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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/16/2007 6:47:09 PM | | Never! I would rather stay alone than to just settle for less. I think my standars are higher now becuase of my age. I am happy with life, Just like to have that special one to share it with. I am looking for one man, Until I find him ..Well I will just ride my bike and be happy. When I find the man...I MIGHT give up the bike..haha | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/16/2007 7:01:23 PM | | Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think being less selective means giving up what's important to you. It means compromising on those things that aren't as important , in order to have what is. Certain things aren't negotiable, more because I know what works for me, rather than making any judgments..others?..I can deal with, as they have to deal with mine...and as I've gotten older there are things that don't hold the same importance now as they did when I was young. So, I don't know that I've become less selective as that I've changed my priorities? | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/16/2007 8:13:01 PM | | absolutely NOT. If anything I think we should be more selective not less even if that means being alone. (maybe that's why I'm alone BUT) I'd rather be alone than with someone that is not completely special and into me for who I am because if you haven't got that you are compromising yourself. I think that age gives you a blessing...by that I mean that you can simply be yourself after all you don't really have a choice but you do have a choice when it comes to settling for someone who does not utterly and completely appreciate you for you. | |
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PegVa
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Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 80 | |
| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/17/2007 11:08:37 AM | Thank you zangie
The word I should have used was priorities. If I meet a man now, I don't necessarily look at him as a marriage prospect, but more as a friend. I have met a couple guys on here with terrific humor and that is something that is a plus for me. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/17/2007 11:35:05 AM | | more than half of my life is over at 51. i have been only married one time for 18 , mostly unhappy years and at this point in my life i dont want to be alone, but i wont settle for anything less. i want the last years of my life to be happy ones. i have been alone for 10 years so one might think i should just settle at this point, but i wont . | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/17/2007 12:58:17 PM | | OP, we should never settle for less than what we know will enhance our lives, rather than take away from it. One needs to be happy with themself, and by themself, before they can be in a successful relationship. No one should look to having someone, or settling for anyone, in their life as a way to 'complete' themself. We're complete all on our own. A partner should enhance our life, not complete it. You should always be yourself, and never worry about what anyone else thinks...if you worry about what others htink then you're living for them, not for yourself. As long as you're living a good life, you don't hurt anyone else, and you don't do anything illegal, then do what you want to and be happy. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/18/2007 6:27:39 PM | On the one hand I believe that I am more selective now than I have ever been in my life when it comes to chosing a mate. My choosy-ness is based upon my past experiences of my younger years when I was much less discriminating. I once ended a relationship with a guy (I just can't bring myself to say man...because he really was just a boy with an older number attached to him) after spending the time dating him to find out that under the pretty package there was no substance. He said to me that he thought I was too picky. My response to him was, "no, I believe I am not picky enough." My choices now are BECAUSE of my lack of good choices earlier in life.
Then on the OTHER hand....I know that I'm not perfect. I know my good points, and my not-so-good points. And I'm no spring chicken either. Soooooo, in order to find someone compatible, I do believe that I will have to check a few things of the old "must have" list that I wouldn't have dreamed of eliminating when I was, say....oh, 20 years younger. So he has less hair on his head, but more growing out of his ears, or nose...OK, there are trimmers for that. And, OK, his physique is more O shaped than V shaped, as long as he is not so out of shape that he is winded walking to the boudior then I can accept that.
But there ARE a few things that I could not settle for less. He must have a kind heart, a good soul, and have a good brain that he uses on a daily basis. I figure if he could be a combo of The Scarecrow, Tin Man, The Cowardly Lion (who really wasn't so cowardly after all) then he would be very special indeed! | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/18/2007 6:38:23 PM | | People over 50 should take what they can get and be damn glad to have it. I mean, seriously, we're talking about showing up a day late and a dollar short for the circus of love, tents already folded and packed on the caravan, tigers and elephants in cages, clown swilling gin and the grounds littered with trampled programs, empty popcorn boxes and spent tickets. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/18/2007 7:33:47 PM | | Seriously.........Many of you need a reality check!!!!!!!Why should anyone ,irregardless of age "be less selective"?We all make choices based on our own criteria......... | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/18/2007 10:27:53 PM | People over 50 should take what they can get and be damn glad to have it. I mean, seriously, we're talking about showing up a day late and a dollar short for the circus of love, tents already folded and packed on the caravan, tigers and elephants in cages, clown swilling gin and the grounds littered with trampled programs, empty popcorn boxes and spent tickets.
