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courtx
| | Joined: 12/13/2007
Msg: 76 | |
| | Why Do People Cheat ?Page 4 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | ok i haven't read all the posts. im not sure how many people who have cheated have posted but hey i'll go for it.
I've cheated a few times. once because the girl couldn't 'come'. and then an opportunity arose for me to make sure it wasn't ME being the one doing it wrong. Yeah I know its silly but i never had a gf before who couldnt' do it. needless to say it really wasn't worth it and the cheating sex was the worst i'd ever had. other times it was because i liked two people at the same time. and well I didn't want to let the current girlfriend down because she was sweet and didn't deserve it. i didnt let her find out and afterwards i broke up because 'i didn't feel it was like when we first went out'. I don't like upsetting people but shit happens. It's not liek i make a habbit of it thats just some reasons. I guess us guys just need women to be more controlling over us keep us on a lead.. Other reasons may be that a guy would feel the other half was doing things behind his back and doing it as a revenge type. theres loads of reasons. maybe it was just not meant to be and they were cowardly and didn't want to tell you how they felt. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 2/7/2008 5:58:58 AM | I agree with you 100%....the pain that my dirtbag cause me I would not put anyone one through....I had 30 yrs in with this fool....but now I laugh my ass off when I see him with his "Love Child" that is 3mos old...and his cute young girlfriend...Yes Karma is Hell.... | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 2/7/2008 4:25:37 PM |
Why Do People Cheat ?
Never been cheated on (nor have I ever cheated on anyone), but I have a few (possible)answers...
1. Because "one" is never enough (Isn't it fitting that I ranked it as #1?)
2. Because you don't turn her on anymore
3. You never turned her on, she was just with you, because she didn't meet "him" yet.
4. You're just not "fun" enough, and she wants some "excitement"
5. You're getting too old... (I guess that explains why Demi Moore is/was with Ashton Kutcher)
6. She was drunk (or high or whatever)
7. Money was involved
8. The "voices" inside her head made her do it...
9. She is just a sexual person by nature; when this woman gets wet, she can't help herself (just like some men at the strip clubs ;)
10. She just did (because she could)... I guess that's the extent of my "originality". | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/17/2008 12:11:15 AM | Wanted to do a forums search on parental neglect (or abuse), and this topic seems to fit. My post/question is this: if certain men (dunno bout women) grew up in a family dynamic that gave them cause to despise (disrespect, fear, or otherwise disdain) their mama, do you think they natually tend to project negative expectations on their relationships with women?
The sexual overtones (and brainwashing/mental abuse) of the fundamentalist news item is bugging me, but also some dates wherein the guy just didn't have a sense of direction--or the sense of direction seemed to be search and destroy. I know Vietnam vets with this mental state 30 years afterwards, what about early childhood branding? | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/17/2008 2:23:00 AM | usually people cheat because their relationship gets cold, there is little warmth or connection, and sexual excitement is gone. Someone comes along, tells sweet nothings, its new and fresh, and bam; affair.
In a relationship there needs to be:
1. Love
2. Respect
3. Sex/Intimacy
4. Accountability
The accountability to me is so important. People should not have secret intimate friends of the opposite sex that is separate from their spouse. Work is also a huge place for affairs. NO secret dinners, or drinks together, without that person being known with the other. And from many affairs that have been started on the internet, YOU SHOULD NOT BE ON A DATING SITE IF YOUR MARRIED, OR DATING SOMEONE.
sorry things haven't worked well for you. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:02:28 AM | Silent whisper
That is a sad Story
There is No Man or woman worth killing yourself over ! Especially because they cheat on you "'
Should that Happen get out and stay out of that Relationship !
trying to Rebuild Trust is like trying to Rebuild a House with No foundation or thats Condemned "'Its a Big''' Big '' Job And its Hard "Hard Work
It would be much easier to Start Over from Scratch {Build a New One }
There is a Major Character defect ' A Shortcoming in the
One who is Cheating ' Like
Self Obsorbed "Does not Care about the consequences or the person who is getting cheated on feeelings or Heart .. Does not care about diseases '' Loins overide Intellect "Has no Morals or conscious "'Is missing
a few cylinders "' trying to compesate for some inadeqacy ... Is Planning on leaving you & now will
have a Buddy to help him or her "'If thats it >Look Out ! Its gonna be
Heelll ish 'painful & lonely time tahn you ever Imagined . Maybe ? loneliness was overwhelming while in a relationship if that is the case Its time for Communication and Compromise'Heart to Heart speak whats in your Heart "'Really this should always be while in a Relationship or dont speak at all ...... or its time for a Divorce if no resolution or willingness by both partners is acheived or acheivable .
probably just a dishonest person to begin with "deceiving " Is not in Love with mate .
