| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:54:05 PM | | I agree. They should replace single with never married to avoid conflicting interpretations. If I dated a guy that I discovered was actually divorced, but listed himself as single because that's how he "felt", then I'd drop him. Fast. That's clearly a lie since divorced means you've been married previously. If you've been married before, then you're a divorcee. If you say differently, you're a liar. I feel the same way about guys who list themselves as divorced when they're actually separated. You're lying about your situation to avoid being filtered by it. Thanks, but I'll pass on the men who will adjust the truth to reflect how they feel it should be. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:48:27 PM | ember: i theoretically agree, but (practically) i see very little difference between single and divorced if no children are involved. the only exception would be be if one were to somehow interpret the diff. between single and divorced to mean a particular divorcee had an inability to commit to or somehow sustain a marriage. i suppose, by defintion, that is the case, but it's highly dependent on who divorced whom and for what reason(s).
divorced vs. separated is a larger issue. for one, there are ongoing messy legal and financial entanglements. secondly, a separated person is often not psychologically to the point of being able to fully participate in a new or subsequent relationship. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:23:41 AM | I very much agree with the "state of mind" point,
As a divorced woman without children, I struggled when choosing my 'LABEL'...let's just call it what it is. As a woman in today's society, I knew I would be screened and filtered differently if I put divorced vs single. Sooo, I chose SINGLE as my label for the purpose of this site. However, when someone corresponds with me showing any interest (other than just complimenting photos or something of the like) I am very up front about being divorced and why I'm listed as single. I've had no problems handling things this way and have not been accused of false representation for my choice.
What I have discovered (on PoF, as well as in reality/life) is that most women would require a man to put DIVORCED if he was EVER married, this also squashes the debate of "he's almost 40, there must be serious issues if he's never been married". If he's 50 and single, he is already instantly labeled a liar here so thos men WILL put DIVORCED. A woman sees it as showing a willingness to have been in a committed relationship. On the other hand, DIVORCED is a 'trigger' word for a man to see. It DOES translate to baggage, issues, drama...if even for a moment in a man's mind. It's for this very reason, FACT if you will, that I'm listed as single despite MY knowlege and belief that my marriage has helped me grow and shape the woman I am today. I've just never let it define me.
I do believe it's the early clarification (aka confession) with an interested party that determines whether your label of choice is actually a LIE or misrepresentation, regardless of Webster's definition... on which it appears many women here seem to be focused. I'm sorry but Webster does not, under any circumstances, define me. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/27/2008 10:58:15 AM | | I think, act, believe, and have the heart and spirit of a single person. I was separated (lived on my own) for 3 1/2 yrs, more than enough time to get my "self" back. I happen to have a paper that says "divorce decree" on it but I am single in every way. Just because a paper has a certain date on it doesnt mean I was of a specific character all the way up until then. You can be single and have kids too. So, I dont see what kids have to do with it. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/27/2008 11:27:59 AM | | I won't speak for anyone else mainly because I understand the route they chose, but for me I choose to put divorced. It's honest, and if that is a red flag or someone assumes as "he has baggage" then that is their choice. I'm comfortable with the label. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/27/2008 1:56:40 PM | I'm sorry but Webster does not, under any circumstances, define me.
It isn't Webster that is defining you, but your past actions. Shifting words to match your feelings rather than your reality is at best deceptive and at worse delusional.
I'm a female, so it is nothing to me if women want to state they're single when they're actually divorced. I don't date women so what you choose to do isn't going to affect me in any way.
Its the issue itself that disturbs me.
The fact that anyone would blatantly lie then say how they feel has more stake in reality than what they do. I feel single, so the fact I'm actually married isn't true...because I feel single. 
Why aren't people just honest? "I don't want to be judged for being divorced, so I don't label myself as such." It isn't up to anyone to dismiss another person's judgment criteria by lying to them just because they don't think they should be judged by it. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/28/2008 1:51:50 AM | I dont' get it. You are divorced; you are obviously wanting to hide that fact so that answers your question. I guess if someone is married in 2001 but doesn't live with their spouse anymore and is separated, does that make them now single? no
You are divorced; You will always be someone who is divorced. That was your choice to marry that person and to leave them. To act like it never happened doesn't change the facts.
If I was dating a person that said they were single and then after a while I found out they were divorced, I would dump them in a second. Its dishonest. Some people also, due to religious or other reasons, do not want to date or even marry divorced people. I dont get why people can't be honest. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 7/28/2008 1:56:04 AM |
On the other hand, DIVORCED is a 'trigger' word for a man to see. It DOES translate to baggage, issues, drama...if even for a moment in a man's mind. It's for this very reason, FACT if you will, that I'm listed as single despite MY knowlege and belief that my marriage has helped me grow and shape the woman I am today. I've just never let it define me.
kikilink this is the very thing I'm talking about. You even admit you are divorced but because you don't want guys to turn you down because of it, you lie and try to trick them. Nice. Selfish and self absorbed IMHO.
Your marriage doesn't define you, but the choices a person makes does. That's why every person I talk to I ask up front; have you ever been married, or have you ever been divorced.
I'm sure you are comfortable in the label of single because it serves your purpose. It can't get any more selfish than that IMHO. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 8/13/2008 3:57:55 PM | | when you are divorced especially at a young age that does trigger alot of red flaggs that you are damaged goods. if you are truely over the divorce and are carrying no baggage for your former spouse and he is out of your life (no kids and no ties) then by all means list your self as single. if u form a connection with someone and they have a problem that u listed your self as single instead of divorced then they are the one with a problem. its not a lie its you getting on with your life as a single person which you became when the papers were finalized. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 8/13/2008 4:59:56 PM | | I was single, then I was married, then I was divorced. It defines my status not who I am. Ia few months, a man who was single, then married and now a widower is who I will be marrying and it won't much matter anyway. To him, I was honest in stating I was divorced, he said if I had put single and he found out later I had been married, he would have considered it a lie--a red flag---I happen to agree with him. As he said, I was not in that marriage alone. | |
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| Single vs. Divorced...what should my relationship status be?
Posted: 8/13/2008 5:09:20 PM | The OP left the building...hopefully laughing with Elvis.
Oops, I think I saw him at the 7-Eleven when I was filling my gas tank. He likes Grape Slurpees...FYI and it if WAS him....umm...well the years haven't been kind. I'm not cold or lacking of compassion...but I didn't need someone to wash my windshield with a squeegie and a bucket. (He did get a little pizzed when I threw a few bucks into his bucket and jumped into my car) Ehh...maybe it's just me, but I get a little creeped out when someone in a white jumpsuit with Grape Slurpee stains wants to wash my windshield. One of many reasons why I don't live in NYC!   | |
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