...That reminds me......I was staring out my office window and I happened to notice two street people walking towards the bottle depot.... both were carrying plastic garbage bags full of pop cans and empty bottles. As they drew closer I noticed that taller of the two men sported a patchy looking growth of facial hair, had salt and pepper curls peeking out from under a black knit cap and was wearing an army style jacket with a ripped pocket....but beneath it all, he wasn't that bad looking....I found myself wondering how he cleaned up.... I sure don't want to show up dateless at yet another staff Christmas party haha
...maeflowers
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/19/2007 7:24:41 PM | I Find the Word, Settling to Be Very Sad!!! At the age of 54, I would never consider Settling!!! I do Believe that to have a Healthy Relationship there is Alway's some Compromising, from both partner's. No Matter What Age We Are!!!!!
There is NO SUCH THING, AS THE PERFECT PERSON!!!!! I have said in some of my Post's in Forum's and I Believe this to Be Very True!!! Sometime's it's the very thing, that other's might see as an Imperfection, that can be what I would find the Most Attractive in a Person!!!! I Think that at this age we now have more option's than we ever had. We can Date Younger Or Older Or the Same Age. Compromising is Very Important, as it's what Make's a Couple!!! Settling Never!!!! | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/19/2007 9:34:06 PM | Everything is relative ...
Everything is subjective ...
When it comes to this topic - I’ve not changed one bit.
Relative > the same 20 year old gal that is now 50 is the same gal I would have been interested in then and now.
Subjective > I doubt that Vogue (or whatever mag) would pay any attention to a gal that got my attention.
I don’t think us people that talk of being selective (picky) are all that delusional - I think most of us are pretty realistic. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/19/2007 9:38:10 PM | When it comes to cars I once believed that I deserved the very best and I refused to settle. My choice: 2008 Chevrolet Corvette Z06 2dr Hatchback (7.0L 8cyl 6M) and with all the options and goodies it only runs about $80,000. The trouble I am having is that this is way more car than I can afford. Not only is it way beyond my means, but I have no place to keep it and I would have to worry about somebody trying to steal it. So reality set in and for about $16,000 I got a 2006 Toyota Scion xA and it turns out it is a great car and one that I would have never considered when I had my heart set on the car that I thought I deserved and would not settle for less.
I could say that when it comes to women I think I deserve a spectacular looking and young supermodel, but reality would set in there too. The odds are very, very good that I could settle for less than what I thought was the best that I deserve and be very, very happy with her so what would be wrong in that case with "settling"? Same thing here. Less than perfect people put in their order for their perfect SO or dating partner like they are putting in their order for the very best car that they think they deserve and God knows that they will not settle for less. They want the best when it is highly likely that they are not the best themselves. This all begs the question for all of these people with such perfectly high standards for their significant other, how do you match up to your own specifications for somebody else? Could somebody else have similar expectations as you yet still weigh you in the balance and find you wanting? What makes you think you deserve more than you are willing to settle for?
For those of us over 50 we need to face a major reality check and stop splitting hairs between both "settling" and "compromising", both which often have negative connotations. We do both all the time in life and there is nothing inherently bad or evil about either one of them. By our age, like used cars, we have dings and flaws and don't look as good as when we were younger, but that is no reason why we are not still great people. If another person hits 85% of what you are looking for in another person and does not violate any of your dealbreakers, then that person is a good choice and should not be considered to be "settling" in any way just because they are not 100%. Let me repeat: they are 85% (or whatever %) and they do not violate any of your dealbreakers. So a guy is an inch shorter than your ideal man, but otherwise is a great person does picking him mean you are "settling"?
If I held out for the 2008 Corvette that I think I deserve and would not settle for less, then I could look forward to a lifetime of walking. Same thing with people because while you are so busy being noble and sanctimonious, refusing to settle, somebody else is looking at you and going "next" when you might very likely have been a great choice for them. That's the reason why so many POFers are passing like ships in the night.
"Settling" means that you compromised on your dealbreakers, but there are so many thousands of choices here at POF that do not do that, but are not the hunks or babes that so many seem to think is their right to have. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/20/2007 10:30:15 AM | I think when you start settling, you open the door for a lot of other things that you don't necessarily want, but you'll put up with. Those kind of relationships always crash and burn. If I'm still around when I'm 90 and want to date, I'll be just as picky as if I was 20. I don't want to settle for less under any circumstances, don't feel like I have to. I would rather be by myself than to do that. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/20/2007 11:28:00 AM |
you certainly cannot be as picky, picky, picky as you were in your 20s.