Wants some Fun & Excitement at any cost . Even the new will eventually wear off in that relationship too ""Most of the time .
Maybe ? Wants the Woman/Man to feel bad /gets high seeing there pain'' or fighting
over Him 'or to be insecure . Gives him or her a vague sense
of Power & Significance
even towards the one he/she is cheating with . Or he/she is just a vindictive 'Angry person "cold and calloused ... Woman or Man Hater .
However "'for what ever reason a cheater is a
complete waste of time if what you seek 'need or desire & long for is
True Love ' Trust ' Respect 'Peace & Joy > Body 'Mind and Soul from any Relationship .
Personally "' Cheating is becoming a Thang of the past '' We have commonality ''We can and do most of the time 'make our own Choice .
We always can when we are adults .
People are staying Single "'People are not so quick to give there Heart to another . We all say we dont want the past baggage to have an impact
in a new Relationship
So if you are a cheater dont get into another relationship ''This defect follows
you every where u go ..
Unles by some Supernatural Divine Intervention you are cured or delivered then the Hearts of mankind ......... Cheaters ''Please do HONEST people a favor look for Pretend Love "Lovers & Users like you ^ there are a plenty "'that way no one gets hurt .
Honest Communication is a Priority in Life 'love and Relationships "' | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/17/2008 7:15:00 AM | Spouses cheat because of problems in their relationship - something is missing, passion has faded, partners feel lonely, people find someone who treats them better or who appreciates them more than their current spouse, and so on. people claim that they are not happy in their relationship so they look for love and affection elsewhere.
Being close or interdependent on someone other than one’s spouse
Being around someone who is sexually interested
Spending a lot of time one-on-one with someone else
Not feeling close or connected to one’s spouse (e.g., feeling lonely, being upset or angry with a spouse, etc.)
Situations that create the sense of opportunity - the feeling that one will not get caught (e.g., meeting someone in private, out of town trips, etc.).
Situations involving alcohol or drugs
no self control on temptations. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:17:09 AM | My last post may have lacked context...I'm thinking of relationshipS I've had where I was giving and loving--and yet the guy was compelled to wear multiple masks with several women: giving lip service to each person, but fidelity to none. This kind of cheater--the one with the roving eye whose spouse/SO is doting with care and affection--what they have is never enough. It's not that affection is missing, it's that the cheater has something going on in his/her head and cannot allow genuine love and care into his/her heart--they find someone who gives it and then heap distrust and resentment onto the giver, explicitly or implicitly (you may know or NOT know). I think something went on in the childhood of the cheater, and they're reliving it by witholding love--or by painting the care and affection as bad, not enough, unworthy. Internally, this person is dealing with his/her own sense of being unworthy, and can get out of that feeling only by stealing from the cookie jar.
It happens. In loving marriages. The Clintons, Ruth Graham (Billy Graham's daughter)--and two movies, The Way We Were, and It's De-Lovely (Cole Porter): the cheatee is NOT a dud in bed, is NOT a lifeless boring or whining thing.
Sometimes, it is simply that the cheater perceives the loving strength and kindness as a threat rather than a gift.
That kind of cheater.
It isn't satisfying to think, "Oh boy, they'll have bad karma next time!" That doesn't help the person who put genuine effort and dedication into a relationship. Maybe with more than one such "taker"... | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:46:17 AM | | someone who cheats is morally bankrupt. period. end-of-story. Wrap it up in any fairy tale you want, whatever helps you sleep. A cheater has no excuse except what they themselves lack. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:47:40 AM | I suppose you'd like some complicated answer, but it really isn't that hard to understand. Also I'm afraid the truth might devastate a guy like you, but I'll think you get over it and be better prepared to go forward.
If a man and women both love and respect each other and have made a committment to each other, they won't cheat. However the relationship has to be built upon a solid foundation. Without it, there is nothing to hold a couple together.
Also you have to factor in the times we live in. Our society is in terrible turmoil socially, politically, morally, and economically. The average age of marriage is 25 and divorce 29! The family structure, where people get their basic values, is crumbling or has crumbled! Look at some of them. Many children are raised in single parent homes. Some children would say they raise themselves. You see teenagers having children or young women having children and not wanting husbands.
