| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/10/2007 11:58:37 AM | OP has it occurred to you that he might have started doing drugs? This does sound like a very transient lifestyle and his degrade in appearance would be indicative as well as his choices in women and delusional thinking.
Why would you even want him back after those dirty fithy ho's he's been sleeping with anyways? I mean what if he brings you back you back STD's? We're talking about a child that's already lost her dad...now her mom could die of AIDS of Hep too? C'mon...? Start putting your child and health before your codependancy and libido. | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/10/2007 12:07:44 PM | Witchy,
It is my ex's fault that my daughter has not talked to him, he has dropped her for no reason, he was having her every other weekend and then saturdays then nothing. When he was supposed to be with her he passed her on to somebody else because he was working, sleeping and he was always late coming to pick her up or early to drop her off. I dont call that a father. Maybe you believe me, maybe not, i have tried everything to get my daughter and my ex together. I want him back myself, so i wouldnt try and push him out of his daughters life, he has done that himself. | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/10/2007 12:14:35 PM | | Seatide, how long does it take for them to realise that the grass isnt greener across the street. In the beginning when he left yes he was awful, telling me that he was having great sex, greater than ever, that has died down now but for months he was calling me all the names under the sun. Yes i am mad and i want him back but i have to act as if he is not coming back, like at the moment i am waiting for my legal aid certificate again so i can get full custody, because as i said in my thread i have to ask permission to take our daughter abroad and he threatened he would call her back, i dont want to keep asking permission from him each time i want to do something with her. I have to go through solicitors for that aswell as i have no way of contacting him, each time he phones he withholds his number. (irresponsible because if anything happened to her i wouldnt be able to tell him). | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/10/2007 12:34:44 PM | Kittycatfish,
She is definatly on drugs (smokes drugs) he drives for a living, so yes and no i am not sure. The thing is she is an escort and i know my ex husband, he wouldnt allow her to sleep with other men no way so how is she getting away with it. I know for definate that she does it because i know someone who drives her around to the places, as she hasnt a licence. If he wanted to come back but i he has been gone 14 months now (do people try to get back with there ex's after this length of time) i would get him tested. I know he is in a lot of trouble and if he stays with her longer more trouble will be heading his way as she has a bad reputation, her ex committed suicide because he couldnt handle it, there was never ever any trouble when we were together, we just lead normal lives. | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/10/2007 12:37:37 PM | | Sweetie - I know you are hurting so badly and want to know why. Don't focus so much on that for now. You may never know exactly why. And more than likely he didn't drop feelings for you right away. Think of it as a character flaw. He "changed". Maybe you never really new him. He didn't want you. Mid-life crisis. He's an ***hole. I KNOW how much this hurts. And dealing with this is part of your first step in healing. Look back at your relationship, did things start deteriorting earlier (you don't have to answer these BTW)? Did you see the classic signs of cheating? Beware of FLOWERS! Did he say anything? You may never know why. You may some years later from now. But start by accepting that he did - and that you are BETTER off now without a person who treats you (and other women) like that. Let the hurt happen, greive and start moving forward with your life. I asked my counsellor if my X had scizophrenia or multiple personalities. After asking some questions, she said sounds likely not. So after all of what he did to us, he didn't "snap", he's just an a$$hole! Accept it - just repeat over whatever helps you "he's a jerk, etc.) Acceptance doesn't mean understanding, just recognition. Take a bubble bath, sweetie, it'll do you WONDERS. | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/10/2007 1:46:48 PM | Well what walks and talks like a duck...
An escort is a girl that goes to visit men for sex and in return he gives her money. That is her chosen profession. She would not be able to afford drugs and lifestyle if she wasn't doing something that paid so well. Your husband wouldn't be attracted to someone who does that much drugs if he weren't involved in it himself. He was/is probably too high to see your daughter when he is allowed and when he's sleeping it off, he can't get his arse out of bed to take care of her. In other words, your daughter isn't being cared for while she is in his care nor would you be should you take him back. Do you really want a drug abuser LIVING in your home? Perhaps he done you and your daughter the greatest favour by moving out so that you don't have live through the times he is not high. If you are unaware of what it means to have to live with an addicted partner, attend an AA or NA meeting and you will see.
