| | Why Do People Cheat ?Page 2 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | | My best friend had 4 serious (live-in) relationships -- married 3 of them. Her husbands cheated on her, she forgave, they did it again. Her first husband was so shattered when she left. He didn't get over her for years. He blamed me for telling her (the last time he cheated I inadvertantly caught him). After her 3rd failed relationship she moved to New Zealand. Met and married a "wonderful guy". He too cheated. She gave him a second chance and he did it again. Finally, too broken and hurt and no energy left for divorce, division of assets, and all of the other emotional bs, she hung herself. Her ex wrote me a letter to tell me that she was gone, how much he loved her and missed her and that he shouldn't have cheated. That was 10 years ago, I still don't know why people cheat, I don't know if they even know themselves. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/13/2007 10:10:42 AM | I know a lot of people will say that when people cheat, it's because "something was missing in the relationship." I think that's a load of hooey. I had all kinds of things "missing" from my marriage, and I never cheated, and to the best of my knowledge and intuition, neither did my ex.
I think it can be boiled down to one sentence.
When someone cheats, they have something missing in their CHARACTER, not in their relationship. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/13/2007 10:59:46 AM |
When someone cheats, they have something missing in their CHARACTER, not in their relationship.
that's it exactly | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/13/2007 11:27:51 AM | My friend , the reasons are many and few really matter, the end results is the same.
I've enjoyed both kinds of women~ The point is ~ what kind do you want?
Decide what kind that is and search for her. ~ Shop around and pay attention,
you will be given strong clues. Rarely , do I trust anyone that offered that they are always fair and never lie ~ without it being brought up. ~ I rarely mention things like that.
Your last question kind of tells me how far along the evolutionary trail you have
came thus far.
It's best to tell the truth when you can ~ but I'd not destroy someone I cared for with the truth without a very needful reason. ~ Besides the truth is many things to many people. ~ I'd hate to think I might utter words that might kill a heart. ~ It's not my place to correct all wrongs or offer insights not solicited. ~ The truth is not always the means to a greater end ~ dar | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/14/2007 7:02:04 PM | I dunno I think I've cracked the use of these threads and posts - you can see the kinds of excuses people have for it, so you dont have to get in a relationship with them and get the same half baked BS from them then.
Its more effort .. but it could be worth it, all things considered.
LoL | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/14/2007 7:17:56 PM | Pass this on to the next cheater you meet.
"Life is raw material, we are artisans. We can sculpt our existence into something beautiful, or debase it into ugliness. It's in our hands - Author: Cathy Better
Just food for thought and my 2c worth. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/14/2007 9:44:03 PM | Thanks to modern science we have answers to complex questions like these. Men cheat because their reproductive cost is next to nothing. For a man, copulation is brief and there is not a lot of energy invested. Therefore from an evolutionary perspective it is in the man's best interest to mate with as many women as possible.
Women, on the other hand, have a huge investment in reproduction. They carry a fetus for nine months, require additional energy in the form of food, and expend a great deal more energy over that time period. Women who pair-bond (force a male to make a long-term commitment in order to assist with the energy burden of reproduction) are at an advantage. So why do women cheat?
In a nutshell, because the attributes that women look for in a long-term partner (the "Dad"), someone who is kind, thoughtful, considerate, caring, and a good provider, are actually the opposite of the attributes that they want in a sexual partner (the "Cad"), someone who is dangerous,****, overconfident, strong, careless, promiscuous (i.e. the "bad boy"). The thinking here, is that by mating with males who are very sexually active, they will have an increased chance that their male offspring will inherit these promiscuous attributes and gain an evolutionary advantage.
Short answer: Men cheat because they can. Women cheat because the man they want to settle down with, is not the man they want to have sex with. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/15/2007 12:19:26 AM | | No clear answer...perhaps because there really is not one person who can complete another and also that the heart (or the brain, as the case maybe) has a huge capacity to love.....and lust... | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/15/2007 4:42:57 AM | With the exception of very few people in this human race of mankind. I personally think thats in our nature as human beings both male and female to cheat or go astray. I really think that diligent work is needed to not get into patterns in your relationships. I also think like the old biblical adage goes. The truth will set you free, will actually do. If the two people that are in the relationship would actually communicate before the urge to go astray arises. The actual part of straying can be nicely diverted and the relationship would thrive.
Also for those that travel. Its really, really hard to not stray from the monogamy path due to you being alone. Its in human nature to want to be held or touch by another human being even in the short term.
Just my two cents.
Ismail ask ISH aka Black Casanova | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/15/2007 4:49:42 AM | Misterbigg, what a load of horse crap. We have all heard the biological theories but that is why people have brains that allow them to make decisions that might actually go against their nature, such as to not follow through when someone makes you so angry you would like to kill them. I suppose that would be a good defense for murder, that my propensity toward violence and confrontation made me do it.
