| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 10/13/2007 8:31:45 AM |
why just complain about a problem why not try to get help in actually fixing the problem instead of just trying to feel better.
Some problems just aren't fixable. If men just always want to fix whatever their lady is complaining about, that's sweet, but can't always be done.
Example:
If I'm complaining about someone at work whom I do not like. The mn might tell me to quit my job and find another and while that's not terrible advice, it may not be feaseable. And what if I follow the advice and then can't find another job (which creates other problems)? Or I do, but there's someone there who's even worse than the person I quit over?
This example isn't the best, but it's all I could think of at the moment.
Sometimes we already know how to solve the problem, but can't for some reason and just need to blow off steam. There's nothing wrong in trying to solve a problem, but sometimes solving it can make things worse. | |
|
| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 10/13/2007 8:41:54 AM | Sorry to disappoint PaulaByTheSea
genegem: Was that from your own hand?
It came to me months ago in a joke bulletin
and when I saw this thread I just had to hunt
my folders for it ... glad so many enjoyed it:-)
Do you know what day this is?
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he indignantly answered. "How could you think I would forget?" Whereupon he left
for the office.
At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a
dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates
arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to
come home.
"First the flowers, then the chocolate and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more
wonderful 'Arbor Day' in all my life!" | |
|
| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 10/13/2007 8:57:39 AM | Cheers pokemom
genegem-Touche!!
Love your choice of profile quotes, here's another to add:
Of all the people
there are in your lifetime
You are the only one
you can never lose
and the only one
who will never leave.
Susan Hayward | |
|
| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 10/13/2007 9:19:17 AM |
Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. Yikes.....I think you just described me. Sometimes when I mention something that deals with my relationship, I actually want to know his true thoughts or opinions whether it's good or bad. I don't want to nag, so I keep quiet after asking or saying something once and then torture myself with all the possible things he could have thought on it.
I only absolutely corner my guy on concrete things I think I have to have an answer on. For example, I wanted us to take a small trip together. I brought it up, he said fine. I mentioned options, times of going, how long, and asked his opinions. I could get no answer out of him. Finally, I tried to set something concrete and he sounded a bit upset when he said, "Look!! I can't do that." Ok, great, I have an answer finally. So, I adjusted the plans to where they were satisfactory to him. It just would have been easier if he would have given me his preferences up front instead of waiting until I just set something and said "Ok, we're doing this." I'm concerned that when I have to use the cornering technique if I seem like a nag. At some point I think I should ask him about our communication style, but then I think that conversation will be just like what I mentioned in the first paragraph.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the complaining question from the OP.....I'm usually more frustrated with myself because I don't feel I've handled a situation. By talking about it, even if it sounds like I'm complaining, I can then come up with my course of action, or maybe the other person has some good suggestions or a different way of looking at it. I go for walks daily with my coworkers for a break. During those walks, we talk about a lot of different things and sometimes it's griping about an issue we have. Sometimes, by the end of the walk me or my co-worker will have a new perspective and a possible solution. I don't necessarily need an answer, because often I come up with my own, or I already know what I need to do, I just need to get my perspective changed so that I can really do it. | |
|
| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 10/13/2007 3:20:25 PM |
Honestly most of the women I know what you to "feel" for them. They dont want any fixing to happen til they feel that u understand why it makes them feel that way. We dont want to just make you do things we want u to know why first
Well that's all very well and something I appreciate and understand. My opinion now is that just about every disagreement or argument should and can be resolved before bedtime. I have genuinely taken time to support and understand the woman of my life for years. It seemed that I was incapable of understanding her (or so she said) despite counseling. Well we are apart now, have both moved on and guess what? I'm actually a pretty good listener after all and capable of understanding too. Just not her.
J | |
|
| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 10/13/2007 5:09:23 PM | | I've been enjoying reading the responses to my question but I just got to say that Genegem I've throughly enjoyed the piece you wrote, I laughed all the way through it lol. But not just because it was so funny but cause it was so true. Thanks for your lets keep up the good input but again I do want to remind everyone to try not to use this as an opportunity to bash the opposite sex. Just for the record ladies despite what the old adage says men are really not afraid to add for directions, trust me we do it all the time, (well at least I do anyways lol) | |
|
| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 10/16/2007 5:18:02 AM | I'd like to point out something here.
MOST MEN WILL LISTEN AND NOT TRY TO FIX THINGS.
However, we have a few weaknesses:
1) Men don't pick up on hints quickly. If you want to "vent your feelings", tell us that you just have something you need to get off your chest, before you begin to vent. Make sure that he confirms in clear words that "you only want to vent, and don't want advice at that time".
2) Men consider their time valuable, and we have a lot of things we do that we don't burden women with. If you arrange it like a meeting, where you tell us in advance, and you let us know how long it will go on for at the most, we can plan for this, and we can give you all the time you need.
3) Men don't like being used as a doormat, and fear it like the plague. Show genuine appreciation for our listening, by telling us that you really appreciate that we took the time and the trouble to listen to you, and we will want to do it again and again.
Please understand that if you do all this, you will be in the 0.01% of women, who have men who are ready and willing to listen to their woman, and who do their level best to understand her, and you will be in that rare group of women who are usually very happy with their man. | |
|
| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 10/16/2007 6:01:50 AM | good thread! First, women (I am generalizing here, so bear with me) tend to vent and talk and just want someone to validate their issue at at. Listen. Don't try to fix. Don't think that we are not "trying to fix it", somethings can not be fixed, but we feel better after venting (sometimes with many friends). Sometimes, depending on the severity of the issue, we may just want to vent and be told everything is going to be alright. This is by far the case more than us wanting you to solve any problems we may have.
