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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 9/14/2009 11:10:36 AM | Well if they are already in their 40's and never found a man to get married with before that's probably because there is a serious problem with them...I didn't get the impression that was what this thread is about.
But if that's where we're going, then perhaps there's a lot to be said (a "serious problem" with men who marry and stay married for about 5 years, then move on to still another marriage ... for about 5 years, then just live with women because they can't really maintain "wedlock".
Believe it or not ... that's the case in here more than you'd expect.
I don't get the impression that too many people really want to get married at all these days. Actually, I've seen more men than women saying that they never intend to marry again.
Sooooo .... OP ... what's with that?
Women over 40 are desperate to get married??? Ah............................no, most of 'em don't even want to date, much less get married. Maybe there seems to be a lot of women who are picky about just who they will date and so it seems to many men that the women don't want to date.
Aside from the married women in here ... I'd say most of us want to date, but we don't want to date "just any Tom, D!ck, or Harry" who might write to us. We're picky and have a right to be. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 9/14/2009 3:09:52 PM |
Well if they are already in their 40's and never found a man to get married with before that's probably because there is a serious problem with them...
who died and put you in charge of deciding who does and doesn't have a "serious problem"?
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 9/14/2009 3:15:17 PM | | He and many others on POF who seem to think that the fact that they have been married allows them to decide that others who have not followed the same path have serious issues.....talk about generalizing and not thinking outside the box..... | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 9/14/2009 5:48:42 PM | So if a woman is over 40 and never married, what might that serious problem be? Never going through the pain of an ugly divorce, custody battles and begging for child support? Not jumping into marriage for convenience and taking it very seriously? Waiting for the right person? Not sitting around sexless and lonely my whole life waiting for a man to rescue me? Not having children with someone who hates them and doesn't care about them? Having a life and wide variety of interests besides childbirth, wedding rings, changing diapers, potty training, and wallpaper? Please tell me what I am missing by not making all the mistakes multiple divorcees have enjoyed? Oh yeah- that serious problem might be that I'm almost always right and don't fall for the same BS so many women do. I've always said "I've made mistakes, but thank God I've never married them"  | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 9/14/2009 6:32:25 PM |
So if a woman is over 40 and never married, what might that serious problem be?
Just a guess...
but I'm goin with..
maybe she is afriad of commitment..!!
Isn't that what most blame on us guys..??
(of course not counting me..
I gots a few "commitments under my belt))
---SoldierByte--- | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 9/14/2009 6:48:35 PM | "afraid of commitment"
*snork* yeah right!
i've been engaged 3 times. i have no problem making a commitment to the right person.
and since someone will ask...
the first one died of cancer - he was 23, i was 22. it was horribly advanced when it was discovered and he only survived 6 months after diagnosis.
the second one came home from work one night a month after the doctor told us that there was no possible way i would ever be able to have children and told me that he didn't want to marry me any more. that was 12 years ago.
the third one... i met him here on PoF almost 4 years ago. figured this time i had really found The One. you can ask the people who post here who saw us together on many occasions about how much i adored him and how well-suited we were for each other. then almost 2 years ago, i got an email from someone telling me they found a profile for him on another dating site - one a little more "adult" in nature than this one. where he was looking for multiple partners for a swinging good time.
so i guess i have two "serious problems" - i can't have children and i trust the wrong people. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 9/14/2009 6:49:04 PM | maybe she is afriad of commitment..!!
So which is it? Afraid of commitment or desperate to get married? It can't be both........
Well maybe it can be - I'm terrified of commiting to the wrong man but I'm very willing to marry the right one. The right man? One who will make my life better than it already is - that's a tall order but not impossible. He has to be a willing participant and not just making a guest appearance.
Why is it when a man doesn't want to get married he's just a player - a confirmed bachelor, but when a woman chooses not to get married she is "desperate", "lonely", or is not playing her cards right? I don't need a wedding ring or a husband to validate me as an intelligent, desirable woman. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 9/14/2009 6:50:32 PM | Question: why if a women she never married, it is assumed there is something wrong with her but if a man has never married, he is afraid of committment? Aren't people coming up with two different conclusions to the same question? People have lots of reasons why they have never married. Some recognize that they would not make good spouses or do not like what is involved-shouldn't that be a right with reprocussion?
Why is it that if it is different from your choice is is wrong?
There are lots of men over 40 who are desparate to get married because they never learned to cook and clean...................... | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 9/14/2009 6:52:58 PM | | I am over 40 and I am NOT desperate to get married. With some of the selections out there, why would I? If I ever do meet someone I like I want to get to know them a while before marriage is ever mentioned. With age comes wisdom. I don't want to continue down the same path of picking out the losers, time to move on and improve myself first. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 9/14/2009 7:04:30 PM | outofthedesert
I have to agree. Why do women get blamed for the relationship issues? There are many, many dysfunctional men out there in the world, maybe more than women. Double Standard whatever is good for one is not good for another. It seems to be if someone does not agree with their choice and everyone else is wrong, wouldn't that be control issues? Whatever happened to "Freedom of Choice?".  | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 9/14/2009 9:52:47 PM | Esperanza wanted to write you directly but your filters have blocked me. You are dead on with a great many of your posts.