People cheat because they are lazy, they are chickensh*t, because they never intended to be faithful but wanted someone around to give them a home. Does it really matter? There is no adequate reason why but maybe you should try to see what these women had in common so that the next woman you choose is someone that actually exhibits some integrity. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/15/2007 5:11:35 AM | Morlality is societal (unless you believe in one God, in which case lets agree to disagree) and marriage is just one of many ways in which people have organised themselves to raise children over time. So putting morality to one side...
Simplest answer is that cheating has been a successful evolutionary strategy. Humans are not the only ones in the natural world that have members of the species who owe their existence to the fact that an ancestor cheated. Look at the way that pigeons fly in pairs - it's not because of love it is that the male doesn't want to risk leaving her alone in case she has a bit on the side with another male - and she will given the chance.
If cheating was not a successful evoutionary stategy then it wouldn't happen. Ways to try to prevent this would be to kill not just cheaters (and this is an approach represented by some of the more hardline Moslem societies) but also their offspring. Even then would not necessarily work as people would take more care not to get caught and continue to cheat if the genetic imperative were strong enough.
Plausible explanations for evolutionary success in males is that by having more offspring by more women they increase the chances of their genes surviving because 1) there are more offspring and 2) they have a greater genetic diversity. Gengkis Kahn had a lot of children (hundreds) and huge number of people in Asia are believed to have a lineage to him today.
For women it is slightly different as they are limited to about a child a year. A female may not be able to get a high status male with the best genes and may have to settle for something less. Obviously it would be better for the survival of her genes if she has a make with the best genes possible father her children. A successful strategy for her is to cuckold her partner by having high status male father her children and lower status male to help with the burden of raising them.
Against this urge to cheat are risks associated with getting caught and sanctions. Children have a better chance of survival and success in life with two parents and hence of passing on their genes.
But actual cases of cuckolding today are quite low. Credible estimates in the US and UK are that in about 1% of all cases the father named on the birth certificate is not the biological parent. In certain areas number is believed to be much higher than this (Liverpool in the UK being a case in point as high as 4%).
Many interesting books on 'sperm wars' in both primates and other animals.
It is suprising given this genetic imperative that fewer men in the US are in favour of compulsory paternity testing than women. For many men it appears that ignorance is bliss when it comes to raising children. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/15/2007 5:26:35 AM | | Well I have given the subject a lot of thought and I have the advantage of being a little older. First of all the term cheating is misleading. If your talking about a one night stand, then for a man that is not cheating. Not that he has to be reckles, but if he Protects himself and therefore his significant other then it really isn't cheating. When he says it didn't mean anything,"it didn't" Women on the other hand REQUIRE some sort of a connection and really cannot seperate the sex from emotion. If they can, they have a bigger problem. Everybody does what they have to do emotionally to get through their lives and the word cheating and other comments are judgemental and everybody needs to live and let live. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/15/2007 5:57:29 AM | Ok.... I have to jump in here. First I am not the Cheater I am the CHEATED! I was cheated out of my life and love. He cheated and had not reason to do it.. the sex was great.. he had no responsibility... he was catered to... he was taking care of completely.... he was a lazy F--cking loser that I let consume my every minute and unfortunately never saw it coming. Or going or Cumming... whatever the rite choice of word is.. Hmmmmmmmm.... now figure it out. They cheat because they can and will. Every given time the opportunity arises. Its in there jeans... and if they had the urge to do it and hurt so many people and family for the 5 minutes of SEX... Then they will do it again and not get caught.... ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER.. THEY JUST GET BETTER AT DOING IT AND LIVE FOR THE BETRAYAL AND EXCITEMENT IT GIVES THEM. Hell that's probably enough to get them off there. But anyway, Its not you or about you or your relationship..(IN MOST CASES) it's about them and what they lack as a human.. it's about what they can't have and want... about what they want and need... All about THEM. You are a great person and deserve much better and a person that wants you in the same way. I think maybe you have low self esteem and it shows in your relationships... maybe go to counseling and take some classes on How to Like me... then you will find yourself and feel good about who you are and how you look. That alone will draw a good women and you will find that if your happy with you...... So will she be and not have to look anymore.
Oh on the mate for life response??????..... WTF is that about? Gee, That's what all girls and boys dream of as they grow.. We are suppose to find the love of our lives and live happily ever after... We should all want to be in a committed marriage that lasts 4ever. Have a family and raise them with morals and stability in a secure home environment. Not in today's world. And that's because we have lost all respect, morals, and dignity.. compassion, love, working thru the tuff times to get to the next obstacle. But as it is now a days... because of thinkers like Some..(NO names mentioned)..  This is what our generation is like. I'm sorry for that because I hate knowing my boys will be subject to the mistakes, and carelessness we are displaying. JMO! :very mad: | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:04:02 AM |
We have all heard the biological theories but that is why people have brains that allow them to make decisions that might actually go against their nature, such as to not follow through when someone makes you so angry you would like to kill them.
