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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 7:46:36 AM | | whether i work night work or not makes no difference i should have been consulted about the decision on gets to whatch my daughter, and with her aunt, i knew her for 5 years before she started whatching my daughter, he has no rights in this situation, the only opionions that should matter are mine and her mothers not his. and another thing i dont care how he feels, its not his daughter, hes not her father, this should have been talked about before she made any decisions, after all like i said before i am her father, and about the statement i made when i said i have the right to be pissed, maybe you should read the rest of the sentance, thats a camma not a period, that wasnt the end of the sentance. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 7:54:01 AM | Please find anyway you can to make sure your daughter is safe. I found out the hard way.... We really don't know the people we say we love.
I knew this guy for 15 years we had a baby together while i was married to someone else. we just last year told everyone about the affair and that was when he decided it was ok to touch our daughter he is now in going to jail for a very long time...
So please do what you have to ,to keep her safe..and remember its not about your ex wife the money or her b/f its about your daughter and her being safe.
It's not worht you sitting in a Dr. office while the Dr. checks you daughter. looking at your ex while she says I'M SORRY I didn't think he would do that....It don't take away the pain of what he did or could do pleas keep her safe Talk to her and tell her about Tell an adult if anyone,anyone is touching her. Sorry if anyone thinks i'm out of line. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 9:06:20 AM | OK, YOU DO HAVE THE "RIGHT" TO BE PISSED, IN FACT DO SO, GET AS PISSED AND IRRATIONALL ACTING AS IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE,,but what good is going on a tyrade going to do, what practical use does it have? great thing to show your daughter on how to intelligently respond to things that are upsetting.
so basically you are only angry over the fact that you werent consulted? or that you didnt have the final say?
asking you to put yourself in his shoes was obviously futile attempt to get you to see this from someone elses p.o.v.
how bout your ex? put yourself in her shoes,, she now has this overnight shift and is probably scrambling for child care. do you have the least notion on how difficult it is to find reliable responsible child care on day shift?, never mind second and third shifts. the later the shift the more difficult it is to find third shift caregivers. not considering you is a natural assumption since you appear by your own shift as not available.( DO YOU GET THAT KEY POINT?) the fact that you work overnights ( the same shift) has everything to do with it. its probably why she didnt bother to ask you to watch the daughter. anyone with any level of common sense would have figured you not to be an available source since ya work the same shift. (DUH)
looks like you are reading too much into this decision that was made. you seem offended when her decision probably had nothing to do with offending you. this guy is not her father,true. but he is possibly someone you are going to have to deal with at some point and may be critical in your daughters life.. what good do you think it will do for her to see her own father at odds with this man? or what it would do to your daughter to see you always questioning her mothers ability to make decent decisions on her behalf? do men ever think about this stuff? or do they just go around stomping their feet, beating their chest, and getting all red in the face? heysuess dude,, chill, calm down!
go for a calm and rational practical solution instead off all this blood boilin she did this just to piss me off posturing. it would benefit your daughter greatly in the long run. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 9:20:47 AM | | You absolutely do have the right to be concerned, now if this is a issue that worries you then you and your ex and the boyfriend should all sit down and lay your expectation on the table.... I think that all parents get caught up with the boyfriend , girlfriend thingy and well if we were to put aside the feeling of each other and worry more about the care of our children then how great would that be. Now if you you can't come to a equal decision then I say get someone from either side of the families.... I hope that this helps you. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 10:43:32 AM | | I'm so glad to see a father actually concerned about how their kids are raised that I had to comment. In my experience (I have 3 kids, with a man who is an over the road truck driver... not quite absentee, but getting that way) and I will call him and say, well, so and so is watching the kids, and he almost never says anything. But yeah, I would be pissed! I'd be heading out the door and on my way over to get her ASAP... You never know now days who you can trust or not, even if you trust them. Good luck to you and your family. Best Wishes... | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 59 | |
| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 10:48:21 AM | Trish:
put yourself in her shoes,, she now has this overnight shift and is probably scrambling for child care. Yet, she threatened him with legal action when he said he wanted to do it. How about YOU put yourself in the OP's shoes? Another man being denied access because the mother thinks SHE has all the control. It must really bother you to see a man standing up for his rights.
do you have the least notion on how difficult it is to find reliable responsible child care on day shift?, Yet, she threatened him with legal action when he said he wanted to do it.
never mind second and third shifts. the later the shift the more difficult it is to find third shift caregivers. What do you think I'm going to write here? Yet, she threatened him with legal action when he said he wanted to do it. To quote you:
DO YOU GET THAT KEY POINT?
not considering you is a natural assumption since you appear by your own shift as not available Did I mention this? Yet, she threatened him with legal action when he said he wanted to do it...which tells me that he made it clear that he WAS available and once she found that out, she didn't need to make threats.