I constantly meet people who constantly fall in and out of relationships not wanting to make the effort to hold them together. I have male friends who'll never get married preferring to "pork" every woman they can. And they'll say anything to get what they want. Of course, they have their female conterparts too.
In short, you're living in one big human mess of feelings, ideas, values, and emotions. And honesty? Give me a break! People who don't have any moral compass and only concerned with their own pleasures don't give a damn about anyone but themselves.
The Eagle | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/17/2008 10:21:11 AM |
droobeedoo wrote:
> someone who cheats is morally bankrupt. period. end-of-story.
Do you know the phrases you're using? How, for example, do
you define "morally bankrupt?"
Apolinary | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/17/2008 10:31:00 AM |
eagleericw wrote:
> Also you have to factor in the times we live in.
Newsflash: extra marital affairs have been occurring for eons,
or the very least, for centuries.
Apolinary | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/17/2008 10:55:09 AM | My first husband who I loved more than life and married at 18 cheated over and over again, of course I didn't know about it for along time. He was no different at home, we had sex like normal which now I can't remember what was normal then, anyway when I first found out I didn't beleive it, the last time was at our son's 4th birthday and when I went into the kitchen to get his cake I found he and the neighboor. I don't remember anything else of that birthday!!
I married another guy who loved me only cause I was looking for a dad for my son's, of course that didn't work out, you should want to get married for awhole lot more than that. Then by the time my brain caught up I found out he was not good dad material, he hit the kids, got the oldest on drugs and taught him how to steal.
It took me years and years to figure out that is was not my fault, it helped finding out that he is now on #5 wife and had cheated on the rest also.
Hello---my fault no way, I don't have a clue what his problem is but finally I know that it was not me and have moved on. I feel sorry for him that he can't have a relationship with anyone but it's not my problem. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/17/2008 1:48:24 PM | Miashakti wrote:
> The problem is that there is only one form of coupledom hypnotically
> etched into the collective mind, and it is a form that is destined to
> failure for most...
Yes, that's just what we need, more confusion thrown into the mix.....
as if dating and contemporary relationships aren't already confusing
and complicated enough with all the changes of courtship etiquette
and family roles that have occurred since the days of our grandparents,
or even our own parents.
Thanks, but with all due respect, no thanks... even with just one form
of coupledom etched into our collective mind , we're already struggling
enough to figure out our own roles and that of others these days without
adding even more variables into the mix.
Apolinary | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/17/2008 3:19:57 PM | | I know there is more to the story, but DJ, you pick the wrong ones. There are a lot of us out there that would never cheat. Cheaters are the bottom of the barell babe, not you. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/18/2008 6:40:53 AM | Msg 90 and the rest of you,
I'm quite aware of people cheating, and I don't need any newsflash. And marriage doesn't imply exclusivity. However relationships that are exclusive are built on a foundation of trust, respect, and honesty, the major ingredients of love. BTW, I should define exclusive for so many of you who don't seem to fathom this concept. What it means is that a couple excludes any other partners from the relationships, and they, the couple, will work through any problems that come along no matter how difficult or how long it might take.
The effort required for committment isn't readily mustered by most individuals. Although some people can role their own, it usually requires an upbringing in a functional family with strong positive moral values; otherwise, years of therapy from a skilled professional.
The rewards are great as I know. Most humans probably go to their grave never having experienced a deep, strong, intense, and enduring emotional connection to another. The world is filled with lonely spent people hoping for the end to come soon to remove them from their veil of tears.
The Eagle | |
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TLC_
| | Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 93 | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:40:07 AM | | there is one, and ONLY one, correct answer to the question of why someone cheats. it is quite simply that they are worthless as a person. any other excuse any try to give are prima facie lies. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/18/2008 10:06:27 AM | First off I have never cheated and I never will. I dont aprove of it and I dont respect people who do.
The answer is easy, most people are cowards and selfish, it takes a very strong, caring , unselfish and honest person to tell a partner or just a date that they dont feel atracted to them anymore or never or whatever the problem is. The longer they stay stuck in a unsatisfying relationship the harder it is to fess up until they cant take it anymore and they just cheat.
It starts already in the dating world.
How many people say honestly 'sorry you are just not my type', or' I just dont think it will work out ' and just lead dates on even exchange phone numbers and then hope they never get a call. or just dont call back. instead of being honest.
Then they get themselfs in relationships they dont want to be in just because they cant say no, feel pressured by gf/bf or family, maybe there was an oops baby and then of course there is huge guilt, but is there love? attraction? respect?
