| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 11/7/2007 12:15:59 AM | Diem, In case you have not noted on my profile, that was a taste of sarcasm. It's stereotypical for men to not ask for directions, etc. (communicate). Did you notice the LOLs? Although there is always at least a little truth to sarcasm, I admit.
"I assume that most people would already have "divorced" on their profile, Since you don't (tell your dates)(must paraphrase since you cut the rest) I wonder how long a date has to wait for you to tell her you have been divorced?" She will probably talk about her own. Then what? Do you just nod?LOL.
Your point of not wanting to tell a person you are divorced has been my whole point as a matter of fact. Not being upfront about it will probably raise red flags. I just think that a woman would probably not want to start a relationship w/a person who intentionally hides things. Yes, I see that your profile now says divorced. LOL.Congrats, but regardless of who it is, be it POF or a woman that you met elsewhere. Me llamo said it best w/ 2 sentences! "Divorced is the most honest of the two." Most people agree with that. Are you gonna ask your date to pull out a dictionary, or make it simple? That is all I am saying here. I'm sure you have alot going for you. Just be who you are today. Yesterday made us who we are today. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 11/7/2007 6:20:18 PM |
I say if you think of yourself as single and have no ties, go ahead and list yourself as single because it is more reflective of the reality you feel.
Interesting. You want to know somethiong? That was the same excuse used by a married cheater who started a thread.
He though of himself as single.
If you are divorced you are divorced.
If you are single you have never been married.
What would go through my mind? If they are going to lie about that what else are they or will they lie about. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 11/18/2007 3:23:20 PM | If you're divorced, be honest and say so. If you're separated, be honest and and say so. If you're single @ my age....it's kinda a red flag....what the He** is the matter with you? When it all boils down to it,and this is only my opinion, if someone is shallow enough to think that having loved and lost in ANY terms means you're unavailable, they aren't a match for anyone who's been in a previous relationship. Eg. 1) Liz Taylor has been "legally divorced" how many times? Is she emotionally secure, or has she been at any time?
Eg. 2) If I was "shacked up" with my ex. for ten years instead of being married to her for ten years. I could put "single" in my profile. You'd probably read this as being a dog who's afraid of commitment. You'd probably be right, though I know several couples who live common law by the female partner's choice.. Having been married should show that commitment isn't out of the realm of possibility.
In my case "separated" is a term that was "easier" on my kids. This isn't just my opinion, but also that of several professional councillors. My "legal separation" spells out the terms for my imminent divorce. I can get a divorce at anytime. When I do meet the right person for me, I'll go through that silly legal step that stops me from being re-married. I really don't care if it makes a mockery out of my original vows. If I feel it's the right thing to do..it's done. Those of you who consider me unworthy of you, you're right. Of course, rest assured, I feel the same way. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 11/18/2007 3:54:09 PM | I agree with you. This category is also age sensitive, I think. If you are viewing the profile of, say, a 50 yr old man or woman, and it says "Single", you might think, OMG, this person has never been married, and therefore probably doesn't want to be and never will be. If you are looking for possible marriage, they would not be a good prospect. They might have trouble relating to someone who has been married and/or had children.
If, on the other hand, they are really divorced, I'm with you - just say so. The comments about divorce = baggage is only partly true. We all accumulate a certain amount of baggage as we progress through life, but a good deal of it is what I call "life experience", which can come in handy if one is trying to learn from past experiences.
You can't change your past, but you can try to improve on it, or lie about it. I admire a person who learns from the past, and is proud of their personal growth and not afraid to share it. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 11/20/2007 12:55:51 PM | "The tricky one is what if you've been married twice, and one died and you divorced the other?"
First husband - divorced I wasn't dating then and there weren't dating sites....if so I would have listed divorced as it was my current status.
Second husband - deceased I always chose widow as it was my current status.
You put what is most recent. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 11/21/2007 10:34:32 PM | Personally, I see the word divorce on an ad, and it triggers a "red flag". It usually means that one or both parties had some serious unresolvable issues.
That being said, don't get too hung up the wording of your ad. Rather, take a long, honest, look at what, if anything you contributed to your faulty marriage. If you are truly a victim, then just be yourself, and someone will probably come along who is willing to overlook the divorce issue. Otherwise, I would strongly reccomend you make an effort to resolve and avoid bringing the baggage from your failed marriage into any further relationships. Unlike the airports, "lost" baggage always finds its way back to its owner. Good luck. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 11/21/2007 11:49:42 PM | ^^^^^Hey kid . . . what is ya problem with divorceeeeeeees . . . Divorceeeees have issues . . . do I seem like like I have any !$#@$#$!$## . . . . issues? Do I???? BAGGAGED?! WTF?????? Kiddddddding . . . 
Okay but on a serious note . . . Have ya heard . . . BAGGAGE carries goods!!!!
OP:
Divorce means MARRIED once and no longer MARRIED . . . officially signed and sealed by the judge . . ..
Separated means MARRIED not yet signed and sealed by the judge.