It's funny that you're telling the OP to "chill", yet you seem to be on a bit of a rant about fathers, in general. If you have issues of your own with an ex, don't rant against the OP because you're pissed at someone else. To quote you again:
DUH
OP: I'm glad to see that you got primary custody, even if only temporary. Good for you for standing up for yourself and I'm glad you've got your little girl.  | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 11:03:42 AM | | Op, I'm glad you got temporary custody and I hope both of you can make a custody arrangement that would work for both of you. Yes, your ex should have consulted you with this decision. And for her to not let you as the father to watch her if your schedule could be changed shows that she's being selfish in not allowin gher child to have more time with her father. As I said before, I'm sure it's more of the case of losing child support money if you get partial time with the child. Who cares, be involved with your child, don't let her threats stand in the way. If you are available and willing to watch your child at night while she works and her having the child during the day is very reasonable and fair, and more than likely that will be granted. If that is granted, I'd pursue in lowering the child support if that's necessarily needed, since it's unfair for her to take advantage of you and the system. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 11:42:34 AM | In my opinion (which really isn't worth a whole lot) I think both parents are acting ridiculous. What is up with only knowing him for 3 months? Is that the real issue or is it the issue of your ex allowing her b/f to watch your daughter? Would you have the same concerns if she paid an accredited babysitter to watch your daughter while she worked? I can tell you that when I put my two boys in daycare, I didn't know much about the individual watching them accept that she was certified and accredited through the AF. I saw her house and the area of which she watches her daycare children. I met her ONE week before my son started there... my second son didn't come until 9 months later. Does that make me irresponsible? Because technically I allowed a complete stranger to watch my children?
On the other end of the stick. It was also childish of your ex to not discuss her work hours with you as well as her plans for your daughter's care. She should have been mature enough to allow you to watch your daughter while she worked when you said that you could change your schedule to accomodate hers. I am not sure how it is where you are, but in custody cases where I am at in which both parents are in the same area, the NCP has "first right of refusal"... so yeah... your ex should have ran this by you first.
I hope the two of you can get something worked out. You two really need to stop trying to "one-up" one another and think about your daughter. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 12:33:39 PM | The real issue is her allowing her bf of 3 months to watch her child and refuse to let the father watch the child.,
I can see some point to what you are saying from daycare to having someone personal watch your child, but the difference I think is daycare is a business and can be held liable of watching your child. You yourself know that the daycare has a licence and accredited thru a company. How much do you know of the person who watch your child, it's really by faith and trust that the person who watches your child will keep them safe and unharmed. Personally tho, if I was dating someone for 3 months, I wouldn't hold him responsible to watch my child just because he has a child. It's not his responsibility, it's first and foremost the responsibility for both parents to make arrangements.
IMO, there are pros and cons for either daycare and personal friend/relative watching your child. so really it's up to the parent to decide the best thing to do for the child. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 1:11:57 PM | I agree with both sides. first of all, There should be more communication between the op and his ex, they have a child together, and he has every right to know who is caring for his child, and to approve.
On the other hand, what if his ex re-marries? The bf is now your child's stepfather, and they are a family, isn't ok for him to look after her in those circumstances.
As for daycare providers, it matters not whether the provider is male or female, There is a chance of abuse no matter what. You just do not know what darkness lurks in the heart of man (or woman) | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 5:57:56 PM | eldubu1?
in the original post and the second one from the op, there was a statement where he said HE THOUGHT she was afraid THAT HE MIGHT take her back to court. not that anyone had at that juncture. GET THE POINT NOW? or that she threatened him with it.
BUT HEY, im done,, you all go ahead and battle endlessly on what someone may do, or may have though, or might do, or is posturing over, and all the time this little girl gets caught up in the nonsence of adults WHO ARE MISSING THE POINT. this guy is posturing ,, pure and simple.
what facts has he said he has on this guy??
1) the ex has known him for three months
2) the guy has a kid of his own who is there when the mom is at work.
THATS ALL THE INFO.
the point is, he has condemed this guy without evidence or trial. he has made some pretty rash assumptions without information cuz he didnt BOTHER TO ASK. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 6:28:43 PM | TO RECAP>> this is the op
I just found out the other day that my ex has gotten a new job which is over night work. I asked her what her arrangenments were for babysitting. She proceeded to tell me that her b/f would be there with his son and my daughter. This kind of pissed me off. I also work night work for the railroad out of washington d.c. but I could easily change my hours to day time, when I suggested this to her so I could be the one to whatch our daughter while she was working she got really pissed and told me there was no way that would happen because I think she is scared that I would take her back to court over custody and child support. Anyway my question is, do I have a right to be pissed off and what do I do about it?
he asked what the arrangements would be, he didnt straight off say he would change his shift. when the exwife answered the question,, ex hubbi gets pissed cuz she didnt come to his "working the third shift" FIRST about babysitting. he suggests this change of shift after he asks the question of "who".
i dont understand why she got pissed and told him no way,, perhaps this is where the omitted parts of the story really need to be included. perhaps you have threatened to take her to court before if she doesnt do things according to your specifications. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 68 | |
| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 7:24:26 PM | Trish: You even quoted it:
I could easily change my hours to day time, when I suggested this to her so I could be the one to whatch our daughter while she was working she got really pissed and told me there was no way that would happen The ex got pissed because he said he "could be the one to watch their daughter"...what exactly is the problem you have with this? You seem very angry that this man would have the utter gall to want to look after his daughter...why?