The loss of Freedom of Choice is what you got when you promised to obey........
Never said it in my vows because I never intended to do that part. I want to be a partner not a servant.
Couple of my guy-pals have stated they want a partner but that a great many of the women they have met are like steamrollers...........
I think I will give up dating for lent and start 6 months early.............lent is always easier when you give up something you aren't doing or don't like............ | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 9/15/2009 9:32:18 AM | I'd get married again...but I'm not desperate to.
I'd also be happy not being married again.
But it would be nice to know that there is someone
out there that would marry me even if we never did.
I don't think marriage is a bad thing...at least it wasn't
for me. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 1:05:50 AM | I am 52. Was married for 20 years.
Will NEVER EVER get married again. Marriage was the dumbest thing I ever did. (Other than the kids. )
Why any divorced woman would want to do it over again, i don't know. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 1:59:21 AM | | so let me get this straight--we ALL juss want a relationship where we see a guy a couple of nites a week??--he lives in his house and i live in mine , and i dont have to cook his meals or wash his drawers??---damn no wonder i cant find a man who wants this, u girls have grabbed them all up!! lol | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 5:59:46 AM | Interesting....women who want "long term" but would never get married again. Wonder how that works out.....
A guy has to commit himself to all the obligations but should not expect any of the benefits? | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 6:21:04 AM |
A guy has to commit himself to all the obligations but should not expect any of the benefits?
I haven’t heard but a handful of men view being married as a benefit, in well over a decade, especially if they are divorced. This is one of the main issues, for the most part as young women it was viewed as a wonderful thing to fall in love, marry and possibly start a family. We used to hear terms such as “better half”, “little woman”, “love of my life”, now all we hear is “tied down”, “Femi-Nazi” and “gold digger”, sure that makes us all want to rush out and pick out a china pattern. Much of this has turned women off from even dating let alone getting married. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 6:26:51 AM |
A guy has to commit himself to all the obligations
What obligations are you talking about?........'plain please.
but should not expect any of the benefits?
I presume you're referring to the "benefits of marriage"........but I may be wrong.........I've been known to be........ Could you expand on what you mean by "benefits"?
Signed,
An over 60 woman who's NOT desperate to get married....... | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 6:41:25 AM | Just a reaction to a woman who's profile requests "long term", meaning monogamy, commitment, intimacy and friendship, while stating she would never wish to marry ever again.
I think that people this age should be pretty well aware of what the obligations of marriage are. Most places you are legally tied up with someone for the rest of your life. As to the benefits, they are reciprocal in the legal sense, and have a lot of pleasant characteristics otherwise. Again, if you are 60 and don't recognize any of the benefits of marriage, then I would say you definitely should not be in any hurry to marry. I would also suggest that asking for long term is pretty inconsistent.
This is not to say that I believe marriage to be in any way essential to a relationship. Only that I don't see a lot of difference between my interpretation of long term and what used to be described as marriage. To me, if you spend a decade with someone in an intimate relationship, its just a marriage by another name. If it isn't, then what is the difference? | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 6:50:24 AM | Phoebe, I'm in agreement. Marriage doesn't make the committment, the people make the committment!. You can be in an exclusive long term relationship with all the benefits! (if sex is what your talking about) without being married. Now, if you're talking about inheritance, you should have your own. Mine will go to my kids. See, they have stood by me unconditionally all their lives.
outdoorgirl | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 6:52:19 AM | Oh, and P.S. I was married @ 40 and single in late 50's, so not desperate here!
I do think if you're divorced at 40 and a female, you might think you life is over, so you must hurry to find another mate. Now when they reach 50, they will change their minds.
outdoorgirl | |
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bkind2
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Joined: 10/4/2009
Msg: 724 | |
| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 7:11:57 AM | | well im over 40yrs and im not desperate to get married, with the crap ive had it would be a long time before i would venture down the church. i would have to be sure he was the one, so it would be how ever long it takes before i would say yes, so not all women over 40yrs want to jump straight to marrige. dont give up on us mature ladies. | |
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| Why are women over 40 so desperate to get married?
Posted: 10/7/2009 7:38:49 AM | To Rearguard2, Msg:721
In response to your (perhaps rhetorical) question;
To me, if you spend a decade with someone in an intimate relationship, its just a marriage by another name. If it isn't, then what is the difference? I see the difference as analogous to the difference between being "governed" by “natural” versus “legal” rights. See web site below.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_rights | |
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