| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 10/19/2007 12:00:36 PM |
seems to me, when a woman meets a man for the first time she starts testing him to see if she can find something wrong with him. If he fails to pass one or more of these tests he out the door, nexted. But, if she can’t come up with a reason not to get involved with him, she will. In fact, if he passes all of her tests quickly and with a high enough score she may even seduce him.
Am I wrong?
Nope. Except for the seducing part.
if he passes all of her tests quickly and with a high enough score she may even seduce him
First, you will never pass all of our tests.
Second, the seduction is another test — not a reward. Fail in the bedroom and you're gonna go buh-byeeee too.  | |
|
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 10/19/2007 12:34:56 PM | I saw a special on 20/20 talking about attractiveness, It explained about how models even though they have different types of features share a comment trait in their faces of symetry , which is a sign of strong genes. That subciously when we look at a face and say hey thats cute. We are actually checking for symentry in their face and determining if they have strong genes. This is an example of what I mean by unconcious judgement based on reproductive value. We dont look at a cute face and say wow shes got really evenly proportioned eyes and her face is really symetrical, we say "shes cute" and dont even realize the level we judged her by. Men and women do this with each other and alot of times dont even know the level we are govourned by our instincts when it comes to sexual interaction.
That was only one of the attributes we found attractive. Almost everything we find attractive or unattractive about the opposite sex will boil down to health , genes , reproductive value. Hight, obesity, weather someone has good teath, intelligents, hygene all these things can be tied back to good health or a sign of strong genes. Many of us have a requirment for good teath. I mean jacked up teath is just nasty right. Why is that? someone could have messed up hair and it would look funy but not make them repulsive to us. Interestingly back in the slave trade days. Would be slave masters would inspect the "products" teath to determine around what price they wer willing to pay because it was a good indication of the slaves overall health and longevity. Sooner or later when putting together all the pieces you start to realize at least when it comes to mating, eventhough we feel its all about emotions and destiny. We actually do behave alot like animals. | |
|
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 10/19/2007 12:49:48 PM | wow, very observant. if fact i never thought of it like that but in some cases it is true. if i am suspicious of a guys motives (just wants to get into my pants) he is tested. but in general i try very hard not to do this, if not for any other reason then i wouldnt want to be tested this way myself.
But i do have to say we do not all just 'come up with a reason' to not get involved...
But if we do, some of us look for rational 'justification' not to seduce someone. this can be for many reasons but two popular ones are that we are just not interested or because a majority of the reasons we preform certain behaviours are acutally unaccessible to the concious mind (look it up it is true lol there is little correlation between attitudes and thoughts/beliefs.) therefore we make up arbritray tests for the guy to fail so we have a reason not to seduce him.
i know seems silly but hey, people dont always do the most sensible thing lol :) | |
|
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 10/19/2007 8:15:10 PM | | Interesting. I definitely look for all the reasons not to get involved. I'm really sensitive and I don't like being hurt. I'm not going to get involved unless things are looking good... | |
|
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/15/2008 11:43:51 PM | Men and women aren't all that different from one another (except for the testosterone factor). If I'm "looking for reasons" to not get involved with someone, it means one of two (dichotomous) things: (A) I really like him a lot and I want to make sure it's mutual or, (B) I'm not that into him and looking for reasons to get rid of him. (Then again, I rarely pull the latter on people - if I'm not into it after 3 dates --- max 5 --- then I tell him I don't feel chemistry. Not fair fair to lead someone on.)
Kinda hard to tell which it is with some people. In general, if someone does that to me, I assume the person is not interested. I figure if the individual really IS interested, he will make it clear in fairly short order. (You can readily apply that idea to the women in your life. Men and women really aren't so different, are they?)
One other thought occurs: some people will keep you around (they think you're palatable) until something better comes along. (Yep, lack of personal integrity.)
Bottom line: if someone is really into you, you'll feel it and have very little need to question it. | |
|
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/16/2008 3:03:29 AM | I've become even more convenced of this notion sense I started this thread 4 months back.
Here's an example of a test I've seen women use often.
After meeting a new man in a public place, she'll do or say something to provoke some kind of reaction. If he gets angry, she judges him to be too hot headed. If he backs down and says he's sorry, she judges him to be a wimp and if he can't even stand up to her, how could he protect her if she needed it?
To pass the test, the man must remain unreactive or laugh it off. Then he is judged to be confident and cool under social stress and that's a good thing. | |
|
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/16/2008 3:54:44 AM | I honestly think that people in general, tend to see what is right with a person at first and ignore their flaws. It's those flaws that end up being the 'deal breaker' but we don't notice them so much at first.
Perhaps you're right and I'm being naive, but really that has been my experience. I only see the good in people. Then I find out some months down the road that he's a user, player or just a plain old azzz. lol.
Wouldn't it be easier to notice all of someone's flaws up front? Uh huh. | |
|
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/16/2008 4:41:29 AM |
I honestly think that people in general, tend to see what is right with a person at first and ignore their flaws. It's those flaws that end up being the 'deal breaker' but we don't notice them so much at first.