It's funny that you accuse others of what ifs...yet you're making some of the biggest assumptions.
You're doing a LOT of nitpicking...
he asked what the arrangements would be, he didnt straight off say he would change his shift No, but when she answered him, he then said he could easily change his shift. What's your problem with that?
I'm guessing you think that there's no way a man could possibly be a responsible parent...you seem to have real issues with the OP.
You accused the OP of "going on a tirade", yet it sounds like he's wanting to avoid a tirade...you're the only one on a tirade here. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 8:03:04 PM | The ex got pissed because he said he "could be the one to watch their daughter"...what exactly is the problem you have with this? You seem very angry that this man would have the utter gall to want to look after his daughter...why
no, thats not what my point is,, let me try and make this real simple
i have no issue with his wanting to care for his daughter, he should want to care for her.( i have said that already in another post) i dont find it particularily admirable that he wants to be the one to care for the child while mom is at work either.
what i have issue with is that he seems to have decided that the new bf is somehow inferior and he has no information to back up his opposition to the man other than the man is not the childs father.
dont you find it the least bit odd that the mother would be opposed to him watching the child??i have to wonder what part of that story the op is leaving out. dont you find it the least bit odd that the op seems to have an issue with this new bf and he doesnt know anything about the man?
his beef seems to be with the fact that he wasnt "CONSULTED" (probably more to the truth is he wasnt given last word) and his beef seems to be with this new bf. read between the lines here one what he is leaving out of the story. there are a lot of specific holes in this one. and yes, it is quite irrational to get pissed about someone you know so little about. its even more irrational to go to court because the man exists not only in the exwifes life but that of his daughter as well. sounds to me like he is having a tantrum over nothing.
what is wrong with finding out if there is something about this guy to be concerned about first before getting all hot under the collar and "pissed"? he said he knew the aunt that used to be the one giving care,, great! all im sayin is take the time to get to know this guy before you decide anything about his ability to care for the child. how come the op didnt insist on being the one to care for the daughter before moms schedule changed? i mean, hey, he is has been sayin that its not about this guy but its about spending time with the daughter.. so ok,, how come spending time wasnt an issue when the aunt was the caregiver? and just how much quality time can he spend with a child who is SLEEPING?? its a third shift,, the child will be in bed asleep, wont she?
these things just dont add up right. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 8:27:33 PM | | I would be beside myself if my sons father pulled something like this. It is in our court papers that we are to ask each other first if child care is needed. Why would she not be willing to let you stay with your own children, doesn't she want you to build a bonding lasting relationship with them? I try to limit my sons father only because he has a drinking problem. Without sounding horrible, does she have a reason to want to ask someone else? If not you need to have a heart to heart with her with no blame games or arguments and explain how you feel. definately I don't feel three months is enough time to trust someone with my child, find out what kinda guy he is. If he is going to have a hand in raising your child, perhaps you need to get to know him for yourself as well. That being said, every realationship starts somewhere and this may be her next and last serious one. Take some time to get to know him is my best advice and work on her and getting that time for you instead of him. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 72 | |
| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/17/2007 9:03:00 PM | Well, the OP has been given temporary custody, so it's possible that the ex was just doing what she thought she had the right to do...withholding his daughter from him.
We can read into it all day, but the fact is, the court didn't have a problem with him having his child, but the mother did. Please don't tell me that you think there's no way a woman would ever just be vindictive? | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/18/2007 3:04:56 PM | eldubu1
apparently you are privy to information not being shared in this forum thread by the op. that or you just have no comprehension ability.
last he posted was his INTENT TO FILE FOR CUSTODY. intent to file doesnt mean court has granted the petition. according to what the op has said, there was nNO WITHHOLDING OF THE DAUGHTER. the op came after the decision had been made about nite care and got pissed.
of course i know there are vindictive mothers,, as well there are vindictive fathers. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/18/2007 3:10:19 PM | my bad, went back and reread his post. i see where he says he got custody that fast but i still think he is withholding some key points in the real story. and none of this is adding up right. like, how does one get emergency custody in the same day they file for it?? hmmmm,,, any other court docket is filled to capacity. plus,, if there was a real emergency,, cps would have stepped in. courts dont just change custody orders on the whims of disgruntled parents.not even in canada, LOL
he would have to show some pretty hard evidence that the daughter was in harms way. to do that he would have to prove that the childcare situation overnight was substandard. simply not liking a person doesnt make the situation substandard. | |
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| Is it right for me to get mad if my daughters mom lets her new b/f of 3 months whatch our daughter
Posted: 10/18/2007 3:20:31 PM | heres my point and i was astounded when i read it coming straight from railroadman on another thread
""What has he done to prove he is a unfit parent, your out of line and with no facts you have totally threw this guy under the bus. your out of you mind """
yes it says parent in the sentence, but this guy that rrman is "tossing under the bus" is in fact A PARENT! | |
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