| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/6/2007 2:30:37 AM | First off, I am sorry to hear everything you went through. Second, are you sure this man had no kind of chemical dependency at all? It really sounds like he might have and you didn't even know it. It sounds like he hasn't manned up to be honest with his own self in order to check himself in to some sort of rehab treatment for whatever might be ****ing with his mind.
-Steven  | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/6/2007 11:42:26 AM | Well I am going to be bashed for what I am going to say..
But in this world today, If I had children, I would run a man for priors just on the safe side. Sorry people, but I see the devastation each and everyday from women and men that trusted blindly.
Now, I would have left very quickly.. I also wouldn't not have to make a choice in my career I can't have a S/O that has a record..
I am sorry that you got hurt. Hopefully you will spend some time healing, move on with your life | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/6/2007 4:45:13 PM | Mr Pisces...
I have LONG learned to keep my opinion about religion and the bible unwraps... That is why I said I can KIND OF understand.
There are way to many people that believe in it to get into some pissing match to how valid or invalid it may or may not be...
Personally, if someone wants to believe, and feels the need to quote scripture... OK, it seems pretty socially acceptable, to each their own...
Quoting Star wars... Ummmm.... I don't think so... | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/7/2007 12:50:01 AM | Here's my actual serious reply to the OP, something I've actually mentioned a few times in other SIMILAR forums, yes & this one sounds like alot of the others I've read on here. Why would you ever put up with ANY- & I mean ANY- amount of negative crap from anyone??? Why do some people let their heart overrule their brain & emotional well being???, put themselves through all that psychological emotional torture anyway! She hardly beven knew the guy! Obviously the second she found out she should have "RUN AWAY." It's ridiculous. Did she forget how happy her life had been before she'd met this guy, or was her "REAL" relationships pattern to always put up with such behaviors in perspective suitors! Simply boggles the mind. She only knew this guy for a very short period of time so actually getting some perspective on the situation, instead of allowing his torture to continue, & removing herself from the situation sure would have saved her alot of grief. Now have you heard anything so true in all this whole forum topic or what? Who would forgive & put up with a cheater? What kind of masochistic mentality-This woman sounds incredibly crazy to me! Jeeeeessse! Yeah- this story inspires us all to get right out there & find someone to make our life miserable, truly an inspiring story Yeah- someone bring it on to the ol' Pisces cause my life is just way too damn happy: I need someone to tone it down for me, all my happiness, screw it all up- YEAH! These kinds of stories only reaffirm in my own life to appreciate the happiness I find in being who I am & appreciating all my life's achievements ( & there have been MANY I'm very proud of) & all the cool things I'm shortly planning on doing with or without someone around, wont make a lick of difference- without having someone around screwing up my happiness because you only live once, life is short enough baby! | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/7/2007 6:59:49 AM | Ahhhhhh but within there in lies the real story of you... Mr Pisces loves and respects himself. He has never fond himself in a situation where he thought he met Ms right and everything was beyond hunky dory. He hasn't found himself so overly attatched to the idea of being with someone that seemed to really care...
Then all of the sudden he finds that the carpet is ripped out from under him, and he finds himself with someone that has actually been lying like a dog, and has a past that he has never seen.
Men so very often rule their life through logical thinking... Women so very often rule their life through emotion... To much of each will lead each to heart ache and or frustration.
Don't get me wrong, I DO applaude you for finding that balance; as well as loving who you are...
If there were more people that had such a balance, then there would be a lot less of these threads of how someone has managed to turn happy into a nightmare... Reality is some of us aren't that way, haven't seen a healthy example of self love, or just are to insecure with themself to run when they should...
Makes for interesting threads... | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/7/2007 5:19:28 PM | Yes it is called a trama bond...after being emotional and physically abused by these men its hard to let go you were sold a diffrent guy and you think you can find him in there...let it go...keep your thoughts positive and just know he is never a canidate. You feel as if your heart says one thing your head says another. Beleive me people can be very manipulative...you were manipulated its not real. I went to a counselor for 4 visits and had her skip the bs and tell me what my problem was. I'm like the woman in white that wants to fly in and make all his problems go away....i have now learned that he can share his problems but it is his responsibility to work them out. I also wont date somone who has drama obviously he can't handle his life.
