| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/24/2008 12:35:16 AM | I can't speak for these women, speaking for myself, I would rather got shot, stabbed, car jacked, and thrown off of a building before I would ever be soooooo stupid as to involve the ink and paper.
What does marraige have to do with love?
The only possibility I can think of, is that these women have never been married before, and think that they are missing something.
The divorce courts are busy people, and for a good reason. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/24/2008 1:20:37 PM | suzyttarius:
The divorce courts are busy people, and for a good reason.
I agree. Marriage is old fashioned and cannot be severed easily, thus creating a lot of unnecessary upheaval and litigation. Divorces are nasty. I know...been there; did that. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/24/2008 6:21:19 PM | | Yeah, well....here's a great one!!!! In today's mail...I get a letter telling me that I have to get my ex to "sign off" on my pension.....AGAIN (this was covered in the divorce 5 years ago) or my pension amount will be decreased by 5% AUTOMATICALLY. Fidelity Mutual doesn't care what the county domestic relations court had to say I guess, so every 5 years I get "re-negotiate" with him for his notarized signature. My advise if you DO get married.....definitely get divorced before the 10 yr anniversary. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/24/2008 6:33:28 PM | Well at least that's the one thing my husband couldn't cheat me out of as far as I know. He died last year and I will be able to draw his pension when he would have turned 60. I don't have one of my own because the union took the younger worker's pensions ( I was under 40 at the time) and gave them to the older workers. I got a total of $1500 for 20 years work.  | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/25/2008 10:55:35 AM | I got zip..zero..zilch..not even alimony for my 16 years of false-imprisonment! Not even alimony. I wasn't about to fight with him over it..simply because I never wanted to have to see his face again..not even court..not even for money. So..nope..I didn't even "get" any child support for "our" kids. I was much happier raising/supporting them all on my own.  <~~to him! | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/25/2008 12:30:21 PM |
I got zip..zero..zilch..not even alimony for my 16 years of false-imprisonment! Not even alimony. LOL! I got out after 20 yrs of imprisionment for the gross act of stupidity.....getting married in the first place! Unfortunately....the pension I'm talking about is MINE....always was MINE...it was not inherited or awarded to me....I had to work my ass off 70-90 hrs a week to get it. While I did just volunteer to pay "alimony" until he got a job, it was another 4 years before he got his own health insurance. Would have cost me close to $500 a month to carry him as a "sponsored dependent"... so I was just lucky that he didn't want the divorce in the first place so I was able to drag my feet about it for that long. My pension however was something that he agreed to "forfeit" in leiu of making him beneficiary of my smaller life insurance policy. Since I'm 10 yrs younger, and he couldn't collect the pension unless I died before him, the small monthy amount was pretty trivial....except that it would be deducted from my pay from this day til forever....even if he died (first). The life insurance, paid in a lump sum, would be more beneficial to him in either case, and is also something would get passed along to our children/grandchildren.
What really gets me, is that this was all settled between US, and now years later....we have to "settle" it again! It's like a conspiracy LOL! We got divorced with NO lawyers.....all our children were over 18 yrs old....we just sold everything, split it all 50/50 and went our separate ways. My attorney drew up the paperwork, we signed it, it went to the court.....but no attorneys were present in court. Judge just asked us if we agreed, we said yes....BAM, done! 5 years later...Fidelity Mutual says they don't care what the court said....they want our notarized agreement that we still agree! LOL! I didn't know divorces had to be RENEWED! | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/25/2008 1:02:10 PM | Oh Grandmabooboo..you know they always got you..either coming or going..they got you when they want you for something. LOL
My ex wanted to keep me going into court for support he refused to pay anyway. See..that way he could show all his friends that he wasn't a dead-beat-dad..but a "good father". | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/25/2008 1:08:27 PM | I got news today...
One of my bigger RRSP accounts still shows the ex as the beneficiary! Damned near choked on that one after almost 5 years of thinking that was changed.
Will be a minor procedure to have it corrected again and hope they actually do it this time. But all I could think about was my buyin the farm and him receiving even more money than what he received when we separated..God!!!
Now what's this about marrying up again? Right... | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/25/2008 1:33:41 PM | I know..I wanna at least try for steps one and two "before" I even think about marriage again.
