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Posted: 10/10/2007 7:41:10 PM | | I am not sure about this. But for myself, I have choosen to say "divorced" because my marriage had a lot to do with whom I am today. To me a person that says single after a divorce screams "I dislike the all idea of marriage, actually it would have been better If I had never got married", simply not my case. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 7:41:39 PM | I am single, since I have never been married.
If you were ever married, but divorced, then you are divorced. It doesn't matter whether there is contact with ex or not, kids or not, or number of years since divorce, nor length of marriage. It could have just been a one-day marriage in Vegas that ended after someone sobered up. If the law was involved in putting you together, then cutting you loose, you're divorced.
Why is this being made complicated? Why hide something that will only come out later and be grounds for suspicion? | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 7:51:57 PM | | If you are divorced, you are DIVORCED. If I met someone on here that listed themself as single and I later found out that they had been married, I would be very irritated because they lied. Plus, for personal reasons, I do not want to date a divorcee. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/10/2007 8:06:53 PM | Its simple, be honest and tell the truth. If you are divorced (as I am), then simply state it in your profile. Yes, it will cause some people to be cautious, but then again, there are those who would be just as cautious of someone who was 32 and never married. In other words, no matter what you say of yourself, it will be a negative to some person. If it is, then the problem is theirs, not yours.
Like you, I view myself as being single. My marriage ended 15 years ago and there never was any baggage from it. Still, if I say that I am single and it comes out that I have been married previously, then I am viewed as a liar (which I would be). Now, which do you think would do more potential harm in the beginning stages of relationship, the knowledge that you have been married previously, or the knowledge that you are a liar and not to be trusted? Seems like a fairly simple answer to me. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/28/2007 10:12:59 PM | I think one of the problems people have is that due to the design of the search system people will be far more likely to find you if you are "single" since it only allows you to choose one category at a time. It's not like I want to go out of the way and perform every search TWICE, one with "single" and one with "divorced".
That being said I have some serious issues with the entire IDEA of "divorced" as a category. Why is it even an option? You are either single, or NOT single. I fail to understand the relevance of it all. What is the difference whether one was married, or simply in a relationship for along time and not married? Why don't we have a special word/category for people who break up after LTR's? Why not a special category for people who've date 100 different people? We could even have "virgin single" which wold mean they had never dated anyone. Why does divorce carry such a negative connotation? It seems that a person is ok if they have had 30 failed STR's but a person who had 1 long term relationship that resulted in marriage and eventually divorce is the more negative of the 2?? The solution is simple! The entire category should be deleted! Why, because you are either SINGLE or you should NOT BE HERE. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/28/2007 10:33:48 PM |
You could assume that, but that's just you assuming. Until the category choice is: single/never married, I'm gonna be single. Tried "widowed" but boy did *that* bring the vultures outta the trees.
One might think we had neither tongues to talk with nor ears to hear.
This is yet another example of my above post which states that the category should not exist? Why must widowed be differentiated from single? Im pretty sure that makes you single. Why is there this relentless need to categorize everyone? (answer: because its easier to stereotype them that way) | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/28/2007 10:37:13 PM | I am divorced, and it says so in my profile. Single to me means never married. I am honest in my profile, and I hope that others are too, but I do have my doubts sometimes.....
I am however, very wary of the guys my age that state that they are single, never married and have no kids, what have they been doing all these years?? I have encountered these guys who at age 48 are still living with their parents......... That for me is a problem............ | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/28/2007 10:48:04 PM | | legaly when you fill out paper work you hgave to put divorced , so you are divorced but to say you are single is a far cry from divorce to me its an out right lie. how would you feel if you read a profile that he doe not want kids but after you meet he tells you he wants kid he lied to you right, and with that infomation you are not going to hang around as he lie. So if you are divorced and you put single you are lieing and dont be surpised if not many will stick around for a second date hey they might even walk out as soon as they here the lie. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/28/2007 10:49:21 PM | Aren't definitions given to words to preclude any misunderstandings when we use them? As root said, by definition single means not married. Where the problem lies is in each individuals interpretation of the word. Is that my problem, or is it the one who is interpreting the word? Yes I have divorced on my profile, not because I wear it as a badge or feel that I am being less than honest by putting single, it's there because of the many, many people that infer that single means never married and see it as me being dishonest. Forget the fact that it will come up as a topic of discussion as you get to know me, and forget the fact that you would be the one jumping to conclusions.