Single means NEVER MARRIED . . . no offical DECREE . . .
Moral to the story . . . "No need to be divorced to have "baggage" . . ."
~Myth~ | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/7/2008 10:40:19 PM | | i got divorsed in 1996. i started considering myself single again once the drama of the divorse was over,about 5 yrs. we have a child together so we do have the ties. but we get along, his new wife included. so i dont even think of him as my ex-husband,were just friends now. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 2/8/2008 4:01:36 AM | How about single by choice, chance or circumstance?
Single--never married
Single/not looking status unimportant because they are not looking
married-have a spouse living
divorced-marriage ended legally
separated-married but not together, in the process of divorce or not--needs clarification
widowed--they have passed on
honesty is best. I am divorced, twice.
I see the word divorce on an ad, and it triggers a "red flag". It usually means that one or both parties had some serious unresolvable issues.
Both exs had unresolved issues and then the broads dumped them. End of problem for both of us.
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/1/2008 9:44:30 PM | Its not that complicated really...
I mean girls and men both see divorced as used and beware cause of the baggage that most carry with them.
If you are done with that past....list yourself as single..cause you are. Really as far as I am concerned single and not single should be the only options. As long as your honest about it...when asked...list yourself as single.
Sad really as men do the same with women with kids...
Sad way to look at someone if you ask me!
Someones past ..or situation at the present doesnt define what that person will be like! | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:20:44 PM |
Personally, I see the word divorce on an ad, and it triggers a "red flag". It usually means that one or both parties had some serious unresolvable issues.
Don't judge or assume to know unless you have walked in my shoes.
My divorced status is important to a prospective mate and the county court clerk who will issue a marriage license.
To list single, when divorced, on a dating site is lying at the onset. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:27:57 PM | If you've gone through a divorce, you aren't single. You're divorced.
The only exception is if you had your marriage annulled, which legally invalidates the marriage, instead of just ending it (as divorce does).
You can use whatever color crayon you want to make it pretty, but you aren't single. You're divorced. To put it any other way is dishonest. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:48:28 PM |
The only exception is if you had your marriage annulled, which legally invalidates the marriage, instead of just ending it (as divorce does).
Yeah, but in everybody's eyes "divorced" means you used to be married but you aren't anymore.
You may as well put divorced on your profile, because if someone is going to not date you because your profile says "divorced", then they aren't going to want to date you when you actually TELL THEM that you are divorced. May as well weed out the people who have a problem with it before they even try to contact you, because they are eventually going to know anyway.
If you've gone through a divorce, you aren't single. You're divorced.
To list single, when divorced, on a dating site is lying at the onset.
Actually, neither of these statements are true. The dictionary defines "divorced" as being "unmarried (not currently married)" or "without a partner". So you are totally honest when you put single as your status. But I think having the "divorce" option is just a way to be up front about the fact that you've been married before. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:15:51 PM |
Personally, I see the word divorce on an ad, and it triggers a "red flag". It usually means that one or both parties had some serious unresolvable issues.
Being incompatible or finding out you are, isn't an unresolvable issue except with that individual. Personally, it someone was in an incompatible relationship, I'd think much more of them if they did seek out a divorce rather than stay in an unhappy/incompatible marriage. Divorced isn't an automatic red flag for everyone. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:20:43 PM | I think it's all a state of mind really.
If you have very recently divorced and honestly have some issues/baggage still following you around, then you are "divorced".
If, like the OP says, it's been more than 5 years, no ties, no contact and no regrets, then list yourself as single, because you truly have no baggage and it's like you were never married at all.
I myself was married at 25, divorced at 30 (starter marraige, no kids, just all physical and no substance) so 10 years later I dont' think of myself as divorced but single.
It's not a lie, just an honest reflection of your state of mind.
Anyone have any further thoughts on this? | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:48:50 AM | Yea, you may not think of yourself as divorced, but that's what you are.
It seems as if too many people try to Photoshop their entire lives, blurring out what they think others won't like about their pasts and using semantics as an excuse for dishonesty.
Single = never married
Divorced - have been married previously
It's that simple. Again, unless your marriage was annulled, you're not single. You're divorced. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/3/2008 11:09:17 AM | When I was six I used to tell my parents it was ok to eat candy every day because Billy did it and his parents let him. Oh brother.
"other men say they are single when they are divorced, why can't I?". Because its wrong. If you are going to lie right off, it rarely works out. How will it feel if you connect with someone and oh well, I was married before. Again, dont do it. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/3/2008 11:56:12 AM | | Well, when I see someone that is over 30 and the guy lists single vs. divorced, I tend to think "Why hasn't he been married by now? What is wrong with him?" So many people are divorced in this day and age that I don't think that is a problem to me. Unless, of course, they have been married multiple times. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:31:18 PM |
Maybe the web site needs to broaden and include all of the options.
Maybe not broaden, but just remove "single" from the list. You could have:
Never married
Married
Separated (not living together, relationship totally over, but still legally married)
Divorced
In a relationship (other than marriage) | |
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