You still sound to be living in complete denial and for that I am sorry. I work with people that have severe disabilities so I understand that perfect people take what they have for granted. You are taking what you DO have for granted. You have forgotten that you have a lovely daughter that desperately needs a stable mom. A child only needs one good stable parent...
Forget about what he is doing and move forward and make a life for you and your daughter. Or are you prepared to sacrifice your daughter's emotions for the rest of her life too?
PS - Hepatitis and other diseases sometimes do not rear their ugly heads for years. So your husband may get tested and may test negative but still be infected. He may still spread it to you unknowingly. By that time...it may be too late. 5 billion men in this world and you want the one that ****s hookers & treats you like a doormat? | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/10/2007 1:53:20 PM |
i took our daughter abroad this year and when he found out he said if i took her away then he would call her back, it was all talk, because i took her anyway and he didn't call her back. He has also threatened me with court for access several times but not once has he taken me to court From the U.S. , to take a minor across the border to mexico (& vice/versa)without both parents requires (certified)documentation that the absent parent is aware (& gives permission) the child is being taken out of country - I can't imagine that England (or most country's) do not also have such ordinances.
All i keep saying to myself is why, i really don't understand, could he of dropped his feelings so quickly Most usually the symptoms you've described come from substance abuse &/or mental illness(depression, bipolar, chemical imbalance...etc.), it's not uncommon for those with mental illness to self medicate & create the additional problems.
Sorry to hear of y'alls troubles - BOL  | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/10/2007 2:31:42 PM | Oh come on now OP..... you are playing the helpless but hopeless victim. So you're hurt, WE GET THAT!!! I'm just trying to get you to realize that unless you change your attitude regarding your ex and your daughter, she will be one screwed up little lady when she reaches adolescence. Pay attention to what Pilot has to offer as well.
You say he and his friend have had their own child as well, it stands to reason that this crap has been going on for some time now, and for the most part it has escalated. Don't sit there and try to say that at FOUR YEARS OLD, your daughter learned to hate her father all on her own. Not buying it!!!
Let your ex destroy his own life and you move on with yours. If you cannot stop this happy garbage as far as you daughter is concerned, you are on your own with the challenges you will face with her later in life. I strongly suggest you speak of your ex around your daughter with the highest regard no matter what a slime ball he is, and that includes within ear shot even while sleeping. I suggest you tell those well meaning friends and family members to do the same. I strongly suspect though, it is much to late for your daughter already.
Do yourself and your daughter a favor.......PROVE ME WRONG!!
:))
Witchy | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/10/2007 2:54:15 PM | Why on EARTH would you want HIM back?
really think about it. Do you want THIS person, not the person he was, back?
It is okay to recognise that you miss what you HAD.
It is okay to realize you miss what you planned your future with him.
It is okay to mad that this was not YOUR choice.
It is OKAY to feel cheated from the life that was to be yours.
It is okay to be mad that you are a single mom and that that is NOT the life you want.
It is okay to want the life that you had and it is okay to want the life you thought you were going to have.
But sweetie, getting him back is NOT going to give you what you thought your life would be. It is not going to get the train back on the original track.
Think about it. Why would you want someone who cheated on you, left you, fathered a child with a *&%^@, abandoned your daughter to the point SHE donen't want him, and refuses to give you the means to contact him? Really look at WHO he IS and HOW he treats you. This is abuse. He is abusing you. You are letting him abuse you.