I recently went out with a guy who said he was an orphan (ladies be ware a gentle man in law enforcment told me this is a tell tale sign he has a prison record!) and he said all the charming things but he was seeing a married woman and I caught him quickly in his lies. Now I dont let this hurt me because there are to many fish in the sea and I know I'm good enough but I have to look if they are worthy of me instead of me trying to prove my worth.
Hope this helps somone. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/7/2007 5:43:37 PM | | This sounds like the decietful Psyco I was involved with about 5 years ago. Run don't walk to the nearest exit...I met him on match.com....and please tell the police and cps how he `was treating his Children....they need to be rescued from him. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/7/2007 6:22:12 PM | I must be lazy SINCE i never read all 9 pages of replies, BUT I WONDER why this person posted her story.. WITHOUT even giving a HINT to who the person was... either her or on the other sites
Dont the women here and the other sites deserve some kind of notice that he acts that way. although you may not be abler to list his screen name
you might tell details he lists in his profiles that would get some one attention if he is e mailing them. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/7/2007 6:54:12 PM | | playfullthrills: its odd woman do this but if you try to warn them they think they can love the man better and something is wrong with you or its sour grapes..is it a competition thing? I dont know if it would do any good and if she did would she be victimized again by a law suit from him that she slandered him? Nope she just needs to run, not look back and learn from this and forgive herself from being conned by him. | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/7/2007 9:15:18 PM | Well Mr Pisces, you can either move to where the choices are a bit better. However I don't get the impression that you are willing to sell yourself out to something that is merely ok.
A place can have "slim pickings" believe me, belonging to the fairer sex (what ever that is supposed to me) there are so many more women than men.
It seems that the choices are cut that much further from ones that have a need to drink their sorrows away, and feel better to be in such a crowd, than with someone that doesn't.
Abusers, they run totally amoke, because they have gotten away with living that way for a life time, and of course it has been everyone else that has had the problem, or if the other hadn't have said what ever wrong, they wouldn't of had to beat them.
Look, we all have things that can take our dating resume' down a notch or two, but as you said yourself, that is when dating isn't the end all to real happiness.
Good luck to you... Necessity is the mother of creativity... Have no doubt things will work out for ya... | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/7/2007 9:55:58 PM | ok you KNOW you CAN'T go back with him and like one other said just remember th ose picture of the wifes bruised body, but you have to call DSS dept of social services call from a payphone.
This guy has so many enemies he will not know it was you.
And by law they cannot tell even if you did give your name
which I would do for the childrens sake and get a ro restraining order on him for yourself asap.
I am a therpist and very intuitive and he sounds like he is bi polar 2 and borderline personality disorder.
He does need help BUT NOT FROM YOU FROM A THERAPIST WHO CAN GET HIM ON THE RIGHT MEDS AND EVEN THEN IT DOES NOT EXCUSE HIS OUTRAGEOUS BEHAVIOR EVER!!
I do not agree with the person saying you are grieving over who you thought he was
becasue he wassssssssss good and kind to you
and that is very real
and unless you admit that and deal with the very fact that you ARE having a REAL LOSS, then you are more apt to repeat and go back or pick someone like this again.
So yes grieve cry and you can remember the good but not for a while.
For a while just keep remembering the bad so you do not go back
play it over and over and over
but eventually and with the help of a counseller which I highly suggest becasue this is very traumtic what you have just been through.
Take time to greive the good.
But first get those children and yourself SAFE!!!
Borderlines get extremely viscious when rejected (as you saw on the phone when he felt rejected withe the bussiness situation) imagine in a romantic one like yours where he is more emotional) and keep pursuing so YOU NEED TO GET THE RO ASAPPPPPPPPPP!!!! PLEASE SO THAT NONE OF US HAVE TO READ ABOUT YOU IN THE NEWS..
