Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Falling Ember
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 176
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?Page 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I agree. They should replace single with never married to avoid conflicting interpretations. If I dated a guy that I discovered was actually divorced, but listed himself as single because that's how he "felt", then I'd drop him. Fast. That's clearly a lie since divorced means you've been married previously. If you've been married before, then you're a divorcee. If you say differently, you're a liar. I feel the same way about guys who list themselves as divorced when they're actually separated. You're lying about your situation to avoid being filtered by it. Thanks, but I'll pass on the men who will adjust the truth to reflect how they feel it should be.
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 177
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:40:31 PM
op: 'single' would be perfectly fine in your case. btw, until you verge on the 'serious' in a relationship, your life is no one else's business.
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 178
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:48:27 PM
ember: i theoretically agree, but (practically) i see very little difference between single and divorced if no children are involved. the only exception would be be if one were to somehow interpret the diff. between single and divorced to mean a particular divorcee had an inability to commit to or somehow sustain a marriage. i suppose, by defintion, that is the case, but it's highly dependent on who divorced whom and for what reason(s).

divorced vs. separated is a larger issue. for one, there are ongoing messy legal and financial entanglements. secondly, a separated person is often not psychologically to the point of being able to fully participate in a new or subsequent relationship.
 kikilink
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 179
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:23:41 AM
I very much agree with the "state of mind" point,
As a divorced woman without children, I struggled when choosing my 'LABEL'...let's just call it what it is. As a woman in today's society, I knew I would be screened and filtered differently if I put divorced vs single. Sooo, I chose SINGLE as my label for the purpose of this site. However, when someone corresponds with me showing any interest (other than just complimenting photos or something of the like) I am very up front about being divorced and why I'm listed as single. I've had no problems handling things this way and have not been accused of false representation for my choice.
What I have discovered (on PoF, as well as in reality/life) is that most women would require a man to put DIVORCED if he was EVER married, this also squashes the debate of "he's almost 40, there must be serious issues if he's never been married". If he's 50 and single, he is already instantly labeled a liar here so thos men WILL put DIVORCED. A woman sees it as showing a willingness to have been in a committed relationship. On the other hand, DIVORCED is a 'trigger' word for a man to see. It DOES translate to baggage, issues, drama...if even for a moment in a man's mind. It's for this very reason, FACT if you will, that I'm listed as single despite MY knowlege and belief that my marriage has helped me grow and shape the woman I am today. I've just never let it define me.
I do believe it's the early clarification (aka confession) with an interested party that determines whether your label of choice is actually a LIE or misrepresentation, regardless of Webster's definition... on which it appears many women here seem to be focused. I'm sorry but Webster does not, under any circumstances, define me.
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 180
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:58:15 AM
I think, act, believe, and have the heart and spirit of a single person. I was separated (lived on my own) for 3 1/2 yrs, more than enough time to get my "self" back. I happen to have a paper that says "divorce decree" on it but I am single in every way. Just because a paper has a certain date on it doesnt mean I was of a specific character all the way up until then. You can be single and have kids too. So, I dont see what kids have to do with it.
 KiteGuy321
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 181
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/27/2008 11:09:59 AM
If you've gotten a divorce at any point in time, you are DIVORCED.

What if you felt "single" during your marriage? Does that mean you weren't married?
 Photofan23
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 182
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/27/2008 11:27:59 AM
I won't speak for anyone else mainly because I understand the route they chose, but for me I choose to put divorced. It's honest, and if that is a red flag or someone assumes as "he has baggage" then that is their choice. I'm comfortable with the label.
 Falling Ember
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 183
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/27/2008 1:56:40 PM
I'm sorry but Webster does not, under any circumstances, define me.


It isn't Webster that is defining you, but your past actions. Shifting words to match your feelings rather than your reality is at best deceptive and at worse delusional.

I'm a female, so it is nothing to me if women want to state they're single when they're actually divorced. I don't date women so what you choose to do isn't going to affect me in any way.

Its the issue itself that disturbs me.

The fact that anyone would blatantly lie then say how they feel has more stake in reality than what they do. I feel single, so the fact I'm actually married isn't true...because I feel single.

Why aren't people just honest? "I don't want to be judged for being divorced, so I don't label myself as such." It isn't up to anyone to dismiss another person's judgment criteria by lying to them just because they don't think they should be judged by it.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 184
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/28/2008 1:51:50 AM
I dont' get it. You are divorced; you are obviously wanting to hide that fact so that answers your question. I guess if someone is married in 2001 but doesn't live with their spouse anymore and is separated, does that make them now single? no

You are divorced; You will always be someone who is divorced. That was your choice to marry that person and to leave them. To act like it never happened doesn't change the facts.