And please, don't take our b!tching as be b!tchy, sometimes, we just need that vent..someone to tell our gripe to and let us...it helps us tremendously. | |
|
| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 10/16/2007 6:35:58 AM | | Feelings first, fix later. That's the order of importance for most women. Can't let you help us fix it unless you empathise and understand how we feel about it. Then we can TRUST you to take our interests at heart and help us fix it the right way. We get our emotions out - let them go away, have a hug and recover and then tackle the problem. You can't complain and fix, because you haven't heard all the issues AND you stopping us while we're venting it out just plugs up the whole works ( and you men wonder why we explode and get REALLY upset). Sometimes, we actually DON'T want to fix it or don't want YOU to fix it. Shhhhh, this is a BIG secret - sometimes things can't be fixed (I know this goes against what men think) and we just want to vent it out. We talk it out. Plus, you're interrupting, which translated means, "listen to me! I know what you need to do" My problem at this time not about you and you are not listening to me, so you can't understand and empathise. So I can't trust you to understand the problem OR me OR fix it properly. Silly man, it's SO simple. Hope this helps. Also, when in doubt, ask "Am I listening or am I fixing." | |
|
| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 10/16/2007 6:59:08 AM | If I'm just "telling you" about a problem, chances are I'm just venting and needing an ear. If I'm just venting, I usually already know (1) what I need to do about it, or (2) that there's really nothing that can be done about it, and again, just need an ear/shoulder.
If I "ask" you "what should I do?" then I want to hear what you think I should do. | |
|
| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 10/16/2007 8:57:45 AM | Here's the deal. For me anyway. I am going to solve the problem myself. If I need help doing so, I'll say so at the beginning of the conversation. Usually, I'm just talking about a problem. Complaining about something. Don't need you to solve it for me--I'm just talking. Like I do to co-workers and female friends.
Sometimes I DO ask for advice, but when I do, I ask for help. | |
|
| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 10/16/2007 9:23:11 AM | I don't know about anyone else....but I am not that way...I want to fix the problem.
In all reality I have found some men who just want to complain instead of fixing the problems....yet again, not a gender specific problem. | |
|
| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 10/16/2007 9:26:08 AM |
what comes to mind here is when a women is driving to somewhere she's not familiar with and gets lost she will most certainly stop and ask for directions even if she has to try a few different stops to get the answer she needs. Can this be said for men??????? most of em no . She'll look for a quick solution to the problem whereas more times than not the man's pride will have him driving around in circles for hours rather than admit he needs help getting where he's going
I just would use the gps | |
|
| |
| |
| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 12/23/2007 9:32:23 AM | 11 Warning Signs a Women Isn't Worth Your Time
1. She's a chronic complainer. She nitpicks over the least important things in life such as a cup left on the dining room table or a crumb found on the carpet. Things will only get worst with this type of woman because she's an obsessive clean freak. Avoid this type.
2. She pays more attention to her dog than she does you and she lets her dog sleep in her bed. If she likes to control her dog, she'll try to control you. The dog takes second place in the house or she sleeps in the dog house instead of you.
3. She's an excessive telephone chatterer and rants on in front of you while you are watching an important TV program. If you want to communicate with her the battery must be taken out of the cell phone and hidden. You're the main topic of conversation. Know this.
4. She tells you she can't cook. If her mother didn't teach her to cook then you're in trouble. Later on, you'll be cooking for her. Avoid this type of a woman as if she were the plague.
5. She has ten credit cards in her purse and she wants to know how much money you earn. Later, she'll want to open a joint account with you at your bank. You get to watch all your money disappear and she'll deny that she ever spent it.
6. She's a woman and you owe her everything for being born into that species. She poses on a pedestal and wants you to adore her. Do a Michelangelo and get your mallet out. You'll need to chip into that egocentric piece of Venus De Milo until she has one arm.
7. She has an appointment book in her purse. If this is the case, you'll have to schedule sex two weeks in advance. If she doesn't have time for you then you definitely don't have time to mess with this type of woman. She burns the book or she gets burned.
8. She resembles her mother and her mother is obese and ugly. Like mother like daughter genetically speaking. Expect a scary nightmare to occur in the future. A very scary one.
9. She's vain and wastes hours in the bathroom in the morning trying to look good and hours in the bathroom in the evening getting ready to look good for the next day. The question is who is she trying to look good for? It certainly must not be you. Buy a master lock for the bathroom and hide the key.
10. She likes to watch action movies with women superheroes as the lead character and admires how they beat men down to their own size. She can do anything a man can do and better, so she thinks. Cash her in for a good Clint Eastwood movie.
11. She doesn't have a dress in her closet. Check her closet out. If you find a pair of combat boots in there, ten pairs of Levis, and countless things that men wear, then you're in trouble. She's more masculine than feminine and she thinks she has balls. She'll eventually want to pick a fight with you or kick your butt. | |
|
Awrita
|
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 42 | |
| What is she trying to tell you when she's complaining?
Posted: 12/23/2007 1:36:24 PM | | ok - personally speaking, i like a good rant about a problem then i fix it. So if someone is there during the rant - yup empathy and understanding is needed. Although a rant can turn into needing help - like when i dont know what to do about it so i suppose it depends in the context of the moan lol oh i am a hard yin to figure out - i know!!! that doesnt help you does it | |
|
Home
login 