HE WILL NOT STOP CONTACTING YOU OF HIS OWN CHOICE I DONT THINK.
And he probably will break that order but he will get 2 and a half years in prison for it.
which I know is hard to do I had to do it to someone.
And pray for yourself and those children and for him.. to get help
as prison DOES NOT REFORM AND MAKES THEM WORSE.. and meds and therapy can help immensely but only when he is ready to take them and he does not sound ready.
So if prison is what it comes down to then REMEMBER IT WAS HIS CHOICE NOT YOURS AND YOU GAVE HIM OPTIONS
REMEMBER THOSE CHILDREN AND YOURSELF AND DONT ENABLE HIM AGAIN PL
I AM SO SORRY THIS HAPPENED TO YOU BUT IT'S HARD AND FORGIVE ME IF I AM WRONG BUT IT IS HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE THISIS NOT BEEN A PATTERN IN YOUR LIFE?? DOES THAT RING A BELL YOU BEING WITH OTHER ABUSIVE MEN MAYBE NOT THIS INTENSE AS THE PATTERN WITHOUT HELP GETS WORSE AND PROGESSES BUT AGAIN GOOD REASON FOR COUNSELLING FOR YOU TO CHANGE HOW MUCH YOU PUT UP WITH
JUST TO GET THE GOOD
I KNOW IT SUCKS ITS AWFUL BEING ALONE SUCKS I HATE IT
IM ALONE
BUT ITS P REFERABLE TO BEING ABUSED LETTING THE CHILDREN BE ABUSED AND ENABLBING HIM
SO PLEASE GET HELP AND GOD BLESS YOU
AND I PRAY YOU HEAL AS WELL | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/7/2007 10:11:17 PM | I will not bash you at all, sad to say I think we need to run all men esp on an internet site for priors
I remember years ago when I was younger and had great luck in love I saw this show about woman in New York that were having such bad experiences they run priors from police friends on men
I thought omg how sad how pathetic if I ever get like that shoot me
but guess what
never say never
Now I think I should and we all should
there are too m any nuts out there
and lying marrid men
Now I am only saying men cause I date men and not woman so
I just met a lying married man on here that broke my heart and thinks he is just wonderful and shi%s ice cream and has no guilt cause he told me he was divorsed 3 months agot but had not seenher for 2 and a half years
he chased me asked me to marry him
blah blah blah
and thehn I find out he was still with her in march
and his name is pnv with letters 5's 0's 3's 5's hint hint after it from norwood mass
and his divorse is not even begun....
soooooooooooooooo
just that was heartbreaking
Snd I have police men friends and detective friends who have offered to do checks on them and I did not take them up on it but now I will
and I think its normal in a unnormal world to do that
if the world wa snormal then it would not be normal
I ask them where they live
for a home phone not a cell
and I am into astrology but I ask for their specific birthdate for 2 reasons
one for astrology and 2 to get it to run a check
sooooooooooooooooooooo
and if they hesitatea n you can tell they are lying
ditch em fast
ok so dems the facts lol
of how I feel
so go for it sassy and we should put in their nics
and pm each other or start a chat room for woman to tell on the bad ones
but be open that they may be saying it out of sour grapes or trying to keep them for themselvles but 99 percent of the time I trust they are telling the truth
I know I did that on Match and I let the men know I was doing that
and boy did that make the bad ones run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have to be strong
with noooooooooooo guilt
Im proudof what I do and did
I have to look out for me noone else is gonna
right
It is my job too to do it
soooooooooooooooooo let's all us woman take better care of ourselves | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/7/2007 10:34:58 PM | I have been there too !!! Thank god I got out before it got physical.....and yes it hurts
and will do so till you get your emotional and mental health back....just take it one hour and one day at a time do a lot of differant things to distract your self , from
thinking about him in any pleasant way...i kept a journal and refer back to it, a lot
at first! but after a while it gets to be less and less,then you don't bother anymore after
a few years.