If I was dating a person that said they were single and then after a while I found out they were divorced, I would dump them in a second. Its dishonest. Some people also, due to religious or other reasons, do not want to date or even marry divorced people. I dont get why people can't be honest.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 185
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/28/2008 1:56:04 AM

On the other hand, DIVORCED is a 'trigger' word for a man to see. It DOES translate to baggage, issues, drama...if even for a moment in a man's mind. It's for this very reason, FACT if you will, that I'm listed as single despite MY knowlege and belief that my marriage has helped me grow and shape the woman I am today. I've just never let it define me.


kikilink this is the very thing I'm talking about. You even admit you are divorced but because you don't want guys to turn you down because of it, you lie and try to trick them. Nice. Selfish and self absorbed IMHO.

Your marriage doesn't define you, but the choices a person makes does. That's why every person I talk to I ask up front; have you ever been married, or have you ever been divorced.

I'm sure you are comfortable in the label of single because it serves your purpose. It can't get any more selfish than that IMHO.
 doodlebug8199
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 186
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 8/13/2008 3:57:55 PM
when you are divorced especially at a young age that does trigger alot of red flaggs that you are damaged goods. if you are truely over the divorce and are carrying no baggage for your former spouse and he is out of your life (no kids and no ties) then by all means list your self as single. if u form a connection with someone and they have a problem that u listed your self as single instead of divorced then they are the one with a problem. its not a lie its you getting on with your life as a single person which you became when the papers were finalized.
 KiteGuy321
Joined: 3/21/2006
Msg: 187
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 8/13/2008 4:04:35 PM

its not a lie its you getting on with your life as a single person which you became when the papers were finalized.


Um... no... you became DIVORCED when the papers were finalized...
 putyogamefaceon!
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 188
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 8/13/2008 4:43:09 PM
My view: divorced is what happened, single is what you are.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 189
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 8/13/2008 4:59:56 PM
I was single, then I was married, then I was divorced. It defines my status not who I am. Ia few months, a man who was single, then married and now a widower is who I will be marrying and it won't much matter anyway. To him, I was honest in stating I was divorced, he said if I had put single and he found out later I had been married, he would have considered it a lie--a red flag---I happen to agree with him. As he said, I was not in that marriage alone.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 190
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 8/13/2008 5:09:20 PM
The OP left the building...hopefully laughing with Elvis.

Oops, I think I saw him at the 7-Eleven when I was filling my gas tank. He likes Grape Slurpees...FYI and it if WAS him....umm...well the years haven't been kind. I'm not cold or lacking of compassion...but I didn't need someone to wash my windshield with a squeegie and a bucket. (He did get a little pizzed when I threw a few bucks into his bucket and jumped into my car) Ehh...maybe it's just me, but I get a little creeped out when someone in a white jumpsuit with Grape Slurpee stains wants to wash my windshield. One of many reasons why I don't live in NYC!
 barkerdog
Joined: 1/9/2010
Msg: 191
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/24/2010 1:42:44 PM
I know this is a little old now, but I can't believe the number of people who think it is ok to put single when you have been divorced. I have been out on 2 dates with women who have done this. Even though someone who has been divorced is fine with me, I broke the dates off early because it is not ok to lie about it. If you can't be truthful about that, what else aren't you going to be truthful about?

In reading some of the posts, people make all kinds of arguemts why it is not lying. I understand all the reason why someone may not want to think of them as divorced, it was a long time ago, no love, no baggage etc etc. I get it. However, the point isn't to reflect your state of mind as many people have put it. The question is not subjective. It is not open to an opinion. If the choices are single, married and divorced and you have been divorced and choose single, you are not being honest with people you are trying to meet. It really is that simple.
 PregnantLady
Joined: 3/1/2010
Msg: 192
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/24/2010 3:52:42 PM
If you put single I would maybe mention in your profile that you are divorced but have no ties to your ex wife.
 TallBlondeSwan
Joined: 2/13/2010
Msg: 193
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/26/2010 12:50:23 PM
If you are a virgin and have sex, then don't have sex for fifteen years, do you become a virgin again?
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 194
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/27/2010 9:40:30 AM
How about legally single for divorced? Or just do single by chance, choice or circumstance. Or divorcedx2. That would clear up alot as well. I have been married twice. Once 3 years and once 28 years. Some widowers dump me when they find out I have been married twice without even knowing what happened. Judgement on the front end. To have multiple choices would let judgemental people opt you out instead of contacting you and then opting out when they find out. Some suggestions