It will only get worse.
please look up information on co-dependents and narcisism and domestic violence | |
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bhp32
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Joined: 9/18/2007
Msg: 35 | |
| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/10/2007 3:35:39 PM | I am so sorry for your loss, That is what it is. The emotions of a break-up are the same as those when someone dies. I have been dealing with the same problems as you. My wife cheated on me with her supervisor from work. While our marriage was on the rocks, instead of working things out with me she decided to cheat. I had to deal with some depression, self doubt, and being self destructive with alcohol. I had to file for divorce from her and it breaks my heart to this day.
All this said here is some advise that helped me: A friend of mine showed me an old top fuel drag car that someone threw away, because it was "damaged goods". He and his son decided to fix it up and start racing it again. They srtiped it down and re painted, wired it and have a motor ready to go in. It's not finished, but they know in a couple of years that it will be awsome.
Think of yourself as the car. You are a wonderful, beautiful person, you have people that love you. And in a few years you are going to be great. What you need to do right now is be happy, and take care of your daughter and put all your love in your big heart into her. As soon as you can love yourself again then someone will love you like you deserve. I hope I helped, Bryan | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/10/2007 9:33:22 PM | Here's an easy one for free counselling:
http://www.newhopenow.org/counseling/liveperson.html
As to the rest, repeat after me and to yourself and as often as you can:
I am a beautiful, wonderful woman and I am grateful that slug is out of my life.
Positive thinking. It's step one, cause if you felt free of him tomorrow you sure wouldn't date anyone like him, so why want him back? Just a little advice from one who knows your pain. | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/10/2007 9:38:13 PM | wow...that's pretty twisted.
Sounds like you need some therapy, sensual liaisons...or what ever your "name" is on here.
All I can say is that it's probably a good thing you're putting this up here, so maybe women will read and beware of this guy.
I would NEVER date a guy who blames violence on the victims of it.
Sick.... | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/10/2007 9:42:36 PM |
You women really need to wise up, no man is going to put up with your continual challenging and pressing his buttons, men dont want to sit on the outside of the cave guarding the horizon and then come in and get their buttons pressed. Then you wonder why hes been pushed into the arms of another women! who do you think is responsible for that? Maybe just maybe if you gave up your subconscious list of what "your Mr Right is supposed to be like according to your Walt Disney fantasy list that you refer to, to manipulate and mold him to be as your list is, then and only then maybe you have a real chance of having a relationship theat works. Furthermore he or anybody elese cant breakyour heart, you do that from your own self imposed unfullfilled expectations of the way you thought it should "look" realtionship doesnt "look" a particular way, so i suggest you start from the premise that "love" is somebody who calls you when they don't have too.
Maybe its also time you started looking at your part in it and the manner that you sabotaged it! funny how women never talk about their part in it isnt it, they even will provoke men into violence and then solicite empathy...sad seriously sad for a species that is supposedly more intelligent! And YOU are a life trainer and coach?!?! You get PAID to tell people this?
And by the way, women are a gender within a species, not a species on their own.
Sad and pathetic answer for someone that gets paid to guide people in their lives. | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/11/2007 4:06:10 AM | TXZN,
As my ex husband hadnt seen or bothered about our daughter for over a year i didnt think i would need permission to take her out of our country, i spoke to my solicitor and she wrote a letter to him, so in the end i did it legally. It was me that actually told him that we were going on holiday in the first place, i cannot think why he would want to stop me taking her away as he hadnt been there for her. Since then i have found out that he rang his Aunty who we still see and she told me that he had rang while we were away and who had we gone with. I dont know why, if he was happy in his life surely he wouldnt bother with us. | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/11/2007 4:16:05 AM | Kittycatfish,
I only talk about my ex when my daughter is not around, ie school, bed. She is fine and it isnt damaging her at all. When i do talk with her about her dad i dont put him down because he left me and not her. He is only with this one girlfriend and yes i know by sleeping with her as she is an escort she could pass on the diseases. I dont think he would dare go off with anyone else as i have heard by her that she isnt scared of anything and she even puts the law into her own hands. She has taken a crow bar to his car before and that was in the beginning of the relationship. My ex husbands brother told me that he has messed up his life, doesnt know how to put it right and is just living with what he has got. I think it takes a bigger person to say sorry and not to sit back and let the world go past. I just cannot understand, i know my ex and there is no way he would like it if she was sleeping with other men, and if i know about it he must know because everybody knows what she is like, i just cannot figure out how she is getting away with it. | |
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atlast
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Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 42 | |
| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/11/2007 4:30:26 AM | I am sorry you are hurting. Men are pigs! I shall have him killed and we will put his head on a post outside your residence as a warning to others who might break your heart.
