| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:36:00 PM | It's not that I don't trust all women and that I never will, it's just I don't trust most women for very good reasons. Usually how it goes with me and relationships is I trust them and everything is good till the red flags start showing up. I always give them a fair chance at the beginning , as soon as they start playing games, that's when I lose the trust. In the future however I will save myself the trouble and break it off right away instead of giving it a chance to stress me out more than it has to.
I take a different approach now though, meaning I get to know the person first for a while as friends to see if if we're both compatible and both have true chemistry with eachother. | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:54:04 PM | | wow , i have strong convictions both ways. but really i see your piont she is probably doing the wild thing with him. the problem is that they were fighting bad enough she couldnt handle it and left without fixing the problem. who wants to be in a fight all the time with someone who runs away and compounds the problem . people hate to not know. it could be innocent. not everyone is like the xs in my past .they were not true but claimed they were in a real similar situation. i now have a x that we are best friends and i try not to throw that word around to loosely.we spend alot of time and are not sex partners. that question was a lagitamate one and hit home . if we spend so much time together why did we break up. probably we shouldnt have dated in the first place like she said. i think if i was betting on this one. odds are she doing it with him. but thats not the root of the problem the problem is she runs off. she may have reason.??fix that she wont leave but i think shes a strayer .and or the problem is in the mirror. | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/15/2007 10:56:16 PM |
You are a clinger, lady, and i bet your jealous of your exes lady friends, thats why you cling,
where did that come from??? how is it clinging to remain friends with someone??? and by the way... he has a girlfriend... and they are fine... and she has no concerns about our being friends...
again... it is a trust thing... if you trust the person is in the relationship for you and with you... then you have no concerns with what they are doing when you aren't around.... | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/15/2007 11:02:18 PM | Is she spending the whole night with him? If she is, I agree with the previous posters, she is doing him. (which is bad enough). Like, one poster stated where is she sleeping in the bathtub? on the floor?
And if she is not having sex with him. Then she is still sleeping next to him, for whatever reason, she is attaching herself to him emotionally. I would be more concerned about the long conversations, she is having with him. And the emotionally attachment, or need, she is gaining from that. Sex, could be just that, Sex. But the long converstions, suggest a more emotional attachement. Meaning, if you decided to work it out. She has already moved on, and fell back in love with this ex.
Just my 2 cents.
Okie girl. | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/15/2007 11:18:29 PM | LOL...4 times in 3 weeks...lol...DUDE...After the 1st time her ass would have my boot attached to it
How in the hell did ya catch her so many times,did you go lookin?? I think thats an issue there too..No offence man but the biotch gots ta go.....She be knockin boots and they aint yours.. | |
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clay71
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 31 | |
| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/15/2007 11:38:08 PM | I think the point is Blueguy21 With age comes life experiences.If we're double or are half your age it means that we have that much more knowledge, of the things that make you go HMMMMM.And it does'nt help that every time you appear on a subject,you act like the morality policeman. I find myself agreeing alot with carpediem
because I can Identify with his POV.When you argue you're points with people our age and experiences,you come off as a snot nose little know it all.Example I have been through a divorce at 22 have you? I have a 17 year old daughter (who would verbally wipe the floor with you)and I'm only 35. Have you ever been a single parent? This does not make me a better person than you,but a little more educated in the way some things work. I think almost everyone is thinking this guy should dump this girl,because it's more than 50% likely that she is lying to him,and having it on with her ex.
Nobody deserves to be treated like that. | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/15/2007 11:56:17 PM | I don't care if you think your daughter is smarter than someone four years older than she is, of course you'd like to think that about your daughter. I don't see what that has to do with what we're talking about.
I don't care if I come across as the morality police, someone's gotta do it since this worlds not getting any better with all these people who can't control themselves. If you can't handle the truth then that is your problem, not mine.
My age doesn't have any relevence on what we are talking about. It's funny how you say I don't know better when I have had like 10 people in the last 2 weeks send me private messages saying how wise and smart I am for someone my age, and ironically these women most of them are older then you are. Funny how that works.