I know my ex tried to take out an insurance policy on me "after" we were first separated. Wouldn't surprise me in the least if he found a way to get one either. He had a woman..one of his g/f's..talked into signing my name on tax forms that he filed as joint..again.."after" we were separated for 2 years in a row..and then..with the divorce pending on the 3rd year. Yep..they gave it to him..with the allotment for the kids as dependents as well. When I contacted the IRS with the legalities..I had to "purchase" a copy of the taxes for the nominal fee of $70.00 per year he lied to the government. Then..they wanted me to press the charges at my expense! HA!
Married? Again? | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/25/2008 2:39:33 PM | Here..Here..Grandmabooboo!!
I too have been seeing where my living on my own has tremendous benefits. Whew! I thought I was the only one.
I don't wanna argue with someone anymore..and I do want the d*mn covers!!!
I like my milk carton untainted by male lips..and my panties drying in the shower..suit me just fine.
I wanna watch whatever I wanna watch on tv some nights..not bowling..ewwwww!!! | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/25/2008 4:50:08 PM |
I like my milk carton untainted by male lips..and my panties drying in the shower..suit me just fine. OMG!!! I know....you'd think he was going to have a freaking cow every time I hung my bra on the hook behind the bathroom door! Sheeesssh, how careless of me not to observe that the proper place for underwear was on the bathroom FLOOR!!!! LOL! | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/25/2008 6:53:12 PM | Wow....desperate to get married??? The only over 40's I know that are desperate to get married, never HAVE been. And there aren't many of those. Maybe you could think of it as a compliment!!!! Are you a 'play hard to get' kinda guy??? 'Pursuers 'are frequently attracted to 'distancers' and the harder you push away, the more they pursue. There are books written on the subject (ie The Dance of Intimacy). All of my over 40 friends want a relationship, with seperate addresses. They've worked hard to get where they are, and truly value their independence, and privacy. Even older girls, just wanna have fun!!!!  | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/25/2008 7:03:33 PM | | yo estoy en desacuerdo con eso que dice el forista- QUE LE HACE PENSAR QUE TODAS LAS MUJERES ESTAN DESESPERADAS? SOLO quiero decir que tengo muchos años sola y solo busco una pareja, no es necesario casarse o GET MARRIED. He leido varias de las opiniones aqui y estoy de acuerdo con muchas foristas, no todas somos iguales. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:24:02 PM | It gets even more complicated if the common law relationship doesn't work out. In Canada when you meet the legal requirements for a common law relationship it becomes very complicated when trying to settle all matters. Check the laws for your state. Many people tend to believe that not getting married protects you legal rights when it's just the opposite. You are now responsible for the children from your first marriage and your common law relationship. And if you didn't have a will drawn up your real children may not be left with much as it could end up going to your common law partner....so be very careful and don't assume anything.
Pizza | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/25/2008 8:28:52 PM | Sounds like the typical American every man, woman and child for themselves story...lol. Not to be cynical or anything it was just quite an eye opener watching a couple of home grown American movies call "Sicko" and "Maxed Out." I think Americans have created their own Abyss from greed and are about to fall in it.
Mike | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:21:54 AM |
It gets even more complicated if the common law relationship doesn't work out. In Canada when you meet the legal requirements for a common law relationship it becomes very complicated when trying to settle all matters. Check the laws for your state. Many people tend to believe that not getting married protects you legal rights when it's just the opposite. You are now responsible for the children from your first marriage and your common law relationship. And if you didn't have a will drawn up your real children may not be left with much as it could end up going to your common law partner....so be very careful and don't assume anything. WOW! Didn't realize that things were quite that bad in Canada! In the US, there are only 14 states that even recognize "Common Law" marriage, and there are several conditions which must be met in order to qualify. In most cases, simply living together does NOT establish a "common law" situation.
Sounds like the typical American every man, woman and child for themselves story...lol. Not to be cynical or anything it was just quite an eye opener watching a couple of home grown American movies call "Sicko" and "Maxed Out." I think Americans have created their own Abyss from greed and are about to fall in it. I'm not familiar with the movies mentioned so I can't comment on their accuracy....or whether they're simply some socialist propaganda intended to promote "guilt" in those who believe that all people are created equal and should assume equal responsibility for themselves; BUT, I am encouraged that there are those who still call this "typical Americanism". I like to believe that we've not ALL fallen into that "socialist" pit yet.
On one of the first pages of this thread I stated that women don't want to get married for the EXACT SAME reasons that men don't wish to get married. While it's not intended to insult the natural longing that men and women have to "mate for life", I'm thrilled to see so many men and women rebelling against idea that marriage is a unilateral arrangement where 50/50 is perceived as one does all the giving, while the other does all the taking! I am thrilled to see women getting away from this idea that they're "victims" with no choices. Before one can become truly "equal" they have to stop feeling like victims, accept equal RESPONSIBILITY....and only then can they take their place in a true "Partnership".