Perhaps you're right and I'm being naive, but really that has been my experience. I only see the good in people. Then I find out some months down the road that he's a user, player or just a plain old azzz. lol.
Wouldn't it be easier to notice all of someone's flaws up front? Uh huh.
Have you ever been approached by a man that gave you the creeps? Did you look for the good in him and start an LTR?
Have you ever been on a date with a man and for whatever reason you just didn't feel a connection? Did you go on a 2nd date with him?
Have you ever told a man "I just want to be friends" knowing he wanted more?
These are men that didn't pass your tests. | |
|
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/16/2008 5:08:27 AM | Your points do not negate my post. I said I see what is right with a person, over the bad. The possiblity exists that I didn't see anything right with the people in your example. And of course I have been in those situations.
Funny thing: The man I'm with now (for nearly two years) did creep me out when I met him. I got the absolute shivers when he first approached me. I gave him a chance and got to know him. I didn't go out with him right away, I took my time and got to know him (the real him not the creepy guy i met). Two years later I couldn't be happier. So the answer to question number one: Yes. | |
|
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/16/2008 5:09:41 AM | I see where you are coming from OP..but where does it fit in then that women 'only go for bad guys'? Which is what we hear so much of on these forums.
Honestly I'm not trying to 'attack' I'm just curious as to how it fits in with the theory.
In reply to above..no, no and no (I will tend to say it's best not being friends as I'm aware they want more) | |
|
| |
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/16/2008 7:06:05 AM | | Yes, atleast im like that, but its not like you fail one thing then your done, depending on what it is , you can " fail " alot of things and still be ok in my book , but most men ( not all ) usually have 1 agenda and will ignore anything you have to say anyway to get to that end point, but no i dont try to " seduce " men if they pass all of my " tests ", i might flirt more, and make it obvious that im interested / still interested tho | |
|
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/16/2008 10:55:11 AM | | I'm wondering if this has more to do with some women having a mental 'list' of what they are specifically looking for in a man??? POF profiles abound! As she interacts with a 'potential' male, the items get ticked off the list, or not. I have some girlfriends who have "THE LIST". They even talk about it when we're together. I will say that I think it certainly limits their opportunities to really get to know someone who just might be a great person. I would think that most men have a good sense of what they are looking for, as well as what they are not looking for (a list). Whether male or female, both parties hold the element of choice. Walk away....or stay...... | |
|
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/16/2008 1:41:48 PM | | The sexes have a totally different approach when sizing each other up. Some women will approach a guy with a "wait and see" attitude, other women will approach a guy with seduction in mind. Men are more like blow torches, they come on hot, fast, and strong, but they blow out rather quickly. Women are more like ovens, we take longer to warm up, but when we're hot, we're hot. Women aren't as much in a rush to settle down and get married like our mothers (thankfully). | |
|
| |
| |
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/17/2008 1:19:41 AM | Hi Man
Your bang on the money with your thoughts. I find the best way to deal with a
woman is to tease. Don't go out of your way to please her. Tell her as little as poss
about yourself. Tell her it's her turn to go to the bar for drinks an she pays.
Use counter intuition an you won't go far wrong.
Good luck
Metatron | |
|
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/17/2008 2:57:59 AM | Oh yeah, I would say you are wrong. But really, all any of us know are what we have seen and I have learned that even in a long life, what we have seen, could be pretty limited. I have been in many places and I am very observant, but I have seen a very limited view of how women and men choose one another.
Frankly, how it is done shocks and horrifys me. Women seem to WANT and Take the first man that gives her attention, or the first one that looks cute to her. Men on the other hand, always choose the one they are going to bi*ch about and dislike, because they look at her and ask, "Does she look good enough to f***?" If his answer is yes and her's is positive, then they get married and BAM...instant divorce later. Or worse, a life-long miserable marriage. Sometimes they get married because they were the only two left in their circle of friends, not because they wanted each other.
My personal approach is different. I don't care what the man looks like, as long as he doesn't make me cringe when I look at him. I even ignore the chemistry until I find out if he is a good person with the traits that I value and we have many things in common. If we do not, then I want out before it starts, because it will end anyway.
Unfortunately, I always feel like I am being looked at and I hear his mind asking and his eyes searching, "Does she look good enough to f***?" I am so insulted by this. Some men hide it well and fool me, until later, when I think we may have something to fuel a second date.
I have found that one thing that insults a man fast is to know he is being carefully looked at, decided over, sized up. A man seems to feel this is the ultimate crime against him. He wants a woman to feel instant romance and see him as a sexual attraction. If anything practical enters the waters on a first or second date, then the unforgivable blasphemy has occured to his ego and he will run to the far corners of the earth to avoid you.
Somehow, me being left thinking, "Oh grow up," doesn't fill the void left by the delicate ego of man. How to overcome this I am not sure. I want to accommodate, truly, but I will never become the brainless bimbo that jumps into bed first, then thinks about sensibility later. | |
|
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/19/2008 12:44:31 PM | Sorry to rush to a judgment on my last thread. I tend to do that, and it's not right.