Its crazy how many people live a lie in this world.
I have talked to many many guys on datingsites who openly told me they are married, engaged or in a comitted relationship and are looking for some fun on the side.
I have asked them why they do it and why they just dont leave the marriage or relationship.
Excuses are often.I cant tell her that, it will crush her ego, she loves me I cant leave her. We have kids and a house I will loose everything and have to start all over again I cant afford that. She will kill me, make my life hell, ( insert all sorts of excuses) if I leave her. She is a witch, she doesnt put out..blah blah blah.
What gets me the most is if he sais I love her but I am not atracted to her I need passion and that animal attraction feeling, so I am getting that outside of my relationship. I cant leave her it would brake her heart.
Dont get me wrong there is nothing wrong with wanting that animal attraction and passion, but be honest darn it..if its not there its not there and never will be.
Yeah right its more like:
They care more about what fits them right now and dont care a hoot about anyone else.
l boils down to being a big selfish coward and not being able to say what they need to say.
the truth!!
Now there is many reasons for being a coward,.,low selfesteem, selfishness, bad childhood, been abused by an ex or parent..they sertainly need good counceling to ever be able to have a healthy relationship.
Op you clearly have to indentify what attracts you to those kind of women. are you the persuing kind of guy that just doesnt give up until she finally sais yes? Try to think back and figure out what they have in common and try to avoid that in the future.
The best is to always stay honest and communicate it with whoever you are dating. If they get upset by it then let them leave cause why would you want her to stay? you want someone who can take honesty and loves you for who you are. At the same time everyone needs to work on to be the best they can be of course.
I wish you all the best and a honest woman who will truly love, respect and honor you.
People cant wow to love someone forever..but you can try your best as long as your partner is trying her/his best.
good luck | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/18/2008 10:28:37 AM |
Miashakti wrote:
Sorry Apolinary
I don't think you can stop this flow...it is actually a huge
movement initiated by ones who want more love, less pain.
And how's that working out for your own dating relationships so far?
Apolinary | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/18/2008 3:38:01 PM | I posted this in another forum about cheating...still the same ol' same ol'
But one final saying that I love using...
"many people are like monkeys (i usually say men, hehe, but now it is applying to many women as well) they won't let go of one branch until they hold another one in their other hand securely". 
I have asked this questions and pondered it so much. When I found out my ex was cheating on me and I confronted him, he said I was not suppose to find out. It was nothing against me, but for vengeance towards her. She had did something to him, so he was getting her back. I told him that I wish he hated me that much, he took her to nice restaurants and to two different towns, one a day trip, one over night. Yep, he sure showed her.
One of my friends said I made myself to accessible to him. I did not play hard to get and would constantly give him sex whenever he wanted it. DUH!!! he was my husband. I should not have to play hard to get with him. I cooked, I cleaned, I helped raise his child, I helped him start his own side business and encouraged him to go back to get his education. Hell, I even sent him flowers to his work. So, I finally figured out, that the saying "if you deny him, he will get it somewhere else" is not true, since I learned that if you say yes all the time, try to make a happy home and support his every desire, he will cheat since there is no challenge. It is a damned if we do, damned if we don't thing.
So, why do people cheat, variety, boredom, vengeance, no matter the reason, IT IS IN THEIR BLOOD AND PERSONALITY TO CHEAT!!!
Not all men, nor all women cheat. I still hold out hope that he is out there for me. A man that will appreciate what I do and will give back not just take. Good Luck Ya'll in finding your ever after.  | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/18/2008 4:22:36 PM | lack of self control / ego / feeling sorry for themselves / ignorance / fear / bravado
take your pick or just call it selfishness or ignorance
(well said sunshine_1969 - honesty is priceless, but it does takes guts) | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/18/2008 4:25:09 PM | Because they can!
Because we let them!
Because they don't know when they have a good thing and should have spent more time making what they had work.
I often wonder if the married men that approach me for dinner and holidays and want to send flowers etc., if they spent the time and energy on their wife, maybe they would not be bored with that relationship and out scouting for extras.
When you say oh you going to dump her then? they come back with "oh no, I love her, she just doesn't understand me"
Of course she doesn't understand you running around spending cash on a gang of other women, they get the good times and she gets the dirty washing. | |
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| Why Do People Cheat ?
Posted: 4/18/2008 4:31:36 PM | | hi there dj, i now wat ya mean ive been cheated on aswell before, it was like my heart had been ripped out and torn apart, i now you never get over it but how do you move on with your life, | |
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