single-never married-still a virgin
single-never married-not a virgin
single-but have a steady
single-but living with someone
single-in a realationship but looking for something better
single-but no longer living with someone
widowedx#
widowedx# and divorcedx#
previously married but annuled
divorcedx#
divorced x# but no church annulment (for Catholics)
divorced x# but have a church annulment
married and spouse is happy
married and we are both happy but I want some diversion
married and it is on the rocks
married but separated and the divorce is pending
married but the divorce is really messy
legally separated and not seeking a divorce
married, separated and I don't know where the heck the spouse is
married and we are looking for an additional male/female
and last: what difference does it make, just looking to get laid not a relationship

or just
single
divorced
widowed
and if it is complicated, explain it in the narrative of the profile to allow people to make their determination or tell it in the first email or two.

It does not matter how YOU feel about your status--it matters to the person you are trying to create a relationship with. Even though I have been married twice, I would not want someone to lie to me about his status. Stating your status based on how the law views you makes life less complicated.
 2heat
Joined: 3/23/2010
Msg: 195
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 3/27/2010 11:42:44 AM

They should replace single with never married to avoid conflicting interpretations.


I agree with this. Some other dating sites do have 'never married' as an option. If I was divorced and actively looking for a date, then I put divorced. Because some people might think that I was never married if I put single.
 SKH5571
Joined: 12/2/2012
Msg: 196
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 12/10/2012 4:20:48 PM

If you are a virgin and have sex, then don't have sex for fifteen years, do you become a virgin again?


I dated someone who almost fit that bill. She "gave up" sex and classified herself as a "born again" virgin. WTF?!


As far as the divorced versus single status debate, I will easily go with "Divorced" as a status.

On another site that no longer exists, I had put my status as "single", even though I was newly divorced(then Nov 2005) with no kids, no financial responsibilities and no ties whatsoever to my ex. I met girl and went on a date with her. During the date, I told her about my marriage and divorce. She got real upset, "hit the roof" and cursed me out for not telling her that before the date. Keep in mind, we exchanged no more than two messages, several phone calls before agreeing to go on the date. I knew in my mind that I would tell her all about my past during the date. Nevertheless, she accused me of "hiding my past", "being used up", and "full of baggage." I paid for the meal and she stormed out.

Someone mentioned in an earlier post that a "DIVORCED" status scares off some people. If people are instantly scared off by words and do not care to know or find out the situation, then those are people who I definitely would not have gotten along with anyway. I am one who never judges anyone or their situation without getting to know them first. I can easily get along with someone who shares my sentiment. Looking at my above situation in hindsight, I wished I would have put "DIVORCED" and "scared off" girl in the beginning rather than be subjected to immature name calling and the like while on a date with her.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 197
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 12/10/2012 5:05:30 PM
I want to date a person that is comfortable with whatever state in life they are. So if they are divorced, they say it. If they are single, they say it. Same thing with me. I try to be as transparent as possible. Well, I will not tell anyone that my mother is actually from another planet and that my dad had seven toes.
 AusteniticSteelMan
Joined: 12/7/2012
Msg: 198
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 12/11/2012 11:18:15 PM
Your status should reflect the current truth.

Deal breakers for me are lies. being married, separated, being divorced, fully divorced, and no ties are all different things to me =p

Make sure you think about it carefully...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 199
view profile
History
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 12/12/2012 1:45:53 PM
The moral of the story is if you meet someone you want to share your life with, never get married to the person. Just live together. That way, if it doesn't work out, you can claim to be single all along. It doesn't matter if you lived with the person 15 or 20 years and had 8 or 10 kids together. You still have the status as single-never married.

A question for the believers in the traditional Christian church weddings: If you were to meet someone who was married before, but not in a Christian church (Islam, Wiccan, for example) and listed themselves as single, would that be appropriate since it doesn't match your version of married? This goes along with the perception of a common-law relationship, where the only difference to marriage is the absence of a wedding ceremony.
 annywn
Joined: 4/17/2012
Msg: 200
Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 12/12/2012 6:27:28 PM
The truth doesn't vary based on factors that make you appear in a better light. If you were married once and are not anymore, i believe it's yes, being divorced.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?