldn't get the opportunity to sit in judgement of others that's why!
Get back on your dirtbike & go play with your little friends if you don't like to hear about this stuff! If the pot's just as black as the kettle...one shouldn't be boiling water!
You're right though....life IS too short...so why the heck are YOU here too? | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/5/2007 12:11:56 PM | OK, we go from a guy being completely nasty about someone having an issue about abuse, to him talking about motorbikes, what was that water skiing then on to a "food for thought" about Star Wars???????
I can kind of understand people quoting bible scripture, but Star Wars????
Dude, ya haven't missed your calling as an advise columnist....
If you want to inspire someone, try and come up with something a little more serious and real to life than fantasy fiction... | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/5/2007 12:54:20 PM | Obviously you're distraught over your 'wonderful' bf. Things like this happen all the time regardless of how much you try to avoid it and for how long. I'd say instead of feeling uneasy about yourself, the situation you're in or your bf, just let him go.
And let go of everything you went through because of him and start over again. There's no useful purpose in holding onto him or what happened. You're only wearing yourself out by doing that. Let go of him, your experience with him and what he made you go through and start over fresh. You may want to take it easy for a while before starting new relations after this experience. Reason being you may wind up comparing your new bf with your old one. Let the old one go, take a break and then start new when you think you've gotten over the issue.
Put it this way, the girl I once had I found out was bisexual. She needed a woman to give her full satisfaction when she's in the mood. When I spoke to her about her desires, I was trying to figure out the logic involved in our relations. Obviously Icut her out and chose to just let go of our screwed up relations and go on. I wasn't embarrassed because I didn't know about her secret love affair until she told me why she couldn't see me on a Saturday night. Her story didn't make any sense and I kept asking questions until I got the full picture. Then I realized I went as far as I could with our relations and it had to stop here. So, with that, I just let go of her, her way of life, and our relations in general. That was it. I closed the book. I am looking for someone else, but with an average lifestyle and a girl who wants to strengthen relations by spending time together just doing things and going places. And, amusingly, a girl
who's full blooded heterosexual:) Anything else not only just won't do, but is also problems for the future.
Good luck on your search for a guy with loyalty. I'm looking for a heterosexual girl with the same thing:) | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/5/2007 12:56:28 PM |  Ummmm "next"..try wrangling your way through his jungle of a profile..hehheh.
Good luck with that!
Wonder what ever happened to the original poster?
Hope she's OK and we don't see her in "Testimonials" raving about the same cad! | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/5/2007 7:46:15 PM | call an abuse hotline and get the dynamics. cause i can list them forever. abusers like to control... now when he dont have control he will go into a rage. i suggest you do everythign in your power to be safe and what ever it takes. you are not safe now at all... he will not let you go as easy as one would think....
and pls report the children to cps... for their protection.. you cannot protect them..
change your phone number ect. do not trust him and anser the door and get extra locks. be cautious when you step outside.
watch the movie....... a cry for help.......it will hit home.... and it was a true story that happened in connecticut...
he may have appeared to be nice but in relationships there are signals that warm you when there are red flags.... sometimes we dont know them. but you would be surprised..
there was signals there but cause you couldtn list them you dont know....
my prayers are with you and pls pls let us know you are okay | |
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| So.....the ex-wife never said a word about this? Never warned you?
Posted: 11/5/2007 7:57:35 PM | The ex-wife never said a word to her maybe due to some people take it the wrong way. I did it once long time ago when I used to live in a small town and had a b/f and people just talked about us and made a false malissious gossip. Next, when a new girl came to the area and worked with me and got a new b/f from the area, I told her about my experience with the local folks. Guess what?? I heard a romours ( from childrens in my class- I was a teacher at the time)she said to people that I was jelouse of her and didn't like her that she got b/f and I wasn't as at the time I already broke my relationship and single and wanted her b/f for myself. Phew if I knew
So, I guess thing is not always black or white only, there is a grey are in between. Although living with a violence person is very scary and hard to grasp. I work for people who experience violence in their relationship and its not pretty things especially if it involves childrens.
Violence behaviour could be trace down to the person childhood life who might had experience first hand and become the violence person themselves toward others. | |
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AmyE3
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Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 199 | |
| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/5/2007 9:18:49 PM | | Your post is my life. He is a textbook sociopath. Do some research. You'll understand more. My heart is demolished. I totally get it. You're not crazy. You're not stupid. You are exactly the type of person a sociopath preys on; loving, trusting, a good person. I still love mine completely and unconditionally. I know I must move on and just try to help him from afar. He starts therapy this week, but not sure how successful it will be because sociopaths are incapable of being honest. I told him this. He swears he will be honest. I don't know what to do either, honestly. My head is screaming to NEVER answer the phone again, never respond to TM's, e-mails, messages in bottle, skywriting, Pony Express, whatever form of communication he attempts to use to contact me. But my heart....different story altogether. I'd love to talk to you in person. Send me a message if you'd like. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/6/2007 2:10:13 AM | Angel,
You must be going through so much right now. I read your message, and I couldn't help to know what the next paragraph was going to say, because everything you were saying happen the same way to me. I was treated like a princess at first. Roses, candle lit dinners, back massages (all the time).....ect.....
This happened for 2 years and then we got married. I found out all of the internet flings, and affairs after we were married. It seemed like I just kept finding out more and more dirt about him. My whole family was in love with him, and meeting his family many times cross the US, the were so in love with me.
Angel be thankful you didn't get married. And we can both be thankful that we didn't have children with these men and that we are not going to allow them to be our next victim.
We deserve better and we will have better. It is hard to get over something like this. These guys make you believe that they are something that they really are not. Trust me I have horrible dreams still, and still find myself missing him.
I think what I was really missing was the being treated like a princess, but it was a front. I hope I helped a bit. Hey don't give up. I promise things will get better with time | |
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