So calling me a snot nose little know it all is completely useless as I know you simply can't tolerate someone younger than you telling you how it is when you should be heeding my words and learning to use them well. But no your pride doesn't allow you to let some 21 year old "youngen" tell you the "older man" how it is. Pride is the main reason this world is so screwed up to begin with.
So you had a divorce and a kid at 22.. So are you telling me that I am smarter for not making those choices at my age???
Seriously what's your point. Are you just trying to shoot my post down because I am younger and am telling you how it is? | |
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eagre
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Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 33 | |
| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/16/2007 12:16:13 AM | | Don't let this relationship make you lost. Don't let it bring you way down. Remember how great you were before you met her. | |
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clay71
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Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 34 | |
| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/16/2007 1:04:32 AM | Oh yea that's right your 21,I forgot that was the age all wisdom is bestowed onto young men.As Far as "how it is" is only your opinion,and you must know what is said about opinions?
And who exactly appointed you to exclaim that people can't control themselves?
And you are appointed by who on deciding what is good or bad?
What do really know of the world in it's present state?have you ever even been out of the U.S.? It does matter.The truth you speak of is only your truth,again opinion.
And how does pride make the world screwed up,I think you mistake pride for ego.
how 10 people in the last 2 weeks send me private messages saying how wise and smart I am for someone my ageit is" You're ego obscures reality.That's not pride that's you full of yourself.And again your not telling me "how it is."You have no words to heed. | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/16/2007 9:38:24 AM | | Don't get mad, get even. Tell the ex you know what is going on and you will blow him up if he does not stay away from your poontang! No, but really , if you still like her ask her if you can join. No no no, I do not konw anything. | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/16/2007 12:11:38 PM |
Oh yea that's right your 21,I forgot that was the age all wisdom is bestowed onto young men.As Far as "how it is" is only your opinion,and you must know what is said about opinions?
And who exactly appointed you to exclaim that people can't control themselves?
And you are appointed by who on deciding what is good or bad?
What do really know of the world in it's present state?have you ever even been out of the U.S.? It does matter.The truth you speak of is only your truth,again opinion.
And how does pride make the world screwed up,I think you mistake pride for ego.
how 10 people in the last 2 weeks send me private messages saying how wise and smart I am for someone my ageit is" You're ego obscures reality.That's not pride that's you full of yourself.And again your not telling me "how it is."You have no words to heed
Your just mumbling a bunch of nonsense now.
- Ego and pride are connected
- Wisdom comes at a variety of ages, yeah I'm 21. So what? Are you pissed off that you had to wait longer to get it or something? Get over it. It's called common sense and not believing every single thing people tell you.
-No one appointed me to claim anything, I appointed myself because everyone's just talking about sex this and screwing this person and having sex left and right, it's about time someone said "enough is enough". My values are the right ones, You can argue with me all you want and say that it's my "opinion" , whatever makes you sleep at night.
- My morals and values come from my parents who have been married 30 years(and still going), so I think I have a pretty good idea what I want out of life and how I'm going to get there thank you very much, let me guess, your going to tell them that they are too "young" to give advice, funny since they got more than a decade on you in life, and that's where I get most of my morals and values from.
- The truth i speak is universal, again if you want to convince yourself that it's just my opinion go right ahead. Whatever helps you sleep at night.
-My ego obscures reality, if that were the case I could use my ego to will myself a billion dollars into my bank account, unfortunately my ego isn't that powerful, so yeah it isn't my ego, it's yours. You came in the thread attacking me because of my age, not because of my views.
-I am telling you how it is, I'm basically telling you that age doesn't mean squat when it comes to wisdom, your just too full of yourself that you refuse to let a 21 year old give good advice because you made a few mistakes in life you can't handle that someone is making the right choices and this makes you angry at yourself.
-Grow up, oh wait I forgot, by your views, as soon as you are in your 30's you are automatically grown up and wise, *cough* bullcrap *Cough*
I've seen men your age pull some ridiculous stunts that you'd think a teenager would, so yeah again age doesn't really mean much, it's the person.