I agree with you completely, but the question was "Why do people cheat?" and not "Why are people faithful?". Of course, if we are in tune with ourselves and stop to think about our actions, we can easily overcome a primal instinct with our intellect. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:30:44 AM | Why do people cheat????? lack of character and ethics I suspect, you hear all the excuses... Emotional needs/desires/physical needs, loneliness , midlife crises, the cat ran away, the dog pooped on my shoes to Elvis told me to seek out my "friend in a dream" all are simply excuses and selfish behavior
So back to the original question, why do people cheat? im not qualified to answer that question ..... Any cheaters out there that can answer the question?? | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:52:02 AM | "because if a little is 'good' ALOT must be 'better'???? I dunno....unhappiness, low self esteem, grass greener on the other 'side'.....
What I've learned is that cheating comes in many ways....
Cheating ones heart out of it's illusions of another's heart towards them.....shattering a 'trust'.....taking away or giving away what one was allowed to believe was only meant for them....to lie is to cheat....cheating in a polker game...or a board game....CHEAT, deceive, trick, con, swindle, defraud, bamboozle, take advantage of, bilk, dupe etc....
An action word for sure...and I guess some people just can't play/live/love fair. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/15/2007 3:01:10 PM | | my name is fred.i was married for 8 1/2 years.imthe as the guy above.my wife cheated on me more then once.because i treated her like.shit.but that donsen't give her the right to cheat on me.i NEVER CHEATED ON HER.there is no excuise to.if u can.t get alond get a DIVORCE.STOP PLAYING GAMES..and 2 wrongs do make a right.and she treated me the same way.but i NEVERcheated on her.i wanted it to work.but shit happens .now time to move on. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/15/2007 3:54:25 PM | | hmmmm tuff question as all people and there circumstances are diff,what they were taught as far as values has some to do with it and sometimes we must look inward to find some answers,are we good communicaters,are we open and honest especially in the sack,good lovers in other words, and are they and if they are not perhaps you should take a look at your choices of partners,why did you hook up with them?sometimes people cheat with a stranger even because they are safe to them no feelings no love no attachments just free to enjoy good old sex like we all pretty much did when we were in school young and dumb and only learning about such things as commitment etc.i like to have fun in bed mix it up some even pretend that your 16 again maybe make love in a risky location ,i am sure you have heard of the mile high club why do you think its popular ?because it adds excitement which adds to a good healthy relationship,nothing causes people to cheat on there partner more then being bored.!!! my suggestion to anyone is communication be sure your mate is on the same page with you and check that as often as is required like the oil in your car and give it care and maintenance because if you dont it will for sure let you down.but sometimes just like a car there are lemons and even tho you are treating it well the damm piece of crap will still let you down over and over again and if thats the case ,get rid of it and trade up but be carefull and dont let a fancy paint job fool you or just because its new as there is no gurantees its strictly buyer beware.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. | |
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| because they dont care
Posted: 10/15/2007 4:05:04 PM | | i no just what you mean i met a guy he said he loved me we were making big plans for the future encluding wedding plans how cool is that. then i found out he had a box number to one of the chatlines i listened untill i found him and there he was saying he was looking for his princess that he is yet to find for along term relationship i can not tell you how i felt then or now or even tomorrow the hurt is more than deep. so yes why do people cheat he should of just told me that he didnt want me any more chin up if you can there is a few good ones left but not many elle x | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/15/2007 4:23:28 PM | | No one can answer that question but the person doing it. I have been on that end (being cheated on) it is very hurtful. You feel betrayed, hurt ,angry and you want to know why? All I can say is time heals. You will be ok and maybe a stronger person for it. Hang in there my friend. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/15/2007 7:31:25 PM | Why do they cheat blimey i,m the wrong person to ask.
Was with ex my hubby 20 yrs .
He was unfaithfull as soon as the ink dired on the marrage certificate
stayed with him old fashioned i guess believe when married its for life.
I,d never dream of cheating.
To me if dont want to be with thats person tell them and move on.
Being with someone who constantly lies and cheats isnt healthy......... yet many still do it | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/15/2007 8:12:43 PM | Why do they cheat?
partly because they are selfish and do not give a damn about their SO's feelings at all even though they claim to.
They are insecure and always trying to get another person incase the current SO fails, mistake number one.
Other kinds of cheaters do not know how to avoid temptation(or refuse to). Temptation is like a hole you fall into, there's almost a 100% chance you will into this hole if you walk over it. Doing things that could lead to cheating in itself is disrespectful to the SO at home. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/16/2007 3:43:03 AM | | no matter the reasons, cheating boils down to one thing: extreme selfishness and total disregard for others. do you really want to be with someone like that? | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 10/16/2007 11:40:54 PM | How cares why they cheat..The fact remains that one of them cheated...If they gotta go elsewhere,tellem to stay there...
I dont step out on a relationship nor should they.....If you feel you gotta get laid by another ,that just means you didnt care enough in the first place..
A relationship takes two people and if one of them aint all in it,its not a relationship,its a convenience.....
My thoughts are,if i feel i need to drop ma pants for another woman,im gonna let the 1st one know im no longer a part of that relationship...
As long as both people are willing to work on the relationship to fix whats lacking,no cheating is needed...
Like the old song sez.......LOVE THE ONE YOUR WITH(sorry,dont remember the name of it) | |
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