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/11/2007 4:37:16 AM | | Thank you atlast, dont get me wrong but i think it would of been easier if he would of died (not that i am wishing that) then my mind wouldnt be playing tricks on me. | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/11/2007 4:55:33 AM | | I can sypathise with what you have gone through, I had a pretty rough time of it myself through my divorce, my sons no longer see their father, they switch their mobiles off when he calls and deletes his text, I did my absolute best to step way back and let them see him whenever they wanted and would only advise if the dates proposed for visits clashed with an exisiting arrangement. Over time they went from seening him every 3 weeks (which was as much as they wanted to at the time) to not having any contact with him, I was accussed of poisoning them against him, which i was very careful not to do, he was still their father whatever i thought of him i kept to myself. But over time they made their own decision based on their own judgement and now they hate him and he hates me. I also thought how much easier it would have been if one day he had rode out on his motorcycle and died, myself and the children would have got the house and a secure future, would not have thought the worst of him and had the agro of a two year bitter divorce. However the end result is his sl*t getting to live in a much bigger house with her two children (she knew he was married with children) and a comfortable life and his own sons struggling to get thru uni with very little assistance from him despite the earlier promises which he retracted on, as the guilt eased off, so I can fully understand where you are coming from with that. Any blame he tries to lay at your door is guilt shift, having spoken to many divorcees its very common, they can't cope with the guilt so have pass it on and the partner is the prime target. You may not hate him as I do my ex, but remember he lost both your trust and respect because of his actions and his daughters as well, it was the price he had to pay for his actions. | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/11/2007 5:14:14 AM | | Well I understand what you are going through,me and my wife married in 2003,like you she had cheated on me and then wouldn't take accountability for it.We have been seperated since Febuary. She still blames me for the marriage going bad ,but she is the one who cheated and also allowed her kids to influence our relationship.I had later found out that she was smoking pot with her teenage boys in the house when we were seperated. The bottom line is this you can not change or control what the other person does,you can only change and control yourself.It is up to you what you will accept and not accept.Like me you did nothing wrong,It was the other person who choose there behaviors and if you read the bible your ex like mine is paying for the sins they committed. I know its hard to move on but you have to remember one thing in order to move on you have to accept,and forgive and love that person,and pray that God will bless them.If you like me can do that then we will be blessed our selves with a person that will love us for who we are and be with us for the rest of our lives.However in order for that to come we first must focus on God and love our selves.REMBER YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/11/2007 5:43:59 AM | From what you've writtem it appears that you are suffering from acute anxiety attacks, mood swings and feel that your thoughts are going round and round and not going anywhere. These are classic symptons of depression. You won't make progress unless you can get professional help with this.
1) First thing you should do is go to see your GP, she is aware of the background to your situation and should be able to diagnose whether you are clinically depressed. There is no shame to be attached with anti-depressants and as a short/medium term measure may provide you with relief from the acute symptons.
2) Next thing you need to look into is some form of counselling. Your GP should be able to help you with this and there is help available which is low cost. There are organisations with charitable status that are worth looking at and where fees are based on ability to pay. GP should know about them. Here are two based in Cambridge. First one provides one-on- one couselling second group therapy.
http://www.cambridgeshirecounselling.org.uk/
http://www.grouptherapycentres.org.uk/
3) Go to the library and have a look at self-help books and see if there are any which you think might provide some useful help or insights. Maybe some ladies can suggest a few titles which they have found helpful .