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/16/2007 7:14:14 PM | | blueguy 21 for a 21 year old you are smarter than some people twice your age i to have girl friend,s and dont mind that she has guy friend,s but if i had to meet my ex at a hotel with out telling or vise versa then that means there is no trust and when asking did you sleep with him? no! and goes to the shower saying to her self no one could sleep with all that ****ing going on. | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/16/2007 7:17:54 PM | I guess I just don't get it... so...
if you can't go to a hotel... can you go to their house if they have one?? or apartment?? because the only reason they are in a hotel is because that is where he is living...
so if he was in a home... would that be ok?? or is there still concern that anytime the opposite sex hangs out... there will be sex???
I guess I have great will power as does my ex.... because we can hang out at my house and keep our clothes on.... | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/16/2007 7:40:40 PM |
because I am younger and am telling you how it is? Correction, you are telling us how you see things based on your life experiences and perspective.
While I do agree that some of the things you say do in fact show a wisdom not seen by many your age, it doesn't mean that everything you say is the same. You have learned things at your age that I didn't at the same age. My perspective (and I stress MINE) is that what you haven't learned is what drives the majority of your posts:
I don't trust most women
and that is something you should address. Just as all men are not the same, all women are not the same and each should be 'judged' on their own merits (or lack of). You can not and will not ever be able to control another's actions, only yours and your reactions to them.
No one is questioning your values at all, what points are being raised are in reference to your blanket assumptions involving people you do not know and your tendency to NOT trust until given a reason to, which is just as bad as the blind trust you speak of. Trust is earned, not won, and not something to prove.
Your last post smacks of arrogance and an unwillingness to even remotely consider that in spite of your thoughts being moral and just, they may not hold the entire truth. That is where wisdom, courage, and common sense gained by age and experiences comes into play.
You will most likely take this as an insult or an attack on you as a person, it is not. I am doing the same as you, telling you 'how it is' from my perspective. | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/16/2007 8:20:15 PM | Exes CAN be friends... depending on why it ended. Doesn't mean anyone is insecure or anything.
For the OP, I am going to have to say this sounds fishy tho... | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/16/2007 8:33:43 PM | Hi,
If you have to ask the question. Then you already know the answer. | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/16/2007 8:38:08 PM | No. Actually, hell no.
Trust your gut. If your girl is spending time with her ex period, there is a serious problem, much less spending the night.
If you guys have a good relationship, then there shouldn't be any need (or want) to spend time with an ex boyfriend. | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/16/2007 9:01:58 PM | I have to agree that the ex's behavior is fishy considering the situation. It is possible for people to be friends with their ex's, but I'd say it's odd to spend multiple days in a hotel room with them. I'd be willing to bet that in this case it's cheating.
Blueguy21....you started that whole argument by insulting a woman who can be friends with her ex's without sex. Really, some of us don't want sex with our ex's. They are an ex for a reason. I became friends with the guy I dated for 3 years in early college. It's been 14 years since we broke up. There is absolutely no attraction there, but he is still a friend. I let him and his dad borrow my house for a place to stay while I was off visiting my boyfriend in a different city. My boyfriend knows and I told him up front. He knows about every male friend I have and where they live. He knows exactly when I'm visiting them, or when they are visiting me, and what I'm doing.
Anyway, you are getting blasted by some of the others because you started with insults on a woman that didn't deserve that, and you seem to be incapable of ending the insulting posts.
Also, how far does the control about members of the opposite sex being around a person go? I've heard of some having affairs at work. Does that mean men and women can't work together either? No, what it means is that some people make very poor choices in their lives, and watching them like a hawk or trying to control them isn't going to stop them from continuing to make poor choices. When someone's a cheater, you leave. That's all that can be done. You can't make a cheater not cheat even with all the watching and protection one can put on them. | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/16/2007 9:18:01 PM | I'm sorry LJ, but she is exhibiting signs of moving backwards in her life. So far back to the time where you were not in her life.
If anyone tells you that they're staying in their ex's motel room and it is purely platonic is probably going to try to sell you a load of bull poo tomorrow for $20 a pound. I'm sorry...