But yeah, we are to test each other out. Better to test out before marriage then after marriage, right? | |
|
| |
| |
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/19/2008 4:29:29 PM | | that is to cute, i understood the comment. next time get a trolley anyway even if all you need is a pack of gum.the woman more than likely felt foolish after she thought about what you really meant. | |
|
| |
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/20/2008 6:37:57 PM |
After watching people interact in social settings and in my own life, I’m slowing coming to an interesting conclusion.
Am I wrong?
Yes, I think you're wrong...you're assuming too much ~ your conclusion.
Men look for a reasons to get involved with a woman. But, women look for reasons NOT to get involved with a man.
I don't agree. The factors / reasons, & also the methods / ways in which men & women do / don't get involved tends to differ.
What part is too difficult to understand? ~ ALL women, just like ALL men, aren't the same, & we ALL don't do things in the same way.
Ii seems to me, when a woman meets a man for the first time she starts testing him to see if she can find something wrong with him. If he fails to pass one or more of these tests he out the door, nexted. But, if she can’t come up with a reason not to get involved with him, she will. In fact, if he passes all of her tests quickly and with a high enough score she may even seduce him.
Some females utilize "the test" method ~ fault find, however, all women don't. Most women prefer to utilize the "get to know" men method...Of course if there's mutual physical attraction & there's no (deal-breaker) reason not to get involved further, it's likely she will. Women usually ask ?'s during the process, however, they're usually open-ended, as we normally communicate in a open & free flowing way.
Actually, men normally communicate in a direct way & are more prone to utilize "the test" method...Be aware guys; bad attitude & telling women as little as possible about yourself, indicates possible probs; ~ deal-breakers...Next!...As ~ she may even seduce him; that does happen in some / rare instances initially, however, some hints; ~ body language / flirtation / communication is normally expressed when women are interested.
Men and women aren't all that different from one another (except for the testosterone factor).
We're actually different in several ways...Men And Women: The Differences Are In The Genes; - http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/03/050323124659.htm, & as EmeraldCove wrote in another thread ~
A simple read of neurology and/or endocrinology will demonstrate over and over again that biochemically, neurologically, hormonally and physiologically men and women are wired differently.
We basically need / require the same things though.
Actually, it's biblical. We are to test each other out. Typically, a woman who doesn't is desperate. You don't want someone who is desperate.{/quote] Actually, this "test" method is not biblical, & women are certainly not considered to be desperate if they don't utilize this method. I've become even more convenced of this notion sense I started this thread 4 months back.
Here's an example of a test I've seen women use often.
After meeting a new man in a public place, she'll do or say something to provoke some kind of reaction. If he gets angry, she judges him to be too hot headed. If he backs down and says he's sorry, she judges him to be a wimp and if he can't even stand up to her, how could he protect her if she needed it?
To pass the test, the man must remain unreactive or laugh it off. Then he is judged to be confident and cool under social stress and that's a good thing. That's a good thing ? That's ridiculous! That ^ basically indicates that you're often seeing some rather crude behaviour. What age are they & what does she do / say to him? Provoking a reaction ~ "test" others, etc. as you've described, is typical of the sort of behaviour that wayward kids / immature people / alpha types tend to enact. Shell Seeker - msg 28; asked you a ? ~Scoundrel~ What social settings are you analyzing these two genders interacting?I have some girlfriends who have "THE LIST". I will say that I think it certainly limits their opportunities to really get to know someone who just might be a great person. "The list", just like "the test" are merely different methods, amongst others that people utilize. However, I agree with you Lovelytonou; ~ "the list" certainly limits opportunities; as "the test" & other methods does as well...I somehow don't think anyone will ever be able to come up with a better method than the "get to know" one.  | |
|
| A question about the way women think about men.
Posted: 2/21/2008 1:21:55 AM |
I see where you are coming from OP..but where does it fit in then that women 'only go for bad guys'? Which is what we hear so much of on these forums.
Honestly I'm not trying to 'attack' I'm just curious as to how it fits in with the theory.
Firstly. I do not believe most women test men on a conscious level. It's my feeling that it's part of her evolutionary programming. As for the bad boy thing, she gets with him because he passes her tests. In other words he embodies what her programming says are good genes. Moreover, attraction isn't a choice. The bad boy comes along and triggers whatever switches that turn on her feelings of attraction. Passing the tests doesn't necessarily mean that he's the best kind of man for the world we live in today. But, he is the best kind of man for the way the world was when her programming was written.
I've been digging into this idea. Research into this kind of thing suggests that attraction happens in the deepest, most primitive parts of our brains. That's why we often feel a strong attraction for someone, but can't explain why. That part of the brain has no language to express it. It's in that part of the brian that's concerned with survival and protecting territory. All it thinks is "EAT," "FIGHT/RUN AWAY" and "MATE." | |
|
Home
login 