life is forever changing....and you will and do forget !!!
best of luck...look after yourself and do the right thing---sit down with a cop you can trust and spill the beans, then buy a plain ticket start over...... | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/8/2007 5:04:56 AM | | Before all you ladies get too carried away I hope you consider how much you might have known someone back in the days when you'd meet them at a bar or pub or the grocery store or the busstop instead of the internet... | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/8/2007 8:34:55 AM | The pickin's are NOT slim in Calgary at all Pisces. I don't know what you have set out lookin for but Calgary is a HUGE metropolis with Canada's BIGGEST population of beautiful women.
Maybe you need to start looking inwards Pisces. I have seen so much immaturity from you here and your standards seem to be set so high and mighty on that there profile of yours...
One would have to assume that you spend far too much time sitting around on here on your soapbox and making fun of people, when you COULD be working on yourself and finding a real woman as opposed to a 'perfect-superwoman' that you assume exists.
What exactly is it you do for a living that affords you so much time to be here? I mean, I work, have bills to pay, a house to maintain, cars, pets, family, sports, gymtime, and a man... Sure I come here...on my time off...you seem to be here ALL THE DANG TIME! And you never miss a chance to take a jab at someone...is this how you treat the ladies in your life too? Because if you talk to ladies the same way you talk to people in this forum and act so immaturely... It's completely apparent why you can't seem to find someone in a city CRAWLING with single, substantial and beautiful women.
I think the ladies out there just don't want you....! Look within hun.... maybe you have slept with all thier moms?? See now? | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/8/2007 8:58:34 AM | I have been exactly where you are..my wonderful pof man....has been through 3 bank accounts since he emptied mine....and if you try to warn then new women ( and yes he meets them here) they are told by him I am just bitter he left......and I guess I am ......I had a hard time letting go......sometimes it is still hard...because he was Jekyll and Hyde and you do love the one.......holding your hand while you go through surgery.........being there during the toughest time...and then you find out when he wasn't at the hospital he was screwing someone else.......Oh yeah its hard......
No ex can warn the current what she is in for she believes even if he has faults he will change for her........I honestly warned a few of the women....even made friends with a couple.......whom listened....and then they were able to sit back and watch him destroy other lives..........I know how your feeling...first disappointed in yourself that you did not see this....second fear of another relationship....( my Gawd could this happen again) ....also the loss of a love that you thought was perfect........It takes time to heal......I have been getting over Sam for 10 months now...and with a shrinks help one day he will be my past...and hopefully I really will move on....Good luck......and know that what is left of my heart aches for you | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/8/2007 5:45:46 PM | | You will have to excuse Miss Kittycat. You see, she's my illegitimate daughter from WINNEPEG- It's a long story about her mother & I... I keep telling her to call her mom but she is really defiant. I really hope she doesn't turn out to be one of those mothers who treats their own children the same way. I undrestand her "man" is abusive to her but she wont take anyone's advice to leave him... maybe some forum users could try & help her understand IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT to live with this man's violence as her mother & I have tried everything to get her away from this Monster. I don't believe Miss Kittycat has ever BEEN to Calgary, as you can see from her profile & much to her discredit. Her mother has warned her not to continue airing the families laundry through these forums but apparently she's pronounced her own mother dead to herself. She desperately needs councilling... any advice? | |
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| Finding Out Your Wonderful BF has a Record and a Dark Side
Posted: 11/8/2007 6:31:34 PM | | Kittycat knew about her "mans" past record & "Darkside" when she began corresponding with him while he was incarcerated! Canadian law being what it is didn't see him complete TWO tears of his SIX year sentence for mischief against women. Now her mother & I are continually financing her hospital stays, where she is no doubt corresponding from yet again at this time as He would never let her have anything remotely extravagent as a COMPUTER. OMG | |
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