Personal preferences aside (one poster mentioned not wanting to date divorces), the weight that is placed upon the word is up to the individual. I would honestly be suspect of those that place such weight upon a word being used correctly by definition, it would make me wonder what else I would have to defend when I use it correctly. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/28/2007 11:55:14 PM | | I think if you are divorced it is probably wise to just face the fact and state it as so because you start playing word games with people their trust level with you is going to get shakey. If I see someone who states they are single past 25 I figure that is someone who probably still has a history and makes me wonder what it is. Someone who has gone through a series of room mates, or partners, or spouses, or does the 20 Year Ditch a lot more of a concern than some one who was divorced once and got their act together. As far as guys living with their parents with the cost of real estate in California and other areas sometimes that makes more sense than living in a slum apartment. Or I would rather a guy move in with his folks than not be able to pay child support or what is often the case in the "sandwich generation" put an elderly parent in the street or prematurely in a nurseing home. I figure how he treats Dear Old Mom or Dad is a pretty good indicator how he might treat me it "hard times" come along as a couple. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/29/2007 12:37:11 AM |
You could assume that, but that's just you assuming. Until the category choice is: single/never married, I'm gonna be single. Tried "widowed" but boy did *that* bring the vultures outta the trees.
One might think we had neither tongues to talk with nor ears to hear.
This is yet another example of my earlier post. Why must widowed be differentiated from single? I'm pretty sure that makes you single. Why is there this relentless need to categorize everyone? (answer: because its easier to stereotype them that way) | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/29/2007 12:39:04 AM |
Single is: was never married,
Divorced is: was once married, but not anymore.
What's so hard about this question?
That's quite wrong actually. The dictionary defines single as "an unmarried person". Are divorced people not allowed at singles bars? | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/29/2007 1:10:40 AM |
That's quite wrong actually. The dictionary defines single as "an unmarried person". Are divorced people not allowed at singles bars?
Doesn't "unmarried" imply "never married" to you? It sure does to me. Just because a type of bar has arisen that's meant for those who are available--and I'd bet there are some still-married people who go to singles bars too--doesn't change the wide acceptance of the implied definition when it comes to differentiating it from the word "divorced."
As many have said here, it seems best to tell the same truth that you would to the IRS. I would be every bit as displeased to learn that someone who said he was single had actually been divorced as I was to learn that a man who told me he was divorced was, in fact, still only separated. Or maybe he meant he was divorced from his first wife? Either way, it's a lie.
--Ms. Flis | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/29/2007 1:35:09 AM | Iv had problems with this one myself. Since my ex husband is now dead... Does this make me officially single or an exes widow or a single widowed divorcee still there's nothing in the drop down menu for me... so single it is. even though I was married once.  | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/29/2007 11:54:08 AM | If you've never been married - you are single. I've you are divorced, then you are divorced.
This holds true especially if you indicate that you have children. Why in the world would you want to state that you are single with children, implying that you had them out of wedlock? | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/29/2007 3:56:39 PM | | A common word that keeps coming up is imply. Who are any of us to 'imply' a different meaning than the one that is given for a word? In my case, both single and divorced are correct by definition. Is it incorrect to refer to myself as a single divorced male? Is it incorrect by implication or incorrect by definition. And if it is not incorrect, why are we even discussing it? | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/30/2007 12:32:07 PM |
Doesn't "unmarried" imply "never married" to you? It sure does to me.
No, it doesn't imply that at all.
I would be every bit as displeased to learn that someone who said he was single had actually been divorced as I was to learn that a man who told me he was divorced was, in fact, still only separated.
Wow, you think someone saying they are single, when they ARE single, is the same as a guy who's still married saying he's single? If you are seperated, for whatever reason, you have NOT "ended" the marriage. It's not at ALL the same as being single/divorced.
The question of why divorced needs to be a category has never been delt with. Why isn't the choice listed like this:
Single/Divorced/Widowed
Not Single
Married
END OF CHOICES
What makes divorce different from a breakup other than a piece of paper? | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/30/2007 1:03:08 PM | If you're self-conscious about it . . list 'Single' . . and describe the situation in your Profile . . It can help in the 'Honesty' category . . !!
I've been Widowed 9 years, but elaborate openly in my ptofile . .
* Choose your Pick . . *
As long as you don't list 'Intimate Encounters' . . you should do just Fine . . !! . .  | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/30/2007 4:00:48 PM | | If you have in your profile i am a single divorced male that is great same for a woman but to say single when you are divorced is divecing. I am widowed should i put single on my profile if some seen single and 60 years of age they will look right pass but i am single and its not by a papper for the judge. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 10/30/2007 6:28:28 PM | If you have ever said "I do", put the wedding ring on, signed the license that says you were legally married, then got a divorce,... you are divorced. If it was annulled, then you are annulled. It's pretty cut and dry. Single,...never been married,....divorced, have been married.
It's like virginity, it doesn't grow back. | |
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