Liz | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/16/2007 10:01:35 PM | | iiceiice! the point is she can go sit in a hot tub with her ex she can give him our money if he,s hurting she can spend the night at his house or hotel with my blessing! but if she is sneaking and not telling me for two weeks like the op said what do you think! lie,s are healthy in a relationship. like i said i did,nt sleep with him.??????? | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/16/2007 11:41:17 PM | Whether she is cheating or not is quite irrelevant at this point.
What is pertinent at this point is that the two of you have been engaging in major drama. Big blowout - she buggers off to her ex for a shoulder to cry or a bobo to honk on - you've been tracking her movements for weeks.
There is no relationship here worth salvaging. It's messed up. Clean up your act and move on.
Take some time to figure out how you got into this scene in the first place ie. bad picking, bad acting, and write yourself a better script for the next relationship.
Good luck! | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/17/2007 12:30:47 PM | Thats right when someone cheats on you, you leave right away, I agree 100%.
However, When I get involved with someone in a serious relationship I like to have certain reassurances that they aren't going to put our relationship in serious jeopardy by the way they act. Which is why I think compatibility is very important on all levels. But you can never secure a relationship 100% forever from the very beginning, that's why all relationships have that 'risk' involved because you never know what could happen. That's where some people say it is better to love than not love at all..bla bla bla... And it's true you have to risk certain things in life to be happy (your emotional well-being for example when dating someone new) , but I think it's safer to get to know someone for a long time before getting romantically involved with them to keep that "risk" level a lot lower.
I don't think staying friends with exes is a good idea, but that's just my opinion. Carpe Diem was right when he said I am basing my posts off of my experiences, and he's right that's where I get a lot of my knowledge, from my experiences and hearing stories and so on. But the thing is I know when temptation occurs, it is very hard to shake, which is why I think its good to avoid it completely by not seeing your exes in case that 'spark' were to somehow re-ignite again while the two of you are playing monopoly at 3 am. Just my 2 cents. | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/17/2007 3:09:52 PM | Blue,
10 people in the last two weeks personally emailed you about your high morals? I guess it is probably because they're embarassed to be associated with your pious thinking in a public forum.
I am so glad you're in Ontario being the social police. I'm sure Canada sleeps better knowing you're watching out for them.
Folks, wasn't it a 22 yr old sheriff's deputy that killed his ex gf and some friends then killed himself because he was so mature at that age?
Blue, if we're still around when you've hit your mid thirties, we'll probably have you agreeing with a lot of us.
Do you know what a smurf is? They were blue... | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/17/2007 4:39:08 PM | No.........it isn't possible........she is guilty.....dump her and move on | |
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| ex-boyfriends & motels.
Posted: 10/17/2007 5:46:02 PM | Blue,
10 people in the last two weeks personally emailed you about your high morals? I guess it is probably because they're embarassed to be associated with your pious thinking in a public forum.
I am so glad you're in Ontario being the social police. I'm sure Canada sleeps better knowing you're watching out for them.
Folks, wasn't it a 22 yr old sheriff's deputy that killed his ex gf and some friends then killed himself because he was so mature at that age?
Blue, if we're still around when you've hit your mid thirties, we'll probably have you agreeing with a lot of us.
Do you know what a smurf is? They were blue...
Green..
Yes 10 people personally IM'd me (in pof) stating that I should keep thinking the way I do and to never change. These were all women around your age or older. I don't get the whole embarrassment comment at all. If they personally are commending me on my morals then why would they be embarrassed of me?
In Canada, they have posters of me everywhere to congratulate me on my success of treating "sick" people who have been tainted by liberal views. (sarcasm)
So a 22 year old commits suicide and now that makes all 21 year olds words useless? Okay since you are 39 I won't take you seriously because I'm sure there have been (thousands?) other 39 year olds that have committed suicide or committed crimes themselves. Honestly that's just ridiculous, do you hear yourself?
I won't be agreeing with all of you people because I already tried it your way and I saw what it was, a bunch of bullcrap and lies on every corner, you people got serious issues it's no wonder your alone at your age. The rest of my generation will buy into your modern thinking, I won't because I know how people are easily mislead just because the majority thinks a certain way works when it doesn't at all, they just don't want to be outcasted, so they conform.
I don't watch the smurf's unlike you..I thought all 39 year olds watched more adult oriented shows like CSI? | |
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