4) You need to look after yourself. Avoid caffeine and alcohol. Get some herbal teas. Go to bed at a sensible time and don't stay up till midnight reading postings on POF. At the library get yourselves some comfort books - fun, light - to escape into.
5) You also should change your POF profile to 'Friends' and the text to something more accurate such as "Not looking for anything other than friends and the forums." Better still delete your profile after you've got what you need from this because your problems are in the real world and you need to solve them there. Looking at other threads that involve separation and divorce is not helping your state of mind.
The actual details of your situation are a bit confused. You have written different things about the same events on different posts. You kicked out/versus he left. Haven't poisoned your 4 year old daughter against him/told him he hurt Mummy. Divorced/he's my hubbie (if divorced who instigated?). Giving him full access/stopped him having her for weekends. He asked to take her for a week holiday but you insisted that he get to know her first by talking on the phone while you also saying she wouldn't talk to him on phone. At times you have blamed yourself for pushing him away at other times blamed it all on him. You want him back/he's only calling your daughter to talk to you and you don't want to talk to him. (Don't try to clarify these at this time.)
I won't go on. The point is that you are not thinking straight because you feel so confused yourself about what you want and this is not helped by reliving who did what when. Some posters have only posted because they have their own agenda and are trying to stir things up and it's not healthy for you to get caught up in that.
The glass that was your relationship has been shattered. There is no way of going back to how things were before. Escorts are upmarket and don't do drugs and they usually don't have three children. From what you have heard his girlfriend is a crackhead and if this is the case you shouldn't let your daughter near her. Street girls do multiple blow jobs for £20 a go and most have STDs and are in very poor health. They are also unlikely to be in bed with your ex and daughter on a Saturday night as this is prime time for their work - and that raises a doubt in my mind. Can spot them a mile away because they are so pale and emaciated. If he's fallen into that sort of life then face it there is no way back. That does not mean that you should close the door on him being a father but this would need to be under some sort of court-approved parenting agreement. Your not ready for that yet I feel.
If she doesn't have these physical characteristics then she probably is not a crackhead and the rest of the information may not be accurate either. You are relying quite a lot on this neighbour friend for advice and information - and she may have her own agenda. If she hadn't told you that he had been unfaithful would it have made any difference? I don't know but it is too late to dwell on what might have beens now. But not all 'friends' who offer advice are really friends. It is not just men who play games - some women get a real kick from the power that the gossiping type of game appears to give them.
Whichever try to stop obsessing about his circumstances. Maybe he will be able to play a part in your daughter's life and maybe not but this can wait.
You also have a 12 year old daugher - not by him I assume - but she has spent 9 years with him around and you must have got involved with him when she was very young. Does she miss him? Don't they have any sort of relationship? You never mention how this is affecting her. You don't have to answer any of these of course on this thread.
But first things first. You need (and your daughters need you to) to get on a more stable footing. I've suggested five practical things that you can do to help achieve that.
I hope that helps and good luck. | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/11/2007 5:55:36 AM | Go buy the book "divorce busting"or divorcebusting.com.good site to help u thru this.
Better for woman then men.Because we all know we dont think the same way as the oppistie sex. | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/11/2007 6:12:21 AM | AMEN Soleil... I couldnt have said it better myself. The child dosent need a father figure that ignores her and mistreats her Mother. And drinking wont help at all. I have been through all this... and I came out the other side JUST GREAT. Things will be fine for you and your child. Dont return to a relationship where there was cheating and lying, you're better than that. Good luck to you girl | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/11/2007 6:14:51 AM | Hi Jac biker qal,
So how can i hate my ex husband, as i said everytime i hear something about him i feel sorry for him | |
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| My Husband Broke My Heart
Posted: 10/11/2007 8:13:23 AM | atlast ... hmmmm
I am sorry you are hurting. Men are pigs! I shall have him killed and we will put his head on a post outside your residence as a warning to others who might break your heart.
Does this turn anyone else on? .. no? ... ok .. me neither .. | |
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