I shoulda been more picky in my 20s...therefore, today I expect the best! | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/21/2007 6:02:58 AM | | It is said that beauty is in the eye;s of the beholder. But sometimes I go throu and read the profiles of women of all ages. Various sizes, shapes, and sizes, from young to the prime age of perfection. Thought I was going to say it right. To the point! We all dream of what is in our hearts and yes there too. Reaching for desired's and our attempt to stay clear of the beast of burdon. Never reflecting the reality of the perfect match. Its not the age, height, weight, not money. Although we all would like to find that perfect dream. But as human nature would have it, we have to try. People both male and female have a most uniqe sence of what they are looking for. Like buying a house or car. Relationships built on high expitations leave no room for growth. Even the changes in the relationship become the unexpected. Its not a question of people over 50, be less selective. But at any age we should not go around like we are at a car lot. On line you should expect one thing, introduction to a chance at frienship. Relationship that have with stood the sands of time where built from a simple friendship, were the two people fell in love by finding truth in each other and bringing their hearts together. So what kind of friend are you looking for? The base in any relationship may it be a simple friend or a life time lover. Begins with one word........Hello! | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/21/2007 6:28:38 AM | Dawn, I am 53 and wworked so hard that I am at the end of my life. I enjoy the fishing and the visits with people. But like you 10 years of being alone after 28 years of being in a prison ( Marriage). I read your profile and found it most interesting, with a beautiful smile, loving eye's, and it seams you like the outdoors. But you are right, why should we settle for less then our simple desire. There are many reasons why you should be picky about the last years of your life. But its that picky thing that keeps loneliness begging at your door. Yes mine too. But it is my believe that we all expect more then we can afford. But I do take my hat off to you, as seldom have I ran across a profile that I feel comfortable to answer. But not feel like I am having my tires kicked. If you all would like, look at these profiles that are to be a simle introduction. Women looking for younger men, men looking for younger women. Over wieght people placing requirements that must be athletic. But I think we should be here looking for friends and in that friendship we explore each others good points and bad points. Make a few trades like a willow and bend a little. Its seams we have gone from a world of building dreams, to just add water! Besides I am going to the virgin Islands and get rebuilt. Take care all and play nice.
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/21/2007 6:49:48 AM |
you certainly cannot be as picky, picky, picky as you were in your 20s.
I shoulda been more picky in my 20s...therefore, today I expect the best
But are you "the best" in order to reasonably believe that you deserve "the best". I am not disputing your claim, but I am just pointing out that the other best will also be sitting in judgment on you as to whether you are the best.
When I was in my 20s the females had to be 9s or 10s. Some men never outgrow that, but thankfully I have and I am a better man for it. So I am quite happy to not be as picky as I was in my 20s. To utter a heresy and to violate POF political correctness, I don't think I am somehow so good that I deserve the best, otherwise I would still be looking for 10s whether I could get them or not.
To be honest, as in all things we generally do not get "the best", but we do the best we can. Most people will nobly claim that they deserve the best, but in the end they will settle (Oh my God!, did I actually say the forbidden "s" word?) for the best they can get or the best that is available as long as it does not violate their dealbreakers, or not to many of them. This is the real world and not some romantic fantasyland. People can still be very, very happy with another person even though that person may not be "the best". | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/21/2007 7:01:19 AM | No! Definitely not. Settling for something/someone less than what we want is desperation. If I have to wait until I'm 90, then I'll wait.
Ive learnt a lot over my years and one thing I do have is perseverance. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/21/2007 11:41:54 AM | | Absolutely NO! You should NEVER settle for LESS! In today's society it's all about looks and not what is in a person's heart that counts. Let the person see you for you. Don't EVER think you aren't good enough for him. As we get older, I've noticed that a lot of men I feel at our age our going through changes themselves and a lot are looking for younger women. The problem with that is, these younger women are just in it basically for material things. Don't ever settle for less. If your going to settle down with someone, do it for the right reasons, not the wrong reason. | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/21/2007 12:32:17 PM |
People both male and female have a most uniqe sence of what they are looking for. Like buying a house or car. Relationships built on high expitations leave no room for growth. Even the changes in the relationship become the unexpected. Its not a question of people over 50, be less selective. But at any age we should not go around like we are at a car lot. On line you should expect one thing, introduction to a chance at frienship. Relationship that have with stood the sands of time where built from a simple friendship, were the two people fell in love by finding truth in each other and bringing their hearts together. So what kind of friend are you looking for? The base in any relationship may it be a simple friend or a life time lover. Begins with one word........Hello!
....Very well thought out, I am impressed how you managed to express so eloquently with words, my very thoughts and attitudes.
...maeflowers | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/22/2007 2:06:34 PM | | wow, I love reading the replies. You all are much wiser and informed then myself.My question is forget about being selective at my age.I just want a guy to have a conversation, movie,go for a drive.Do you think any guy realizes how simple it is to have a female in their life !!! | |
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| Should over 50 people be less selective?
Posted: 10/22/2007 7:54:22 PM | Please people be less selective! Ihave a line of paper bag designed for both men and woman That i am marketing. Just look for them on Ebay Now go and Bid! | |
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