I am encouraged by every man, woman, and child who comes to the realization that their neediness does not entitle them to "take"...but rather motivate them to EARN. There can be no "equality" when the only 2 choices are "need" or "greed". VIVA CAPITALISM!!!!! LOL! My day is made! | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/26/2008 5:59:05 AM |
It gets even more complicated if the common law relationship doesn't work out. In Canada when you meet the legal requirements for a common law relationship it becomes very complicated when trying to settle all matters.
Not where I live and every Province has it’s own legislation. In Alberta, Common Law has been replaced with the Adult Interdependent Relationships Act and it includes other personal relationships that fall outside of marriage, such as committed platonic relationships where two people agree to share emotional and economic responsibilities. Minors can also enter into these agreements.
Interdependent partners are protected under some provincial laws regarding eligibility for benefits, but agreements can pretty much be fashioned in any way the partners choose, including the disposition of an estate following death.
They’re also relatively uncomplicated to terminate should both or even just one, wish to do so.
LH | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/26/2008 6:31:53 AM | Here in Ontario, we can pretty much bite the bullet so to speak as far as common law relationships. May as well be married! lol
I am simply stunned by how many folks shack up at such an early stage in their relationship, then whine when they are made to pay the piper. There are no guarantees in any relationship, but surely, you should do your best to ensure you will be successful???? | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/26/2008 7:23:22 AM |
Not where I live and every Province has it’s own legislation. In Alberta, Common Law has been replaced with the Adult Interdependent Relationships Act and it includes other personal relationships that fall outside of marriage, such as committed platonic relationships where two people agree to share emotional and economic responsibilities. Minors can also enter into these agreements. You've got to be kiddin me???? Does something just smell rotten here.....Calling this "ADULT Interdependent Relationships Act" and then allowing MINORS to enter into these contracts? So, basically....if a couple of 14 yr olds decide to announce a common law marriage, then, assuming that in Canada parents are also responsible for their children until the age of 18, then the parents "inherit" their child's responsibility for for this platonic interdependent relationship??? So, if Suzie wants to go spend the night at Johnny's house, then Suzie's parents cannot legally say "No"....as it would be a breech of the Interdependent Relationship that minor Suzie has agreed to with minor Johnny???? LOL!!! Now that's what I call PROGRESSIVE! | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/26/2008 7:44:32 AM | It’s not quite as “progressive” as that Grandma! Each party must be at least 16 years old and if under 18, the guardian(s) must consent to the agreement. And it doesn’t apply if the minor is related by blood or adoption.
LH | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/29/2008 8:13:09 PM | me states.....
"Women do not want to get married . Women do not want a commitment, from my experiences, they do not want to get hurt again. Make the same mistakes. They are more independant and not needing of a man."
IMO.. it's not a matter of not wanting to get hurt.. as much as it's a matter of men not wanting to commit to a second.. third.. or fourth date.. let alone marriage. Most of the men that ask me out.. ask me for one reason.. sex (usually in the parking lot of the place we meet no less). When they don't get it.. they don't ever bother with me again. Not that I'd want them too. There have been those few that have been true gentlemen.. but.. for what ever reason they never call/IM/e-mail again. How are you supposed to get to the next step in those cases? | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 3/31/2008 7:35:59 PM | | I certainly do not have that problem because I am married but have been seperated for a very long time. Which makes things a lot less complicated cause I never have to go over that bridge again. But, I would like to ask a question of you . Why do men over sixty answer the question on their profiles, that they might consider having children. Is that because they are looking for a younger woman ? I know some people might stretch the truth a little but some of them are so obvious. I think those who lie are not here to make a connection of love and some kind of commitment but one of lust. So why not just say so ? I personally am looking for a friend first and maybe more down the line. But , I will admit that you are right because if I tell another woman that I am intrested in someone they asume that I am looking for a husband. So now I don't tell anyone anything , not even my children. | |
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I've heard all the "2 can live cheaper than 1" agruments, all the so called "pros" of wedding bliss. 
Don't get me wrong; I strongly believe in fidelity and monogamous relationships, committment and all that jazz...but I don't believe we need legal complications....and the older I get, I can definitely see advantages in separate housing! LOL!
